It also happened to be the smart thing to do. I mean, I had gone into combat against Buster and Muggs on several occasions and I knew from firsthand experience that they were double-tough.
A guy might fight them to protect his ranch or his honor or his life, but what was at stake here was nothing but a sneaky little raccoon—not a very powerful reason for going into combat and running the risk of getting thrashed.
Yes, I felt pretty bad about the whole thing, as I, uh, made a graceful exit and headed for the south side of the house. Behind me, I heard Muggs laughing.
“Har, har, har. There he is, boss. Didn’t I told you we’d find him here, huh? Didn’t I.”
And Buster said, “Right, Muggsie. For once you used your head. I’m proud.”
“Thanks, boss. And the cowdog’s leaving. We don’t even have to beat him up, har har.”
“Yeah. I hate that. I was kind of looking forward to having a little scuffle with the Head of Ranch Security.”
“Yeah, but you won’t, boss, not this time, ’cause he’s scared. And he ought to be scared ’cause we’re so tough, we even scare ourselfs sometimes, don’t we, boss?”
“Right, Muggsie. I can’t even sleep at night, I’m so scared of myself.”
“Yeah, me too. And we’re so tough, we can tear down great big trees, and maybe eat ’em too, is how tough we are. And now we’re going to get us a coon, ain’t we, boss?”
“That’s right, Muggs.” Eddy had backed himself into a corner and was prepared to make his last stand. “Okay, boys, spread out in a line so’s he can’t get away. When I give the word, we’ll jump him. You got it?”
The four of them approached the porch and spread out in a line. How did I know that? Well, you might say that I had lingered at the corner of the house. Yes, my original plan had called for me to duck around the corner and find other things to do and think about while they did their dirty work on Eddy.
But something kept me from it. That little coon meant nothing to me, and yet . . .
Buster’s voice cut through the morning air. “Ready on the left? Ready on the right?”
Okay, that was enough. I just couldn’t go through with it. I hopped up on the porch, walked past the line of thugs, and stood beside Eddy—who was shivering so hard that I could feel it through the floorboards.
I looked down at the mutts and gave them a smile. “Hi. How y’all doing this morning?”
Muggs turned to Buster. “Hey boss, the jerk came back.”
“I know, Muggs. I’ve got eyes.”
“And the jerk said how are we doing this morning too.”
“I’ve got ears, Muggs.”
“What are you going to tell him, boss?”
“Shat up.” Buster’s eyes drifted up to me. “You know what, pal? A riot’s fixing to start and you just walked into the middle of it.”
I tried to hide the quiver in my voice. “A riot, huh? Are you sure that you’ve got enough troops to handle this little guy? Maybe you’d better go back to town and get some more recruits.”
That got a big laugh. Then Buster said, “I don’t think we need any recruits, pal. Get off the porch or you’re liable to get hurt.”
“Can’t do it, Buster. If you want this coon, I guess you’ll have to take me first. Sorry.”
“Don’t be stupid, cowdog. He’s just a coon.”
“I know, but there’s something about four dogs jumping on one little coon that I don’t like. Maybe I’m old-fashioned.”
“Maybe you are but you won’t be for long. Ready boys?”
I swallowed hard and looked down at my companion. “Are you ready, Eddy?” He managed a weak nod of his head. “Well, good luck, pal. I hope to see you on the other end of this deal.” I turned back to Buster. “Any time you’re ready.”
“Okay, boys. Get ’em!”
That was the good part. After landing that one punch, I got buried under biting dogs. I didn’t know how Eddy was doing but my end of the deal went from bad to awful in a very short time. Yikes, those guys were a lot more serious about this than I had supposed.
I would like to say that I triumphed and gave the thugs the whipping they deserved, but that would be a huge whopper and you wouldn’t believe it anyways. No, what saved me was Slim.
On hearing the riot in progress on his front porch, he flew out the door, grabbed the first thing he came to, which happened to be a piece of two-by-four, and started whacking mutts.
“Hyah, hyah! Get out of here! Go on!”
One whack apiece was enough for Muggs and the other two, but Buster stuck around. In fact, he turned on Slim, bared his fangs, and prepared to attack.
I thought Slim’s response was pretty slick. I mean, there he was, barefooted and wearing nothing but his undershorts, in front of a big biting dog. He froze and stared right into Buster’s eyes.
He growled. Yes, Slim growled! And he made claws with his hands and raised them slowly over his head. Then, in a deep voice, he said, “I am the Creature from the Black Latrine and I’m going to boil your heart for supper!”
How did he think of that? I never would have thought of it, but you know, it worked. Buster was so shocked, so astounded by this that he gave a little squeak and vanished.
Slim chuckled as he watched Buster go crashing into the brush along the creek. “Huh. Showed him, didn’t I, Hankie?”
Sure did. I was impressed.
I jacked myself up off the porch and . . . ooo, mercy! Bites, many bites and big hurt, but no broken bones or bleeding wounds.
“Where’s your little buddy?”
I glanced around, expecting to see Eddy picking himself up off the floor, just as I had done. He was nowhere to be seen. Now, how had that little . . . had he performed another vanishing trick and left me there to . . . yes, it appeared that he had.
Some things never change. Coons will be coons and dogs will be dogs. None of us can change what we are but that’s okay. Things had turned out just fine and we had us another happy ending to the . . .
Oh, one last detail. Did I mention that Slim finally located Eddy up in a cottonwood tree and had to climb up into the tree to get him down? And while he was up in the tree, three carloads of church ladies pulled up in front of the house.
I, being a helpful kind of dog, barked and led them straight to the base of the tree. Perhaps that was the wrong thing to do, because Slim’s face sure turned red and he sure had some choice words for me when the ladies left.
Oh well. A guy can only do his best.
Case closed.
Further Reading
Have you read all of Hank’s adventures?
1 The Original Adventures of Hank the Cowdog
2 The Further Adventures of Hank the Cowdog
3 It’s a Dog’s Life
4 Murder in the Middle Pasture
5 Faded Love
6 Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
7 The Curse of the Incredible Priceless Corncob
8 The Case of the One-Eyed Killer Stud Horse
9 The Case of the Halloween Ghost
11 Lost in the Dark Unchanted Forest
12 The Case of the Fiddle-Playing Fox
13 The Wounded Buzzard on Christmas Eve
14 Hank the Cowdog and Monkey Business
15 The Case of the Missing Cat
16 Lost in the Blinded Blizzard
17 The Case of the Car-Barkaholic Dog
18 The Case of the Hooking Bull
19 The Case of the Midnight Rustler
20 The Phantom in the Mirror
21 The Case of the Vampire C
at
22 The Case of the Double Bumblebee Sting
23 Moonlight Madness
24 The Case of the Black-Hooded Hangmans
25 The Case of the Swirling Killer Tornado
26 The Case of the Kidnapped Collie
27 The Case of the Night-Stalking Bone Monster
28 The Mopwater Files
29 The Case of the Vampire Vacuum Sweeper
30 The Case of the Haystack Kitties
31 The Case of the Vanishing Fishhook
32 The Garbage Monster from Outer Space
33 The Case of the Measled Cowboy
34 Slim’s Good-bye
35 The Case of the Saddle House Robbery
36 The Case of the Raging Rottweiler
37 The Case of the Deadly Ha-Ha Game
38 The Fling
39 The Secret Laundry Monster Files
40 The Case of the Missing Bird Dog
41 The Case of the Shipwrecked Tree
42 The Case of the Burrowing Robot
43 The Case of the Twisted Kitty
44 The Dungeon of Doom
45 The Case of the Falling Sky
46 The Case of the Tricky Trap
47 The Case of the Tender Cheeping Chickies
48 The Case of the Monkey Burglar
49 The Case of the Booby-Trapped Pickup
50 The Case of the Most Ancient Bone
51 The Case of the Blazing Sky
52 The Quest for the Great White Quail
53 Drover’s Secret Life
54 The Case of the Dinosaur Birds
55 The Case of the Secret Weapon
56 The Case of the Coyote Invasion
57 The Disappearance of Drover
58 The Case of the Mysterious Voice
59 The Case of the Perfect Dog
60 The Big Question
61 The Case of the Prowling Bear
About the Author and Illustrator
John R. Erickson, a former cowboy, has written numerous books for both children and adults and is best known for his acclaimed Hank the Cowdog series. He lives and works on his ranch in Perryton, Texas, with his family.
Gerald L. Holmes has illustrated numerous cartoons and textbooks in addition to the Hank the Cowdog series. He lives in Perryton, Texas.