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    Chasing Utopia

    Page 5
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      And the rest said: Yes we Can

      And the clouds settle in that welcome place

      Between ground and trees and sky

      Like smoke coming off a coffeepot

      Like steam coming from a kettle of pinto beans

      Like the rustic smell of a wood-burning fire at day’s end

      At home and at peace

      Like God has a rocking chair in the sky

      Smoking his pipe

      And being proud

      Of His Great Smoky Mountains

      THESE WOMEN

      I have known these women

      Have loved and admired them

      Have been afraid of and for them

      I have slept on lumpy double beds

      That were covered with quilts

      Made by these women and their friends

      Washed in a communal tub

      And dried with kisses from the Tennessee breeze

      The dreams I have dreamed under those quilts

      Took me on this journey not yet completed

      I have sat with these women

      On back porch steps

      Gutting Catfish or Whiting

      My knife flying up and down

      Split exactly to the center the better to lay flat

      In the hot grease of the skillet

      My hair covered in fish scales

      My hands covered with blood

      My lips smiling as I have been welcomed

      Into the company of women

      My grandmother would let me

      Break the green beans

      Pop pop pull the string though

      When guests were expected she

      Would “French” them

      That was a kitchen job

      Saturday was a cleaning day

      I have bent to my knees to scrub

      The wooden pantry floor

      And climbed on shaky chairs

      To Pledge the cabinets in which are kept the good dishes

      Sundays were Sunday School and Church

      Our Sunday best clothes

      Our deliverance from and to

      Sunday was the answer

      I did not know then

      The question

      I have heard these women

      When they thought I was asleep

      Crying for their sons

      In jail

      Or their daughters

      Being beaten

      I have seen the bruises of the daughters

      And I have seen the grandmothers

      Not looking

      I have heard their prayers when they didn’t know

      What to pray for

      Looking for understanding and relief

      Praying for their granddaughters to not

      Make the same mistakes

      Had there been magic

      I would have lifted these women

      All of them

      Into a red cape

      And sprinted them away to a happy land

      But they are grounded

      In their God and their families

      They are grounded in their hearts and minds

      They majestically knew

      They are grounded in me

      And here I stand

      With arms wide open

      A song fleeing

      from my breasts

      from the goodness

      Of our grandmothers

      And I must sing

      COOKING WITH MOMMY

      After my father had a stroke my son, our dog, and I moved back home from New York to Cincinnati to help my mother. Always being a mama’s girl it was a natural thing to do. Plus I must admit I hate it when people know you need help and then make you ask. There was no way taking care of a stroke victim would be easy so we moved. First I put a fence in the backyard for the dog, then turned the garage into a tree house without a tree for my son and the friends I knew he would make. That turned my attention to the house.

      It was a nice house. FHA-type house. Small but enough room. We needed a porch, since decks and porches are so different. We had one put on which extended the living room and cooled the house better. My father was an Alabaman by birth and he loved sitting on the porch and calling out to his neighbors. Lincoln Heights is a country town where folks do that sort of thing. Everyone was doing O.K.

      Mommy still was working which I hoped she would continue to do until he was on his feet. Mommy tended to feel sorry for her husband, my father, and she would cut his meat, make his bed . . . things like that. I thought he should do for himself. If I could keep her working he would. That would be another story for another time.

      I don’t eat breakfast. There is probably some deep meaning or perhaps trauma about that but I don’t eat breakfast. I am not necessarily disdainful of breakfast but it seems awfully early to put food on the table let alone in your mouth. My first meal of the day to start is dinner. Dinner is my favorite. You can sit down recognizing there is nothing important that you need to do. You can relax. While I was helping Mommy that was what I did: the same as if I were in my own home. I start dinner. It actually got to the point that when my father awoke if there was nothing on or in the stove he would ask where we were going that evening because he understood the pattern.

      One of my favorite restaurants then was a little Bistro called Le Central. It is French. In downtown San Francisco. Le Central kept a pot going and they would post on the board how many days the pot was still stirring. They sometimes got several months. The pot works this way: You keep your vegetables in the pot and add water or wine or, I suppose, beer. No meat. Mommy and I got to laughing one day and we decided we would start a frontier pot. Mommy and I had been having a very very low-grade argument about saving grease. I said No. She said Yes. I would throw the grease out; she would hide it in the back of the fridge. We finally called a truce: the frontier pot. Mommy thought I was wasteful because I throw things out; I thought she was foolish to keep teeny tiny leftovers. This was a good compromise.

      I think it started with peas. No. First you need a clean gallon jar with a top. Then the leftover veggies of the day. Peas. Corn. Squash. Whatever you have left over. Ziplock bags are important because you might want to save the juice. If you, for example, boil potatoes, the water has nutrients in it but you don’t want to save the water with the veggies or they will get soggy. I saved 2 cups liquid in ziplock bags which I froze. Then when I needed to add liquid I could, in 2-cup amounts. Anything can go in the frontier pot. Pasta. Tomatoes. Anything you have. We kept it going for 30 days, then we made soup. To be honest it drove my father and son crazy. They hated Saturdays when Mommy and I would say Oh Frontier Pot for dinner. Of course we made a nice green salad and warm bread, usually corn bread, and we tried to make it very nice with bread pudding for dessert because even though we were four people it still is very hard to eat a loaf of bread. What I did was freeze the leftover bread so that we could have fresh bakery bread most of the time. My son learned to hate frozen bread, too, but we can’t always get to the bakery. Bread pudding is the easiest thing on earth so the house smelled good. And let’s be honest: If this is all you’re getting, then you may as well enjoy it. Sometimes when we finished off the Pot and had to start again, we wrote the number of days on the refrigerator; sometimes we had a little left over and the day count would continue. It was fun. I still put stock in the freezer and when I make soups or beans I pull out my ziplock and think of the good times I had cooking with my mother.

      P.S.: I recognize this has no recipe but it is a living thing. It’s fun to try, especially in winter. It does keep you from wasting “a little bit.” And with herbs, spices, and a bit of beer or wine it’s wonderful.

      WHAT THE FLY ON THE WALL OVERHEARD AND TOLD A FRIENDLY YELLOW FINCH WHO MENTIONED IT TO A LONELY BAT AS SHE SET OUT ON A CLEAR, DRY EVENING TO SEARCH FOR RIPE FRUIT

      Or

      Happy Birthday, Nancy

      The Department Head was hurrying to close her door against the ravages of demands when she heard a whimper. Or perhaps it was a sigh. But whatever it was it was u
    ndeniable: Someone needed help. She turned toward the sound. “I am having a birthday soon,” said the Associate Head, “and it makes me feel so old.” “Oh,” said the Department Head, “you shouldn’t feel old. There are lots of people here older than you.” “No,” insisted Nancy. “No one is older than I. Some people have been here longer but I am the oldest person in the world!” “Oh, no,” declared the Department Head. “Look at Nikki. No one is older than Nikki.”

      “Are you sure?” Nancy said. “Nikki always looks so chipper and vibrant.”

      “Yes, I know,” said the Department Head, “but I looked it up. Nikki is way older than she knows. There was a mix-up in her birth records. She thinks she was born in 1943 but she was actually born in 1439. No one knows how to explain this to her so she still gets a birthday every year.

      “I know this,” the Department Head continued, “because two years ago I forgot her birthday and received a blistering message from The Birthday Fairies. They made it very clear that if I ever did that again they would take away not only my February date but my husband’s December. That Birthday calendar is very strict.”

      “Well,” Nancy asked, “do you think Nikki is planning to live forever?”

      “I have to say,” said the Department Head, dimples resting in their arches, “it really looks like it. If she accepted her age now the entire Civil War not to mention the War of the Roses and . . . Good Gracious! Think of the love affairs . . . financial things . . . discoveries that would have to be undone. No, I think the best thing is to let it be.”

      “But aren’t there people in Heaven waiting for her?” asked Nancy.

      “Well. I’m not so sure of the location,” said the Department Head, “but Bandit has been in touch with Wendy who is enjoying Nikki’s mother’s company. They were just joined by Nikki’s former babysitter so the beer and the talk is flowing. Wendy misses Nikki. Don’t tell her that, though. It would make Nikki sad.”

      “So what should we do,” Nancy asked, “about June 7th?”

      “I think I’ll make her a quiche. She really likes my quiches.”

      “But should someone that old eat that many eggs? It might kill her.”

      “Well,” said the Department Head, “we all have our jobs, don’t we?” She turned to present a box to Nancy. “And here is my very best Red Velvet Cake for you!”

      “So it’s O.K. for me to go ahead with my birthday?”

      “Yes, Nancy. Happy Birthday. And many many more.”

      The End

      FEAR: EAT IN OR TAKE OUT?

      I think fear should be a spice. Something we sprinkle on our steaks just before we put them on the grill; something we mix in with our corn muffins and bake at 350 degrees for twenty minutes or until golden brown. Maybe we take fear leaves to decorate our apple pie right out of the oven . . . not before or the leaves will burn and not look nearly so pretty. I’m thinking if we can learn to distill fear we have two wonderful preparations: perfume for smells and alcohol for ingestion.

      Perfume carries its own scent of danger and excitement but when we throw a little Fear in there things really heat up. Ask John Edwards or Herman Cain and see if I’m not right. Fear: The Scent He Can’t Resist. We’d have to find an exclusive outlet for it. We wouldn’t want everybody to be able to get their hands on it. I’ll have to form a committee to find that solution. Maybe the White House has some ideas. Or . . . oh yes . . . The Tiger Woods Emporium! Get Your Fear Right Here. You can practice your swing, whatever that might mean, while your bottle is bagged.

      And if we made it drinkable we’d probably have a light green liquid with its own two-ounce top. You can take your fear on the rocks . . . or slip a bit of coke in there to make it mighty smooth. We could get the Culinary Channel to feature Fear at one of the drink offs and we’d reward the best new barista with his and her very own gold bottle of Fear to be used anytime they’d like.

      I need to explain right here, it’s not fear that causes problems, it’s when hatred is combined with it. Fear on its own tells you not to lend your cousin money; don’t go down that dark street, girl; take yourself home from this party now. Fear is a warning signal. Healthy. Good idea. That fish smells funny. My dog does not like this man. Fear is a good thing. It’s why I want to keep it exclusive. If everyone can have fear then we have to cut it. Like drugs. It’s not the cocaine that kills you it’s the stuff they cut it with to make the drugs go further. You don’t want pure fear but you don’t want it cut with hatred either. Hatred is a bad idea. Which is why it’s cheap and available anywhere you look.

      Maybe what will really work is we all need to have a fear tree in our backyard or a small fear plant growing on our apartment windowsill. When we are feeling uneasy we pluck a few leaves and find the right place to put them. Champagne would be the number one choice but spaghetti works, too. Have a little Fear at least once a week and you will build up your resistance. Like a vaccination. Then when wars and hatreds come along you’ll be able to recognize that’s just another expression of Fear. No thanks, I’ve had my quota.

      That’s what I’m thinking we really need: An Antidote for Fear.

      BISCUITS: DROPPED OR BAKED

      First you harvest the laughter

      Local is best

      But sometimes you need nationwide

      To really get the bellows

      Mix a bit of dirt

      Not the serious hurting kind

      But the kind you’ll find in the beauty

      Parlor or barbershop

      Parlor parlay biscuits

      All the same

      Then gently fold in some grandmother love

      There is always a bit of grandmotherly

      Love somewhere

      Some days though I will admit

      It can be more difficult to find

      Than others

      Call a girlfriend for “Dropped”

      Or an old love for “Baked”

      Either way you’ll know when they’re done

      Oops! We forgot the salt

      You can laugh till you cry

      Or cry till you laugh

      The salt will come

      Crispy Brown Ready

      Serve them warm

      Remembering summer mornings before Church

      Or Saturday evenings with fried fish

      Biscuits always bring memories

      Of home

      POETS

      Poets shouldn’t commit

      Suicide

      That would leave the world

      To those without imaginations

      Or hearts

      That would bequeath

      To the world

      A mangled syntax

      And no love

      Of champagne

      Poets must live

      In misery and ecstasy

      To sing a song

      With the katydids

      Poets should be ashamed

      To die

      Before they kiss

      The sun

      FOR MARK DRESSMAN

      Who would have thought

      There would be / could be a button

      On the wall

      Where when you touch

      The room lights up

      Electricity didn’t build

      On the candle

      It replaced wax

      Who would want to believe

      Human beings could sit

      On a Hydrogen Bomb

      (we call it a Space Ship)

      and sail off into Space

      and walk on the moon

      and land a surrogate on Mars

      Just to Marvel! at the unknown

      And why wouldn’t

      We want to take what is

      Known

      And add what is

      Wonderful

      And let the poems flow

      From tears of laughter

      From sweat of work

      From the deliciousness of tomorrow

      To the knowledge of Today

      Grant me that A implies B

      B necessitates C

      C calls
    for D

      And eventually

      You and I will get an Alphabet

      Grant me that Curiosity implies Research

      Research requires Reading

      Reading delights the heart

      And you and I will get a voice

      Grant me Love implies

      not desire but

      Commitment

      Commitment accepts Challenge

      Challenge embraces Theory

      And you and I will get Reason: A way to explore

      past actions

      and

      future dreams

      Good for us

      On your Mark Dressman

      Get Ready!

      Let’s Poem!

      POSTCARDS

      A little calf

      Dancing in the rain

      Unaware of the joy

      She brings me

      I speed along at 70 mph

      Trying to get home

      The baby colt asleep

      In the sweet grass

      Mother patiently watching

      Over him

      I am packing my bags

      For London

      Trafalgar Square

      Silver-faced mime

      A war throwing kisses

      Couples laughing

      I wish I wish I wish

      You were here

      IN DEFENSE OF FLOWERS

      Dear Editor:

      I write in defense of flowers. It seems that lately everyone wants to put flowers in competition with other good works. Someone will die and the family will say “in lieu of flowers,” which seems unfair to me. It should be “in addition to flowers . . .” Flowers and the florists who make them into beautiful sculptures are not some adjunct to our occasions. We wouldn’t dream of marrying without flowers no matter how small a bouquet nor how elaborate a setting. What would February 14th be without flowers for the ones you love? And Mother’s Day! Could there beat a heart so cold that there is for Mother a . . . what . . . electric skillet, “in lieu of flowers”? But florists cannot just count on one or two days a year for a business. Florists purchase flowers that a flower farmer has nourished from seed, then harvested, then transported to shops where they then fill your loving request. Florists hire people to work with and for them, keeping a small business going in these difficult times. What are we saying when we say insurance companies and predator lenders are too big to fail—that florists and other boutique businesses are too small to succeed? Why is it the minute we want to save money we cut out the arts and flowers? I know that some will say “Well, what do we do with the flowers when the event is over?” We use these wonderful gifts of nature to comfort us when we bury the departed; we use them to celebrate our special occasions; we use them to say “I love you’’ to a beloved. They then can travel from our hearts to hospitals comforting the ill and injured; they can visit with the Ladies of the Red Hats to add joy to their meetings; they can be shared with an elderly neighbor on a fixed income who would welcome the extravagance. Some will surely say “But we need charitable contributions.” Indeed we do. I cheer for charity all the time. But there is a need for flowers as surely as there is a need for hummingbirds. Some things are wonderful on their own; enchantment is reason enough. I remember when my mother passed five years ago a friend who had been in Thailand learned late of her passing and sent a beautiful bird-of-paradise almost a year after the event. I confess: A note saying A Tree Has Been Planted Somewhere would not have been as comforting. And I could dry it and press it into the memory book as “The Last Flower.” Not “in lieu of flowers.” No. In addition. Because flowers neither reap nor sow they are perfect for mourning and rejoicing. Flowers sing a silent song that says: “I really care.” Flowers are the “Honey, I’m home” when work is put aside; “Good Night, Sweetheart” at the end of the day; the sigh at the end of a kiss. Why should we deny ourselves the beam of the moon against the quiet sky? Why should we privilege anything over the fragrance of love?

     


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