4:10 p.m.
Robbie the Sex God (MY NEW BOYFRIEND!!! Yesss and three times yesss!!!!!) will be going home from college now. Walking along in a Sex Goddy sort of way. A walking snogging machine.
4:30 p.m.
Mutti came in.
“Right, you can start making your startling recovery now, Georgia.”
Oh cheers. Thanks a lot. Goodnight.
Just because Elvis Attwood, school caretaker from Planet of the Loons, tripped over his own wheelbarrow (when I told him Jas was on fire) I am banned from school.
Mutti rambled on, although she makes very little sense since Vati got home.
“It’s your own fault, you antagonise him and now you are paying the price.”
Yeah yeah, rave on.
4:45 p.m.
Phoned Jas.
“Jas.”
“Oh, hi Gee.”
“Why didn’t you phone me?”
“You’re phoning me. I would have got the engaged tone.”
“Jas, please don’t annoy me, I’ve only been speaking to you for two seconds.”
“I’m not annoying you.”
“Wrong.”
“Well, I’ve only said about two words to you.”
“That’s enough.”
Silence.
“Jas?”
Silence.
“Jas…what are you doing?”
“I’m not annoying you.”
She drives me to the brink of madnosity. Still, I really needed to speak to her, so I went on. “It’s really crap at home. I almost wish I hadn’t been banned from school. How was Stalag 14? Any goss?”
“No, just the usual. Nauseating P. Green smashed a chair to smithereens and back.”
“Really?! Was she fighting with it?”
“No, she was sitting on it having her lunch. It was the jumbo-sized Mars bar that did it. The Bummer Twins started singing “Who ate all the pies?” to her but Slim, our beloved headmistress, heard them and gave us a lecture about mocking the unfortunate.”
“Were her chins going all jelloid?”
“Yeah. In fact it was Chin City.”
“Fantastic. Are you all missing me? Did anyone talk about me or anything?”
“No, not really.”
Charming. Jas has a lot of good qualities though, qualities you need in a bestest pal. Qualities like, for instance, going out with the brother of a Sex God. I said, “Has Hunky– I mean, Tom– mentioned anything that Robbie has said about me?”
“Erm…let me think.”
Then there was this slurp slurp noise.
She was making slurping noises.
“Jas, what are you eating?”
“I’m sucking my pen top so I can think better.”
Bloody sacre bleu, I have got le idiot for a pal. Forty-nine centuries of pen-sucking later she said, “No, he hasn’t said anything.”
7:00 p.m.
Why hasn’t Robbie mentioned me? Hasn’t he got snogging withdrawal?
8:00 p.m.
I can hear Vati singing “If I Ruled the World”. Good Lord. I have only just recovered from a very bad bout of pretend lurgy. He has no consideration for others.
8:05 p.m.
The worsterosity of it is that the Loonleader (my vati) has returned from Kiwi-a-gogo land and I thought he would be there for ages. But sadly life was against me and he has returned. Not content with that he has insisted we all go to Och-aye land to “bond” on a family holiday.
But…na-na-na-na-na and who-gives-two-short-flying-pigs’-botties? because I live in Love Heaven.
Lalalalalalala.
I am the girlfriend of a Sex God!!!
Yesss!!! Result!!!!
Further Confessions of Georgia Nicolson:
Angus, thongs and full-frontal snogging
‘It’s OK, I’m wearing really big knickers!’
‘Knocked out by my nunga-nungas.’.
‘…and that’s when it fell off in my hand.’
‘…then he ate my boy entrancers.’
Also available on tape and CD:
‘…and that’s when it fee off in my hand.’
‘…then he ate my boy entrancers.’
Copyright
Find out more about Georgia at
www.georgianicolson.com
First published in Great Britain by Piccadilly Press Ltd, 2000
Published by Scholastic Ltd, 2001
This edition published by HarperCollins Children’s Books, 2005
HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublisners Ltd,
77-85 Fulham Palace Road, Hammersmith, London W6 8JB
The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is
www.harpercollinschildrensbooks.co.uk
THIRD EDITION
Copyright © Louise Rennison 2000
The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Ebook Edition © JULY 2010 ISBN: 9780007405763
Version: 2013-12-18
Conditions of Sale
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
http://www.harpercollins.com.au/ebooks
Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East – 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollins.ca
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1
Auckland, New Zealand
http://www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
77-85 Fulham Palace Road
London, W6 8JB, UK
http://www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
10 East 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022
http://www.harpercollins.com