My heart stomping in my chest
And all I could see was
Davey’s smile.
And in that moment, I hated that smile
Almost as much as I hated Davey
Because he’d saved my life
And then he made it worse.
He said, ‘Your life belongs to me now.’
And he had a strange look on his face.
‘What d’you mean?’ I hissed at him.
And Davey smiled his smile.
‘I have to take care of you
Make sure no harm comes to you.
I have to look after you
Your life belongs to me.
I have to show you things
I have to teach you things
I have to be with you
Your life belongs to me.’
‘Get real!’ I scoffed.
‘My life belongs to you?
Yeah, right!’ But inside,
Inside I was scared.
Davey’s smile did it.
How I wished he’d stop smiling.
For just five minutes, five seconds.
I stormed off.
Anything to get away from him
But Davey ran after me.
‘Look at that,’ he pointed.
‘A blunt rainbow.’
‘A what?’ I looked up.
I couldn’t help it.
And I saw something
I’d never noticed before.
The short, sharp burst of rain
Had turned to drizzle,
Drops shining like pearls
Through the sunlit air
And a muted rainbow
Danced in and out
Of the scattered, grey-white clouds.
A blunt rainbow.
And it was like
My eyes weren’t my eyes
But Davey’s.
And it was like
My mind wasn’t my own
But Davey’s.
And it was like
Nothing I’d ever felt before.
My head was full of words
That I’d never used before.
I could see things in the rain
And the clouds and the sky
That weren’t there before.
Or maybe I’d just
Never noticed them before.
I didn’t like it – at all.
So I ran
And ran
And ran
And ran
And ran
And ran
To school
Away from him.
SHADOW
After that, Davey became
My shadow.
He followed me around
Like my shadow.
In front of my friends
He was still Fizzy Feet.
But when it was just us two
He became Davey.
Davey who cracked such bad jokes
That I couldn’t help laughing.
And he said, ‘Your smile is so big,
It’s going to fall off your face.’
Davey who said my mum’s cooking
Tasted of sunshine and rainbows.
And made her grin
And strut like a peacock.
‘What a sweet boy that Davey is!’
Said Mum. She admired his taste.
Davey who said Dad’s home-made table
Was the best he’d ever seen
Even though Mum said a silent prayer
Whenever she put anything on it
Heavier than a chocolate biscuit.
As a table it was a dead loss.
‘What a smart boy that Davey is!’
Said Dad. He admired Davey’s sense.
And when we were alone
When it was just Davey and me
He’d ask, ‘D’you know what stars are?
Stars are holes in the floor of heaven.’
He’d ask, ‘D’you know what dreams are?
Dreams are a way for us to live two lives.’
‘Huh?’ I frowned, my mouth turned down.
What was he talking about? Did he even know?
‘I read about a man,’ said Davey,
‘Who once dreamt that he was a butterfly.
Butterfly, flutter by
Gently with the breeze
As it blows you with its ease
Through the flowers, past the trees
So butterfly, flutter by
Flutter by, butterfly.’
‘Did you make that up?’ I asked,
Wondering how we’d got onto this subject.
‘Yes, I did,’ smiled Davey.
‘It shows,’ I replied sourly.
Davey grinned at me. ‘So anyway,
This man once dreamt he was a butterfly
And he woke up and wondered
If he was a man who’d dreamt
He was a butterfly. Or a butterfly
Who was now dreaming he was a man.’
‘Davey, where d’you get this stuff from?
You’re making my head hurt,’ I groaned.
‘I read it, see it, think it, hear it, taste it …’
‘What’s your favourite food?’ Davey asked.
‘Roast lamb – the way my mum makes it –
And rice. And roast parsnips
The way my mum makes them.’
I licked my lips at the thought.
‘And what does it taste like?’ asked Davey.
I frowned. ‘Roast lamb and rice tastes like …
Roast lamb and rice.’
‘Use your imagination,’ Davey urged.
‘When you eat it, how does it make you feel?
What does it remind you of?
What thoughts enter your head as you eat?’
I considered. ‘I think, what lovely
Roast lamb and rice!’
‘Doesn’t it taste like star beams on your tongue?
Or daydreams in your mouth?
Or wishes down your throat?
Or happiness in your stomach? Or …’
‘Or a headache in my brain,’ I grumbled.
Davey was really making my head hurt.
‘There’s more than one way
To look at something,’ said Davey, adding,
‘I know you think I’m different,
Unique, special, individual …’
‘The word I’m thinking of is “weird”!’ I said.
Davey grinned, ‘Well, I’m glad.
The worse thing in the world –
No, the worse thing in the universe
Would be to look and walk and talk
And think like everyone else.’
I looked at Davey then
Really looked at him.
And I realized something strange.
He meant every word.
And even though talking to Davey
Sometimes did my head in,
At least he had something to say
A way that was all his own.
I guess what I’m trying to say is
He wasn’t the least bit boring.
Alex and I talked about football,
And other sports.
Football results
And films sometimes.
Football players
And girls sometimes.
Football tactics
And school sometimes.
But mainly football
Mostly football.
Davey and I talked about
The Earth as a football
The stars as spectators.
Girls as aliens
Teachers as robots
Or nut-bags, or demons.
Films to walk into,
Books to hold onto
Music to live for,
Eminem and Mozart
Jobs to grow up for,
Dreams to stay young with.
Davey and I talked about
Anything and ev
erything.
I tried to be careful
I really and truly did
But people started to notice
That we were sometimes together,
Often together,
Always together.
My best friend Alex said,
‘You’re spending a lot of time
With Fizzy Feet.
What’s that about?’
‘I can’t stand him,’ I panicked.
‘So why would I hang around with him?
He’s a first class, grade A,
Top-of-the-dung-heap moron.’
And Alex started laughing at something,
Someone behind me.
And I turned
And there was Davey
And he’d heard every word.
He didn’t say anything
He just walked away.
And Alex was still laughing.
And I looked at Alex
And I looked at Davey walking away
And at that moment
I had to choose
To choose between the kind of boy I was
And the kind of boy I wanted to be.
I chose to stay with Alex.
I watched Davey walk away
And I knew I was making the wrong choice
But my feet wouldn’t move.
I didn’t want Alex and my mates
To laugh at me as well
So I stayed with Alex
And watched Davey walk away.
And then I realized
That Davey wasn’t my shadow
It was the other way round.
SORRY
I walked home
All alone
Thinking, ‘Dave, I’m sorry.
That wasn’t nice.’
My mum’s advice?
‘Go and say you’re sorry.’
I told her, ‘No.
I will not go
And tell him that I’m sorry.’
‘But it was mean.
You should be keen
To let him know you’re sorry.’
I dug in my heels
Despite appeals
To admit that I was sorry.
‘There’s no TV,
No treats for tea
Until you say you’re sorry.’
‘I’m sorry now
You rotten cow!
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!’
I had a shout.
Now there’s no doubt
That I am very, very,
Very, very, very
Very sorry.
NO BIG DEAL
The next day Davey
Passed my door
Without stopping.
I ran out and said
‘Wait up, Davey.’
But he kept walking.
And there I was
Running after him
And he wouldn’t stop.
So by the time I
Reached him
I was puffed
And annoyed
With both him
And me.
‘Didn’t you hear
Me calling you?’
I ranted between
Gasps to fill my lungs.
And he looked at me
Just looked at me
And I spent a lifetime
Which lasted no more
Than a second
Thinking about all
The things he could say
To me
In response
In reply,
All the things I deserved
To hear.
But he smiled,
Just smiled
And said, ‘Hi.’
I felt strange – embarrassed.
I looked away,
But didn’t walk away.
I caught sight of
Davey’s break box
In his hand.
He’d started his break early.
Like just after breakfast.
‘What’ve you got?’ I asked,
Digging into my bag
For my own break box.
I opened mine up
So we could both look
And compare snacks.
He had carrot sticks,
A thick chunk of cucumber,
Bread sticks
Grapes
And an apple.
I had salt and vinegar crisps
Chocolate buttons
A packet of peanuts
And an apple.
‘I’ll swap you my peanuts
For your cucumber,’
I said.
I love cucumber.
It’s the only green thing
I’ll eat.
‘I can’t eat peanuts,’
said Davey. ‘I’m allergic.’
I frowned.
I didn’t really get it.
‘I’m allergic to peanuts,’
said Davey. ‘But I’ll swap you
Your packet of
Chocolate buttons
For all my cucumber.’
‘Fifteen buttons,’
I haggled.
‘The packet has probably
Only got ten in it
In the first place,’
Davey pointed out.
So I gave him the packet
And took his cucumber.
And we carried on
Munching and crunching
As we walked.
‘Don’t tell anyone
About my allergy,’
Said Davey after a while.
‘Why not?’ I asked.
‘I don’t want a fuss,’
Shrugged Dave.
‘Promise me
You won’t tell.’
So I promised.
No problem.
No big deal.
But the promise
Left my mouth
Escaped my mind
Fizzled out
Sizzled out
And I forgot it.
Pure forgot it.
Clean forgot it.
Left it.
Lost it.
Just forgot it.
BIG MISTAKE
I told Alex
Big Mistake
About Davey’s allergy
Big Mistake
‘How allergic is he?’
Big Mistake
‘I don’t know,’ I said.
Big Mistake
‘He didn’t run away screaming
Big Mistake
From my packet of peanuts
Big Mistake
If that’s what you mean.’
Big Mistake
I was sorry I spoke.
Big Mistake
‘I might’ve guessed,
Big Mistake
That he’d have more
Big Mistake
Than his fizzy feet wrong with him,’
Big Mistake
said Alex, scornfully.
Big Mistake
‘My cousin Gennifer has an allergy,’
Big Mistake
Said Pete thoughtfully. ‘She’s very allergic
Big Mistake
To cat hairs. They make her sneeze and sneeze.’
Big Mistake.
‘Sneeze, eh,’ said Alex just as thoughtfully.
Big Mistake
And I thought, ‘Oh no! I know that look.
Big Mistake
He’s just had an idea. He’s going to do something to Davey.’
Big Mistake
Telling him about Davey’s allergy was a
BIG MISTAKE.
TOO HOT
My world was too hot.
The country was too hot.
The city was too hot.
The street was too hot.
The school was too hot.
The classroom was too hot.
My clothes were too hot.
My skin was too hot.
My blood was too hot.
Watching Alex whisper and laugh
With Pete, was making my insides
Too hot.
JUST A JOKE
‘Hi, Davey,’ said Alex.
‘Would you like one of my crisp sandwiches?’
Davey looked up from his break box,
Surprised.
He wasn’t the only one.
I looked at Alex
Surprised and suspicious
Suspicious and surprised.
Alex wasn’t usually nice to Davey.
What was he up to?
‘What flavour crisps?’ Davey asked
Through a smile big enough
To turn upside down and
Shelter under, out of the rain.
Alex was talking to him
Alex was offering to share a sandwich with him.
Davey was so happy.
My insides were about to melt.
‘Cheese and onion,’ said Alex. ‘My mum
Makes them special. You’ll love them.’
‘Yes, please,’ said Davey.
Davey reached out for the sandwich
Alex held out to him.
‘Oh no,’ said Alex. ‘I’ll hold it.
Your hands might not be clean.
You can eat half and
I’ll have the other half.
That’s fair, isn’t it?’
I stood up, my heart dive-bouncing
Like a bungee jumper.
‘Yes, that’s fair,’ said Davey.
And he took a bite. One bite.
And he chewed with a smile.
And swallowed with a frown.
And the whole class watched.
The very air held its breath.
As Davey started to cough.
And Alex cracked up laughing.
And Davey coughed harder.
And Alex laughed more.
But then the laughing stopped,
As Davey’s hands flew to his throat
Tearing at his skin
Clawing at the invisible hands
Choking him from the inside out.
His face erupted in red blotches.
The whites of his eyes were turning red
He couldn’t breathe.
He fell to his knees, his eyes on me,
And Alicia screamed.
Lucy ran to get help,
Claudia started to shriek.
Martin shouted at Alex.
‘It was only one peanut,’ cried Alex.
‘I only put one peanut in there.
It was just a joke.
I thought he’d sneeze.
It was just a joke.’
Davey fell on his side, his eyes on me.
And was still.
I ran over to Davey
To loosen his shirt collar
But it was already undone
And Davey was so still.
Mr Mackie ran into the room
Holding a fat, grey pen.
He pushed us out of the way
And took the top off the pen
Before jamming the other end
Into Davey’s thigh.
‘Come on, Davey. Please,’
Begged Mr Mackie.
But Davey was so still.
Mr Mackie kept the pen
Against Davey’s thigh
For long, long seconds.