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    I Love a Broad Margin to My Life

    Page 6
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      joining myself to this place. Drinking,

      aware that I, a citizen from the wealthiest,

      squanderingest country, am taking precious water.

      Unpurified tap water. Aware that I

      risk my life, I throw in my lot

      with the health of this common village. Sit

      right down on the curbstone on the east

      side of the square. Face the last of the sun.

      Unpack notebook and pen. Write:

      arrive

      adobe

      China

      home

      At home in a civilization kind with plazas,

      containing me and the sky and a square of earth.

      Father Sky

      Mother Earth

      It’s not only Native Americans who pray

      Father Sky Mother Earth. Chinese

      say Father Sky Mother Earth too.

      In the almanac of stars, moons, luck, and farming:

      Ba

      T’ien

      Ma

      Day

      Doff sneakers, doff socks, feel

      the ground with naked soles. The floor of the plaza

      is warm and smooth; skin meets skin.

      Chinese generations walked

      barefoot here, sweated, oiled,

      spat upon, tamped the black soil,

      which they could’ve planted, so rich. Now,

      the farmers, men and women, homeward plod.

      A goatherd following his goats and sheep,

      a duckherd his ducks, light and long shadows

      of many legs oscillating. They came upon

      the writing man—poet!? retired philosopher!?—

      in the act of public writing. Quietly,

      they peered over his shoulders, peered over

      his right (writing) hand, peered over

      his other hand. By calligraphy, they can tell

      character and fate. Readers jostled

      one another for the spot directly in front,

      looked at his writing upside down,

      craned their necks to see it from his point

      of view. English! The Brave Language. But

      his Chinese! A boy’s Chinese.

      The man draws like a boy. “Read, la.

      Read, la-a.” Our not-so-ugly American

      dared recite loudly, in his best language

      and second-best language, the 4-word

      poems. Audience clapped hands, and laughed,

      and mimicked, and asked, “You’ve come from what

      far place, aw?” “I was born in the Beautiful

      Country.” “Aiya-a. Beautiful Country.

      Is Beautiful Country truly beautiful and rich?”

      “Well …” (Well, English, American.) “Beautiful

      Country People are like me, not too

      beautiful, not too ugly, not too

      rich, not too poor. But some

      too rich, too poor. Most,

      my color skin, tan. Our color

      skin.” Actually, the color skin of the people

      around was darker, darker from working in the sun.

      “I live in Big City. Eighty

      out of one hundred people live in the cities.

      But I am not like everybody.

      Everybody has cars. 2 cars.

      I don’t have one car.

      I don’t want one car.”

      Have and want, same sound, not

      same tone. They pitied him, poor man,

      no car. Audience grew, 50

      souls hearing the sojourner who’d seen the Beautiful

      Country, who’d learned to write their horizontal alphabet.

      People vied with one another, please,

      dear writer traveller teacher, come

      to our home for rice, and stay the night.

      A confident village, the people not shy

      to bring you home and see their hovel.

      He chose a solid-seeming man, mine

      good host, and comradely put himself in yoke.

      The farmers, washing up in public, showed off

      the on-and-off faucets and the pipes. They filled

      wood buckets and plastic buckets and jars.

      Wittman asked for a carrying pole across

      his neck, above his backpack, which steadied

      and cushioned the bouncy, springy, sloshing, heavy

      double load. Proudly, he sidestepped

      through alleyways and around corners, and up and over

      the raised threshold into the courtyard,

      brought that water home where he would stay.

      His host—Lai Lu Gaw,

      Brother Lai Lu—praised and thanked

      Witt Man Gaw—shouted, “A good person

      has come to visit us!” Out of the dark

      of an open doorway appeared a woman. How

      to describe Beauty? Perfection. Symmetry. Beyond

      compare in all aspects—intelligence of gaze,

      tallness of stature, star presence, gentilesse.

      Not young, not old. Just right.

      What a good man am I, able

      to love looks so not-American. Bro

      Lai Lu introduced her as Moy Moy.

      Younger Sister. (Lower tone: Plum Plum.)

      They’re not husband and wife. Father and daughter?

      Brother bade brother, Come in,

      la. Sit, la. Rest, la.

      Home, la. The men sat on stools

      at a low table. The woman brought tea;

      she poured. With both hands, she

      held the cup out to the guest, who

      quickly accepted it with his 2 hands.

      I am paying you my full attention.

      The Communists and the Cultural Revolution have not

      wiped out manners. Hosts and guest drank

      without speaking. From the dark loft hung,

      high and low, dried and drying plants,

      tree branches, gourds with writing on them, clusters

      of seeds, baskets. On the ground, the dirt floor,

      all around were open jars and sealed

      jars, bales, bundles, sheaves. We

      are bowered in a nest. Smell: medicine herbs,

      chrysanthemum, mustard, licorice, cilantro,

      vinegar. The poor save everything, all

      they make and grow, and so feel abundant.

      Please don’t want to be like us. Don’t want.

      Host as well as hostess carried from stove

      and cooler, from pots and jars, dishes of brown

      foods. A cauldron of white rice, enough

      for meal after meal. The brown foods

      tasted like jerked meat, sausage, brined

      and sugared citrus and plums. Moy Moy

      got up, and cooked afresh peas and choy,

      greens of the new harvest. Back-home

      Chinese, too, cook throughout

      the dinner party, everybody in

      the kitchen. The hostess began conversation:

      “Are you married?” What answer but Yes?

      “Yes. She’s not Chinese.” Too

      small vocabulary, blurt it all. “She’s

      white ghost woman. Her name, Taña,

      means Play.” (Fawn. Lower tone: Food.)

      “I married Play. Heh heh.

      I married Food. She married me.

      I am with her more years than I am without her.”

      Hard to parley verb tenses. And impossible

      to admit: Marry white, escape karma.

      “How much money did you pay

      for your airplane ticket?” She’s rude, bad

      manners East and West to ask cost.

      Truth-caring Wittman answered, “One

      thousand dollars one-way.” Impossible

      to explain redeeming coupons, miles, life

      savings. “Waaah! One thousand dollars!?!

      What do you do to make such money?”

      “I write.” Impossible to explain the life

      in theater. The moneymaking wife. “So,


      how do you make your money?” “Farmer

      peasants don’t make money, don’t

      use cash.” They live as most human

      beings have lived, directly on ground that gives

      work and sustenance. “Mr. American Teacher,

      will you marry me, and get me out

      of the countryside?” “But I’m already married.

      I have a wife and son.” “No matter.

      No problem. Marry me, a Chinese

      woman. Chinese women are beautiful,

      kind, and good.” “I came but today to the country-

      side, and do not want to leave it.”

      The brother spoke up, “I want to

      stay in the countryside too. I learned

      the lesson Chairman Mao sent us down

      to learn: The people who work the earth know

      true good life.” “Where were you

      sent down from?” “Shanghai City.”

      The Shanghainese took the worst

      punishment in the 10 Years of Great Calamity.

      “We read. Both of us, readers. So sent

      down, Moy Moy to Xinjiang,

      I to another part of Xinjiang,

      far far west, beyond Xizang,

      almost beyond China. There are Uighur

      Chinese, Muslim Chinese,

      Xizang Chinese. The women—

      they’re so free—whirl and twirl,

      raise their arms to the sky. The music comes

      from bagpipes. Pairs of women lift and

      lower the grain pounder—bang bang bang bang—

      a music too. Their religion has to do with

      buffalos. They collect the skulls and long horns,

      and put them on a wall or on the floor,

      and that place changes to a holy place.

      That area was made good. I felt

      the good. I am able to know Good.”

      So, what does Good feel like?

      He could not say. Or he did say,

      but in Chinese, and one’s Chinese

      is not good enough to hear. “After

      Great Calamity, after Xinjiang,

      I went on the road. People are still

      on the road, millions traveling like

      desert people. But the desert people

      go on roads they know for ten

      thousand years. We seek work.

      We seek justice.” Or restitution.

      Or revenge. Come out even.

      You know what he means, millions of homeless

      wandering the country, displaced by dams, industrial

      zones, the Olympics. “I wandered lost to many

      villages until I came here and made up my mind

      Stop. Here. My stay-put home.

      I took for my own this empty house,

      whose family left to work in Industrial Zone.

      Many empty houses—you can have

      any one you like.” “I want you

      to take me to U.S.A.,”

      said Moy Moy. “A Chinese farmer

      is nothing. A maker of the mouse in an electric brain

      factory—nothing.” The nightingale in the cage above

      their heads sang along with the talking, and scattered

      seeds and spattered water down upon the talkers

      (and their food). A bare lightbulb hung next

      to a wall, to be lit for emergencies and holidays.

      In the dark, Moy Moy told

      her failure: She’s never married.

      “During the Great Calamity, women acted

      married to one husband, and another husband,

      and another. I had no one. No one

      but this brother waiting for me at the agreed-upon

      place.” Lai Lu told

      his failure: “I have no children.”

      Wittman told his failures: Not

      staying with his wife till death us do part.

      His son not married. Never getting

      a play on Broadway, New York. Not

      learning enough Chinese language.

      (Marilyn Chin says, “The poet must read

      classical Chinese. And hear Say Yup.”)

      Midnight, Lai Lu stood, said,

      “Ho, la. Good sleep, la.”

      He left for some back room. Moy Moy

      said, “Follow me.” Wittman followed her

      out the front door. White stones

      studded the courtyard walls;

      a jewel-box up-poured stars into sky.

      Followed the queue of black hair gleaming

      in the black night, hied through alleys that turned,

      and again turned, and again, 3 corners

      in, and entered a home through an unlocked

      door. “No one lives here.

      You may live here.” She parted curtains.

      The bed was a shelf, like a sleeper on Amtrak.

      She backed into the cupboard, scooted, and sat.

      Her pretty bare feet swung. He

      sat beside her. “Heart Man, marry me.”

      He ought to kiss her. But they don’t have

      that custom, do they? He was a virgin for Mongolian

      women. Aged, married too long,

      the body refused to spring and pounce and feast,

      to make the decision for sex. He reached for and held

      her hands. “Moy Moy.” Oh, no,

      shouldn’t’ve said her name. Can’t fuck

      Younger Sister. “Thank you for wanting me

      to marry you.” Her hands felt trusty. “Marry”

      said, and “marry” heard many times tonight.

      Taña appears. She’s sitting on the other side of him;

      that’s her, warm pressing against him. He

      could see her in the dark, her whitegold

      hair, her expression; she’s interested, curious,

      pissed off. He tapped her bare foot

      with his bare foot. She’s solid.

      A red string ties her ankle to

      his ankle. No string connecting him and

      the other woman. He spoke to the not-hallucinated

      one. “You’re the most beautiful Chinese

      woman I’ve ever met. I dearly want

      to kissu, suck lips with you.”

      Say anything; Taña doesn’t know

      Chinese. “Thank you, you want to marry me.”

      A rule of the open road: Keep thanking.

      “However, I don’t want more marriage.

      Our son, my one son doesn’t have any marriage.

      No one. Will you marry him?” Wittman

      dismayed and amazed himself. Forever, then.

      Forever husband. Forever father. Never

      lust after a woman again but wish her

      for his lonely son. I wish for Mario

      a life’s companion. “My son, Mario,

      makes good money. He knows power

      tools and car mechanics. He can cook.

      He has some college. He is kind

      and intelligent, and I want for him a kind

      and intelligent person.” The old Chinese

      customs aren’t so bad; fix him up

      with a wife, a daughter-in-law of my own choosing.

      Moy Moy’s holding of his hand became

      a handshake. “Dui dui dui,”

      she cooed. “We will agree on a place to meet.

      He will be waiting for me there. Ho, la.

      Good night, la. Good sleep, la-a-a.”

      (You do not need vocabulary to understand

      the Chinese. Just feel the emotion

      in la-a-a and ahh and mo and aiya.)

      Moy Moy left. Taña, also, left.

      I am alone in the dark, so dark that

      nothing exists but my thoughts, and thoughts

      are nothing. Came all the way to China,

      and failed to fuck another besides my long-

      wedded spouse before I die.

      The next thing,

      dust was falling like ash, like glitter. Far


      away, so faint, maybe imaginary, crowed

      a rooster. Another, closer, rooster answered,

      took up the opera, and another, and another,

      each rooster louder, the loudest blaring

      right outside the window. Wake up

      in a village in China. Go use the community

      toilet. Wash up in the town square,

      brush teeth, swab down with the guys.

      The women clean themselves indoors.

      “Ho sun.” “Ho sun.” “Ho sun.”

      “Ho sun.” Good morning. Good

      body. Good belief. Good letter.

      A happy civilization, glad to see

      one and all, every morning. “Help me

      farm rice?” asked Brother Lai Lu.

      He took Wittman’s hand. 2 men

      are walking China hand in hand. They walked

      to the field for planting on this hopeful day.

      They wrapped seedlings in cloth, settled the bundles

      in baskets, tied baskets to waist, and waded

      into the paddy. Oooh, the mud, the pleasureful

      mud, my free and happy toes. You trace

      in water a square, and at each corner embed

      one rice plant. Oh, my hands

      rooting and squishing silken luscious mud.

      Look up: A line of rising and bending

      people—kids too—are coming toward

      our line. (The kids are all boys.

      The girls have been adopted out to the most loving,

      well-educated parents in the West. Chinese

      girls will take over and improve America.)

      Children, everybody growing mai.

      Plant toward someone who’s planting toward you,

      and make straight rows. Perfectly quiet,

      we’re sighting and pacing one another, and organizing

      the water into small and large rectangles, stitching

      a silvery quilt over Mother Earth.

      Every jade-green spikelet has its jade-

      green water double. 2 infinite

      blue skies. Slow white clouds

      form, move and change, and wisp away.

      Me, the one amid all of it taking

      note. In the silence, critters peeping,

      buzzing, chirping, humming, seem to be

      my own mind idling and making it up—

      but a frog jumps, a dragonfly zooms.

      Tadpoles—schools of tadpoles—hurry by.

      A mudsnail gliding and sliding. And me

      planting rice, helping to feed a fifth

      of the world’s people. All, all related.

      This planting food together is heart

      center. Hour after hour, eon after eon,

      doing the same thing, plant, plant,

      sink, loft, into water, into sky,

      I am one of the human race that has always

      done this work. Stay, let this life be

      my whole life, and these people my people.

      That other life, the one in America, the wife,

     


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