PART ONE
Death, you are the gate from hell
From Heaven and fate as well
To some you are the taker of love
But you come from the maker above
You are the blissful taker of woe
But of woe you are a raker too slow
If only the people would know
If only to them I could show
That you are a gate of joy
But fate has made you coy
So come to me when it be
The time for thee
To set me free
And I shall know
That it is so
Oh how slow
But to go
From breath
To death
I stood
Above
Upon the ledge
From under my foot
A rock broke loose
And fell
Falling
Over the ledge
And
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
Down
The jagged cliff
I could hear it
Clicking
Clattering
Far below
Then
No more,
The noise had ceased
From the falling down rock
The gone - gone rock
I stood upon the ledge
And
I felt
The warmth of the sun
Upon my face
Yet
Still
The sun could not penetrate
The darkness
I stood
And I looked
Straining
Yet
Nothing appeared but shadows—vague
Everything was gone
"Yes"
I thought
"Everything is gone—
Fallen into a maze
Of nothingness
Space
Forever existent
Black - gone is the color
Of life
The void
With walls around
Asquare -
Leading nowhere—
Gone is the goal
Emptiness of life
Forever,
Trailing
The dark paths—
Around the corners of no importance
And gone is the substance
Trailing,
Trailing in circles—
Trailing forever
The paths of no hope—
And the way out
Is gone
Everything is gone
Everything is gone
But the lady
Listen
Black soul!
Gone is everything
But the lady
Gone is the rain
To fall upon her shining smile
Gone the sun
The shadow of her love
Oh gone is the wind
Blowing—
Blowing her silk—
Her hair
Gone are the paths
To move her gentle feet
Gone the homes
To keep her beauty
Gone the deserts and the mountains
The gardens
To dance her soul
Gone is Nature
Gone is man
Oh life,
Bring her back
Let her be
Let her live
Let her love
But oh the darkness of life—
Reality
The winding blue tear
Trailing to my sorrow
Trailing the falling, falling heart
Falling to whence it came
Never again to rise
Trailing to the soul
To the soul
To the fallen, fallen soul
Oh God
Gone is the world
Gone is everything
Oh soul
Oh soul
Gone is God
To know
Gone is my love"
Still
Upon the ledge
Shadows
All around
And blackness of mind
The absence of color
And
The picture of nothingness
I stood upon the ledge—
Within,
And shadows without,
Surrounding
I stood
And I cried
To my world
"Where now is my life
My love
My family?
"Oh grief
Oh sorrow
I am a man
Not
A character in a book
I am relative
And not yet
The infinite
I have emotions
Like you and you
And you
And I too
Can cry a tear
"I long
I sorrow for my love
Since gone
I sorrow for everything
Gone
"I cry
And naught but nothingness
Answers—
Following
My winding blue tear
"Oh God
Gone - gone
My lady
"The painful gone
Of the one
I love
"Where are the mountains
To catch my tears?"
I asked
I stood
Silently
In deep
Black thought
"Oh death—
Let your doom
Swoop down on me
Fold out the light
From these
Mine eyes
Let your wings cover
Let your beak dash
(Instrument at hand)
Relief
My soul free
From this body
Bound to dust
"I am the man of sorrow
I am the searcher
Searching
Now—
For the lady"
I searched the shadows
And I searched the blackness
And still
I found nothing
The blackness continued
On and on
Forever
I stood searching
Pondering
Thoughts of sorrow
I pondered my love
Lost
And my sun
(For ages of eons) never found
I pondered pounding the rocks below
I pondered the fasting finish
The mighty mountain
And happiness love, too
I thought of things
And others
For a long time
Standing—
And
Into the depths of sorrow
Sinking
Through voids
Of blackness
"I shall
And to the mighty mountain
Travel
Again
To climb"
I thought
"Perhaps there
At the end of this journey
(Wherever it may end)
I shall find
My lady"
I dwelled,
A moment
(No longer)
A cool breeze
Blew the darkness
The emptiness
Chilling
"But
As I go"
I thought suddenly
"This time
; The fasting finish—
Both physical
And mental—
Neither food of earth—
To strengthen my brain,
Nor food of thought—
To weaken my mind"
I paused
In sorrow
Watching the darkness
"Yes,
The fasting finish
To find my sun
Perhaps—
Perhaps yes or no
But this time
Truly to be
A finish"
I turned
Moving away
Still
I could see
Only shadows
But
Tripping
Stumbling
I reached the path
"What means
This—
And
By what means
Is—
This shadow world?
"What strangeness
Envelopes my mind?"
Still
The dampness
Wet my cheeks
Where the relief?
I found a crooked branch
And began tapping my way
Away
Along the mountain path
"Even
In this land of shadows
If need be
I shall
To the mighty mountain
And climb
Again"
Over my mind
Dark thoughts
Hung
And I stumbled on
Upon the twisting path
Sorrow crowded my brain
And the black of nothingness
My mind
But stumbling on
Through the storm
Of dark shadows
Everywhere
Everything
The negative enveloper
Upon this path
I crept
A slow, stumbling man
A slow, stumbling pace
In the shadows
The time passed
And the days
And nights
Always dark
Undistinguished
Unable to measure
The amount of time
Passing
How many days had gone
Groping through eternity
Searching the sun
I could not know—
Stumbling
Groping
Sometimes falling
Over fallen logs
After awhile
The effects of fasting
Began to suffer
My being
Thousands of pricklings
Pricked
The wall of my veins,
My arteries—
Paining
A craving
Gnawed
For replenishment
To nourish my body
My limbs grew weaker
And stopping shorter distances
Easing
To rest longer rests
Still
Continuing
I fasted on
Moving slowly upon the path
All around
Always
I could hear
The life of the forest
Chattering
The squirrels would scamper
And
Bees would buzz close by
Once the bellowing of a moose
The birds became a sign
Of night and day
The chirping
And
The hooting
Life stirred,
Bringing a little
(But not a lot)
Of comfort
Upon the path
Stumbling
Blindly on
Continually—
I thought
Of the lady
I knew
She would want
Of me, living
To be happy
And love life
But mourning
Embalmed my brain
And
I struggled
Stretching slight
To reach and hold
The light of happiness
In sorrow
I continued on
Through the shadows—dark
Continuing my mourning
Increasing the time of fasting
To break down
And break away the body
"Oh prison
Dungeon,
Oh cells of my cell
—To vanquish
And let free my soul"
Still
I continued
And
Still
I thought of the lady
And happy love
"Here then"
I thought
Sullenly
"I am a hypocrite
In my mourning
Reaching
To hold the thing
I no longer believe—
The happiness love
Of the lady
Teaching
The great power
Of life
"And yet
I remember her saying
That hypocrisy is the first step
In any direction
Away
"Perhaps
She was right;
Whether good or bad
Positive or negative
Think a thought
Unbelieving
And after a time
Of constant thought
It will become a belief
And a part of your being
"Yes
Perhaps she was right
And maybe to continue
thinking of happiness in love
Then perhaps. . ."
These ideas
And others,
Contradictory
To my mood,
Stirred and agitated
My mind
As I thought of the lady—
Telling to mourn not
The death of one
Close
In sorrow
I continued
But I continued a thought
Of love
And I distanced on,
Still
Continuing
The path stumbled,
Groping under me
I climbed
With the path
Up and down
And rounding
Around
Turning bends
But always climbing
Passing
Still
I
Passed the forest life
Passing time
Still
On and on
And on
Then came the time
When there rose
A giant shadow
Piercing
The black sky
And robbing from sight
The meager light
In the world
Of vagueness—
There stood before me
The mighty mountain
"Soon now
And climbing
Will be a steep path"
I thought
I watched the mountain—
A dark shadow
Looming in the near distance
"Here I am—
The base of the mountain
"Here I am—
The base of the low emotions,
The bottom step,
Struggling to climb up
To break free
From
The sorrow
Of the heart,
The anger
Of the brain,
The hatred
Of the mind
"Enwrapped—
The light
Penetrates but slight
When the essence is
violated,
And mine becomes
The world of shadows
"Now
I must climb
The mountain of life
And climb out
Of this shadow world,
Out of this mental depression,
Out of this world of depravity
"I must climb
Up
Upon the steps of life
(I must not step
Further down)
"I must use
The light of wisdom
To illuminate
To show the way
Upon the steps
"It is time
To rise up—
Leave behind
This shadow world—
Rise up
To the world of light,
To the world of colors
(Beautiful shades of light)
A step closer
To infinite knowledge"
I paused
Only
A moment longer
As I searched the shadow
Of the mighty mountain
Then
I moved on—
The steep climb
Searching
For the light