would pain his Padawan to know it. In many ways, Anakin was still a boy. A
wounded, loving, anxious boy with great gifts he did not fully understand.
Yet he was also a young man, close to maturity, who could do great
harm. To others, yes. To himself, most of all
"They were going to conduct a raid on Andara," Anakin said, tired of
Obi-Wan's silence. "But first they were going to kill me - "
"I know," Obi-Wan said. "Everything was on Gillam's datapad. Which you
would have known if you had searched for Ferus."
Anakin flushed. "I didn't know where he was." "You did not look."
"I thought perhaps he was on leria or Andara. I thought the secret
squad knew where he was - "
"You did not even look!" Obi-Wan shouted. "Your fellow Jedi was
missing, and you did not even look!"
"I thought it best to continue under cover," Anakin said. His face
showed his surprise at Obi-Wan's harshness. Obi-Wan never raised his voice.
"I had infiltrated the squad. I thought my best chance of finding both
Gillam and Ferus was to continue."
"You were willing to participate in a raid that would have started a
needed to keep as calm as possible.
"I didn't know about the raid!" Anakin protested. "I mean, I knew they
were going to do something, but it was a dry run, designed to show the
Andarans that they had the capability of invading their airspace. I didn't
know they had plans to destroy their fleet. As soon as I did, I sabotaged
the laser cannons."
"Anakin, you left your fellow Jedi imprisoned and went off on a
mission with a group of beings who you had no reason to trust," Obi-Wan
said. "You were wrong at every point. Can't you see that?"
Anakin said nothing.
"You did not contact me to tell me Ferus was missing - "
"I would have compromised our cover - "
"You had a responsibility!" Obi-Wan's voice cut like a laser whip.
"Just as I had one to Siri. You betrayed me and the Order by your actions.
And your inability to see that troubles me the worst of all."
"I am sorry, Master."
Obi-Wan shook his head. Grief rose in him "Those are words you speak
so easily, Padawan."
Anakin's mouth closed in a line. "I don't know what you want from me."
Honesty. Loyalty. Patience. Obedience. Obi-Wan thought these things
but did not say them. Because, after all, they were only words, too.
"I can only show you the path," Obi-Wan said. "You must choose to walk
on it."
"I just..." Anakin stopped. He took a ragged breath. "I thought you
would be proud of me."
I am proud of you. Obi-Wan wanted to say the words. They were true. He
was proud of so much in Anakin. But now was not the time to tell him that.
Or was it?
Help me, Qui-Gon.
But no matter how hard Obi-Wan listened, he could not hear the quiet
wisdom of his Master. And now it was too late. Siri returned and signaled
to him. It was time to go.
"I will take this matter up with the Council," he said. "Of course,"
Anakin said. "The Council. We can't take a step without it."
Anakin hesitated. The set of his mouth was stubborn. "Come, Padawan."
Obi-Wan's tone rang with authority. Anakin's hesitation cast a chill on his
heart.
Anakin followed him. Obi-Wan did not glance back again.
He felt shaken. Did Anakin understand that he had violated an
essential part of the Jedi code? Did he know he had broken something
between them? He had not fully trusted Obi-Wan. And so Obi-Wan had lost his
trust in him.
Not for good, he tried to reassure himself. And maybe not for long.
Still, his step was heavy as he climbed up the loading ramp of the
transport. His anger faded. Left behind was a feeling he was not used to
experiencing. It was fear.