"I know, Lucan."
My reacquaintance with speech lights up his face. "You will be OK until tomorrow? I'll be right back."
"I'm…" I cannot even bring myself to say the lie. "I'm not OK, Lucan."
He sighs. "I know, Junco. But you will be, I promise."
I shake my head as I fight back the memories.
"Gideon is here."
"I know," I whisper, irritated. "I appreciate that. I love him and I'm glad he's here to help me—"
Lucan's laugh cuts me off. "He's rather pissed off at your self-pity, actually. He'll be in here shortly to throw you out of this bedroom, so please, Junco. Just get up and get ready. He won't tolerate your moping."
Moping? Is that what he thinks this is?
"Quitting, maybe that's a better word. Quitting. You're not a quitter, Junco. You must gather yourself."
"Right. Gather myself. Just go away. I'll be fine." If there's one thing I know how to do well, it's gather myself. Push that shit down and forget about it. "It's funny though, all that gathering I've done has gotten me exactly squat, Lucan. Nothing but pain. What's the difference? Between unraveling and gathering? The problem still remains the same, right?"
His smile falters at the recollection of the chat we had, long ago, before I was violated in a tank of goo for two years. No matter how you choose to look at things, with emotion or logic, the problem doesn't change. Only your reaction changes. Well, big fucking deal. You still end up in the same place—either dying of cold or dying of the poison fumes from burning the wheat beetle-infested wood.
Which do you choose, Junco? That's what he asked me. To die or die?
I think today I'll choose… to die, yeah that's it. Today is a good day to die.
But maybe tomorrow I'll choose to die instead.
"Faith, Junco. Sometimes you just have to muster up a little faith that things will get better."
But they won't get better. I know this. I feel it inside me, in every molecule, every atom, every subatomic particle that makes up my body. I feel the wrongness of everything. "Faith is a waste of time."
"Mostly," he replies. "Yes, mostly it is. Faith always takes second chair to action. But sometimes, Junco, you're the only one playing the song and you've got no one else there to rely on. In those times, faith really does help. So you have to have a little faith."
"That's funny, coming from you." I peer up into his eyes. They are a lovely blue-green now. Not the blue like when he's in his Archer form. The need to know suddenly overtakes my prior urge for a fight about faith. "Were your eyes green as a man?"
He lets out a small laugh. "Yes, very green. Are they green now?"
I study them. No, not really green at all. More like aquamarine. I've never seen such eyes in all my life. I gather myself and continue. "You seemed pretty happy when I said my faith was gone. Now all of a sudden you want me to find it again?"
He releases me abruptly and sits up in the bed. "Will you get up, or shall I make you?"
I take a moment to think about it but he doesn't wait. He shoves me off the bed and I plunk to the hard tile floor, a sharp pain radiating up my spine as my hip takes the brunt of the force. He's in front of me now, pulling on me, and then I'm standing there, Gideon's boxers almost falling down my legs.
I tug them up self-consciously.
Lucan laughs. "You smell, you look ridiculous, and you need to sit in the sun for about a week, Junco. I expect you to be well on your way back to normal by tomorrow night when I call. We have to talk and I won't tolerate your—" He stops for a moment to reconsider his word. "Quitting."
I stare at him. His body armor is made up of tiny black scales, a very smooth metal I know from touching them over the past day or so. They clink and chink with his movements. He looks like something straight out of the angel apocalypse. All he needs is horns. "Do you ever have horns?" I hear my mouth ask.
He shakes his head and disappears.
Shit, I really wanted to know the answer to that one.
Join the Junco mailing list to get first dibs on advanced chapters and goodies for books four and five!
Here are all my fabulous author sisters that I highly recommend!
Alivia Anders ~ Illumine
Cambria Hebert ~ Recalled
Angela Orlowski Peart ~ Forged by Greed
Julia Crane ~ Freak of Nature
J. A. Huss ~ Clutch
Cameo Renae ~ Hidden Wings
Alexia Purdy ~ Reign of Blood
Tabatha Vargo ~ On the Plus Side
Tiffany King ~ Meant to Be
Beth Balmanno ~ Set in Stone
Lizzy Ford ~ Dark Summer (Witchling Saga #1)
Ella James ~ Stained
Tara West ~ Visions of the Witch
Melissa Andrea ~ Flutter
Komal Lewis ~ Falling for Hadie
Melissa Pearl ~ Golden Blood
L.P. Dover ~ Forever Fae
Sarah M. Ross ~ Awaken
Brina Courtney ~ Reveal
Acknowledgments
A BIG thanks to my family for not badgering me when I didn't cook or clean for weeks. (These weeks are in addition to the ones I mentioned in CLUTCH and FLEDGE – so pretty much I did absolutely no cooking or cleaning for all of 2012!)
To James Ledger, for creating the FLIGHT cover artwork – he's just all-around awesome.
And ginormous thanks to RJ Locksley for all her hard work in polishing up my manuscripts. You're the best.