Fifty Years in Polygamy
Big Secrets and Little White Lies
There is much ado about polygamy these days. Media coverage, HBO’s Big Love, TLC’s Sister Wives, the revolting acts committed by polygamous cult leader Warren Jeffs who still directs his followers from his prison cell—all of these keep a slew of polygamy-related issues at the forefront of society. But none can depict the ongoing, daily atrocities and heartaches hidden in these closed societies, behind closed doors, within the hearts and souls of thousands of subdued but smiling faces.
Kristyn Decker’s memoir recounts the harsh realities of being born and raised in the second largest polygamist sect in America—the Apostolic United Brethren, or the AUB (Allred Group). For five decades, Kristyn (then Sophia Allred) was caught up in a cult of plural marriage . . . and lived it until she thought she would truly suffocate. When she finally had the courage to leave, she knew she had to share her story and help others escape.
This uncensored version of Fifty Years in Polygamy: Big Secrets and Little White Lies, even more than her first book describes the religious submission, lies, secrets, poverty, abuses, jealousies, depression, and loneliness. The gripping, detailed events in this book will shock you, but will also inspire compassion, understanding, and perhaps even the courage to change your own life.
Reviews of Fifty Years in Polygamy
“Incredible! No other words to describe this book but incredible. Very well-written account of a life of extreme abuse, emotional anguish, and mental torture. The strength it must have taken to break away from this lifestyle is inspiring. May it be a guideline and a shining star for everyone who wants insight into polygamy and for those who seek an avenue outside of the ‘crick.’” —Badbob52 on Amazon.com
“Love it! I love to read, and this book opened my eyes to a world that I have never been a part of. It’s sad to see the suffering of the woman in the book, but it is so well written.” —Cheryl Mcendree on Amazon.com
“I couldn’t stop reading. I really enjoyed this book. I often had to tell myself to slow down. Once I started reading I couldn’t stop. It’s fascinating to realize that kind of lifestyle is still being lived. I could truly feel the hurt and jealousy this woman felt and that she was torn by what she thought was the right thing to do. What an amazing story and what an amazing woman! She tells it like it is, and she is really involved helping people.” —CSW on Amazon.com
“An amazing read! It’s always amazing to me to read about the lives of polygamists. This one did not disappoint! It took me just a short time to get through this book. It was well written, and I felt like I was right there experiencing the horror of their lifestyle.” —Yaker and Baller on Amazon.com
“Real polygamy. I thoroughly enjoyed this true-life story about an admirable woman growing up in polygamy. Her poignant story had me sitting on the edge of my seat, and I had a hard time putting the book down. This book contains many nuggets of wisdom and exposes many of the effects of being raised in an unrealistic, perfectionistic lifestyle. If you are looking for social/historical data or just wish to read a really good story, this book is a win.” —Clairvina on Amazon.com
“Recommended. I loved this book! The story was the raw truth about the dysfunction of life for everyone in the grips of a polygamous lifestyle. Kristyn did a great job of telling it like it really is: painful; destructive, and mind twisting.” —KB on Amazon.com
Fifty Years in
POLYGAMY
Uncensored Edition
Kristyn Decker
Synergy Books Publishing
USA
Synergy Books Publishing
P .O. Box 911232
St. George, Utah 84791
www.synergy-books.com
Author photos by Tolga Katas
Cover design by Christine Katas
Copyright © 2013 Kristyn Decker
Cover design copyright © 2013 Kristyn Decker
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U. S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
ISBN: 978-1-936434-52-7
Printed in the United States of America
Contents
Contents
Acknowledgments
CHAPTER 1
Curtains Wide Open—
The Beginning
CHAPTER 2
Mom’s Devils
1937–1946
CHAPTER 3
Like a Piece of Dirty Garbage
1947–1952
The Drill
1952–1957
CHAPTER 5
Plygville
1957–1959
CHAPTER 6
My Salvation
1960
CHAPTER 7
Bad and Stupid Sophia
1961–1962
CHAPTER 8
Our Catastrophes
1962
CHAPTER 9
Foes and Shame
1963
CHAPTER 10
New Friends, Mother,
and Siblings
1963
CHAPTER 11
Modesty and Vanity
on “The Outside”
1964–1965
CHAPTER 12
Men, Boys, and Confusion
1965
CHAPTER 13
Featherweight and
Cougar Speed
1965–1967
CHAPTER 14
“Independents” and
My First Love
1965–1967
CHAPTER 15
High School Angst
1967–1969
CHAPTER 16
Legally and
Religiously Married
1969–1970
CHAPTER 17
A Meal Fit for a Queen
1971–1973
CHAPTER 18
Birth Control and
Girls’ Camp Anxiety
1973–1974
CHAPTER 19
Evil Ervil
1975
CHAPTER 20
Plural Wives and
Death in Childbirth
1975–1976
CHAPTER 21
Guns and Murder
1976–1977
CHAPTER 22
Courtship and a Sister-Wife
1977–1978
CHAPTER 23
Nothing Sacred in This
1978–1979
CHAPTER 24
Poverty and
Dumpster Diving
1979
CHAPTER 25
Temple Ordinances
and Blessings
1980
CHAPTER 26
Cremation or Burial
1981
CHAPTER 27
Infidelity in Polygamy
1981
CHAPTER 28
Guilt and Punishment
1982
CHAPTER 29
A Friendship from God
1982–1984
CHAPTER 30
Birth, Deaths, and Suicide
1984
CHAPTER 31
Forbidden Friendships
1985–1987
CHAPTER 32
Demoted to Nothingness
1988
CHAPTER 33
Courage to Heal or Die
1989
CHAPTER 34
Reconciliation
1989–1990
CHAPTER 35
Our Honeymoon and
Questions for God
1990
CHAPTER 36
Work, College, and
Mom’s Confessions
1991
CHAPTER 37
Religious Perpetrators
1992–1993
CHAPTER 38
Life and
Runaway Karleen
1994–1997
CHAPTER 39
Court-Appointed Recovery
1997–2001
CHAPTER 40
Test Angst and College
2000
CHAPTER 41
Following My Dreams
2001
CHAPTER 42
Cedar City and
My Mother’s Death
2001
Calling It Quits
2001
CHAPTER 44
Leaving My Sanctuary
2001
CHAPTER 45
Burning Bridges
Winter 2001
CHAPTER 46
For Better or For Worse
2001–2002
CHAPTER 47
Places in Hell
January–June 2002
CHAPTER 48
Enough Is Enough
July–August 2002
CHAPTER 49
What Happened Next
2002–2013
Fifty Years in
POLYGAMY
Uncensored Edition
Acknowledgments
My first and foremost acknowledgment is to my wonderful husband LeRoy, who after six incredible years together never ceases to amaze me with his devotion, love, and encouragement. He supports my every endeavor, whether it is writing or reading; spending time with our children, grandchildren, and friends; advocating for those who are leaving and have left polygamy; as director of the Sound Choices Coalition; or anything else. LeRoy was the backbone that held me securely together while I wrote of the heartaches of my past life in my first book, Fifty Years in Polygamy. While preparing for this book to be published, whenever I’ve doubted my capabilities, felt overwhelmed with life’s lessons, been too emotional while trying to help rescue children and help free those who are busy fighting for the legalization or decriminalization of the bondage of polygamy, my sweetheart man has cheered me onward. Even more amazing to me is that my precious husband cherishes the immense love and adoration I have for him.
Once again, I get to express my immense gratitude for Linda Prince! Without her belief in me, this edition would also be lacking or nonexistent. Since Linda found me at the Apple Fest in 2010 and encouraged and helped me to get my first book published, she’s also spent hours on end doing the first edit of this full-length book as well.
There are no words to adequately thank my dear friend Marion and others who’ve also left polygamy. They’ve contributed first-hand knowledge that gave more substance to the reality of my own life stories and of those who are still inside. They helped with dates, places, input, and advice for this uncensored version of my book.
I’m extremely grateful for the front-cover photography provided by Voices for Dignity (www.voicesfordignity.com) and renowned photographer Tolga Katas.
As always and forever, much love, appreciation, and honor goes to all of my family and loved ones, whether by blood or by heart. My experiences were both lessons and joys in this lifetime that would never have been the same without you.
Lastly, to all of my dear friends, acquaintances, and supporters whose names are not listed here only because it would consume many pages to do so: from the bottom of my heart, a tremendous amount of thanks for your constant inspiration and interest in my first book and now the rest of my life stories.
Thank you so much for reading and for caring.
Foreword
What courage it took for Kristyn Decker to write about her experiences in polygamy. Only those who have been trapped in this lifestyle can relate to the mental anguish she and countless others have endured.
After five, and seven, generations of brainwashing, we both were lulled into a religious coma, becoming paralyzed by the psychological threats of destruction from birth. Therefore we learned to remain sweet and silent. We dared not speak out for fear we would “betray the brethren.” The leaders uttered the edicts threatening hell and damnation if we did not adhere to strict obedience, so we learned to comply with their religious demands.
Kristyn and I were both pawns in the scheme of polygamy. Unless you have stomached this experience, you can never understand the heartaches, disappointment, and oppression of being spiritually blackmailed into sharing your husband with other women.
I praise the book FIFTY YEARS in POLYGAMY: Big Secrets and Little White Lies for revealing the manipulation and hopelessness polygamist wives and children are subjected to. Thank you, Kristyn—for being a voice in the wilderness, for helping women in polygamy realize their freedom has been withheld, and they really can be free to make their own sound choices.
Through the efforts of this amazing woman, and others who dare speak the truth, anyone who has believed polygamy is really a choice can learn the difference, so they can also help thousands of religiously oppressed women and children become educated and gain respect for themselves. In this, we hope they’ll become fearless and free—discovering their own worth so they will no longer be held physically, mentally and spiritually captive.
I join Kristyn as we raise our voices high, aim to be beacons of light, and campaign for the freedom of all women and children who have been and are still being abused.
Irene Spencer, New York Times bestselling author of
Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist’s Wife (www.irenespencerbooks.com)
Preface
Between 1830 and 1844, Joseph Smith Jr. (founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) taught that plural marriage was ordained of God. He also practiced plural marriage, but did so discreetly because he was concerned about repercussions from outsiders and the general public. His death was partly due to the fact that his sexual practices were discovered. Some of the men whose daughters were approached by Joseph Smith were incensed.
He first wrote of the revelation on plural marriage on July 12, 1843, and taught the principle more frequently until his death less than a year later. In 1852, LDS Apostle Orson Pratt was asked by Brigham Young to publicly declare that plural marriages were part of the new and everlasting covenant of God (see Doctrine and Covenants [Salt Lake City, Utah: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints], Section 132.) Joseph Smith’s controversial revelation on polygamy drew contempt and hatred toward the LDS Church from around the world.
After Joseph Smith’s assassination in June 1844, Mormons—including my great-great-grandfather—found solace and strength in the influential leadership of Brigham Young. Between 1847 and Young’s death in 1877, Mormons in Utah were somewhat successful at evading the United States Government’s attempts to abolish polygamy.
On September 24, 1890, under continued pressure from his followers and the government, the president of the LDS Church, Wilford Woodruff, published a statement in the Deseret News (see Doctrine and Covenants, Official Declaration 1). President Woodruff claimed he had received a revelation from God and stated that anyone who entered into plural marriage after that date would be excommunicated from the Church for “disharmony.” This statement was known as the Manifesto.
For quite some time, many LDS Church members were in limbo because of the philosophical conflicts between Joseph Smith’s revelation about the principle of plural marriage, and Wilford Woodruff’s 1890 Manifesto forbidding Church members to practice it. Many members of the Church wouldn’t uphold the Manifesto and continued to practice plural marriage and to teach and advocate its necessity here on earth.
Most Fundamentalists supported John W. Woolley (1918–1928), Lorin C. Woolley (1928–1934), J. Leslie Broadbent (1934–1935), John Y. Barlow (1935–1949), and Joseph W. Musser (1949–1954) as their priesthood leaders. These men commenced to gather a congregat
ion of like believers and began calling themselves the Council of Friends.
Following the division in the Council of Friends (set in motion sometime between 1948 and 1951 and explained later in this book), my family continued to uphold Joseph Musser. After Musser’s death in 1954, my uncle, Rulon C. Allred, became the president of those who were identified as the Allred Group. Years later, the congregation began referring to themselves as The Priesthood, or The Work, and subsequently assumed their current title, the Apostolic United Brethren (AUB).
After Rulon C. Allred was murdered in 1977, my father, Owen Arthur Allred, Rulon’s first counselor, became the priesthood leader of the Allred Group until his death in 2005. LaMoine Jensen is the current president of the AUB.
As the Council of Friends came to a close, and after John Y. Barlow’s death, Charles Zitting (1954), Leroy S. Johnson (1954–1986), and Rulon T. Jeffs (1986–2002) led the Short Creek Group. Years before, and after Rulon Jeffs’ death, his son Warren Jeffs assumed the title of “Godhead” with his current adherents, who called themselves Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints, and now the United Order.
Since the LDS Church’s Manifesto, hundreds of converts have joined self-proclaimed demi-gods and polygamist factions, while hundreds have left the polygamist groups. Obviously, those whose families have practiced polygamy for generations, and who have had it programmed into their brains, are more stalwart in their belief in polygamy.
Currently, the three largest polygamist sects are:
The Apostolic United Brethren or AUB (formerly the Allred Group) in Salt Lake County, Harvest Haven, Eagle Mountain, Mayfield, Cedar City, Rocky Ridge, Mount Pleasant, and the Granite Ranch (beyond Delta), in Utah; Pinesdale, Montana; and Ozumba, Mexico: approximately 7,500 members.
The Short Creek Group, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or FLDS (and now the United Order), in Hildale, Utah; Colorado City, Arizona; Pringle, South Dakota; Wyoming; Nevada; Texas, and Canada; as well as break-off groups in Bountiful, Canada; and Centennial Park (The Work), Arizona: approximately 12,450 members.