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    The Battle of the Books and Other Short Pieces

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    recruit to our fleet and armies. This indeed appears to be a

      consideration of some weight; but then, on the other side, several

      things deserve to be considered likewise: as, first, whether it

      may not be thought necessary that in certain tracts of country,

      like what we call parishes, there should be one man at least of

      abilities to read and write. Then it seems a wrong computation

      that the revenues of the Church throughout this island would be

      large enough to maintain two hundred young gentlemen, or even half

      that number, after the present refined way of living, that is, to

      allow each of them such a rent as, in the modern form of speech,

      would make them easy. But still there is in this project a greater

      mischief behind; and we ought to beware of the woman's folly, who

      killed the hen that every morning laid her a golden egg. For, pray

      what would become of the race of men in the next age, if we had

      nothing to trust to beside the scrofulous consumptive production

      furnished by our men of wit and pleasure, when, having squandered

      away their vigour, health, and estates, they are forced, by some

      disagreeable marriage, to piece up their broken fortunes, and

      entail rottenness and politeness on their posterity? Now, here are

      ten thousand persons reduced, by the wise regulations of Henry

      VIII., to the necessity of a low diet, and moderate exercise, who

      are the only great restorers of our breed, without which the nation

      would in an age or two become one great hospital.

      Another advantage proposed by the abolishing of Christianity is the

      clear gain of one day in seven, which is now entirely lost, and

      consequently the kingdom one seventh less considerable in trade,

      business, and pleasure; besides the loss to the public of so many

      stately structures now in the hands of the clergy, which might be

      converted into play-houses, exchanges, market-houses, common

      dormitories, and other public edifices.

      I hope I shall be forgiven a hard word if I call this a perfect

      cavil. I readily own there hath been an old custom, time out of

      mind, for people to assemble in the churches every Sunday, and that

      shops are still frequently shut, in order, as it is conceived, to

      preserve the memory of that ancient practice; but how this can

      prove a hindrance to business or pleasure is hard to imagine. What

      if the men of pleasure are forced, one day in the week, to game at

      home instead of the chocolate-house? Are not the taverns and

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      The Battle of the Books and

      Other Short Pieces

      coffee-houses open? Can there be a more convenient season for

      taking a dose of physic? Is not that the chief day for traders to

      sum up the accounts of the week, and for lawyers to prepare their

      briefs? But I would fain know how it can be pretended that the

      churches are misapplied? Where are more appointments and

      rendezvouses of gallantry? Where more care to appear in the

      foremost box, with greater advantage of dress? Where more meetings

      for business? Where more bargains driven of all sorts? And where

      so many conveniences or incitements to sleep?

      There is one advantage greater than any of the foregoing, proposed

      by the abolishing of Christianity, that it will utterly extinguish

      parties among us, by removing those factious distinctions of high

      and low church, of Whig and Tory, Presbyterian and Church of

      England, which are now so many mutual clogs upon public

      proceedings, and are apt to prefer the gratifying themselves or

      depressing their adversaries before the most important interest of

      the State.

      I confess, if it were certain that so great an advantage would

      redound to the nation by this expedient, I would submit, and be

      silent; but will any man say, that if the words, whoring, drinking,

      cheating, lying, stealing, were, by Act of Parliament, ejected out

      of the English tongue and dictionaries, we should all awake next

      morning chaste and temperate, honest and just, and lovers of truth?

      Is this a fair consequence? Or if the physicians would forbid us

      to pronounce the words pox, gout, rheumatism, and stone, would that

      expedient serve like so many talismen to destroy the diseases

      themselves? Are party and faction rooted in men's hearts no deeper

      than phrases borrowed from religion, or founded upon no firmer

      principles? And is our language so poor that we cannot find other

      terms to express them? Are envy, pride, avarice, and ambition such

      ill nomenclators, that they cannot furnish appellations for their

      owners? Will not heydukes and mamalukes, mandarins and patshaws,

      or any other words formed at pleasure, serve to distinguish those

      who are in the ministry from others who would be in it if they

      could? What, for instance, is easier than to vary the form of

      speech, and instead of the word church, make it a question in

      politics, whether the monument be in danger? Because religion was

      nearest at hand to furnish a few convenient phrases, is our

      invention so barren we can find no other? Suppose, for argument

      sake, that the Tories favoured Margarita, the Whigs, Mrs. Tofts,

      and the Trimmers, Valentini, would not Margaritians, Toftians, and

      Valentinians be very tolerable marks of distinction? The Prasini

      and Veniti, two most virulent factions in Italy, began, if I

      remember right, by a distinction of colours in ribbons, which we

      might do with as good a grace about the dignity of the blue and the

      green, and serve as properly to divide the Court, the Parliament,

      and the kingdom between them, as any terms of art whatsoever,

      borrowed from religion. And therefore I think there is little

      force in this objection against Christianity, or prospect of so

      great an advantage as is proposed in the abolishing of it.

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      The Battle of the Books and

      Other Short Pieces

      It is again objected, as a very absurd, ridiculous custom, that a

      set of men should be suffered, much less employed and hired, to

      bawl one day in seven against the lawfulness of those methods most

      in use towards the pursuit of greatness, riches, and pleasure,

      which are the constant practice of all men alive on the other six.

      But this objection is, I think, a little unworthy so refined an age

      as ours. Let us argue this matter calmly. I appeal to the breast

      of any polite Free-thinker, whether, in the pursuit of gratifying a

      pre-dominant passion, he hath not always felt a wonderful

      incitement, by reflecting it was a thing forbidden; and therefore

      we see, in order to cultivate this test, the wisdom of the nation

      hath taken special care that the ladies should be furnished with

      prohibited silks, and the men with prohibited wine. And indeed it

      were to be wished that some other prohibitions were promoted, in

      order to improve the pleasures of the town, which, for want of such

      expedients, begin already, as I am told, to flag
    and grow languid,

      giving way daily to cruel inroads from the spleen.

      'Tis likewise proposed, as a great advantage to the public, that if

      we once discard the system of the Gospel, all religion will of

      course be banished for ever, and consequently along with it those

      grievous prejudices of education which, under the names of

      conscience, honour, justice, and the like, are so apt to disturb

      the peace of human minds, and the notions whereof are so hard to be

      eradicated by right reason or free-thinking, sometimes during the

      whole course of our lives.

      Here first I observe how difficult it is to get rid of a phrase

      which the world has once grown fond of, though the occasion that

      first produced it be entirely taken away. For some years past, if

      a man had but an ill-favoured nose, the deep thinkers of the age

      would, some way or other contrive to impute the cause to the

      prejudice of his education. From this fountain were said to be

      derived all our foolish notions of justice, piety, love of our

      country; all our opinions of God or a future state, heaven, hell,

      and the like; and there might formerly perhaps have been some

      pretence for this charge. But so effectual care hath been since

      taken to remove those prejudices, by an entire change in the

      methods of education, that (with honour I mention it to our polite

      innovators) the young gentlemen, who are now on the scene, seem to

      have not the least tincture left of those infusions, or string of

      those weeds, and by consequence the reason for abolishing nominal

      Christianity upon that pretext is wholly ceased.

      For the rest, it may perhaps admit a controversy, whether the

      banishing all notions of religion whatsoever would be inconvenient

      for the vulgar. Not that I am in the least of opinion with those

      who hold religion to have been the invention of politicians, to

      keep the lower part of the world in awe by the fear of invisible

      powers; unless mankind were then very different from what it is

      now; for I look upon the mass or body of our people here in England

      to be as Freethinkers, that is to say, as staunch unbelievers, as

      any of the highest rank. But I conceive some scattered notions

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      The Battle of the Books and

      Other Short Pieces

      about a superior power to be of singular use for the common people,

      as furnishing excellent materials to keep children quiet when they

      grow peevish, and providing topics of amusement in a tedious winter

      night.

      Lastly, it is proposed, as a singular advantage, that the

      abolishing of Christianity will very much contribute to the uniting

      of Protestants, by enlarging the terms of communion, so as to take

      in all sorts of Dissenters, who are now shut out of the pale upon

      account of a few ceremonies, which all sides confess to be things

      indifferent. That this alone will effectually answer the great

      ends of a scheme for comprehension, by opening a large noble gate,

      at which all bodies may enter; whereas the chaffering with

      Dissenters, and dodging about this or t'other ceremony, is but like

      opening a few wickets, and leaving them at jar, by which no more

      than one can get in at a time, and that not without stooping, and

      sideling, and squeezing his body.

      To all this I answer, that there is one darling inclination of

      mankind which usually affects to be a retainer to religion, though

      she be neither its parent, its godmother, nor its friend. I mean

      the spirit of opposition, that lived long before Christianity, and

      can easily subsist without it. Let us, for instance, examine

      wherein the opposition of sectaries among us consists. We shall

      find Christianity to have no share in it at all. Does the Gospel

      anywhere prescribe a starched, squeezed countenance, a stiff formal

      gait, a singularity of manners and habit, or any affected forms and

      modes of speech different from the reasonable part of mankind?

      Yet, if Christianity did not lend its name to stand in the gap, and

      to employ or divert these humours, they must of necessity be spent

      in contraventions to the laws of the land, and disturbance of the

      public peace. There is a portion of enthusiasm assigned to every

      nation, which, if it hath not proper objects to work on, will burst

      out, and set all into a flame. If the quiet of a State can be

      bought by only flinging men a few ceremonies to devour, it is a

      purchase no wise man would refuse. Let the mastiffs amuse

      themselves about a sheep's skin stuffed with hay, provided it will

      keep them from worrying the flock. The institution of convents

      abroad seems in one point a strain of great wisdom, there being few

      irregularities in human passions which may not have recourse to

      vent themselves in some of those orders, which are so many retreats

      for the speculative, the melancholy, the proud, the silent, the

      politic, and the morose, to spend themselves, and evaporate the

      noxious particles; for each of whom we in this island are forced to

      provide a several sect of religion to keep them quiet; and whenever

      Christianity shall be abolished, the Legislature must find some

      other expedient to employ and entertain them. For what imports it

      how large a gate you open, if there will be always left a number

      who place a pride and a merit in not coming in?

      Having thus considered the most important objections against

      Christianity, and the chief advantages proposed by the abolishing

      thereof, I shall now, with equal deference and submission to wiser

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      The Battle of the Books and

      Other Short Pieces

      judgments, as before, proceed to mention a few inconveniences that

      may happen if the Gospel should be repealed, which, perhaps, the

      projectors may not have sufficiently considered.

      And first, I am very sensible how much the gentlemen of wit and

      pleasure are apt to murmur, and be choked at the sight of so many

      daggle-tailed parsons that happen to fall in their way, and offend

      their eyes; but at the same time, these wise reformers do not

      consider what an advantage and felicity it is for great wits to be

      always provided with objects of scorn and contempt, in order to

      exercise and improve their talents, and divert their spleen from

      falling on each other, or on themselves, especially when all this

      may be done without the least imaginable danger to their persons.

      And to urge another argument of a parallel nature: if Christianity

      were once abolished, how could the Freethinkers, the strong

      reasoners, and the men of profound learning be able to find another

      subject so calculated in all points whereon to display their

      abilities? What wonderful productions of wit should we be deprived

      of from those whose genius, by continual practice, hath been wholly

      turned upon raillery and invectives against religion, and would

      therefore never be able to shine or distinguish themse
    lves upon any

      other subject? We are daily complaining of the great decline of

      wit among as, and would we take away the greatest, perhaps the only

      topic we have left? Who would ever have suspected Asgil for a wit,

      or Toland for a philosopher, if the inexhaustible stock of

      Christianity had not been at hand to provide them with materials?

      What other subject through all art or nature could have produced

      Tindal for a profound author, or furnished him with readers? It is

      the wise choice of the subject that alone adorns and distinguishes

      the writer. For had a hundred such pens as these been employed on

      the side of religion, they would have immediately sunk into silence

      and oblivion.

      Nor do I think it wholly groundless, or my fears altogether

      imaginary, that the abolishing of Christianity may perhaps bring

      the Church in danger, or at least put the Senate to the trouble of

      another securing vote. I desire I may not be mistaken; I am far

      from presuming to affirm or think that the Church is in danger at

      present, or as things now stand; but we know not how soon it may be

      so when the Christian religion is repealed. As plausible as this

      project seems, there may be a dangerous design lurk under it.

      Nothing can be more notorious than that the Atheists, Deists,

      Socinians, Anti-Trinitarians, and other subdivisions of

      Freethinkers, are persons of little zeal for the present

      ecclesiastical establishment: their declared opinion is for

      repealing the sacramental test; they are very indifferent with

      regard to ceremonies; nor do they hold the JUS DIVINUM of

      episcopacy: therefore they may be intended as one politic step

      towards altering the constitution of the Church established, and

      setting up Presbytery in the stead, which I leave to be further

      considered by those at the helm.

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      The Battle of the Books and

      Other Short Pieces

      In the last place, I think nothing can be more plain, than that by

      this expedient we shall run into the evil we chiefly pretend to

      avoid; and that the abolishment of the Christian religion will be

      the readiest course we can take to introduce Popery. And I am the

      more inclined to this opinion because we know it has been the

      constant practice of the Jesuits to send over emissaries, with

      instructions to personate themselves members of the several

      prevailing sects amongst us. So it is recorded that they have at

      sundry times appeared in the guise of Presbyterians, Anabaptists,

      Independents, and Quakers, according as any of these were most in

      credit; so, since the fashion hath been taken up of exploding

      religion, the Popish missionaries have not been wanting to mix with

      the Freethinkers; among whom Toland, the great oracle of the Anti-

      Christians, is an Irish priest, the son of an Irish priest; and the

      most learned and ingenious author of a book called the "Rights of

      the Christian Church," was in a proper juncture reconciled to the

      Romish faith, whose true son, as appears by a hundred passages in

      his treatise, he still continues. Perhaps I could add some others

      to the number; but the fact is beyond dispute, and the reasoning

      they proceed by is right: for supposing Christianity to be

      extinguished the people will never he at ease till they find out

      some other method of worship, which will as infallibly produce

      superstition as this will end in Popery.

      And therefore, if, notwithstanding all I have said, it still be

      thought necessary to have a Bill brought in for repealing

      Christianity, I would humbly offer an amendment, that instead of

      the word Christianity may be put religion in general, which I

      conceive will much better answer all the good ends proposed by the

      projectors of it. For as long as we leave in being a God and His

      Providence, with all the necessary consequences which curious and

      inquisitive men will be apt to draw from such promises, we do not

      strike at the root of the evil, though we should ever so

     


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