Of kindness, care and good humility.
C-3PO
Well I shall not go thither with thee, droid!
’Tis far too rocky. Canst thou not perceive?
Nay, truly. For the sun upon thy cold
And hard exterior hath surely warp’d
Thine often prudent mind. Pray, understand:
The road herein is better far. Why dost
Thou think that settlements will be found yon?
R2-D2
Beep, beep.
C-3PO
—Be thou not technical with me,
Or else thine input valve may swift receive
A hearty helping of my golden foot.
R2-D2
Beep, squeak.
C-3PO
—What mission? What dost thou speak of?
R2-D2
Squeak, squeak, beep.
C-3PO
—More of thee I shall not take.
So, go thou hence! Thou shalt malfunction ere
The day is through, nearsighted pile of scrap!
Now may’st thou travel hence upon thy way
And find thy mission in a sarlacc pit!
Then shalt thou know for lo, these thousand years,
The pain I suffer as thy counterpart!
And be thou not behind me, arrant knave.
Aye, mark me—follow not, nor seek thou help,
For thou no satisfaction shalt receive.
R2-D2
Beep, beep, beep, meep. Beep, beep, beep, squeak, squeak, squeak!
C-3PO
No more with thine adventures! I go not
Upon thy way. [R2-D2 exits.] Malfunctioning small fool!
’Tis all his fault. He trick’d me so that I
Should go this way. But he shall not fare well.
O gods above, why have I once again
Been short with R2, sending him away?
I trust he knoweth well I hold him dear,
Though in his presence oft my speech is cruel.
’Tis words that do betray my better self
When harshly they express my droidly rage.
And yet for protocol I’m made, and must
With words fulfill my task. So then ’tis true
That words are both my ruin and my strength.
And yet—although I find myself adrift
And lost within a speechless sea of sand—
This word is true if ever words have truth:
Forever lost I’d be should I lose him.
But wait, what’s that? A transport! Saved am I!
Hark, over here! Hey nonny non! Please help!
[C-3PO exits.
CHORUS
A vessel vast comes forth across the sand,
And takes C-3PO within its hold.
But what of R2-D2’s mission grand?
How doth the tale of this small droid unfold?
Enter R2-D2 and JAWAS, hidden.
R2-D2
Beep, ooh, beep, beep, beep, squeak.
JAWA 1
—Peska bahman.
Te peska bahman. Fuligiliha!
R2-D2
Ahh! Beep, beep, squeak, beep, beep, ahh!
[Jawas stun R2-D2, who falls.
JAWA 2
—Utinni!
[Jawas carry R2-D2 into transport.
CHORUS
Imagine now that on this stage you see
Full many droids and creatures quite bizarre.
And yet, amid this ghastly company,
Herein the two friends reunited are.
Enter other DROIDS and C-3PO.
C-3PO
Good R2? R2-D2, O ’tis thee!
R2-D2
Beep, beep, beep, whistle, squeak, beep, meep, beep, whee!
[Exeunt.
SCENE 5.
The desert planet Tatooine.
Enter STORMTROOPERS 3 and 4.
TROOPER 3
There was someone within this pod, indeed.
The tracks go off in this direction. See?
TROOPER 4
Behold, Sir, either someone large hath dropp’d
His ring, or else this fragile circle here
Doth mean we have found droids on Tatooine!
[Exeunt stormtroopers.
Enter JAWAS with DROIDS, including C-3PO and R2-D2.
C-3PO
At last this vehicle of death hath stopp’d!
So greatly fear I what shall happen next
That I am shaken to my core within.
They say that fear is better fac’d when two
Together stand. Thus, swift shall I awake
My dear R2. Wake up, wake up!
—Beep, squeak!
C-3PO
We’re doomed! Dost thou think they shall melt us down?
JAWA 1
Me punna tynda ding. Utinni! Beh!
C-3PO
Shoot not! O shall this torment never end?
First captur’d by these Jawas small and vile,
And now we face a fate that is unknown.
Now seems the first fate better than the next—
Aye, rather would I bear the ill I have,
Than fly to others that I know not of.
Enter OWEN LARS and LUKE SKYWALKER, with BERU LARS aside in Lars homestead.
OWEN
Anon, now let us go!
BERU
—O Luke! O Luke!
Pray, tell thine uncle that if he should find
A translator, be sure it Bocce speaks.
[Aside:] ’Tis true, the last time Owen bought a droid,
More dud than droid we purchas’d in the deal.
LUKE
It seemeth we have little choice, dear aunt.
And yet shall I remind him what thou say’st.
[Exit Beru into Lars homestead.
OWEN
Again it falls to me, a simple man,
To take a leading role in matters grave.
For I must choose a droid today, ’tis true,
But also must I teach this lad, this Luke,
To learn and grow, and to become a man.
Although when I was young I too had dreams
Of far-off stars and distant galaxies,
I learn’d to work the land, to raise the crops.
And thus shall I my trade pass on to him,
Adopted son of mine and strangely dear.
I had not ask’d for Fate to bring a son
To me, for I had thought to have no heir.
Yet do Beru and I feel for this child
A measure of affection, and—as well—
The burden of responsibility.
[To Jawa 2:] Pray tell me, Jawa small,
what hast today?
JAWA 2
Me punna tynda ding.
OWEN
—Nay, not that one.
[Aside:] These Jawas offer first the lowliest,
’Tis ever in their nature to deceive.
[To C-3PO:] Droid, I assume that thou art
programmed well
For etiquette and protocol. ’Tis true?
C-3PO
Aye, protocol—my prim’ry function ’tis!
I am well versed in all the customs, Sir.
OWEN
No need have I of droids with protocol.
C-3PO
Not in this habitat, thou speakest true:
Hath ever sand a need of protocol?
When did a stone or rock need etiquette?
However, I am also made—
OWEN
—Peace! What
I need’s a droid who knows the bin’ry tongue
Of moisture vaporators.
C-3PO
—O, but Sir!
My first employment was in programming
A bin’ry load a’lifter very like
Thy vaporators. Aye, in most respects.
[Aside:] My service and my worth I’ll prove to him
If I must speak a thousand hou
rs more.
For certain, I shall die ere I return
Once more to be in rank captivity.
Well. Speak’st thou Bocce?
C-3PO
—Truly Sir! ’Tis like
A second tongue unto my soul.
OWEN
—Pray, cease!
[To Jawas:] So shall I have this one here.
C-3PO
[Aside:]—Praise the day!
Now if he chooseth also my R2,
Aye, then shall I be pleas’d.
JAWA 1
—Mabbin beh!
OWEN
—Luke!
Take thou these droids unto our vast garage.
My wish it is they clean’d be ere we dine.
LUKE
But unto Tosche Station would I go,
And there obtain some pow’r converters. Fie!
OWEN
Thou canst go with thy friends another time,
When all thy chores have been fulfilled. Go to!
LUKE
[aside:] O how shall I be mock’d, and verily
Abusèd when my noble comrades hear
That once again my uncle hath denied
My fervent wish to be with them instead.
[To Owen:] ’Tis well. [To Droids:] Come hither! Thou too, Red.
R5-D4
—Beep hoo.
LUKE
Go hence!
R2-D2
—Beep, squeak, beep, beep, squeak meep beep, beep!
[Aside:] If I go not with him, my foolishness
Shall render no one service. Thus, I beep.
JAWA 2
Bwana beh!
R2-D2
—Ahh!
[R5-D4 begins to smoke and fail.
LUKE
—Pray, uncle Owen, look!
Behold! This R2 unit hath a foul
And smoking motivator!
OWEN
—Vicious knave!
Say, in what manner dost thou try upon
Our goodly wills to ply thy thievery?
So shall I rip thy brown and ragged robes
To shreds, if thou set not this matter right.
Now speak!
JAWA 1
—Me punna tynda ding.
R2-D2
—Beep, squeak!
C-3PO
[to Luke:] Your pardon, Sir. The R2 unit which
Thou seest is in prime condition, aye,
A bargain ’tis, and he shall serve thee well.
[Aside:] Now if I can convince the human here
To purchase R2 too, along with me,
So shall I win the day! And ever shall
Yon R2-D2 dwell in peace with me.
What shall he answer?
LUKE
—Uncle Owen, say!
Hast thou consider’d yonder blue droid there?
OWEN
What of that blue one? That one shall be ours.
C-3PO
[aside:] O vict’ry! Next, I’ll praise him for his choice.
[To Luke:] A noble choice thou makest, Master, for
Thou surely shalt be pleas’d with this new droid.
I can with confidence report to thee
That he is in first-class condition, Sir,
For I have work’d with him before. He comes!
R2-D2
Beep, meep, beep, squeak.
LUKE
—Anon, away we go.
[Exeunt Luke, Owen, Jawas, and Droids.
C-3PO
Forget thou not this moment, faithless droid!
Why I should put my neck at risk for thee
Is quite beyond my mind’s capacity.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 6.
Inside the Lars homestead.
Enter LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, and R2-D2.
C-3PO
All praise be to the Maker, verily,
This oily bath much healing shall provide.
The glow of bright Coruscant doth not match
The vital warmth this soothing oil brings me.
The case of dust contamination which
Befalls me mighty is, and renders me
Unable—I’ll be sworn—to move at all!
LUKE
I rue the day I came unto this place,
This drab and barren rock call’d Tatooine.
But wherefore have I reason to complain?
Do sandstorms not invade both rich and poor?—
We are not promis’d equity in life.
Both rich and poor alike pertain to me:
For certain, though in toil am I most rich,
By want of keen adventure am I poor.
Thus I declare that whether rich or poor,
The lot I have receiv’d from Fate’s unfair!
My comrade Biggs hath rightly guess’d, I fear,
That never shall I leave this stricken place!
C-3PO
[aside:] O exclamation tragic! Shall I speak?
[To Luke:] Is there, dear Sir, aught I might do to help?
LUKE
Nay, droid, ’less thou canst alter time, or make
The harvest come apace, or, goodly friend,
If thou canst somehow bear my body hence
By magical conveyance yet unknown.
C-3PO
I think not, Sir, for merely droid am I,
And have not knowledge of such things as thou.
Not on this planet, anyway. In troth,
I do not know which planet this one be.
LUKE
If center bright the universe contains,
Then surely, droid, hast thou now found thyself
As far from it as thou canst poss’bly be.
C-3PO
I see, Sir.
LUKE
—Surely, thou may’st call me Luke.
C-3PO
I see, Sir Luke.
LUKE
—Thou jolly droid, just Luke.
[Aside:] This droid, I see, is wont to prattle on,
Belike his mouth is faster than his mind.
[Luke begins to clean R2-D2.
C-3PO
C-3PO am I, an expert in
The human-cyborg link. And he, my short
Blue counterpart, is R2-D2 called.
LUKE
Good e’en.
R2-D2
—Beep, squeak!
LUKE
—Thou hast much carbon here,
It seemeth much of Fortune thou hast known.
Aye, can it be that two such droids as you
Can know more of adventure than a man?
C-3PO
With all we have been through, amaz’d am I
We yet our good condition keep, what with
Rebellion and its hurly-burly ways.
LUKE
Nay, can it be? The very thing of which
I would know more thou hast experienc’d?
Pray, knowest thou of the rebellion ’gainst
The Empire, droid?
C-3PO
—For certain, aye, ’tis how
We came to be in thine employment, if
Thou comprehend my simple meaning, Sir.
[Aside:] Now is his visage turn’d all eagerness—
O never in this manner have I seen
A man intoxicated with a dream!
LUKE
And hast thou been in many battles? Speak!
Whatever morsel thou mayst serve to me
Shall be a feast unto my waiting ear;
The smallest tale of battle lost or won
Shall feed my soul’s ne’er-ending appetite!
C-3PO
Full many battles, aye, Sir. But I fear
I have but little food to fill thy heart—
A banquet, sadly, I cannot prepare,
’Tis certain that of tales I am no chef.
But rather, I confess that not much more
Than an interpreter am I, and not
Much good at telling stories—veri
ly,
I’ve not the salt or spice to season them.
LUKE
’Tis well, my droid. So shall my hunger wait
To feast one day upon another’s tale.
[To R2-D2:] My little ’bot, thou hast got something jamm’d
Herein. Hast thou been on a cruiser or—
Enter PRINCESS LEIA, in beam projected by R2-D2.
LEIA
O help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, help.
Thou art mine only hope.
LUKE
—Pray, what is this?
R2-D2
Squeak?
C-3PO
—What is what? A question hath he asked!
Say, what is that?
LEIA
—O help me, Obi-Wan
Kenobi, help. Thou art mine only hope.
O help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, help.
Thou art mine only hope.
R2-D2
—Beep, meep, meep, hoo.
Squeak, beep, meep, beep.
C-3PO
—He says ’tis nothing, Sir.
A mere malfunction, bygone data ’tis.
Please, pay no mind.
LUKE
—But who is she? For she
Is far more beautiful than all the stars.
C-3PO
I truly do not know, Sir. I suspect
She was a passenger on our last trip,
A person of importance, I believe.
[Aside:] First ’twas adventure, second ’tis this lass.
’Tis certain my new Master hath a wealth
Of passion, ever eager to bestow.
LUKE
Say, is there any more recording, droid?
R2-D2
Squeak, beep!
C-3PO
—Behave thyself, R2! For thou