watched me, her eyes narrow and mean.
“No,” I shouted back. “It’s OK, I don’t need
any help.”
The woman took a step forward. “You don’t
live around here, do you? You get away from
that house, now. Go on – go home.”
Stupid old lady! I wanted to shout
something back at her, but what if she called
the police? My heart thudded, and I turned
and walked away.
There was a small park around the corner.
I flopped down on an old wooden bench to
catch my breath. Then I sat straight up. I
17
could watch Mom’s street from here! I could see when she got back.
I crossed my arms over my chest. The sun
went behind the clouds, and it got even colder.
People hurried past. No one seemed to notice
me.
Hours went by. There was still no little red
sports car. My stomach started to growl with
hunger. Then it started to rain. Big, cold
drops of water splashed onto me from the sky.
I’d had enough! I ran across the street to
the 7-Eleven and bought a Kit-Kat. I ate it in
about two bites, and then I bought another one.
I gulped that one down too, and stared out the
window towards my mother’s street.
My cell phone went off, and I jumped. For a
second I thought it might be Mom. Was she
going to tell me to stop watching her? But that
was stupid. She didn’t even have my number.
Dad’s name came up on the cell.
I answered the call. “I just wanted to tell you
to be home by five,” he said. “I thought we’d go
and pick up a pizza and a DVD.”
18
No! How could I leave before Mom came back? To be home by five I’d have to catch the
next bus. I bit my lip as I stared out at the
road.
“Sarah?” said Dad. “Did you hear me?”
Damn, damn, damn! “Yes, OK,” I told him.
“I’ll be home soon.”
The next morning I was sitting on the park
bench again.
I got there really early, but Mom’s car was
still gone. But this time I was better prepared
and ready for the wait. I had Dad’s iPod with
me, and a bunch of sandwiches.
I ate them slowly, listening to the music.
I wished Dad liked music that wasn’t from
before I was born. When I got fed up with the
music, I played games with myself, trying to
guess the color of the next car to come down
the street. Was it going to be blue, green,
yellow?
I got them right sometimes. But even when
the cars were red, they were never Mom’s.
19
I sat there all day. The shadows under the trees grew short and then long again. Then, at
last, it started getting dark, and I had to go
home.
I stood up. I had been sitting for so long
that my legs hurt. I was dying for the
bathroom. I walked slowly to the bus stop. I
felt really down. Maybe she wasn’t even there
any more. Maybe my e-mails had scared her
off and she’d moved.
The bus pulled up in front of me. The doors
opened, and the driver nodded at me as I
climbed on. “How are you doing today?” he
said. He didn’t look so grumpy this time.
I muttered hello to him as I paid. My
cheeks were red. God, I was on this bus so
much now that the driver knew me!
I sat down near the back, and gripped the
seat in front of me as we pulled away from the
curb. Suddenly I felt angry at myself. What
was I doing, riding back and forth on this
stupid bus? My mom didn’t care that I wanted
to see her. She didn’t even know!
20
I’d acted like such a loser, hanging around her house. Well, I wouldn’t any more. To hell
with her.
I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes. I
just wanted to block out everything – the whole
world. Then the bus jerked and my eyes flew
open – just in time to see an old red sports car
as it vanished down a lane.
21
Chapter 4
Do You Want Something?
Maybe she’d been gone for the weekend or
something. That was probably it, I thought.
She’d been living it up with lots of her friends.
They’d all gone away to somewhere exciting.
What if she was gone every weekend? Then
I’d never get to see her! I was helping Dad put
the dishes away, and I almost dropped one
when I thought that.
“Careful,” said Dad.
22
“Yeah, sorry.” I stacked the plate with the others. My hands felt big and clumsy. I’d told
myself that I’d never go back there, but I knew
I would. I had to see her. I had to.
“Sarah …” Dad started to say something,
and stopped.
“What?” I picked at a bit of food left on a
plate. He didn’t say anything else, and I looked
up. “What?” I asked again.
Dad shook his head. His hair looked thin
on top, and was going gray at the sides.
“Nothing,” he said. “Forget it.”
What had he been going to say? Something
about Mom, maybe? Yeah, right! He hadn’t
even told me that she’d moved to Midland.
I grabbed the last plate and put it away.
“I’ve got to finish my homework,” I lied.
The next morning, I got dressed for school
and said goodbye to Dad as usual. But instead
of walking to school, I caught the bus to
Midland again. It was a different driver this
time, thank God.
23
I kept my head down when we got there, and hoped no one would notice me as I walked
along.
Suddenly a car screeched around the
corner. I looked up. The red sports car was
gone almost before I’d seen it. But I’d had a
look at the woman at the wheel. She had
brown hair, like mine. And glasses. Mom had
worn glasses.
It had been her!
I held my breath as I looked down the road.
Maybe Mom had noticed me, too. Maybe she’d
turn around and come back.
The sound of the car grew distant and
faint. Then there was only silence. I stood
there for a long time, but finally I had to admit
that she was gone.
What should I do now? I bit my lip. What
if she’d gone to work? She wouldn’t be back for
hours and hours. But this might be my only
chance. If Dad found out I’d played hooky
today there was no way I’d be able to skip
school another time.
24
So I sat on the park bench again and waited. I sat there for what felt like years.
I got so bored that I even started reading my
English textbook. I hardly saw anyone at all –
just a few people who were walking their dogs,
and moms pushing strollers. No one said
anything to me.
After a while I was dying for the bathroom
again, only it was ten times worse than before.
I started crossing and uncrossing my legs.
Oh, God, what now? I hadn’t seen a restroom
anywhere. It got so bad that I waited until I
couldn’t see anyone, and then I ran behind
some bushes. My face felt red and hot. I was
so terrified that someone would see me
squatting there with my big white butt. But it
was such a relief to go that I almost wanted to
cry.
When I got back to the park bench, I
stopped in my tracks.
The red sports car was parked in front of
Mom’s house. I could see the scratches on the
door. They looked long and ugly.
She was there.
25
My heart pounded. Slowly, I started walking towards the house. I didn’t know what
to do. Should I just go up and ring her bell?
But what would I say to her? Mom, why do you
hate me so much? I swallowed, and looked
over at the house where the old lady lived.
I didn’t want her to come out and shout at me
again.
Maybe I should go and look in my mom’s
window, and see what she was doing. Yeah.
That was the best thing. Then I could figure
out if I wanted to talk to her or not.
I took a deep breath and started to go
around the side of the house. Suddenly the
front door opened. I stopped in my tracks.
My mom was standing there. It was her.
Mom. She stared at me with a frown on her
face. “Can I help you?”
My cheeks grew warm. “Um … I …”
She held onto the door with one hand. She
was wearing an old denim skirt, and her hair
was all messy. “Do you want something?” She
sounded angry.
26
She didn’t know who I was. It felt like the world had turned upside-down. I took a step
backwards and nearly tripped over. Then I
started to run.
I ran almost all the way to the bus stop.
I could hardly breathe when I got there. I bent
over, panting hard. Sweat ran down my face.
I gasped, and then I knew I was crying. I wiped
my eyes with my arm, and sat on the bench.
She didn’t know me. She didn’t even know
me! I’d know her anywhere. She looked just
the same. Suddenly I remembered this time
when I was five, and Mom took me out to dance
in the rain. The two of us had splashed in
puddles together and we’d been singing as loud
as we could. I thought she was the best mom
in the world then.
It had almost made up for being scared of
her.
The thought made me feel icy-cold. But it
was true. I had been scared of her. I hugged
myself as I waited for the stupid bus to come.
I’d never known when she was going to blow up
at me. She’d get so angry sometimes, and I
never knew what I’d done wrong.
27
Things were better now, with just me and Dad. Maybe he worked so much that I hardly
ever saw him, but at least he never got angry
unless he had a reason. Life made sense with
Dad.
The bus came, and I climbed slowly onto it.
I felt enormous – fatter than ever. That was
that, I said to myself as I sat down. My mom
didn’t have a clue who I was, and I was glad.
I never wanted to see her again.
28
Chapter 5
Reality TV
On the bus ride home, I started to feel
hungry. I mean, really hungry! It got worse
and worse, until my stomach felt like a big,
empty hole. Food. I needed food. I was almost
dizzy with hunger.
I almost ran off the bus when it got to my
town. I headed straight for the McDonald’s and
bought three large fries to go. I felt better the
moment I had them in my hands. I leaned
against a wall outside and started eating. I
gulped down the fries in big, greasy handfuls.
29
When I finished the first bag, I started on the second.
Kids wearing backpacks started walking
past. School must have just gotten out.
Suddenly the fries seemed to stick in my
throat. I hate it when people see me eating,
because then they know what a total pig I am.
But I’d never let them know how much I hate
them seeing me. I kept my head up, and
glared at anyone who looked at me.
Beth Sands was walking by herself. When
she saw me, she stopped. She stood on the
sidewalk for a moment, and then she walked
towards me.
I couldn’t believe it! I’d been about to take
another bite of fries, and now I just sat there,
holding them in my fingers. What was she up
to?
Beth walked right past me, and into the
McDonald’s. I twisted around to look in the
window. I watched her buy something, and
then she came back outside and stood against
the wall next to me.
30
“Hi,” she said. She opened up her
McDonald’s bag and pulled out some fries. She
looked nervous. She should be!
“What do you want?” I snapped.
She nibbled at a fry. “I don’t know. You
looked lonely.”
Lonely. What a freak. She didn’t know
anything about me. I dropped my fries back in
the McDonald’s bag. She’d messed everything
up. I couldn’t eat with her standing there.
Beth turned to me. Her limp hair hung
down the sides of her face. “You weren’t in
school today,” she said.
“So?” I asked.
She gave a shrug. “Nothing. But ... are you
OK? You look sort of – ” she stopped.
“What?” I snarled.
She went pale. I thought she might run
away, but she didn’t. “You look like you’ve
been crying,” she said.
I jumped up. I wanted to throw the fries in
her face, but I knew I’d want them when I got
31
home. “Whatever,” I said. My voice shook.
“Just leave me alone!”
I shoved the bag in my backpack and
started home. I didn’t look over my shoulder.
But somehow I knew, if I did, Beth would still
be standing there, staring after me.
When I got home there was a phone
message from the school, asking where I was.
I deleted it. Thank God I’d gotten to it before
Dad. He’d go crazy.
He didn’t get home until almost nine that
night. We had Chinese take-away, and
watched one of those reality TV talent shows
together. I ate a bag of chocolate cookies while
we watched. I was still hungry.
“Listen to him, poor boy,” laughed Dad. “No
talent at all!” He helped himself to a cookie.
He’d never said anything about how fat I was.
Maybe he didn’t notice. The thought made me
angry, and I grabbed another cookie.
“Why
did Mom leave?” I asked suddenly.
Dad almost choked on his cookie. Good.
It served him right.
32
He wiped his mouth. “Why do you want to know?”
I gave a shrug. “No reason.”
Dad kept staring at me. Maybe he was
trying to figure out if I knew Mom was in the
next town. I looked right back at him, and
didn’t give anything away.
At last he let out a long sigh. “I don’t know,
Sarah,” he said. “I don’t think she was always
very happy. Sometimes she’d get really silent,
and not talk to me for days. And then
sometimes she seemed on top of the world.”
He swallowed hard. “It was a real shock to
me when she left,” he said. “It was the last
thing I expected. And it was very hard on you.
You cried yourself to sleep every night for
weeks and weeks.”
I felt my cheeks grow hot. I scowled at the
TV. I didn’t want to talk about that part!
I wanted to ask what she was doing in Midland.
But then I’d have to tell Dad how I knew, and
there was no way I could do that.
The next person came on the talent show.
Dad kept watching me, like he wasn’t sure
33
what else to say. Then he turned the sound up and settled back onto the sofa.
Neither of us said anything else.
When the news came on, I crept into Dad’s
room. My heart beat hard as I turned on the
computer. I had to see if Mom had written to
my Hotmail account.
She hadn’t. But she had written to Dad.
I looked at the e-mail on the screen. Dad
hadn’t read it yet. My hand felt like it was in
slow motion as I clicked onto it.
Ted,
I think Sarah’s been stalking me. Someone
scratched up my car last week, and I’ve been getting weird e-mails. At first I thought it was the locals in the town, ganging up on me and trying to make me
move out. I can tel that none of them like me.
But there was a girl outside my house today,
sneaking around. I asked her what she wanted, and
she wouldn’t say anything. I didn’t know who she
was … but now I think it was Sarah.
Ted, you HAVE to tel her to stop this. She has
to leave me alone! I can’t take this kind of stress.
34
I’l press charges if she damages anything else of mine, or sends any more e-mails.
Ann
Oh, my God! I quickly deleted the e-mail so
that Dad would never see it. My hand was
shaking. She knew it was me.
She knew, and she didn’t care.
Anger rushed through me. I felt boiling