he had been searching for, the one he had given to his Padawan without much
thought. In the midst of a complicated life of danger and service, he must
sometimes remember to reach for the fruit.
"I wish to tell you something," he said. "Well, two things. The first
is that I agree that you should be the one to go to the meeting. But we
will not take the twins and go, not until you return. I cannot leave New
Apsolon without you. I have a deep conviction that if I do, I will not see
you again."
She started to pass off his remark, but stopped herself. "You feel
this strongly?"
"I do. I felt foreboding back at the Temple. I was in a fever to see
you again. Once we were together here, despite the fact that so much was
unsettled, I did not care because I knew you were safe as long as we were
together."
She nodded slowly. "But Qui-Gon, I am not your Padawan. We cannot be
together always."
"Ah," Qui-Gon said. "This brings me to the second thing I must say."
Yet now that the moment had come, he stopped. Tahl waited. She would
not prompt him. She would give him time. She did not always do that - she
was the one to prod him, ask him the very questions he did not want to ask
himself. Yet she knew him so well that she always knew when to give him
time.
His heart filled, and she seemed to know it. Her face softened.
Still, she did not speak.
"I have come to know something," he said. "I cannot let you go, I
cannot let another minute pass, without telling you this. I did not come to
New Apsolon only because you are my friend. I did not remain because you
are a fellow Jedi. I have come to see that you are not just a friend and a
fellow Jedi, Tahl. You are necessary to my life. You are necessary to me.
You are my heart."
He saw her chest rise and fall. Color rose in her face. "You are not
speaking of friendship," she said.
"I am speaking of something deeper. I am speaking of everything a
being can give another. This is what I offer you. I offer myself."
He could not have spoken plainer. Hard words to say, but they needed
to be said.
Another being would have taken a step, sat, moved, spoken. She was
perfectly still. He waited, counting his heartbeats. He had taken a
decisive step. It would put their friendship to the test.
He was willing to take the risk. At last he had known himself and his
feelings. He was not sure of hers. In that moment of revelation he had
understood all the tension between them over the past months, all the
misunderstandings and irritations. They all had one root. Somewhere inside
he had known his feelings for Tahl had deepened, and yet he was reluctant
to face that. Back in the hall, the certainty of it had felt like sweet
relief.
But now he was not so sure. Tahl appeared flustered, but that could
be for any number of reasons.
"If you do not feel the same, I will step back into place and be your
friend again," Qui-Gon said. He was a man comfortable with silence, but not
this one. He would never want to cause Tahl distress.
"No," Tahl said with sudden warmth. "Do not step back. Let us step
forward together. I feel as you do, Qui-Gon."
He took a step forward at the same time as she did. She placed her
hand in his.
"I did not know it until this moment," she said. "Or maybe I did.
Maybe I've known it for some time."
He felt her fingers, warm and strong in his. "I pledge myself to you,
Tahl."
"I pledge myself to you, Qui-Gon."
They stood, not moving for a moment. But both of them were now
conscious of what waited for them outside the door.
"I must go to the meeting," Tahl said. "Yes," Qui-Gon agreed.
"We are Jedi. Our life together will be full of separations."
"Yet we will have one life, together."
"Yes."
"When you return, we shall escort the twins back to Coruscant," Qui-
Gon said.
"Unless the government asks for our help," Tahl amended.
"Yes, unless we are asked officially to stay," Qui-Gon agreed.
"Whatever decision we make, we will be together," Tahl said.
"Yes," Qui-Gon agreed. "At last this is clear."
CHAPTER 18
Obi-Wan waited outside the door. He couldn't imagine why Qui-Gon had
asked for privacy. What could he have to say to Tahl that his Padawan could
not hear? Obi-Wan tried not to resent this. Whatever decision his Master
made was undoubtedly the right one. Yet he still felt left out, sitting on
the stairs outside the closed door like a child.
At last the door opened. Qui-Gon saw him on the stairs and walked
toward him, Tahl at his side.
"Tahl will go to the peace meeting," he told Obi-Wan. "We will wait
for her here with the twins. When she returns, if the official government
of New Apsolon does not request our help, we will escort the twins off-
planet as they wish. We will monitor the situation from the Temple, and
return if we are asked."
Obi-Wan nodded. He had known this before they had gone into the room.
So why did Qui-Gon seem different? The hunted look on his face was gone.
Something profound had changed inside that room.
"We are not leaving a stable planet, but at least we can bring the
twins to safety," Qui-Gon said. "That was the initial goal of the mission."
"And we will leave with negotiations in place, I hope," Tahl said.
Balog appeared. "It is time."
Tahl nodded. "I am ready."
She did not say good-bye to Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan, but walked out with
Balog. Qui-Gon watched until the door closed behind them.
With the dawn came activity. Roan's body was removed, accompanied by
Manex. Arrangements were made for the Supreme Governor to lie in state
before his funeral. The twins went to their quarters to rest before packing
for the journey to Coruscant.
Qui-Gon arranged for a morning meal. Obi-Wan was grateful. It had
been a long night, and his appetite had returned. He ate everything on his
tray and watched Qui-Gon sip his tea and have a few bites of bread.
"Are you worried about the meeting?" Obi-Wan asked.
Qui-Gon stared into his teacup. "I wasn't. But there is something...
something still troubling me."
They heard a loud voice outside the door and the sound of a scuffle.
"Take your hands off me, you slimy space lizard! Let me see them!
Bring them my name! They will see me!"
Qui-Gon strode to the door and opened it. Irini stood, her arm in the
grip of a security guard.
"Tell them to let me go!" she said furiously. "I have come for talk,
not conflict."
Qui-Gon nodded at the guard. Irini gave him a baleful look as she
brushed past him and walked into the room.
"What right do they have to abuse me?" she complained to the Jedi,
straightening her tunic. "I am not a criminal. I am a citizen. And what do
you need security for? You're Jedi. A neutral party, isn't that right?"
"Maybe we need security because people send probe droids after us and
shoot at us in alleyways," Qui-Gon pointed out.
Irini looked blank. "Are you saying I did this?"
"We found your insignia on the ammunition," Obi-Wan said. He pointed
to her necklace, which was swinging outside her tunic.
"This is the insignia of the Workers," Irini said. "It is not mine
alone. I didn't shoot at you, Jedi. I admit, I wasn't happy to learn you
were on our planet, but violence is not my path. Neither is it the path of
the Workers. I do not think it was any of us who tried to harm you. Perhaps
it was someone who wanted you to think so."
"Perhaps," Obi-Wan said. He did not know what to believe.
Qui-Gon gestured at her to sit down. "What brings you here, Irini?"
"I am concerned about the unrest on New Apsolon," Irini said. "We
wanted change, but not like this. Not with another assassination and the
kidnapping of children. I have some information that might be useful to you
- if you really are here to guard the peace. Since we do not know who in
the government to trust, we took a vote and decided to trust the Jedi." She
frowned at them. "I hope you will prove worthy of our confidence."
"If you do not trust us, you will not be convinced by our assurance,"
Qui-Gon said. "It is up to you to make that choice."
She gave both of them a hard stare. "That choice has already been
made by committee. I am the emissary. I must tell you that the Workers have
been blamed by the Civilized for both the murder of Roan and the kidnapping
of the twins. I am here to tell you that the Workers were not involved in
either."
"You can speak for the Workers as a whole?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Yes," she said. "We are highly organized and speak as one bloc. If
there were violent factions, we would know it."
"And would you admit it?" Obi-Wan asked.
Irini sighed. "It has come to this. We know we are on the brink of
civil war again. No one wants this. So, yes, we would be frank if we
thought there were outlaw Workers who were willing to kidnap young girls
and murder a governor to get what they wanted. But we do not believe this."
"You said you had information," Qui-Gon said.
She leaned forward. "We know that someone in Roan's inner circle was
behind both the kidnapping and his death. Someone important. Someone who
wants more power."
"Who?" Obi-Wan asked.
"This we do not know."
"How can you be so certain that this information is correct?" Qui-Gon
asked.
Irini hesitated. "Because we have a spy in this house. Someone to
watch the twins, to protect them."
"They did not do such a good job," Obi-Wan pointed out.
"No," Irini admitted. "That is because the security procedures were
violated at the highest level. As you know, this place uses top security.
It could only be infiltrated by someone who knew it intimately. Someone who
had the key to the code. Someone who knew exactly how to overpower the
guards, and exactly how long it would take the second force to arrive."
"Who is your spy?" Qui-Gon asked.
"One of the security guards. That is why we know so much about Roan's
security."
"If the Workers know the security, they could have kidnapped the
twins," Obi-Wan pointed out.
"No. We know the procedures, but not the code," Irini explained.
"Only a handful of people have that information."
"Who?"
She shook her head, frustrated. "We don't know that for sure. We just
know they are close to Roan."
Obi-Wan turned to Qui-Con. "That first day, when we saw the twins..."
Qui-Gon suddenly looked pale. "Our security is in the hands of the
top security officer, Balog himself..."
"Could it be Balog?" Obi-Wan asked. "If so, sending him to the
meeting was not wise. He has a hidden agenda. He is not for Roan, but
against him."
"So the chance for peace may be compromised," Qui-Gon said grimly. He
turned to Irini. "You must be aware that Balog may be playing false in
This meeting is too important to risk."
"By the way, shouldn't you be there?" Obi-Wan asked. "It starts at
dawn."
Irini looked puzzled. "What meeting?" she asked.
CHAPTER 19
The look on Irini's face made him act faster than he had ever moved
in his life. Qui-Gon was out in the hall before he was even conscious of
rising from his chair. But even as fast as he moved, he knew Obi-Wan was
behind him.
He had sent Tahl off with Balog. There was no meeting. Balog had
separated her from them for a reason. He did not know the reason, but he
feared the worst.
He had failed her. With all his reliance on his vision, he had not
trusted it far enough. He had let her go.
Balog had told them that the meeting was to be held in a secret
meeting room in the nearby Institute for Government Service building. Qui-
Gon and Obi-Wan raced there through the empty streets. The rising suns
stained the pavement with red. The world was beginning to stir.
"We could be wrong," Obi-Wan said as they ran. "There are others who
could have been behind the kidnapping. Irini thinks that several know the
security code."
"Yes, we could be wrong," Qui-Gon agreed. But he did not think so.
He knew the secret meeting room was off Roan's office. They pounded
down the hall. Roan's assistant was just opening up the office. He looked
shocked as the Jedi burst in.
"What are you doing here?"
"The secret meeting room," Qui-Gon said. "Take us there."
"I... I don't know," the assistant stammered. Qui-Gon took three
steps toward him. He said only one word. "Now."
The assistant nodded nervously. He accessed a hidden door in the
paneling, then led them down a short corridor. Another durasteel door was
at the end of it.
Qui-Gon's footsteps slowed at the sight of what lay outside the door.
A voice cried out inside his chest.
No!
Tahl's lightsaber lay in a small bin. With it were several blasters.
She would never have been separated from her lightsaber if she hadn't
been convinced that without it the meeting would not take place.
"Access the door," Qui-Gon ordered the assistant.
The door slid open. There was an empty table. Empty chairs. There was
no sign of Balog or Tahl.
In an agony of frustration, Qui-Gon raised the hilt of his lightsaber
and brought it down on the table. The table cracked and a long jagged split
appeared.
Obi-Wan looked at him, astonished. He had never seen Qui-Gon lose
control before.
Qui-Gon closed his eyes and weaved with the intensity of emotion
inside him. He saw her dull eyes, felt her weak touch, heard her voice in
his ear.
"It is too late for me, dear friend."
His Padawan spoke at his elbow. "We will find them, Qui-Gon."
He swallowed against his anguish and guilt, pushing them down, down
deep where they would not interfere with his reason, his judgment, his
purpose.
He opened his eyes and met the resolute gaze of his Padawan. He
wanted to tell Obi-Wan that if they
did not find her in time, if his vision
came true, he knew one thing: He would be forever changed. Forever half of
what he was. What he could have been.
"We must," he said.