In addition to the people who are working tirelessly for change, I owe a debt of gratitude to all the people who made this particular novel possible: Jennifer Laughran (for everything), Janine O’Malley and the rest of the team at FSG (for loving and supporting the book), the Canada Council for the Arts, my readers (of course!), my kids (who remind me every day why I do this and why it’s important to use my voice to speak out when I can), and last, but not least, my wonderful parents (for providing me with the setting of this book and of so many others). It’s the best place in the world. I’d set everything there, if only I could.
Quite often, people ask me why I write young adult books. I tell them that it’s because my teen years were the most vivid of my life. When you’re a teenager, everything feels truly real for the first time. You are figuring out who you are going to be and how that’s going to happen, how you’ll go from kid-you to your true self. It can be a difficult journey, no lie. High school is hard. Sometimes you have disastrous relationships, make horrible mistakes, or suffer such painful humiliations that it’s hard to see past them. Sometimes the road to who you want to be looks impassable, filled with too many obstacles, too many naysayers, too many haters. Sometimes it looks like the best option is to opt out. I am one of many voices who are here to tell you—to promise you—that it gets better. It absolutely, 100 percent gets better. Even when it seems impossible. Even when you don’t believe that it can. It can. And it will. But if you’re struggling with how and why, I just ask that you reach out to someone, anyone who can help you, or at least, try to help you. If you don’t have anyone in your life who fits the bill, please call a help line, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255), or visit a website like itgetsbetter.org.
Sometimes life is really, really hard. But I promise that it’s not impossible forever. There’s joy. Not every day, and maybe not yet, but eventually it finds you. I swear. Stay strong. I believe in you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Karen Rivers is the author of many award-winning books for children and teens, including The Girl in the Well Is Me. She lives in Victoria, BC, with her children. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
1
2
3
4
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
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18
19
20
21
22
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25
27
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29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
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38
39
40
41
42
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44
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48
49
50
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
Farrar Straus Giroux Books for Young Readers
175 Fifth Avenue, New York 10010
Text copyright © 2016 Karen Rivers
All rights reserved
First hardcover edition, 2016
eBook edition, June 2016
fiercereads.com
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015034448
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eISBN 9780374302450