She looked more closely at the zombies and snickered. She’d have to tease Spud that if he was going to pose with the mangled dead, he’d better make sure they were all properly decapitated. For her rep as a trainer if nothing else.
She snagged some bread and milk then headed down the pharmaceuticals aisle to the other checkout. When she saw a familiar face—and flaming vest—in the “Medicinal Marijuana” section, she hastened her steps.
“Long time no see,” she said.
Ted spun and spread his arms. “Whoa, hey! Blast from the past. Doing good? Any lawsuits?”
“Actually, not bad. Wanker called threatening another lawsuit, but I just have to pay for repairs to Twiddle’s car. Sharon helped me find someone reputable and cheap.”
“Cool. She’s on Forrest’s campaign committee. Did you know that? Dave got her a safari in the Australian Outback to help her relax, and next day, she’d cashed it in and gave him her resignation. Got the Forrest job right after—and a bunny. He’s promised to make her Secretary of Zombie Affairs if he wins.”
“That’s great!”
“Yeah. Gary’s with Discovery working on his documentary. Then he’s been asked to write Zombie Death Extreme: The Musical. Did you know he’s dating Sharon now?”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. Looks like a lot of folks found romance on ZDE. Go figure.”
They fell silent. Neeta looked at the signboard. Happy people of many walks of life—doctors, business suits, surfers—smiled and held their fingers in the classic reefer hold. “Safe. Easy. Medicinal,” it read. “We love to use Mary Jane. Shouldn’t you?”
Ted said, “I love this section.”
Her face fell. “You do?”
“I’ve got a friend who writes the labels for the shelf. See?”
She looked at the bright yellow labels: Headache Hits, Bammy for Bloating…
“Here’s his latest. Menstruate with Mary Jane.” Ted chortled.
Neeta snorted, too. “Quite a sense of humor.”
“Yeah. I never use this stuff. See the kid at the register? He’s on Ace, the Antidepressant. Been giggling at the cash register for half an hour. Weird. So, I don’t go in for homeopathy. When I have a headache, I want a regular old aspirin, not something that grew on a tree.”
She looked at him, and when she saw he was sincere, started laughing. “Aspirin is made from a chemical that comes from the willow tree.”
“Whoa! Serious? See, that’s what I liked training with you. I learned so much. Oh, speaking of my ‘girl’…”
“Looking for things to set on fire?”
He shuffled nervously. “Well, it’s like this. Dave wants to go to Louisiana for ZDE-New Orleans. I’m really not interested in the Deep South. I’m a Pacific guy, right? So, I’m kind of out of a job, and camerawork is cool and all, but I think at the Massacre, I found my calling.”
“Demolition?”
“Well, yeah. Zombie demolition, so…”
Her head pushed past her teasing. “Wait. Are you asking me for a job?”
“Depends. Do I have a chance?”
“You have to get your license.”
“Testing in October.”
He smiled again, that rakish smile full of mischief and fire, and she found herself smiling back. “Come to my office tomorrow. Let’s talk.”
Suddenly, her phone rang.
“This is the lifeguard at the Ketchum downtown YMCA. Please, help us! There’re three of them in the Donald Eidelberg Memorial surfing pool. We thought they just needed a shower, until one took off his shirt, and these maggots started spilling out. We’re evacuating, but hurry.”
“On the way.” She flipped off the phone. “Did you bring your girl?”
“Trunk of the car. Got my suit, too.”
“You’re hired! Meet me at my van.”
She dropped her basket where she stood, and together they dashed out the door.
As she fired the engine and threw the car into reverse, Ted whooped and turned on the siren, only remembering to put on his seat belt after she took a turn on two wheels.
She’d have a boatload of paperwork to justify bringing an unapprenticed, unpermitted trainee on the re-kill, but damned if she wanted to go alone against a couple of decaying surfer wannabes who were too stupid to know death meant the end of hanging ten.
If she could handle them, she could handle paperwork.
All part of the job.
Zombie Death Extreme Fan Forum:
http://www.zombiedeathextreme.com/forum/index.php
Zombie Death Extreme Official Webpage:
http://www.ZombieDeathExtreme.com
Life Undeath Exterminators
http://lue.zombiedeathextreme.com/
About the Author:
From zombie exterminators to dragon detectives to nuns in space, Karina Fabian’s universes make readers laugh, cry and think. Winner of the 2007 EPPIE Award for best sci-fi and the 2010 INDIE Award for best fantasy, she lets her characters take her where they will and is never disappointed. Karina Fabian is married to Colonel Robert Fabian. They and their four kids call home wherever the Air Force sends them.
Other Titles:
FICTION:
“Mishmash” in The Book of Tentacles
Magic, Mensa and Mayhem
“DragonEye, PI” in Firestorm of Dragons
Infinite Space, Infinite God
Leaps of Faith
Also coming in Fall 2011--Mind Over Mind
NONFICTION:
Prayer in Reveille for the Soul
Why God Matters: How to Recognize Him in Daily Life
Author websites:
www.fabianspace.com: Where you can learn more about Karina’s books and writing adventures
www.dragoneyepi.net: If you enjoyed the humor in Neeta Lyffe, check out Karina’s DragonEye, PI universe. A cynical dragon detective deals with the Mundane world, solving crimes and saving the world when magic and technology don’t mix.
Author blogs:
www.fabianspace.blogspot.com
Also By Author:
The Zombie Cookbook
eBook ISBN: 9781615720378
Print ISBN: 9781615720361
Humorous Horror Zombie
Anthology of 20,857 words
An anthology of zombie stories, poems and recipes sure to satisfy the most discriminating zombie lover’s literary palate. “Wokking Dead” follows Neeta and Ted on a job. “My Big, Fat Zombie Wedding” looks at love with the undead.
http://www.zombiecookbook.net/
The Zombie Cookbook: Eleven stories, poems and recipes for cooking zombies or cooking with zombies.
A Zombie Named Clete by Lisa Haselton
A Zombie’s A.P.B by Cinsearae Santiago
Beer Battered Zombie by Becca Butcher
Brain Food by Carla Girtman
Brain Salad for Dummies by Scott Virtes
Express Cuisine by Dawn Marshallsay
My Big Fat Zombie Wedding by Karina Fabian
Quick & Easy Zombie Pastie by Kate Sender
Secret Ingredient by Lisa Haselton
The Right Recipe by Lin Neiswender
Wokking Dead by Karina Fabian
Intro by the guys of the metal group, The Zombie Cookbook. http://thezombiecookbook.blogspot.com/
Also from Damnation Books:
A Hell of a Job
by Mike McCarty
eBook ISBN: 9781615721177
Print ISBN: 9781615721184
Short Story Collection of 42,492 words
Work is hell!
Michael McCarty, Bram Stoker Finalist and David R. Collins’ Literary Achievement Winner from the Midwest Writing Center tries to bring a smile to the horrors of the workplace. His fifth short story collection features 25 short stories that range from scary to funny … from twisted science-fiction to frightening fantasy. You’ll find dinosaurs in the office, mad scientist’s interns, Scrooge in the future, a
n evil ice cream man, slacker superheroes, space rats, vampires, the Grim Reaper, cannibals, Satan and a whole lot more. Introduction by Amy Grech, afterword by J.R. LaGreca.