Helen was very nice about it.
"Jim,' she said one day when I was proudly showing her a model of a
fully rigged sailing ship in a bottle which I had been lucky enough to
pick up, 'it's lovely, but I don't think we need it right now.'
I must have been a big disappointment to the poor girl and also to the
local auctioneers who ran the sales. These gentlemen, when they saw me
hovering around the back of the crowd would cheer up visibly. They, in
common with most country folk, thought all vets were rich and that I
would be bidding for some of the more expensive items. When a nice baby
grand piano came up they would look over the heads at me with an
expectant smile and their disappointment was evident when I finally went
away with a cracked-faced barometer or a glove stretcher.
A sense of my failure began.to seep through to me and when I had to take
a sample through to the Leeds laboratory I saw a chance to atone.
"Helen,' I said, 'there's a huge saleroom right in the city centre.
I'll take an hour off and go in there. I'm bound to see something we
need.'
"Oh good!' my wife replied. "That's a great idea! There'll be lots to
choose from there. You haven't had much chance to find anything at those
country sales.' Helen was always kind.
After my visit to the Leeds lab I asked the way,to the salerooms.
"Leave your car here,' one of the locals advised me. "You'll never park
in the main street and you can get a tram right to the door.'
I was glad I listened to him because when I arrived the traffic was
surging both ways in a nonstop stream. The saleroom was at the top of an
extraordinarily long fli~ht of smooth stone steps leading right to the
top of the building. When I err slightly out of breath, I thought
immediately I had come to the right r'
enclosure strewn with furniture, cookers, gramophones, carpets could
possibly want in a house. O> ~und fascinated for quite a long time then
my attention centred ~S ~ books quite near to where the auctioneer was
selling. I lifted ,v ~ ~ ~e Geography of the World. I had never seen
such beautiful 0,~, <& ,o, ~, A~aedias and with thick embossed covers
and gold lettering. ~- ~O~A ~, '0~ ~ "Ndn with gold and the paper was of
a delightfully smooth A . > <0~`, ~A ~ ~ turned the pages, marvelling
at the handsome ~n a drum a~ ~, ~o,;;, ~ ~res each with its covering
transparent sheet. They Soon I began to-~ ~ ~ ~ubt, and when I looked at
the front I saw they the ship foundered I l~ ~ =", ~re things of beauty.
my feet on the floor and s~ ~ - ~a hand here because I had just
reluctantly I hardly noticed as, after an ~ ~r's voice.
r ~` `1` ``ull`~, "r~
"Now then, here's a lovely set of books. The Ceography of the World in
Twenty Four Volumes. Just look at them. You don't find books like them
today. Who'll give me a bid?'
I agreed with him. They were unique. But they must be worth pounds. I
looked round the company but nobody said a word.
"Come on, ladies and gentlemen, surely somebody wants this wonderful
addition to their library. Now what do I hear?'
Again the silence then a seedy looking man in a soiled mackintosh spoke
up.
tarf a crown,' he said morosely.
I looked around expecting a burst of laughter at this sally, but nobody
was amused. In fact the auctioneer didn't seem surprised.
"I have a half a crown bid.' He glanced about him and raised his hammer.
With a thudding of the heart I realised he was going to sell.
I heard my own voice, slightly breathless. "Three shillings.'
"I have a bid of three shillings for The Geography of the World in
Twenty Four Volumes. Are you all done?' Bang went the hammer. "Sold to
the gentleman over there.'
They were mine! I couldn't believe my luck. l~his surely was the bargain
to end all bargains. I paid my three shillings while one of the men tied
a length of rough string round each pile. The first pause in my elation
came when I tried to lift my purchases. Books are heavy things and these
were massive specimens; and there were twenty-four of them.
With a hand under each string I heaved like a weight-lifter and,
pop-eyed, veins standing out on my forehead, I managed to get them off
the ground and began to stagger shakily to the exit.
The first string broke on the top step and twelve of my volumes cascaded
downwards over the smooth stone. After the first moment of panic I
decided that the best way was to transport the intact set down to the
bottom and come back for the others. I did this but it took me some time
and I began to perspire before I was all tied up again and poised on the
kerb ready to cross the road.
The second string broke right in the middle of the tramlines as I
attempted a stiff-legged dash through a break in the traffic. For about
a year I scrabbled there in the middle of the road while horns hooted,
tram bells clanged and an interested crowd watched from the sidewalks. I
had just got the escaped volumes in a column and was reknotting the
string when the other lot burst from their binding and slithered gently
along the metal rails; and it was when I was retrieving them that I
noticed a large policeman, attracted by the din and the long line of
vehicles, walking with measured strides in my direction.
In my mental turmoil I saw myself for the first time in the hands of the
law. I could be done on several charges - Breach of the Peace,
Obstructing Traffic to name only two - but I perceived that the officer
was approaching very slowly and rightly or wrongly I feel that when a
policeman strolls towards you like that he is a decent chap and is
giving you a chance to get away. I took my chance. He was still several
yards off when I had my two piles reassembled and I thrust my hands
under the strings, tottered to the far kerb and lost myself in the
crowd.
When I finally decided there was no longer any fear of feeling the dread
grip on my shoulder I stopped in my headlong flight and rested in a shop
doorway. I was puffing like a broken-winded horse and my hands hurt
abominably. The saleroom string was coarse, hairy and abrasive and
already it threatened to take the skin off my fingers.
Anyway, I thought, the worst was over. The tram stop was just at the end
of the block there. I joined the queue and when the tram arrived,
shuffled forward with the others. I had one foot on the step when a
large hand was thrust before my eyes.
~two V ~` ITI l l U7 76~3
"Just a minute, broth'er, just a minute! Where d'you think you're
going'?' The face under the conductor's hat was the meaty, heavy jowled,
pop-eyed kind which seems to take a mournful pleasure in imparting bad
news.
"You're not bringin' that bloody lot on 'ere, brother. I'll tell the
now!'
I looked up at him in dismay. "But .. . it's just a few books .. .'
"Few books! You want a bloody delivery van for that lot. You're not
usin' my tram - passengers couldn't stir inside!' His mouth turned down
aggressively.
"Oh but really,' I said
with a ghastly attempt at an ingratiating smile,
"I'm just going as far as .. .'
"You're not going' anywhere in 'ere, brother! Ah've no time to argue
move your foot, ah'm off!'
The bell ding-dinged and the tram began to move. As I hopped off
backwards one of the strings broke again.
After I had got myself sorted out I surveyed my situation and it
appeared fairly desperate. My car must be over a mile away, mostly
uphill, and I would defy the most stalwart Nepalese Sherpa to transport
these books that far. I could of course just abandon the things; lean
them against this wall and take to my heels .. . But no, that would be
anti-social and anyway they were beautiful. If 'v I could get them home
all would be well.
- tram rumbled up to the stop and again I hefted my burden and
nassengers, hoping nobody would notice.
' '- time.
-~" was middle-aged, motherly and her plump n~
was c stret~=~1> 6
A sense~ ,;_. f!6 2 c ~ ;5 .} ~S :
-qinst "'rules.'
-~n books. I've just "Helen,' I ~ :~;~ "Oh good!' my -~? 0-0-7 ~ C &~ '2
~ O ^= ~ ~ ~ . ~ from there. You h`~ -c O 3 ~ ~ c ,; ~go ~ 6 c ~ ~ ~ ,~
~, c sales.' Helen was alw ~, ._ ~ ,) C ~g -C ;? lp S ~ `7 C After my
visit to the~ ~ ~ :~` ~ O `] ,;_, ~ t1 ~ ~ 6 ~ w-C7 "Leave your car
here,'5 ~ 6.5 ~ 4 2 ,; ~z~6 64 3 ~ ~ ~{ , main street and you can ge .c
;~ ~ ~4~ ,; ~ ~ ~ ,c ~ ~c I was glad I listened to hl. =6 4 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
8-c '~ ~ 6~ '~ both ways in a nonstop stream.~ ~c ~, c ~,~ c~ ~ t? ~ ~
OQ ~ c long flio~t of smooth stone steps~,8 6~ 2 ~~O ~?~ ~c~ ~ ,~, I
err"'lightly out of breath, I ;.8 ~ ,> S c~ ~C7 ' ~6 ~c r'~enclosure
strewn with~ ~c ~ ~ ~-c 6 c .,2 c ~could possibly want ifi~ 6 ~ <~~c~ ~;
0,~ N<,und fascinated for qui~ c Oc ~0 ~ , ~i-, -c ~S) ~ooks quite near
to wh~ O O t ~S ~c O ,d,N~ ~e Geography of the ~C ,? c ~0N ~ ~ C~ ~ ~,
C*~, ~aedias and with thick e ~ ~c ~ =,~o, =o ~ ~ with gold and the pa]
=~ ~ cr~ Anti. St <;~O ~ ~-turned the pages, ~ ~ ~ m a drum a~ ~ ~, *.~
~res each with its cove. ~o ~c Soon I began tot ~^ ~ ~ubt, and when I
looh 8,_,c the ship foundered 1 I~ ~ ~,.~" ~Fe things of beauty. ~c my
feet on the floor and sh~ ~k, ~a hand here becaust I hardly noticed as,
after an ~ ~r's voice.
extra before away I began to acrid reek fumes and as climbing le. ,sy
air flowed ly. I stopped, was no doubt Ah well, they must have been kept
in a damp place or something like that. I was sure it would soon pass
off. But in the meantime it certainly was powerful; it nearly made my
eyes water.
I had never really noticed the long climb to our eyrie on top of
Skeldale House but it was different today. I suppose my arms and
shoulders were finally beginning to feel the strain and that string,
bristly but fragile, was digging into my hands harder than ever, but it
was true that every step was an effort and when I at last gained the top
landing I almost collapsed against the door of our bed-sitter.
When, perspiring and dishevelled, I entered, Helen was on her knees,
dusting the hearth. She looked up at me expectantly.
"Any luck, Jim?'
"Yes, I think so,' I replied with a trace of smugness. "I think I got a
bargain.'
Helen rose and looked at me eagerly. "Really?'
"Yes.' I decided to play my trump card. "I only had to spend three
shillings!'
"Three shillings! What .. . where .. .?'
"Wait there a minute.' I went out to the landing and put my hand under
those strings. This, thank heaven, would be the last time I would have
to do this. A lunge and a heave and I had my prizes through the doorway
and displayed for my wife's inspection.
She stared at the two piles. "What have you got there?'
"The Geography of the World in Twenty FOUT Volumes,' I replied
triumphantly.
"The Geography of the .. . and is that all?'
"Yes, couldn't manage anything else, I'm afraid. But look - aren't they
magnificent books!'
My wife's level gaze had something of disbelief, a little of wonder. For
a moment one corner of her mouth turned up then she coughed and became
suddenly brisk.
"Ah well, we'll have to see about getting some shelves for them. Anyway,
leave them there for now.' She went over and kneeled again by the
hearth. But after a minute or two she paused in her dusting.
"Can you smell anything funny?'
"Well, er .. . I think it's the books, Helen. They're just a bit musty
.. . I don't think it'll last long.'
But the peculiar exhalation was very pervasive and it was redolent of
extreme age. Very soon the atmosphere in our room was that of a freshly
opened mausoleum.
I could see Helen didn't want to hurt my feelings but she kept darting
looks of growing alarm at my purchases. I decided to say it for her.
"Maybe I'd better take them downstairs just for now.'
She nodded gratefully.
The descent was torture, made worse by the fact that I had thought I was
finished with such things. I finally staggered into the office and
parked the books behind the desk. I was panting and rubbing my hands
when Siegfried came in.
"Ah, James, had a nice run through to Leeds?'
"Yes, they said at the lab that they'd give us a ring about those sheep
as soon as they've cultured the organisms.'
"Splendid!' My colleague opened the door of the cupboard and put some
forms inside then he paused and began to sniff the air.
"James, there's a bloody awful stink in here.'
I cleared my throat. "Well yes, Siegfried, I bought a few books while I
was ~n Leeds. They seem a little damp.' I pointed behind the desk.
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There was another night when Tristan and I were tidying up after a cat
spay. The sound of heavy boots echoed on the passage tiles then the door
burst open and a stocky man in a cloth cap and collarless shirt strode
in "I'm not going' to be waitin' along there!' he said belligerently in
the rich tones of Erin.
"Is that so?' I replied.
"Yiss, it is so. I haven't the time to be sittin' waitin'!'
"I see. Well what can we do for you?'
He grabbed a chair, pulled it up to the table, sat down, leaned his
elbow on the freshly washed surface and looked up at me with a truculent
eye.
"It's me ear!' He cocked the offending organ in my d
irection.
I realised he was~one of the many Irish labourers who came to the
district every year to help with the turnip hoeing. I could understand
his entering the wrong door but was surprised at his aggressiveness;
most of his compatriots were noted for their charm.
I was about to redirect him when Tristan, loth as always to pass up the
slightest chance of a giggle, broke in.
"Your ear, eh?' he murmured sympathetically. "Is it very painful?'
"Oh aye, it hurts bad. I think I've got a little bile startin' in
there.'
Tristan tut-tutted. "Too bad, too bad, let's have a look at it.' He
moved over to the instrument cupboard and produced the auroscope which
we used for examining dogs with ear canker. Taking it from its case he
switched on the light and bent over the man.
"Just bend your head over a little, will you? Fine, fine.' He sounded
very professional.
He inserted the auroscope and peered into the depths of the ear. "Hmm ..
. hmm .. . yes, yes, I see. Oh that's rather nasty.' At last he nodded
gently. "You are quite right. You have a little infected spot in there.'
"That's what I thought,' the man grunted. "What are you going to do,
then?'
Tristan rested his chin on his hand for a moment.
"I really think I ought to give you an injection. It would be the
quickest way of clearing the thing up.' He spoke seriously but
confidently with the hint of a grave smile at the corner of his lips.
Like me he was wearing a white coat and would have passed without a
quibble as a Harley Street specialist.
The man seemed similarly impressed. He squares! his shoulders and
nodded. "Right then, let's be havin' it. You ought to know.'
As I watched wonderingly Tristan laid our white enamel tray on the table
and on it he deposited a roll of cotton wool, a bottle of iodine and a
row of enormous needles. They were the big, wide-bored needles for
running calcium under a cow's skin and Lying there they looked like
items from a plumber's kit.
Next he rummaged in a cupboard for some time then emerged bearing the
only 100 c.c. syringe in the practice. This was very rarely used
occasionally for giving sodium iodide injections to bullocks - and it
was a fearsome object. Unlike its modern plastic counterparts it was
made of glass and with its massive mounting of stainless steel and great
metal plunger it looked much bigger.
The Irishman had been shifting uneasily in his seat as Tristan set out
his stall but as the syringe clattered down on the enamel his eyes
widened and he swallowed a couple of times.
My colleague, however, was wonderfully composed. He whistled softly as
he fitted one of the huge needles to the nozzle of the syringe, then
hummed a light tune while he hoisted a jar of acrivlavine solution on to
the table. Carefully almost lovingly, he drew up the full 100 c.c.'s
then stood with the syringe poised against the light, giving off
iridescent gleams as he rocked it gently to and fro.
The man had lost a lot of his bluster. His mouth hung slightly open.
ve' In rlarness 41'
"Just a minute,' he said a trifle breathlessly. "Phwhaat doctors are
you?'
"I beg your pardon,' enquired Tristan, still juggling with his dreadful
instrument.
"Phwhaat's your names? Phwhaat do you call you doctors?'
Tristan gave a light laugh. "Oh we're not doctors. We're vets.'
"Vits!' the chair grated on the floor as the man pushed back from the
table.
"Yes, that's right,' Tristan said innocently, advancing with the loaded
syringe. "But you needn't worry. I assure you .. .'