TAINTED BY LOVE
by
Gillian Jones
Copyright © 2017 Gillian Jones
Kindle Edition
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading and sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Inquiries please email gillianjonesauthor@gmail.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Gillian Jones is in no way affiliated with any brands, songs, musicians or artists mentioned in this book.
First eBook edition: February 2017
Edited by Quoth the Raven Writing Co.
Cover design © Book Covers by Ashbee Designs
www.ashleybaumann.com
“Eyes That See” poem ©: S. Louise
Formatting by Paul Salvette
About the Book
My name is Hendrix Hills.
When I was twenty-nine, I fell in love with a girl.
We loved fast. We loved hard.
But our love was tainted.
My name is Trinity Adams.
When I was twenty-seven, I fell in love with a boy.
We loved fast. We loved hard.
It’s too bad my blood was tainted.
Dedication
For Kym.
This one’s yours.
You rooted for this story since its inception.
I hope it’s how you pictured it, even if it was you who decided to change it!
XOX
And for Paige.
I don’t think you realize how much of an integral role you play in these stories.
For that, I thank you.
XOX
Warning: Not your traditional HEA (Happily Ever After). May contain emotional triggers for some. There will be things that you won’t like—and some that you will—but I hope you have fun finding out!
“I don’t understand
What destiny’s planned
I’m starting to grasp
What is in my own hands…”
—Depeche Mode, “Clean”
“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”
—Mother Teresa
“AIDS is such a scary thing and it’s also the kind of thing that you think won’t happen to you. It can happen to you and it’s deadly serious.”
—Ice T
“If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me.”
—Author unknown
Eyes That See
This. Right here, this poem, Eyes That See, written by an amazing friend of mine—one I’ve never met except online, but adore like a friend who lives nearby. S. Louise tilted the axis of my emotions with her beautiful words, and as soon as she trusted me with this poem, I knew it was meant to preface this book. I felt it reflected the theme of my story, and the ways society can be cruel. These words are beautiful, the message powerful, and I’m completely humbled that she would allow me to share this piece of herself with my readers. I’m so bloody proud of my friend.
Be kind to one another.
Eyes that see,
Make them stop.
For eyes that see,
A mouth full of words is born.
Tick tock.
If only the world were blind, we would live by touch, sensation and love only.
Not by pretty, strong or the ideal body.
If only the world were blind,
Hate and discrimination would eventually cease to exist.
For every pair of eyes that peruse the world,
A mouth full of words dripping with venom comes alive.
Words that have the power to destroy.
I do not want to be destroyed by what I love the most.
Tick Tock.
I would finally be free.
Tick.
Tock.
—by S. Louise x
Playlist
(Available on Spotify)
Real Love – Tom Odell
Start Beginning – Nizlopi
Clarity – Zedd, Foxes
All I See Is You – Meaku
By Your Side – Remastered – Sade
Starving – Hailee Steinfeld, Grey, Zedd
Cold Water – Major Lazer, MØ, Justin Bieber
Let Me Love You – DJ Snake, Justin Bieber
Chains – The Sweeplings
Breathe Me – Sia
Tonight I Wanna Cry – Keith Urban
Stay – Rihanna, Mikky Ekko
Best of You – Foo Fighters
All We Know – The Chainsmokers, Phoebe Ryan
Love On Me – Galantis, Hook N Sling
The Little Things – Kasbo Remix – Big Gigantic, Angela McCluskey, Kasbo
Unsteady – X Ambassadors
Let It Go – James Bay
Say You Won’t Let Go – James Arthur
Scars To Your Beautiful – Alessia Cara
Warrior – Demi Lovato
In The Name Of Love – Martin Garrix, Bebe Rexha
Learning to Fly – Pink Floyd, James Guthrie
Try – P!nk
Dark Necessities – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Blown Wide Open – Big Wreck
Cut – Plumb
Born – Over The Rhine
I Gave You All – Mumford & Sons
Oblivion – Bastille
With Me – dvsn
Bloodstream – Stateless
Let Me In – Grouplove
Run – Revised Album Version – Snow Patrol
The Background – Third Eye Blind
Only Time – Original Version – Enya
Address In The Stars – Caitlin & Will
Here Without You – 3 Doors Down
In Loving Memory – Alter Bridge
Save A Place For Me – Matthew West
Who Knew – P!nk
Heaven – Beyoncé
Who Do You Love – Marianas Trench
Collide – Acoustic Version – Howie Day
When You Say Nothing At All – Ronan Keating
Wasn’t Expecting That – Jamie Lawson
You Said You’d Grow Old With Me – Michael Schulte
When You’re Gone – Avril Lavigne
Clean – 2006 Remastered Version – Depeche Mode
You & I (Nobody in the World) – John Legend
Can You Hold Me – NF, Britt Nicole
The Fighter – Keith Urban, Carrie Underwood
Love Me Now – John Legend
Can’t Slow Down – Hedley
Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd
Nothing Like Us – Bonus Track – Justin Bieber
She Is Love – Parachute
Young And Beautiful – Lana Del Rey
Sad Song (feat. Elena Coats) – We The Kings, Elena Coats
Tainted Love – Soft Cell
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
About the Book
Dedication
Quotes
Tainted by Love Playlist
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Epilogue
Dear Reader
More Information
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Follow Me Here
Books By Gillian Jones
PROLOGUE
Trinity
“Shit, Trinity, you taste good. I can’t wait to finally be inside you,” my boyfriend Blake whispers, looking up from between my legs, his blue eyes dilated with lust. “You’re so fucking tight, wet, so ready.”
He slides a second finger inside me, stretching and filling me, doing that fluttery curve thing with his fingers, the one that hits my G-spot perfectly every time. “The idea of getting to be the first one to slip my cock inside you makes me goddamn crazy and so fucking hard, Trin. I can’t wait to feel you wrapped around my cock.”
He’s right. He will be the first. I’m not sure how it happened, but I came to Queen’s University a virgin. Sure, I’d had boyfriends, but never anyone I felt confident enough to go all the way with, never anyone I trusted or loved like I do Blake. On top of being an almost-twenty-year-old virgin, I’m a first-year commerce student here at Queen’s (having taken a year off to make some money for school) while Blake’s a third-year business major specializing in marketing. We met during Frosh week, and we’ve been inseparable ever since.
“Yes, right there. Don’t, don’t stop, ohhhh…” I moan, as his fingers play me perfectly.
“You’re beautiful like this. Legs spread open, pussy in my face, those steel grey eyes taking me in like you can’t get enough of me…and fuck if you don’t taste like heaven,” he says, his voice husky.
“I can’t get enough, Blake,” I tell him as I gaze down at his face, which is glistening with my excitement and hovering between my legs. His blonde hair is mussed, his blue eyes dark pools of desire. I feel myself melting even more. “It feels good, Blake, keep going,” I moan loudly, my body quivering beneath him, needing him to stop talking now. “Please, don’t stop. Just keep going, no more words, no talking,” I plead, pushing the back of his head toward where I want it most, and I hear him chuckle.
“Love it when you beg,” he grins, his eyes reflecting the same lust I feel. “You being bossy tonight, Trinity? Gonna take what you want?”
I nod yes.
“This tight pussy likes all the attention, doesn’t it? You ready to come, Sunshine? Play with your tits. Let me see the way you make those nipples ready for me,” he says, pausing, waiting for me to comply and beg him some more. He always likes it when I beg. We’ve been doing the oral sex thing now for a few months. With me being a virgin, Blake was determined to take things slow between us, to let me set the pace.
I’m happy I waited for him to come along. I had a few boyfriends in the past, but none as patient as Blake. I was in a couple of relationships where I was pressured to give it up, but, thankfully, I never caved. I would have lived with that regret, especially when I have Blake now, and I’m happy to have this gift to give him. One boy went as far as breaking up with me because I wouldn’t put out by our third date, and he went around spreading rumours about how I was a cocktease. Then I met Blake, and he’s shown me that this is about more than sex for him, it’s about knowing each other, having someone to confide and trust in. But tonight, however, I’m beyond ready to not be the resident virgin anymore; tonight, it’s about sex and it’s my decision.
“Yes. So ready, please. I want to come, Blake. I—I’m close.”
“That’s my girl.” He reaches up, pinching my hard nipples before finally moving his face back to my pussy where it belongs. He slides his tongue over my clit and between my slick lips, then slips his fingers in and out while sucking my clit between his lips, bringing me closer to the brink with each motion. My moans of excitement coupled with our heavy breathing become our only soundtrack. His two fingers slip deep inside, flickering at a frenzied pace. My legs begin to shake and his tongue is everywhere I need it to be while his fingers fuck me in perfect synchronization. Waves of pleasure crash against my body as Blake continues driving me towards nirvana, then suddenly it peaks and becomes so intense that my world explodes, and I see colours and flashing lights and feel like I’m melting all over the bed as an orgasm takes over.
“Thank you. Oh, shit, that was good…” I pant, as Blake moves up beside me. He holds me while my body continues to come down from the most epic orgasm I’ve ever had. Thank the dorm gods that Tara, my not-so-friendly roommate, has gone home for the weekend, although it wouldn’t surprise me if my sexcapades weren’t heard by everyone living on the third floor of Chown Hall.
“Holy shit, baby. That was a big one. And I’ve just started with you tonight,” he says, nuzzling into the crook of my neck and kissing my collarbone, down to my nipples.
“You ready for more, Sunshine?”
“Yes, definitely could go for a few more of those,” I giggle, leaning into Blake’s kisses. I begin running my hands along his chiseled chest before grabbing his cock, stroking it and lightly smearing the pre-cum over the smooth tip.
“Fucking hell, that feels amazing Trin. You ready for Round Two?” he asks, rubbing my clit with the pad of his thumb, the move causing my barely extinguished fire to reignite, and soon I’m at the precipice again. I feel a hunger deep inside for Blake to fill me up. Despite how nervous I am about it hurting, I want him badly.
“More than ready. Blake, please, it’s time. Fuck me. I need to feel you,” I say, lifting my hips in reaction. Pulling on his blond hair, I force him to look up at me.
“Jesus, Trin. You’re going to kill me…do you know how many times I’ve pictured this exact moment? Getting to slip deep inside you, to connect to you like this?” He strokes my long brown hair, giving it a tug before kissing me. “So sweet.”
“Please. I’m close. I hunger to feel you inside me. I want to feel you come inside me, for us to come together. I’m more than ready,” I add, reaching into my bedside table drawer for the box of condoms I’d bought earlier today, hoping he’d see I was ready to take this next step, to know that I was ready for him to finally make love to me. To know that I loved him.
“No. I…I don’t want anything between us, Trinity. No barriers. I only want to feel you.” He reaches for my hand, pressing it hard into his chest. He meets my gaze, his stare intense, and then starts kissing me like we can’t get close enough to one another, our tongues battling. “You make me happy,” Blake whispers, once he pulls away. “So sexy.” He makes his way down my body, kissing
my chest, each nipple, and then coming up and taking my lips again as his hands reach down between us. I squirm from the contact, loving how he makes me feel, needing to feel his hardness inside me all that much more.
“You’re on the Pill. And I’m clean, Sunshine. Please, no condom. Let me do this right. Let me make this the best night for us.”
I contemplate for a moment, but he’s back sucking on my neck and licking my earlobe, his breath warm in my ear as he whispers how amazing I am, how incredible we’ll feel together, driving me crazy with desire before moving to kiss me tenderly once again.
All logic and any protests die on my lips. We’ve been together for eight months now, we’ve talked about me moving into his apartment, and he’s right—I am on the Pill, and it’s my first time therefore I know I’m clean, and he says he’s clean. I trust him, so we’re good.
“Okay. No condom,” I agree, dropping the box of Trojans onto the tabletop. I feel him smile against my lips before he finally eases his way deep inside me, moving slowly. It’s beautiful and feels so good, the little bit of pain is worth the pleasure it chases.
“So…fucking…tight,” he moans a short time later, as he bucks and jerks inside me. Then, a moment later: Everything’s changed now, Trin. Can you feel it?”
Truer words have never been spoken.
1
Trinity
Taking a huge gulp of wine, I sit back on my cozy corduroy couch.
I balance my MacBook on my lap, readying myself to type the three letters into the Google search bar.
I’m sitting alone, stunned, in my downtown Toronto apartment. The silence around me is deafening. The city’s currently experiencing its first snowstorm of the season, a fitting scenario, really, as I sit here facing a storm of my own.
“Breathe, just breathe,” I say, trying to calm myself.
It’s crazy how three tiny letters can have such a major impact.
HIV.
I’m twenty-five.
I’ve only had one sexual relationship where we didn’t use condoms—Blake was my first. We were together on and off for four years. After him, I’d dated a few men and had sex with two of them but, thankfully, always used protection. I thought I’d been responsible and safe.