mack-daddy, n.
a man who goes out with a lot of women; American
Danny got three numbers at the party tonight—what a mack-daddy!
mad, adj.
crazy; awesome; American
That was a mad party last night—I don’t even know how I ended up waking up on the back porch with a dog licking my face.
madam’s apple, n.
bulging Adam’s apple on a woman; American
Look at that lady with the mustache and the madam’s apple. Gross!
Madame Palm and her five daughters, n.
Madame Palm and her masturbation; British
It’s Madame Palm and her five daughters for me again tonight because I ran out of money for whores. It’s a tough economy.
It’s masturbation for me again tonight because I ran out of money for whores. It’s a tough economy.
maki roll, n.
the piece of skin left over after a dog or cat is neutered; American
Rex rolled over on his back in bed and, when I turned around, his maki roll was right in my face.
making an omelet, v.
Asexual act that involves ejaculating in a woman’s ear, and folding it over; American
I decided to be an asshole, so I came in her right ear and folded it over, thus, making an omelet. I am awesome.
mamma jamma, n.
something or someone very sexy; American
Garth’s new English Lit professor is such a bad mamma jamma—he’s actually reading Chaucer in the original Middle English.
man boobs, n.
enlarged breasts on a man; American
I’d do Patrick if he didn’t have those awful fatty man boobs.
I quite like the idea of getting fat, growing a pair of man boobs and going bald, sitting in a big mansion eating cake with the kids running about.
—Danny Dyer
man cave, n.
a place where men can hang out without being bothered by girlfriends or wives; American
Adam built himself an amazing man cave in the basement complete with a pool table, bar, and big-screen TV. He went down there three weeks ago and hasn’t been seen since.
manny, n.
male nanny; American
These days all the cool celebrities want mannies, not nannies.
Top Five Hollywood Mannies
1. Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire
2. Tony Danza in Who’s the Boss
3. Sebastian French in Family Affair
4. Hulk Hogan in Mr. Nanny
5. Scott Baio in Charles in Charge
manor, n.
neck of the woods; hood; British
Of course I know the way, arsehole—it’s my manor.
Of course I know the way, asshole—it’s my hood.
manscape, v.
to shave a man’s body hair, esp. pubic hair; American
My girlfriend likes it when I shave my balls, so I manscaped last night.
manwich, n.
a threesome between two men and one woman; from “man” and “sandwich”; American
Yum, I’d love to be the meat in a Snoop Dogg and Flava Flav manwich.
Mary Jane, n.
marijuana; American
Roll a spliff and let’s smoke some Mary Jane, dude.
master of one’s domain, n.
a person who can go without masturbating for long periods of time; American
Seinfeld aside, I’ve never understood why one would aspire to be the master of one’s domain.
masturbate, v.
to stimulate one’s sex organs to the point of orgasm; American
When you can’t be with the one you love, masturbate
DERIVATION: While there is no certain derivation for masturbate, many believe that it comes from the Latin words manus meaning hand and turbare meaning to create chaos. Which seems about right.
SYNONYMS OF MASTURBATE:
Answer the bone-a-phone
Assault on a friendly weapon
Backstroke roulette
Baiting your hook
Batting practice
Beating the bishop
Beating your meat
Being your own best friend
Blow your load
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Boppin’ your bologna
Box the Jesuit (16th–17th century!)
Buffing the banana
Burping the worm
Butter your corn
Calling down for more mayo
Calling all cum
Carrying weight
Changing your oil
Charm the cobra
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choke your chicken
Clean the pipes
Clean your rifle
Clubbing Eddy
Couch hockey for one
Crank the shank
Crown the king
Custer’s last stand
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mother Palm and her five daughters
Devil’s handshake (Catholic school)
Diddle
Dishonorable discharge
Disseminating
Doddle whacking
Doodle your noodle
Do the dew
Drain the vein
Dropping a line
Dropping stomach pancakes
Fist your mister
Five against one
Five-finger knuckle shuffle
Flute solo
Freeing the
Willies
Frigging the love muscle (British)
Getting in touch with your manhood
Getting in touch with yourself
Getting to know yourself personally in the “biblical sense”
Giving it a tug
Greasing your bone
Hack the hog
Hands-on training
Hand to gland combat
Having a Roy (Australian)
Have one off the wrist
Hitchhike under the big top
Holding all the cards
Holding your sausage hostage
Hone your bone
Hump your fist
Hump your hose
Humpin’ air
Ironing some wrinkles
Jack hammer
Jack off
Jackin’ the beanstalk
J Arthur Rank
Jelly roll
Jenny Macarthy jaunt
Jerk off
Jerkin’ the gherkin
Jiggle the jewelry
Jimmying your Joey
Knuckle shuffle on your piss pump
Launching the hand shuttle
Making nut butter
Making yogurt
Mangle the midget
Manipulate the mango
Manual override
Masonic secret self-handshake
Massage your muscle
Massage your purple-headed warrior
Measuring for condoms
Meeting with Palmala Handerson
Milking the lizard
Milkywaying
Molding hot plastic
Nerk your throbber
Oil the glove
One-handed clapping
One-man show
One-man tug-o-war
Paddle the pickle
Pam Anderson polka
Pat the
Robertson
Peel some chilis
Playing with
Dick
Playing with Susi
Palmer and her five friends
Play pocket pool
Play the organ
Play the pisser
Play the piss pipe
Play the skin flute
Play the stand-up organ
Playing with the snake
Playing your instrument
Plunk your twanger
Pocket pinball
Pocket pool
Polish the chrome dome
Poli
sh the rocket
Polish the sword
Pounding your pud
Pudwhacking
Pud wrestling
Puddin’
Pull the root
Pulling the wire
Pulling your goalie
Pull your taffy
Pumping for pleasure
Pump the python
Punchin’ the clown
Punchin’ the munchkin
Punishing Percy
Punishing the bishop
Ride the great white knuckler
Rolling the fleshy blunt
Roman helmet rumba
Ropin’ the longhorn
Roughing up the suspect
Rounding up the tadpoles
Seasonin’ your meat
Scratching the itch
Sending out the troops
Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
Shaking hands with the governor
Shaking hands with shorty
Shake the snake
Shifting gears
Shooting
Sherman
Shucking Bubba
Slammin’ the salami
Slappin’ Pappy
Slapping the clown
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Slap my happy sacks
Slapping the cyclops
Slinging jelly
Sloppy Joe’s last stand
Sloppy sign language
Stroke the stallion
Smacking your sister
Spank your monkey
Spear chucking
Spreading the mayo
Spunk the monk
Squeeze the cream from the flesh Twinkie
Squeeze the lemon
Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
Squeezing the burrito
Staff meeting
Stall clapping
Stroke off
Stroking it
Stroking your goat
Stroke your poker
Taking a shake break
Tame the wild hog
Tap the turkey
Tease the python
Tease the weasel
Tenderize the meat
The erky jerk
The sticky page
Rumba
Threading a needle
Throw off a batch
Throwin’ down
Thump the pump
Tickle the Elmo
Tickle the pickle
Toss off
Toss the boss
Toss the turkey
Tugging your tapioca tube
Tugging your tubesnake
Tug of war with cyclops
Tuning the antenna
Turning
Japanese (UK— one step beyond wanking)
Tussle with your muscle
Unwrapping the pepperoni
Varnishing the cane
Wailing
Walk the dog
Walking Willie the one-eyed wonder worm
Wank (British)
Waxing the dolphin
Wax your Jackson
Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
Whipping the pony
Whipping the window washer
White-water wristing
Whizzin’ jizzim
Wiggling your worm
Winding the Jack-in-the-box
Wonk your conker
Working a cramp out of your muscle
Working your
Willy
Wrestling the eel
Wring out your rope
Wring your thing
Yahtzee
Yank my doodle (it’s a dandy)
Yank off
Yank the yodel
Yank your crank
For the ladies:
Auditioning the finger puppets
Beating around the bush
Clam bake for one
Dialing the rotary phone
Engaging in safe sex
Get to know yourself
Get a stinky pinky
Muffin buffin’
Paddling the pink canoe
Polishing the pearl
Tiptoe through the twolips
Washing your fingers
Reprinted with permission from WTF? College, Adams Media, 2009.
McJob, n.
a crappy job, often in the food service industry; American
Now that the global recession’s hit, I’ll be lucky to find anything but a McJob, if that.
One in ten Americans has worked at McDonald’s, according to CBS News.
ménage à trois, n.
sexual activity involving three people; American, British
My ultimate fantasy is a ménage à trois with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.
My ultimate fantasy is a threesome with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.
WHEN IN FRANCE. ..
This term literally means “three-person household” in French, and implies that the three are one big couple. So unless you want to move in with your threesome partners, don’t use it in France! To simply imply that you’d like to have sex with two other people at the same time, use the expression, faire l’amour à trois, to make love with three, instead. This way you’re guaranteed a good time on a Saturday night, but spared the annoyance of not only one girlfriend or boyfriend, but two!
merkin, n.
pubic wig; American
Kate Winslet has been quoted as saying that she was asked to wear a merkin during the sex scenes in The Reader, but declined. No wonder she won an Oscar for that role.
DERIVATION: The word merkin probably comes from the obsolete English word malkin, meaning mop.
Women started wearing merkins back in the 1400s—some because they’d shaved their pubic hair to prevent pubic lice, and others to hide the symptoms of venereal disease.
metrosexual, n., adj.
a well-groomed urban man who dresses stylishly and draws comparisons to homosexuals; American
My boss isn’t gay; he just likes his accessories to match his outfit—a typical metrosexual.
microrgasm, n.
a small, quiet, short orgasm that lacks satisfaction; American
If Juan got a microrgasm out of his high maintenance girlfriend, he felt like it was at least a small triumph; of course, he did tell his friends that he had her screaming all night long.
miffed, adj.
fed up; American
Christine was so miffed with her husband’s bad behavior that she refused sex for a week.
MILF, n.
acronym for “Mother I’d Like (to) Fuck”; American
Check out the juicy ass on Tanya’s mom. She’s a MILF.
milkshake, n.
body; American
Tyra’s milkshake is damn sexy—look at that big booty!
DERIVATION: The term milkshake in this context was made popular in the Kelis song of the same name. The simplistic song features few lyrics, all of which focus on whose milkshake is the best. Despite this fact, the single was a hit worldwide, reaching number three in the U.S. and number two in the United Kingdom, in addition to being in the top ten in the Netherlands, Belgium, Sweden, and New Zealand.
mimbo, n.
male bimbo; American
That hot surfer is a real mimbo: Body by Nautilus, brains by Mattel.
DERIVATION: This term was popularized in “The Stall” episode of Seinfeld.
minder, n.
a bodyguard; a security guard; British
You should’ve seen the size of Beckham’s minder— he could have kicked my ass worse than his employer.
You should’ve seen the size of Beckham’s bodyguard—he could have kicked my ass worse than his employer.
Moaning Minnie, n.
a whiner; British
Don’t be such a Moaning Minnie and wingman for me so I get that fit bird.
Don’t be such a whiner and wingman for me so I get that sexy biddy.
mollycoddled, v.
babied; British
No wonder Will is immature—his mother has mollycoddled him all his life.
No wonder Will is immature—his mother has babied him all his life.
To me, I didn’t join the forces to be mollycoddled or treated any differently. As far as I am concerned, in my eyes, if Harry can do it, then I can do it. I want to fight in Afghanistan.
—Prince William
moobs, n.
moobs, man boobs; American
Victor thought chicks were jealous of his massive moobs, and never second-guessed himself.
moose, n.
dog; British
Clara may be a moose, but she does have nice baps.
Clara may be a dog, but she does have nice tits.
motherfucker, n.
a terrible or contemptible person; a jerk; American
Tell that motherfucker to bring back my bike that he stole or I’ll call the police!
Yippee-ki-yay,
motherfucker.
—Die Hard
muff, n.
female pubic area; American
Isn’t that cute, she’s shaved her muff into a heart for Valentine’s Day.
DERIVATION: The word muff comes from the Old French moufle, meaning mitten.
muff diving, n.
cunnilingus; American
The latest entry on newly married Brian’s “Honey, Do” list: muff diving.
muffin top, n.
fat roll hanging over the waistband of a person’s too-tight jeans; American
If only Tania would buy her jeans another size up, she could avoid that nasty muffin top.
mug, n.
a person who is easy to fool; British
Strangely, even though she’s wearing that stupid hat with the feathers, she’s not a mug.
Strangely, even though she’s wearing that stupid hat with the feathers, she’s not a fool.
mutt’s nuts, adj.
fantastic; British
Sally’s eyes are still the mutt’s nuts, even when she wears too much eyeliner.
Sally’s eyes are still fantastic, even when she wears too much eyeliner.
N
naff, adj.
lame, crap; in poor taste; British
A girl who gets uppity and rude about a guy opening the door for her is naff, so you should let it slam her in her face.
A girl who gets uppity and rude about a guy opening the door for her is lame, so you should let it slam her in her face.
to narc, v.
to inform on someone; American
When he got so stoned he missed school, Roger’s little brother narced Roger out to his parents and he got grounded for a month. He’ll never give his little brother any weed again.
If you’re going to kick me out, kick me out.Don’t make me