still hanging on one foot,
and nothing on my mind
but to be inside
the only place
that has
no inside,
and no outside.
BODY OF LONELINESS
She entered my foot with her foot
and she entered my waist with her snow.
She entered my heart saying,
“Yes, that’s right.”
And so the Body of Loneliness
was covered from without,
and from within
the Body of Loneliness was embraced.
Now every time I try to draw a breath
she whispers to my breathlessness,
“Yes, my love, that’s right, that’s right.”
ALL MY NEWS
1.
I was not meant
to be renown
in the present
market town,
but in the future
some may find
what might be used
to change a mind
from slaughter
in the name of peace
to honouring
complexities,
and thus influence
politics
with deeper balance
deeper checks.
And no one has
to be afraid
when on this Path
the deal is made.
2.
Look on low
look on high,
see with Love’s
inhuman eye
not only charge
of opposites
(the broken heart
the healing fix),
but what engenders
every turn –
the leader on her
knees will learn.
And he who’s sick
with heavy thought
will cherish it
and fold his cot.
3.
Do not decode
these cries of mine –
They are the road,
and not the sign.
Nor deconstruct
my drugless high –
I’m sober but
I like to fly.
Then quickened with
my open talk,
you need not pick
the ancient lock.
4.
Mystery now,
and now Revealed
I bend to Thee
my will to yield,
and whisper here
my gratitude
for every tear
of restless mood;
Who let me breach
the walls of time
so I could touch
the ones to come
with wisdom that
my parents spoke
(established on an anecdote),
and shorthand of
the unborn mind
with Graceful effort
all combined.
5.
Undeciphered
let my song
rewire circuits
wired wrong,
and with my jingle
in your brain,
allow the Bridge
to arch again.
YOU ARE RIGHT, SAHARA
You are right, Sahara. There are no mists, or veils, or distances. But the mist is surrounded by a mist; and the veil is hidden behind a veil; and the distance continually draws away from the distance. That is why there are no mists, or veils, or distances. That is why it is called The Great Distance of Mist and Veils. It is here that The Traveller becomes The Wanderer, and The Wanderer becomes The One Who Is Lost, and The One Who Is Lost becomes The Seeker, and The Seeker becomes The Passionate Lover, and The Passionate Lover becomes The Beggar, and The Beggar becomes The Wretch, and The Wretch becomes The One Who Must Be Sacrificed, and The One Who Must Be Sacrificed becomes The Resurrected One, and The Resurrected One becomes The One Who Has Transcended The Great Distance of Mist and Veils. Then for a thousand years, or the rest of the afternoon, such a One spins in the Blazing Fire of Changes, embodying all the transformations, one after the other, and then beginning again, and then ending again, 86,000 times a second. Then such a One, if he is a man, is ready to love the woman Sahara; and such a One, if she is a woman, is ready to love the man who can put into song The Great Distance of Mist and Veils. Is it you who is waiting, Sahara, or is it me?
EARLY QUESTIONS
Why do cloisters of radiant nuns study your production, while I drink the tea called Smooth Move, alone in my cabin during the howling winter?
Why do you mount the High Seat and deliver an incomprehensible discourse on The Source of All Things, which includes questionable observations on the contract between men and women, while I sit on the floor twisted into the Lotus Position (which is not meant for North Americans), laying out the grid-lines of shining modern cities where, far from your authority, democracy and romance can flourish?
Why can’t the Great Vehicle, which rolls so merrily through the quaint streets of Kyoto, make it up the switchbacks of Mt. Baldy? And if it can’t, is it any good to us?
Why do the irises bend to you, while dangerous pine cones fall from a considerable height on our unprotected bald heads?
Why do you command us to talk, and then talk instead?
It is because a bell has summoned me to your room, it is because I am speechless in the honour of your company, it is because I am reeling in the fragrance of some unutterable hospitality, it is because I have forgotten all my questions, that I throw myself to the floor, and vanish into yours.
– Mt. Baldy, 1998
THE MOON
The moon is outside.
I saw the great uncomplicated thing
when I went to take a leak just now.
I should have looked at it longer.
I am a poor lover of the moon.
I see it all at once and that’s it
for me and the moon.
SWEET TIME
How sweet time feels
when it’s too late
and you don’t have to follow
her swinging hips
all the way into
your dying imagination
FOOD TASTES GOOD
Food tastes good
but I’d rather not eat
Touching a beautiful young woman
is a great honour
in this vale of tears
forgive me if I pass on this
or take a rain check
Meditation calms the fevered heart
or so the advertising goes
but it drives me
up the wall
of gossip and breathlessness
Furthermore
I don’t want to be a friend to everyone
I haven’t got that much time
I’m fasting
I’m fasting secretly
to make my face thin
so G-d can love me
as He did before
I had the slightest interest
in these matters
FUN
It is so much fun
to believe in G-d
You must try it sometime
Try it now
and find out whether
or not
G-d wants you
to believe in Him
BASKET
You should go
from place to place
recovering the poems
that have been written for you,
to which ou can affix your signature.
Don’t discuss these matters
with anyone.
Retrieve. Retrieve.
When the basket is full
someone will appear
&n
bsp; to whom you can present it.
She will spread her wide skirt
and sit down
on a black stone
and your basket will bounce
like a speck in sunlight
on the immense landscape
of her lap.
BY THE RIVERS DARK
By the rivers dark
I wandered on
I lived my life
in Babylon
and I did forget
my holy song
and I had no strength
in Babylon
by the rivers dark
where I could not see
who was waiting there
who was hunting me
and he cut my lip
and he cut my heart
so I could not drink
from the river dark
and he covered me
and I saw within
my lawless heart
and my wedding ring
I did not know
and I could not see
who was waiting there
who was hunting me
by the rivers dark
I panicked on
I belonged at last
to Babylon
then he struck my heart
with a deadly force
and he said, “This heart
and he gave the wind
my wedding ring
and he circled me
with everything
by the rivers dark
in a wounded dawn
I live my life
in Babylon
tho’ I take my song
from a withered limb
both song and tree
they sing for him
be the truth unsaid
and the blessing gone
if I forget
my Babylon
I did not know
and I could not see
who was waiting there
who was hunting me
by the rivers dark
where it all goes on
by the rivers dark
in Babylon
LOVE ITSELF
for L.W.
The light came through the window,
Straight from the sun above,
And so inside my little room
There plunged the rays of Love.
In streams of light I clearly saw
The dust you seldom see,
Out of which the Nameless makes
A Name for one like me.
I’ll try to say a little more:
Love went on and on
Until it reached an open door –
Then Love Itself was gone.
All busy in the sunlight
The flecks did float and dance,
And I was tumbled up with them
In formless circumstance.
Then I came back from where I’d been
My room, it looked the same –
But there was nothing left between
The Nameless and the Name.
I’ll try to say a little more:
Love went on and on
Until it reached an open door –
Then Love Itself was gone.
YOU HAVE LOVED ENOUGH
I said I’d be your lover.
You laughed at what I said.
I lost my job forever.
I was counted with the dead.
I swept the marble chambers,
But you sent me down below.
You kept me from believing
Until you let me know:
That I am not the one who loves –
It’s love that seizes me.
When hatred with his package comes,
You forbid delivery.
And when the hunger for your touch
Rises from the hunger,
You whisper, “You have loved enough,
Now let me be the Lover.”
THOUSAND KISSES DEEP
for Sandy 1945–1998
1.
You came to me this morning
And you handled me like meat
You’d have to be a man to know
How good that feels how sweet
My mirror twin my next of kin
I’d know you in my sleep
And who but you would take me in
A thousand kisses deep
I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat
I’m just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet
Who loved you with his frozen love
His second-hand physique
With all he is and all he was
A thousand kisses deep
I know you had to lie to me
I know you had to cheat
To pose all hot and high behind
The veils of sheer deceit
Our perfect porn aristocrat
So elegant and cheap
I’m old but I’m still into that
A thousand kisses deep
And I’m still working with the wine
Still dancing cheek to cheek
The band is playing Auld Lang Syne
The heart will not retreat
I ran with Diz and Danté
I never had their sweep
But once or twice they let me play
A thousand kisses deep
The autumn slipped across your skin
Got something in my eye
A light that doesn’t need to live
And doesn’t need to die
A riddle in the book of love
Obscure and obsolete
Till witnessed here in time and blood
A thousand kisses deep
I’m good at love I’m good at hate
It’s in between I freeze
Been working out but it’s too late
It’s been too late for years
But you look fine you really do
The pride of Boogie Street
Somebody must have died for you
A thousand kisses deep
I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat
I’m just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet
But you don’t need to hear me now
And every word I speak
It counts against me anyhow
A thousand kisses deep.
2.
The ponies run the girls are young
The odds are there to beat
You win a while and then it’s done
Your little winning streak
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat
You live your life as if it’s real
A thousand kisses deep.
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed
I’m back on Boogie Street
You lose your grip and then you slip
Into the Masterpiece
And maybe I had miles to drive
And promises to keep
You ditch it all to stay alive
A thousand kisses deep
Confined to sex we pressed against
The limits of the sea
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me
I made it to the forward deck
I blessed our remnant fleet
And then consented to be wrecked
A thousand kisses deep
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed
I’m back on Boogie Street
I guess they won’t exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep
And sometimes when the night is slow
The wretched and the meek
We gather up our hearts and go
A thousand kisses deep
And fragrant is the thought of you
The file on you complete
Except what we forgot to do
A thou
sand kisses deep
SPLIT
What can I do
with this love of mine
with this hairy knob
with this poison wine
Who shall I take
to the edge of despair
with my knee on her heart
and my lips in her hair
So I’ll take all my love
and I’ll split it in two
and there’s one part for me
and there’s one part for you
And we’ll drink the wine
and we’ll hide the staff
and the lover will groan
and the other will laugh
And I’ll go to your bed
and I’ll lie by your side
and I’ll bury the bones
and I’ll marry the bride
And you’ll do the same
when you come to my room
You’ll dig in my dirt
and you’ll bury the groom
And I swear by this love
which is living and dead
that we will be separate
and we will be wed
– Mt. Baldy, 1994
ALEXANDRA LEAVING
after “The God Abandons Anthony,” by C. Cavafy
Suddenly the night has grown colder.
Some deity preparing to depart.
Alexandra hoisted on his shoulder,
they slip between the sentries of your heart.
Upheld by the simplicities of pleasure,
they gain the light, they formlessly entwine;
and radiant beyond your widest measure
they fall among the voices and the wine.
It’s not a trick, your senses all deceiving,
a fitful dream the morning will exhaust –