Wee Macgreegor Enlists

  VIII

  CORRESPONDENCE

  _Macgregor to Christina_

  MY DEAR CHRISTINA,--

  I was looking for your letter the whole of yesterday, but it didnot come till this morning at 8.35 a.m., and I am sorry to say itis not near as nice as I expected. Some parts is niceish, butothers is rotten. What for do you ask me if I have spotted manypretty girls here, when you know I would not be for taking thetroubble of spoting any girl in the world but you, and besides theyare all terrible ugly here. Yesterday I seen 2 that made me feelsick. Willie said they was on for being picked up, and he give awink at one of them, and she put out her tongue at him, but no morehappened. They was quite young girls, though hiddeous, but Williedid not seem to mind their faces ['mugs' scored out].

  Willie is greatly changed since the last few weeks. You wouldscarcely know him, he is that fond of exercises. He is near asstrong as me. They are telling him he will be a corporal beforehis aunt, and he gets huffy. He spoke too much about his aunt atthe beginning, cursing and swearing like, and now he can't get awayfrom it, poor sole. It is a pity she does not send him some smallpresents now and then. He is awful jealous of the chaps that getthings from home; you can tell it by his face and the bad languagehe uses about the billet and the Zeppelins for 2 hours after. Sojust for fun, when I was writing to Uncle Purdie, I said pleasesend the next parcel addressed to Pte. Wm. Thomson. Willie got itlast night. He never let on he was pleased, but he was. He wasfreer nor I expected him to be with the groceries, but he eat a tinof salmon all by his lone, and in the middle of the night, at 3.15a.m., he was took horrid bad, and 7 of the chaps made him taketheir private meddicines, and he could not turn out for physicalexercise in the morning, but is now much better, and has made agood tea, and is eating 1 lb. cokernut lozenges at this veryminute.

  I have no more news. But, dear Christina, I am not well pleasedwith your letter at all. I am quite disconsoled about it. Itmakes me feel like wet cold feet that has no hopes of ever gettingdry and cosy again. When I seen yourself last Friday night I wasnot feared for anything, for you was that kind and soft-hearted,and you laughed that gentle and pretty, and your words did soundsweet even when they was chaffing-like. But now I am fearingsomething has gone wrong. Are you offended? I did not mean to doso. Have you got tired of me? I would think _yes_ at once, if youwas the common sort of girl, but you are the honest sort that wouldtell me straight, and not with hints in a letter. So if you arenot offended, I think you must have catched a cold in your head, orgot something wrong with your inside. Colds in the head is verypermanent [? prevalent] in the billet for the present, and thechaps with them are ready to bite your nose off if you say a wordto them.

  Dear, dear Christina, please tell me what is the matter. I willnot sleep well till I hear from you. The stew for dinner to-daywas better than the stew yesterday, but I could not take my usual.I am fed up with anxiousness. Kindly write by return. Why do younever put any X X X in your letters? Do you want me to stopputting them in mine?

  Your aff. intended, M. ROBINSON.

  P.S.--It is not to be the Dardanelles, but we are likely going toFlanders next week. Excuse writing and spelling as usual. X X XPlease write at once.

  _Christina to Macgregor_

  DEAR SIR,--

  Your esteemed favour duly to hand and contents noted. I deeplyregret that my last communication did not meet with yourunmitigated approval, but oh, dear wee Mac, I could not write alovey-dovey letter to save my only neck. In my youth, when pennynovels were my sole mental support, I used to see myself pouringforth screeds of beauteous remarks to an adoring swine 6 1/2 ft.high x 2 3/4 ft. broad. But now it can't be done. Still, I amsorry if my letter hurt you. It was never meant to do that, lad.You must learn to take my chaff and other folks' unseriously.Honest, if I had been really thinking of you along with othergirls, I would not have mentioned it. I'm not that sort of girl,and I'm not the sort that gets cold in the head, either, thankingyou all the same for kind enquiries. But I'm by no meansfaultless. I get what the novelists call flippant when I amfeeling most solemn. I was a bit down-hearted when I wrote last,for your letter had said 'Dardanelles.' Now you say 'Flanders,'which is no better, but I am not going to cry this time. Surelythey won't send you away so soon, dear.

  Glad to hear Willie is greatly changed, and I hope he will keep onchanging, though I could never admire a man that ate a whole tin ofsalmon in once. I'm sure the two girls were not so dreadfullyplain as you report. Had they got their hair up? Girls don'tusually put out their tongues at young men after their hair is up,so I presume they were _very_ young. It was like you to ask youruncle to send Willie the parcel.

  Miss Tod is not so brisk just now. The doctor says she must eitherdrink less tea or become a chronic dyspeptomaniac. She prefers thelatter. Poor old thing, her joys are few and simple! Trade is notso bad. A new line in poetical patriotical postcards is goingwell. The poetry is the worst yet.

  I am sending you some cigarettes with my uncle's best wishes and apair of socks with mine. Perhaps you have enough socks from homealready. If so, give them to W. T., and ask him from me topractise blushing. He can begin by winking at himself in a mirrorthrice daily.

  When are you going to get leave again? Miss Tod says I can getaway at 6, any night I want to. No; I don't want you to stopputting those marks in your letters. If you can find one in thisletter, you may take it, and I hope it will make you half as happyas I want you to be. Good-night.

  CHRISTINA.