Now you’re ready to move to the next step in the change process, learning and practicing techniques that can actually end procrastination. Whether you are able to use these techniques immediately or you struggle to implement them, you are engaging in a process of understanding more about your procrastination and getting to a place where procrastination doesn’t run your life. Remember, repetition is important, and every step matters in changing your brain. So hang in there. Don’t give up!
11
Taking Stock
A Procrastination Inventory
An essential step toward managing procrastination is taking stock of your own personal way of postponing. Although most procrastinators are used to living with delay, they usually don’t think much about it except to wish it would go away! It helps to look at your procrastination as if you were an objective observer: you’re not judging. You’re just taking inventory, trying to become more aware of your own experience with procrastination.
EXAMINE YOUR WAR STORIES
Think back to times when you put something off. The incidents may have happened two hours ago or two years ago; they may have been catastrophic, or perhaps they wouldn’t seem significant to someone else. Sometimes a situation that appears innocuous on the surface can have great emotional impact. Here are a couple of our stories.
Two years after the original deadline, the first edition of Procrastination was finally completed and ready to deliver to the publisher. Our editor came to Berkeley from Boston, and we went out to lunch to celebrate. After lunch, she took a cab to the airport, and we walked to Jane’s car—but it wasn’t there. First, Jane had the horrible thought that her car had been stolen. Then, with sickening awareness, she realized that it had most likely been towed. Jane sank down on the curb in a daze. Not only had her car been towed, but she realized there were two possible reasons: she had a pile of unpaid parking tickets, and her annual car registration was overdue. The irony was overwhelming: this occurred on the day we had toasted our book on procrastination! So much for celebration. All the excitement, pleasure, and relief were wiped out and immediately replaced by feelings of self-hate and humiliation.
As a graduate student, Lenora, on impulse, bought a tape deck for her tiny San Francisco apartment. Just after bringing it home, her friend Rickie called to say that she could get a great deal on a tape deck, one of better quality for less money. Who could resist an offer like that? So Rickie brought the better tape deck over, helped Lenora set it up, and all was well—except the tape deck Lenora bought remained in an unopened box on the floor just inside the door. Lenora planned to return it, of course, but the seven-day return period came and went; then the fourteen-day exchange period passed. She never had enough time; before she could return the tape deck, she needed to go to the library (remember, no computers, no Internet!) to research (thoroughly) Consumer Reports to figure out what to exchange it for. Then she needed all day to take the box back to the store. Who has that kind of time?
Soon it had been a month, then two, then three. Every time Lenora entered or left her apartment, there was the unopened box, waiting by the door. As the weeks and months passed, going in and out of the apartment became more and more of an ordeal. Lenora heard an increasingly harsh refrain, “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you do this one simple thing?” On the surface, returning the tape deck seemed a small thing. Inside, Lenora was haunted by feelings of guilt, dread, anxiety, and total incompetence every time she walked into and out of her apartment.
Write down two or three of the experiences you remember best. What happened? Who was involved in the incident? What led up to your procrastinating? How did you feel? What was the eventual outcome? Was anyone else hurt or inconvenienced? Now ask yourself if there are any common themes or patterns among them. What might you have been afraid of?
When Lenora was finally able to calm herself down enough to think through her situation objectively, she decided to take the tape deck back to the store when she had a free hour, even though she hadn’t touched a single issue of Consumer Reports. Heart pounding, mind rehearsing dramatic excuses for being six months past the return date, she walked up to the door and was met by the same forceful, intimidating saleswoman who had sold her the tape deck in the first place. “Would you like to return that?” the woman asked. “Yes,” said Lenora. “OK, I’ll write a return slip for you.” It was only at this unexpected, anticlimactic moment that Lenora realized that she had been terrified of facing this woman again, imagining the woman’s contempt: “You’re so capricious! Don’t you ever think before you act?” Though she hadn’t thought about it consciously for years, this was a refrain she’d heard in her childhood that made her feel stupid and ashamed. No wonder she had put off going back to the store! And this realization also helped Lenora understand why, when she later faced the prospect of writing this book, her first reaction was, “How could I possibly write a book? I can’t think!”
EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL CONSEQUENCES
Procrastination has consequences. Sometimes the consequences are obvious to you and everyone else: the car that runs out of gas in the middle of the freeway, the woman who is fired because of chronic lateness, the garage filled with half-completed projects, the boxes still unpacked from the move ten years ago, and Jane’s car being towed. These are examples of external consequences.
There are internal consequences as well. These can include feelings of inadequacy, sadness, guilt, fraudulence, panic, and a sense of never really being free to enjoy the pleasures of living. Lenora suffered great angst every time she saw the unopened box beside her apartment door. A procrastinator may appear to be successful, competent, talented, intelligent, and generous, but the internal consequences of procrastination place a tremendous strain on any life and undermine feelings of confidence and satisfaction.
Consider the following list. Which consequences apply to you? Are there others?
CONSEQUENCES
External
monetary loss
losing a job
lowered grades
incomplete academic or
training program
lost opportunities
conflict with manager, co-workers
decreased job responsibilities
lowered credit rating
tension with family or friends
accidents or physical injury
loss of friendships
marital separation or divorce
governmental penalties
(e.g., tax fines, parking tickets)
avoiding romantic relationships
calls from creditors
excess use of substances
(alcohol, prescription and non-
prescription drugs, illegal drugs)
Internal
self-criticism
embarrassment or shame
anxiety, dread
lack of concentration
guilt
activities
feeling of fraudulence
tension, physical pain
panic
depression
sense of excitement or thrill
physical exhaustion, stress
physical illness
insomnia, other sleep
problems
denial
feeling incompetent
feeling constantly hounded
by your “to do” list
last-minute “brain lock”
feeling isolated, alienated
Now that you have reviewed your procrastinating behavior and its consequences, notice how you feel. Sad? Angry? Relieved? Sobered? If you are caught up in berating yourself for your stupidity, moral weakness, or lack of character, try to step back and quiet your internal critic. Use your defense attorney to find a compassionate voice. Try to consider what you can learn from your experience.
YOUR PROCRASTINATION TODAY
Areas of Procrastination
Some people procrastinate in onl
y one specific area of their lives and in every other area do just fine. A woman who was married, had two children, and a full-time job was very efficient at work and in organizing the household, but she could not keep up with her e-mail. She felt so overwhelmed whenever she saw how many messages were waiting that she avoided opening her inbox. Other people procrastinate in almost every aspect of their lives. An airline pilot in his forties didn’t pay his taxes for years, put off necessary home and car repairs, didn’t make minimum credit card payments, never developed a lasting relationship with a woman, and planned for years to stop smoking.
It is rare to find a procrastinator who puts things off in every area of his life. Even the pilot was always on time for work, and he did make it through flight school. It’s important to remember that no procrastinator is hopeless, including you. However pervasive your procrastination is, it doesn’t affect every aspect of your life.
To help distinguish between those areas in which you procrastinate and those in which you don’t, we’ve compiled a checklist of activities grouped into six categories: household, work, school, personal care, social relationships, and finances. We bet you’ll find that no matter how extensive your procrastination is, when you take a closer look, you’ll see that you procrastinate selectively.
Household
__ day-to-day chores (e.g., dishes, cleaning, recycling, laundry, changing the cat box, garden or yard maintenance)
__ minor home projects or repairs
__ calling a repairman, contractor, landscaper, housecleaner
__ returning defective or unwanted merchandise
__ large home or yard projects
__ car maintenance and repairs
__ opening mail or filing papers
__ shopping for groceries or supplies
__ making decisions
__ throwing out newspapers, magazines, and other stuff
__ unpacking
__ upgrading computer security or software
__ Other ________________________________
Work (Paid or Volunteer)
__ being on time for work or for meetings
__ handling business phone calls, e-mails, and text messages
__ learning new skills
__ implementing new ideas
__ making decisions
__ doing administrative and bookkeeping chores
__ writing reports or spreadsheets, designing a presentation
__ confronting someone about a problem
__ complimenting someone
__ billing clients or submitting receipts for reimbursement
__ asking for a raise or promotion
__ doing research, strategic planning, or work-related reading
__ arranging a meeting with your manager
__ looking for a job, planning a career direction, networking
__ Other_______________________________
School
__ attending classes
__ doing homework assignments, studying for tests, writing papers
__ talking with a teacher or advisor
__ applying to college or for financial aid
__ doing bureaucratic tasks (paying fees, buying textbooks, etc.)
__ completing degree requirements
__ choosing a major
__ studying for entrance exams
__ reading the syllabus to find out when assignments are due
__ getting together with other students
__ calling, writing, or visiting home
__ looking for employment or internship opportunities
__ applying for special programs
__ Other _____________________________________
Personal Care
__ getting physical exercise
__ losing weight
__ stopping smoking or use of alcohol or drugs
__ making (and keeping) medical or dental appointments
__ personal hygiene (brushing your teeth, getting haircuts)
__ filling prescriptions
__ shopping for new clothes
__ cleaning out your closet
__ taking clothes to cleaners or to be altered
__ pursuing hobbies or doing personal reading
__ pursuing meaningful activities—service projects, helping others, spiritual growth, adult education courses
__ planning for and taking vacations
__ making long-term life decisions
__ setting up your will or medical power of attorney
__ Other __________________________________
Social Relationships
__ staying in touch with friends, personal correspondence
__ asking someone for a date
__ inviting people to your home
__ visiting, calling, or writing relatives
__ planning recreational activities with other people
__ expressing appreciation or giving gifts to others
__ being on time for social events or meetings with friends
__ asking for help or support
__ confronting someone about a problem
__ ending an unsatisfying relationship
__ Other_________________________________
Finances
__ filing taxes on time
__ organizing receipts and tax records
__ finding an accountant
__ making a budget, tracking expenditures
__ making financial investments
__ contacting the bank or credit card company about a problem
__ paying rent or mortgage
__ paying bills, credit card debt, insurance premiums
__ paying parking ticket fines
__ paying back institutional or personal loans
__ collecting debts owed to you
__ submitting insurance claims for reimbursement
__ balancing your checkbook or monitoring online bank statements
__ opening mail from your bank, mortgage, or investment company,
__ checking your credit rating
__ Other____________________________________
In each area, consider how much your delaying bothers you. The areas in which you procrastinate most extensively may or may not be causing you the most trouble. For instance, you may be in the habit of leaving dirty dishes for several days in a row, but a sink full of dishes may not bother you. However, even though the problem arises only periodically, you may be very upset about your tendency to put off buying cards and gifts for friends and relatives and not acknowledging them on special occasions.
Think about what differentiates the things you put off from the things you do on time. What themes or patterns do you observe? What do they tell you about your procrastination? Do you put off minor chores, or do you postpone the most important things? Do you put off doing things for yourself, but not for others? Are the activities you put off in areas where you’re expected to excel or areas where you have little experience? Are you aware of any fears or anxieties about the things you postpone?
Your Style of Procrastinating
People procrastinate in very different ways. One person may spend a lot of time on the telephone and never get around to cleaning the house, while someone else may vacuum twice a day instead of returning phone calls. A woman goes sailing for the weekend, whereas a young man sits indoors at his computer fantasizing about being a successful professional, a talented athlete, or a Don Juan. There are thousands of things people do when they procrastinate: procrastinators are very creative. Here are a few examples:I raid the refrigerator.
I read mystery novels and science fiction.
I start calling my friends.
I read my e-mail, surf the Web, blog, or text my friends.
I work on something that’s less important.
I become obsessed with cleaning my desk.
I go to the gym.
I sit and stare.
I keep doing research.
I watch TV, download music, watch movies, read the news.
I go to sleep.
I go shopping.
I go to a café with my computer, but I end up talking to people.