Every Time

  “And keeping your head up is going to be easier with someone at your side,” he said.

  I nodded slowly to let him know I’d heard him, though I still wasn’t sure I believed him.

  “Am I free to go back to work?” I asked.

  “Let’s get you scheduled for your next month’s chemo shots. We can do your schedule right here, and I’ll put you in the system.”

  As I rattled off my lunch dates to him, I kept wondering if I should tell Bryan. Out of all the people I’d want standing at my side, he would be the one I’d want. But he was already going through so much, and I didn’t want to be another burden to him. I felt terrible that I was keeping something like this from him. Too often, I’d been canceling our dates for my last-minute appointments and bailing on our rescheduled moments, but I wanted to find the right time to tell him and now wasn’t it.

  Not while he was stressed with work. We’d just gotten back on stable footing with our relationship, and I didn’t know if I could handle him walking away from me because it was too much.

  The mere thought of losing him over this made me sick to my stomach.

  “You’re all set and ready to go. I’ll shoot you an email with all the dates. The nurse’s desk will also give you a courtesy call the day before your appointments.”

  “Thanks, doctor.”

  “And Miss Ryan?”

  “Yes?” I asked.

  “Think about what I told you. If we’re going to save your life, we need to exhaust all avenues. Get someone in here who supports you.”

  “Yes, sir,” I said before I walked out.

  I knew I had to get my affairs in order, and I knew I needed to hire another hand at the shop. The lease on my apartment was up in three months, and Bryan was wondering why I wasn’t moving in any faster.

  Anna was getting worried about my unreturned phone calls, and the

  exhaustion was already showing on my face.

  But as Islid into the seat of my car and cranked it up, the only thing

  I could think about was the solace my gallery provided for me and how

  I wasn’t sure I could hand it over to anyone else.

  Chapter 3

  Bryan

  F inally, I was able to get Hailey out for dinner. It was a wonderful Saturday evening, and the chill was shivering the air. I picked her up from her gallery as she was locking up and handed her flowers that matched the cyan of her hair. She squealed and threw her arms around me, and for the first time in a week and a half, I was able to bury my nose against her neck. She smelled of paints and success. I held her in the gravel parking lot while her head nuzzled into my shoulder, and for a while, we simply stood there. I wanted to take us out and celebrate our successes. I wanted us to have a glass of wine and toast the awareness we’d dripped into the community because of John’s showcase. I wanted to update her on Drew and how his tattoo parlor was doing and ask her if she ever ended up helping him with the inside like he’d originally asked. After all, when Drew and I got together now, we talked about everything but business. I drove us across town to an Italian restaurant I was lucky to get us reservations at last minute. I’d only scored them because there had been a cancellation at the last minute, and even more perfect, it was a window-side table. That meant we had one of the better views of the city while still confining ourselves from the cold, and I knew Hailey would simply love it. She didn’t let me treat her often, so I clung to the moments where I could surprise her with something wonderful.

  “Bryan, this place is too expensive,” she said. “We’re not even dressed right!” “Doesn’t matter,” I said as I pulled up in the parking lot. “All that matters is you’re here with me.” The smile she shot in my general direction was enough to fill my soul with pride. I led her up the steps while her hand slipped easily within mine. The hostess led us to our table, and I pulled out her chair so she could sit. A bottle of red wine was already aerating on the table when we sat down, and I took the liberty of pouring us each a glass while we took a look at the menu. But even as I sipped on my wine, I noticed she wasn’t doing the same. Instead, she sipped on her iced water next to the glass. “So. How was work?” I asked. “Busy, as always,” she said, smiling. “So just the way you like it.” “Of course, but a lot of bloggers and reporters are coming in. I guess they’re getting tired of running the same kind of story and quotes all the time, so I’m having to come up with original material.” “Or you could tell them that they can’t interview you during work hours,” I said. “Then they’ll just hound me once I close,” she said, whining. “You could run from them like I do,” I said. “Yeah, with my car we have to jump-start every time I crank it.” “I keep telling you to let me change that battery.” “And I keep telling you it’s not your responsibility.” I grinned at her while our waiter took our orders. I could see his eyes lingering on Hailey even though she was oblivious, so I slid my hand over the table to cover hers. Her eyes shot up to mine and sparkled, her fingers wrapping around my hand as her warmth made my skin tingle. How I’d missed her touch.

  “Someone staring a bit too much?” she asked when the waiter walked away.

  “How did you know?”

  “I could see that jealous glint in your eye,” she said.

  “Well, you’re a beautiful woman, and I know I’m not the only one who sees it.”

  “Don’t worry. I enjoy being claimed by you.”

  My body was set on fire just with her words. How I wanted to claim her body. How I wanted to throw her on top of this table and ravish her in front of everyone. I wanted to bury my face between her legs and slide my body against hers. I wanted to writhe with her between the sheets of my bed and soak my bedroom with her musky, sweaty scent.

  “How’s work going for you?” she asked.

  “Actually, really well. We’ve got seven sites we’re completing in the next seven months, and I’m working on securing sites to develop all the way through next year. The company’s even looking to expand outside of the city.”

  “Bryan, that’s wonderful!” she exclaimed. “When did you make that decision?”

  “Well, it’s not official yet. If I branch out into different cities, I’d have to send people to new offices I’d have to build to oversee things. Doing it all myself would put me on the road too much. And right now, the only person I trust has his family rooted here. So, for now, it’s still just a possibility.”

  “But a plausible one?” she asked.

  “A very plausible one.”

  “What if you went to the new city?” she asked.

  “Huh?”

  “I mean, if the only guy you trust has his family rooted here, what’s keeping you from going to the new city?” she asked.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  Where in the world was this coming from?

  “No. I’m not. I mean, do you enjoy San Diego that much?” she asked. “Yes. And I can think of one huge reason why I would rather stay.” I clenched her hand tightly within mine as her eyes dropped to our interlocked fingers. “I mean, I could come visit you. Drive to you and all. That isn’t an issue.” “Where is this coming from?” I asked. “Are you wanting me to leave?” “Why would I want you to leave?” she asked. “I don’t know. I just get the feeling you’re hiding something.” I saw a flicker of something roll across her face, and I knew I’d hit the nail on the head. There was something she was keeping from me, and in an instant, my thumb was tracing comforting circles on top of her skin. It was a movement that always calmed her mind and helped her collect her thoughts, and Iwatched her flutter her eyes closed at the sensation while goosebumps trickled up her arms. “Hailey, what’s going on?” I asked. I felt a sense of dread welling in my chest as she drew a deep breath in through her nose. “I don’t want to hurt you, Bryan,” she said breathlessly. “Hailey. With all we’ve been through, you should know by now that you can come to me with anything. There’s nothing you have to hide from me. I’m here to love you and support you and help you ac
hieve your dreams. Talk to me. I know something’s been wrong the past couple weeks.” Her weary eyes connected with mine, and I saw how tired she was, how exhausted her eyes looked. She had on makeup, something I’d never known her to wear out in public. She had on foundation and what looked like to be concealer, and it was cracking into the crevices of her skin that were drying out and giving way beneath the pressure she was under.

  “Talk to me,” I said. “I don’t know if it’s a good time to move in with you,” she said. I stared at her and blinked. I saw her shoulders slump forward while her head fell toward the table. Under any other circumstance, I would’ve thought she was ashamed of something or even possibly sidestepping an issue. But I saw the relaxation that coursed through her body just saying those words, and right then, I felt regret. Regret and shame and guilt. “We’re both so busy,” she said, “and you live farther away from the gallery. Granted, it’s only ten more minutes, but my days are longer and full of more work. I’m painting like a wild animal in my back room and taking it back to my apartment to work on. Sometimes, I’m not getting into bed until two or three in the morning, and the last thing you need is me slipping in so late at night when you have to be up at six. You’re pulling longer hours because Drew’s gone, and I still have yet to help him with the interior designing of his tattoo parlor, and it’s just all so—” I leaped up from the table and rounded around to her. I took her into my arms and kissed her furiously, silencing her words as her arms threaded around my neck. In an instant, her body caved. I felt all of her weight rest against my strength while my hands roamed the body of the woman I loved and missed and wished for desperately during the early morning hours when she wasn’t there. She’d worried herself sick over something so simple, and I felt terrible that she couldn’t say anything before now. I released her lips and felt her sigh heavily into me. Her cheek pressed into my shirt while her hands slid down my sides. I wrapped my arms around her and slowly rocked her body, ignoring the looks people were giving us while she closed her eyes and allowed me to comfort her. “You don’t have to move in right now, Hailey,” I said. “Not if it’s causing this kind of stress.” “I’m so sorry, Bryan,” she said, whispering.