Dedication
For Morgan,
More, always and forever
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
1. First Slide
2. Triangle Friends
3. Four Laps
4. Emerson
5. Lockers & Lunch
6. Tuna & Metal
7. Sirens
8. Pictures & Pits
9. Eyeballs
10. Caterpillars
11. Unpopular Opinions
12. Super Salty
13. Facials
14. Broken
15. Sisters & Brothers
16. All the Girls
17. History
18. Nice
19. Book Club
20. Green Tops & Green Monsters
21. Clearing Hurdles
22. Your Own
23. Black Panthers
24. Batgirl & Boots
25. Black Power
26. Squad Goals
27. Density
28. Highlights
29. Timing
30. Face Plant
31. Bounce
32. Everybody Dance Now
33. Chapped Lips
34. Double-Crossed
35. Sorry Sleepover
36. Nothing Good
37. BD/AD
38. Spoonful of Sugar
39. Silent Protest
40. What’s Up?
41. Later
42. As If
43. Blocks
44. The Breaks
45. Not So Great
46. Dog Pile
47. Wanna Go?
48. Fight!
49. No Justice, No Peace
50. The 405
51. Woke
52. All Black
53. Black & Blue
54. Down
55. Friendships & Trash Cans
56. Lonely Island
57. Everyone Hates Us
58. Divided Nations
59. Something Smells
60. Dress Codes & Disciplinary Action
61. Tangles
62. Take a Stand
63. Rules
64. Go Down Big
65. Show Me
66. Fumbling & Stumbling
67. Stick
68. Almost Over
69. Hard Laughter
70. New Path
71. Pages & Pages
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
About the Publisher
1
First Slide
I’m allergic to trouble. It makes my hands itch. But today in science, when Mr. Levy starts calling out lab-partner assignments, I don’t get even the lightest tingle. I just sit there, barely breathing, waiting for him to assign me to the perfect partner. He’s been promising we’d start science labs since the first day of school, but it’s been weeks. Lots of time for me to decide on the perfect partner.
Mr. Levy has been teaching science at Emerson Junior High for centuries, and he looks like a mad scientist. For real. He has wild, frizzy gray hair and even wears a lab coat every day.
He fluffs his hair and adjusts his thick black glasses. I start rubbing my hands against my legs, which isn’t a good sign, but I don’t pay attention. Any second he will get to my name.
“Shayla and . . .” Mr. Levy pauses a few seconds, like he is really thinking about it. Like he doesn’t already have the list in front of him. “And Bernard,” he says.
No. And I mean, no. This is the opposite of perfect.
I sneak a peek behind me. Bernard sits in the back, slouching low in his seat. Junior-high desks weren’t made for Bernard. He’s not kid sized. He’s grown-up sized. And grown-up big.
He catches me looking at him, and his mouth shifts into a mean grimace. I gulp and look away.
My sister, Hana, would say I’m being just like those people who take one look at a Black person and think they need to clutch their purse tight or lock their car doors. I have no problem with Bernard being Black. Obviously. I’m Black too. It’s him being huge and mean and scary.
Bernard went to the same elementary school as me and my best friends, Isabella and Julia. We’re all terrified of him. Everyone I know is terrified of him. Even in kindergarten he would scowl at everybody. And he’d yell. A lot.
In second grade he yelled at me because I got to the Star Wars Legos before he did. He grabbed those stormtroopers right out of my hands, and if you’ve ever had someone snatch Legos from you, you know how much it hurts. And he didn’t say sorry.
I told him I needed the stormtroopers. But Bernard looked at me like he wouldn’t have minded squashing me right underneath one of his big shoes.
Bernard was a bully then, and he’s a bully now.
Please, oh, please don’t let us be doing lab work today.
“Find your partners, everyone!” Mr. Levy claps his hands together. I just bet partnering me with Bernard is some devious experiment: what happens if we mix trouble-hating girl with bully boy?
Kaboom. That’s what.
“Shayla!” Bernard hollers.
He sounds mad. I guess he’s not happy that we’re partners either.
I walk to the back of the room to the lab tables, and my feet feel like they weigh six hundred pounds.
“I got the first slide!” Bernard’s voice is like a bunch of bowling balls all being dropped at the same time. The glass in one of his big paws snaps in two.
“Oh,” I say. He could probably snap one of my fingers just like that.
Bernard shakes his hand and starts sucking a finger. I’m sure that is a bad idea. Mr. Levy comes over and sets some new slides next to our microscope. He doesn’t even ask Bernard if he’s okay.
Bernard doesn’t look okay; he looks angry, which is basically saying he looks like Bernard.
“Stop messing around,” Mr. Levy tells Bernard.
“I wasn’t!” Bernard booms.
Mr. Levy shakes his head and walks away.
After that, Bernard won’t even look in the microscope. He shoves the stack of slides at me, like it’s my fault he broke the first one.
The top slide has a tiny green-brown thing on it, and when I peer through the microscope, I can see it’s a bug leg. I think it’s from a grasshopper and write some notes about it and try not to study Bernard. I don’t know if I should say anything to him. I don’t want to make him even more mad.
When class is over, he gets up so fast, he knocks his desk to its side, and instead of picking it up, he storms out of the room.
You bet Mr. Levy frowns real hard at that.
I pick up Bernard’s desk before leaving class. Maybe since Mr. Levy didn’t have to pick it up, no one will get in trouble, but my hands itch anyway.
2
Triangle Friends
We have a break right after second period, and it’s the first time of the day when I can meet up with Isabella and Julia. When we got our schedules on Maze Day, we couldn’t believe out of six classes we didn’t have one together. How is that even possible? I’m only in pre-algebra, but I’m pretty sure the odds of that have got to be crazy high.
Only getting to see my friends at break and lunch is the worst.
Some people think it’s weird I have two best friends. “But who’s your favorite?” they’ll ask.
Who could pick between pizza and spaghetti? They’re both the best.
We make a great triangle. And three is actually a magic number. I learned that from the Schoolhouse Rock! DVDs.
We are alike in everything that matters. We call ourselves the United Nations, because Isabella is Puerto Rican and Julia is Japanese American, and then there�
�s me—and yes, we know Black isn’t a nation, but we also know we are united.
We’ve been friends since forever, but super best friends since third grade, when we got partnered for a group project. Each group was assigned a place in the world and then had to give a presentation like we were tour guides. We got Hawaii, and Momma bought fake palm trees and coconuts from Dollar Tree, and Isabella’s mom, who’s a graphic designer, helped us make travel brochures. Isabella painted an amazing poster of a Hawaiian beach at sunset. Julia was really excited because she has a lot of family living in Hawaii. She brought in a whole bunch of shell necklaces and postcards and even a bottle full of sand from a Hawaiian beach.
We’ve been united ever since.
Every day at break, we meet behind the row of extra classrooms next to the multipurpose room. Even though the buildings are called portables, I don’t think they ever get moved once they’re set down.
Isabella is already there, claiming our spot, right under the huge magnolia tree. But there’s no sign of Julia yet. Isabella’s T-shirt is a swirl of peach and rose with a hint of pale blue. It looks like a dawn sky. It is beautiful, and I’m immediately jealous.
“That is the cutest top, Is,” I say. “When did you get it?”
Isabella looks down at herself as if she can’t remember what she’s wearing. “It’s just tie-dye.” She stretches the material out, examining the colors. “I was trying for a sort of ombré thing. It didn’t work exactly.”
“You made it?” I am as close to squealing as I get.
She shrugs. “It was easy. You just have to be careful how you tie the rubber bands.”
“Well, next time we do a tie-dye project, you’re totally making mine,” I say.
“You got it,” Isabella says with a smile.
“Where’s Jules?” I ask. I can’t wait to share my horrible science-lab news, but I can’t say anything until it’s the three of us.
Isabella points, and I turn to see Julia running toward us.
When she reaches us, she’s all out of breath and plops down next to me and Isabella. She digs an apple out of her backpack. “Sorry I’m late. Mr. Lee took forever handing back homework.”
“What did you get?” I ask, and Julia frowns at me. Grades aren’t her thing the way they are mine. I mean, she does fine; she just doesn’t care.
We all stretch out our legs: my long, skinny, dark brown ones next to Isabella’s tan ones, next to Julia’s much lighter ones. We’re all wearing low-top black Converses. Julia’s are really worn out, and Isabella’s are splotched with purple paint. Mine look like they just came out of the box—I like things neat.
“Not that jerk who talked about your forehead?” Julia asks, and takes a huge bite of her apple.
I put a hand over my forehead. On the very first day, in my very first class, there he was. Jace Hayward, with his cinnamon skin that’s just a little lighter than mine, and those wide, lime-green eyes, and a grin as cool as lake water. I had told Julia and Isabella that this was the year I was going to have a boyfriend, and when I saw Jace, I decided he was the one. If we had gotten partnered today, that would’ve been the first step. I probably shouldn’t have told Julia and Isabella what Jace said about my forehead.
“Jace is not a jerk,” I say. “He was just being funny.” Although it didn’t feel very funny at the time. He called me Jimmy Neutron, and if you’ve seen that old movie, you know calling me that wasn’t any kind of a compliment. Jace said it pretty loud and it made me feel like I swallowed a piece of coal—while it was burning. It’s true I have a really big forehead. There is exactly four inches of space between my eyebrows and my hairline. I know it’s four inches because I measured it one day after hearing someone call me five-head. If you don’t think four inches is a lot, go get a ruler and measure your own forehead. I bet you get a two, possibly a three. If you hit a four, hey, I feel you. But I am more than my forehead. Jace just needs to find that out.
Isabella holds up her fists like she might punch somebody. “If he’s mean to you again, we’ll get him.” She tightens her lips over her braces, trying to look tough, but she looks ridiculous. Isabella doesn’t have a tough bone in her body.
“Thanks, Is,” I say. “I’ll definitely knock on your door if someone messes with me.” That makes me think of Bernard. He broke those slides like they were nothing.
“I hate when people are mean,” Isabella says, and grabs some of my baby carrots.
“He wasn’t being mean, Is,” Julia says, and laughs. “He was just being funny. Know what I’m saying?”
“Of course, we know what you’re saying, Jules,” I say, nudging her with my shoulder.
She raises her eyebrow at me. “You’re not supposed to say that after.”
“Say what?” I ask.
“When someone says, Know what I’m saying? it’s not like a real question,” Julia explains. “It’s an expression.”
Isabella taps me with a carrot. “Are you going to tell us who your lab partner is or not?” she asks.
“Bernard.” I make my voice go really low. “He went off in class today. Breaking stuff and knocking his desk over.”
“You have to change lab partners!” Isabella squeals.
“I know,” I say, eyes widening.
“Well, you’re doomed,” Julia says matter-of-factly, like she’s all ready for my funeral.
“Real helpful, Jules,” Isabella says, shaking her head at Julia, then looks at me. “Maybe Mr. Levy will change partners for each lab.”
“But what if I’m stuck with him?” I ask.
“You said you wanted a boyfriend,” Julia says, and then she busts up laughing.
“You are not even close to funny, Jules.” Normally I don’t mind Julia’s jokes, but Bernard being my boyfriend? That’s as funny as lima beans.
Isabella points a carrot at me. “It’ll be okay. He can’t kill you right in the middle of class.”
For some reason that’s not nearly as comforting as I want it to be. “You have carrots stuck in your braces,” I tell her.
She puts her hand over her mouth. “That’s funny because—” Her big hazel eyes get even wider than normal.
“Because what?” I ask.
And then the bell rings, and break’s over.
“Gotta go!” Isabella jumps up. Her third period is way on the other side of the school, so she always dashes as soon as the bell rings. “I won’t see you guys at lunch,” she yells over her shoulder. “I have an appointment.” And then she runs off.
“Wait, what?” I call after her, but she doesn’t turn back to answer. “Did you know she was leaving school early?” I ask Julia.
“Nope,” Julia says. “Hey, don’t worry about Bernard.”
I hold out my hands so Julia can help me up. “And now I have to go to PE,” I groan.
Julia yanks me up from the ground, and for just a tiny second I can imagine flying right over the row of portables and far, far away from PE.
3
Four Laps
It’s not that I hate doing anything active, but in elementary school, PE meant going out on the blacktop in your regular clothes and playing softball or capture the flag. It’s a whole different bag of chips in junior high.
You have to wear extremely ugly PE clothes that I am positive someone made just to make sure I would look extra bad. Shiny, bright blue shorts are not a good look for me, especially since I had to get a size small on account of me being so skinny. No one wants their shorts falling down. But small shorts are a weird length on me. Too short for baggie basketball, and too long for regular shorts.
And we have to change into our PE clothes right in front of everyone on our row in the locker room. I figured out right away that the best strategy is to change quick so no one gets a good
look at anything. What if my underwear is ripped? What if everybody stares at the tiny pimples on my back?
There should really be a law against making kids who are going through puberty undress in public. There should also be a law against going through puberty early. Momma says it’s totally normal for a Black girl to start earlier with stuff like developing and getting her period and having “grown-up bumps.” That’s what she calls them, instead of pimples or acne, like that’s supposed to make me glad to get them. I don’t care if it’s normal; I’m not happy about any of it.
In the locker room, the lockers are in long rows, and there are aisles in between with little benches so it’s easier to change your shoes. I don’t know any of the girls on my aisle, and we all try to keep our eyes on our locker or on the floor. At least that’s what I’m hoping they’re doing. A girl next to me starts getting undressed, and I do a good job of not noticing her pretty panties with lace and her tiny bra with lots of little hearts. (I wore two shirts in fourth grade before Momma figured it out and bought me a training bra. By fifth grade, I guess I had successfully passed training, because Momma bought me a “real” bra and then new ones in sixth when I went up a size.) My bras are not tiny, or cute. They’re big and white and practical.
Yolanda is waiting for me just outside the locker-room doors. Her two front teeth are chipped, making a small upside-down Y in her smile. It makes it easy to remember her name.
We got assigned to be partners for sit-ups on the first day, and now we just partner up all the time. I’m glad about that, because I don’t know anyone else in my class. She’s in my sixth period too, so it’s nice we’re sort of becoming friends.
I still haven’t gotten used to how much bigger junior high is than elementary school, and how you can be in a class with thirty other kids and not know any of them.
Five different elementary schools feed into Emerson, so there are lots more people.
“Hi.” Yolanda flashes a tiny upside-down-Y smile.
“Hi,” I say back. Every day I try to guess how Yolanda will be wearing her hair, and I’m usually wrong. She almost always parts it all the way down the middle, making two even sections, but then she’ll do something different with the sections. Sometimes she braids them (and sometimes it’s one braid, or sometimes it’s four, or six). Sometimes the two sections are in big fat curls, and sometimes she connects them together in the back. Once it was two afro puffs.