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    Such Deliberate Loveliness: Collected Love Poems of Paul Hina 1997-2006

    Page 2
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    picture that is a space

      being filled with time will

      someday grow inside this moment

      where a promise was forgotten

      by a girl that awakes inside

      a life smile that is as tiny

      as tomorrow

      9

      sleep is not for every man who

      staggers throughout hours of the

      her and me that now only arrives

      inside rest that is larger than

      somewhere in my imagination

      but a dream is never so far as

      her whimsical light that seems

      afraid of this dark

      and the moon is so small that i

      can’t find that light of some

      rain that has fallen to remind

      me of a belief that sits beside

      our forever half sleeping

      all the while i had been lying

      on a sound that is a dead flower

      scattering away a thousand pieces

      of memory inside my heavy hand

      but if i clasp fingers to palm

      and believe in roses i will feel

      her charms lying on me with a

      disease that will stretch my

      flesh so as to find the nerves

      that feel, as always, the existence

      of mortality in the shape of

      love’s last hour and wounds my

      already burning bed with its

      clothes of preservation

      but she is there anointing me with

      the rhapsody of her words and even

      if my blindness, that dwells inside

      this half sleep, were to last past

      heaven i would rest a finger across

      her throat so that i might feel a

      voice as quick as my blood would

      know a journey to a heart of all

      sounds

      and if i were to touch her lips or

      even hover beside her breath i could

      allow my thoughts to falter throughout

      this infinity of restless harm

      but i can’t promise not to open my

      eyes in dreams and for all roses know

      a piece of life is only as slender

      as a ghost resting her head on my

      chest listening for unity

      and awake is fighting short breaths

      to not fall behind the perfume that

      is of herself so that i might sleep

      and even as i sink through rooms of

      us i fear i’ll never smell roses

      again

      so i just lie alive and wait for the

      sun to grow through a disease

      10

      lying so tiny she breathes quickly

      being born under blankets of a city’s

      ceiling but it is not enough to cover

      what she is or means to a man who

      watches her quietly being beautiful

      and although darkness forbids him to

      see all of her body’s silence there

      is a star growing from a window seeing

      only her face

      her hair is reaching towards the tip

      of her nose and half covers an eye

      which he suspects, like the other, is

      sunk behind lids kissing rest and her

      mouth is barely open to catch what air

      is in dreams and her lips must know

      how to glow when a light tries to find

      them

      and the light on her face made me feel

      like being under water when a sunbeam

      moves into you and warmth is known

      and so i watched and thought of oceans

      i thought of the largeness and the

      depth

      i thought of the color and the life

      and i knew that she surely must be

      an ocean inside of me and my body

      aches to be a part of what is drowning

      because there is no such thing as dying

      while you watch an ocean sleep and,

      when opened, nothing but life flows

      from those eyes

      and now fallen down(unclosed by her

      cleansing) some love drips from a

      nowhere hanging hand towards a taste

      of finally learning how to swim

      11

      i've got all these little births

      in my pocket that sing wishes like

      sounds of dropping coins for hope

      and they all move towards a life in

      a hole that holds a place for every

      kiss that will come from a person

      who will fill them with more holes

      and though you let every tiny truth

      slide from your hands you know that

      everything now born is running for

      death

      and you watch each hole swallow every

      newly born dream but maybe once you'll

      see a wish get away from the night

      being somewhere else making dust

      and a situation will occur called

      crashing moons and will now be

      referred to as broken stars

      12

      shaking form under her hands

      there is a man being quietly

      away who has dropped his wings

      and who can’t give anything

      to a woman that speaks so softly

      to all the snow that falls

      around him

      and he tries everything to forget

      the smell of fire but this man

      can only stand as still as flames

      when his eyes see this woman

      turning beautiful

      and as her mouth swallows him dead

      he understands how soft the rain

      must feel when it falls into snow

      and if moments froze like flowers

      kissing frost then we would all

      know the beauty of dying in the

      hands of warmth

      13

      across from nothing there is me

      and a window of fall only being

      distant from a spring ago

      she was where nothing is now

      drawing a picture of me being in

      love by a window of spring that

      lit a reflection of us on a book

      i was reading but can’t remember

      and though now she is nothing

      more than a somewhere ago i

      know she is here among many pages

      that are too tired not to fall

      but if finding her were to mean

      a different color of love i

      would be afraid to harm the

      spring’s reason for

      a fall

      there is now not enough light

      for pictures of pages that now

      fall from trees i can’t remember

      reading when she drew a picture

      of me being born in spring

      and though many seasons

      will continue to die i’ll always remember

      knowing more love than nothing

      14

      a voice of always may be forever

      dying like the one sleep interrupts

      hoping to not be seeing those things

      that knew you then

      and where is a how when you can’t or

      won’t even arrive into hearing often

      one more night and less a day me

      thinking you and you being then

      and a what makes another noise that

      can’t or won’t hear me grow no more

      15

      in the middle of evening a storm is

      being crafted with care by some force

      beyond this thought

      the rain falls slow into static and rushes

      on my overhead like miracles in chaos

      and rushing from my view i see all these

      lonely victims colliding
    into one another

      for a shared moment

      all of them running safely hopping above

      collected windows and ignoring reflections

      of childhood tongues catching tiny visions

      that from smiles grow laughter

      standing inside i think of myself not

      being older than fear or younger than

      storms so i search spinning the world

      for some light to shine newer than now

      and there abandoned by use is an umbrella

      holding up a woman that stands politely still

      with head up and one hand out catching youth

      her eyes fall to me and a smile is becoming

      everything across her face and she laughs

      with hair clinging in front of her eyes

      streaming magic down her new hope

      and i laugh like someone who knows

      the name of rain and run into a wall of

      wet that stops me from being anything

      but alive

      she comes to me and finds her hand

      behind my neck and her eyes are so

      familiar to a life that had forgotten that

      even wet fingers aren’t cold when they

      love

      and her umbrella falls from her and

      she drips inside all of my loneliness

      and kisses me with all her storm and

      a flood falls across all the rainy children

      laughing at rolling umbrellas

      and i remember i love her

      16

      a reaction covers all the composure

      that was you before she doused you

      with herself gracefully moving like

      a cloud slightly glazing blue heaven

      and you would know home to be a

      place where she exists past here and

      beyond now into your admiration

      that would cause even angels to burn

      joyfully in her light

      shivering like candlelight in the

      darkness she drips silently away

      with a smile that makes your whole

      self quake and quiver victorious

      and your eyes fill up with tears

      blurring every image of the world

      around her and wrecks your very

      core with the clarity of watching it

      happen

      and knowing it could again

      17

      and it is her

      moving in slow motion towards

      me being toppled over end to

      end suddenly spinning inside

      a rainbow dream summertime

      morning

      and it is her

      smiling as the sun wraps the

      sky and swallows every blue

      with the brightness of a million

      shooting stars rushing like bullets

      hitting one right after the other

      tastefully melting over my flesh

      whispering memories of cold

      mornings wrapped in blankets

      wishing for her warm fingered arms

      to tangle me into a frenzied excitement

      and it is her

      numbing me with a downpour of

      falling ecstasy pouring a heavy harmony

      in an uncontrolled throw of mighty

      stares that drip rings that echo over and

      over caressing the silent pools in our eyes

      and it is her

      making every breath gasp back into


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