Much have I ponder’d on this very question,
And this have I concluded: is it not
With some relief that we see this eclipse?
There are more things in heav’n and earth, Justine,
Than are dreamt of in our philosophy.
This day remindeth us that stronger forces
Exist than we shall ever comprehend.
No matter how much life doth overwhelm,
The planets move, the stars do rise and set.
JUSTINE
’Tis true. Yet while the heavens and the earth—
The universe’s full expansiveness—
Do move in courses well beyond our ken,
Our planet, still, doth face a mighty threat—
A menace that could rend the earth in twain.
MARIANNE
The villain standing on his balcony.
JUSTINE
Indeed.
MARIANNE
—We must, then, ev’ry effort make
To stand against this threat while we have breath.
I would not see our liberty denied,
Nor watch as justice wholly is destroy’d.
Let us, then, promise by this dying light,
We two shall doggedly continue on
To protest, yell, demand, provoke, resist,
Until a truer light o’er us doth shine!
JUSTINE
Unto this cause I swear.
MARIANNE
—I swear as well,
To thee and to th’America I love.
[The light changes as totality arrives. All above and below stand silently, in awe. Slowly, the crowd below disperses until all exeunt.
MACTRUMP
’Tis over, at long last. And now, ’tis time
To lift the leg and hose the porcelain.
[Exeunt MacTrump, Desdivanka, and Kushrew.
DONNISON
[to Ericson:] Ho, brother, thou shalt not believe thine ears—
Methought I saw our ladies two below!
ERICSON
Where, when?
DONNISON
—Upon the White Hold green, just now.
Yet now the crowd is gone, and love withal.
ERICSON
Alas! I could not see them. Donnison?
DONNISON
What?
ERICSON
—I’m afeard.
DONNISON
—Of this celestial portent?
ERICSON
Nay, nay, I am afraid I may have look’d
Too long upon the sun and all its rays!
DONNISON
Why think’st thou so? Pray, brother, canst thou see?
ERICSON
’Tis only multicolor’d spots I see,
Which take the shape of hearts before mine eyes.
DONNISON
O, lovesick boy, I also saw those hearts—
In their sweet faces, talking on the green.
ERICSON
You saw them, too?
DONNISON
—Yea!
ERICSON
—Wonders!
DONNISON
—Let’s inside;
I’ll warrant thou wilt see aright again.
Pray, come inside and rest thy weary bones.
ERICSON
Once I am well, let us watch Dame of Thrones!
[Exeunt into the White Hold.
SCENE 6.
That night at the White Hold residence.
A toilet flushes. Enter MACTRUMP in a presidential bathrobe.
MACTRUMP
I am so troubl’d by the damn’d reporters
Who question me o’er Prussians and MacMueller,
My bow’ls do even mount their own resistance.
The losers do not care how I may feel,
Yet still am I in charge and run the show.
My mind is plagu’d by constant overuse—
One night of steady sleep is all I seek,
To heal my weary, overburden’d mind.
I had my nightly flagon of warm milk,
My faithful stuffèd bear is here beside me,
And mine attendants tuck’d me in with care—
There’s naught that can disturb this restful night.
[He climbs into bed and turns off the lights.
Enter GHOST OF BANQUO O’BAMA.
[MacTrump sits up in shock.
O’Bama’s ghost! However can this be?
Belike my stomach maketh my mind weak—
You are, mayhap, some undigested beef,
Yet far more gravy than come from the grave.
Why are you here? Methought you had gone hence
To live in your post-presidential glow—
Yet somehow now old presidents return?
How are you hither come to wreak your—wait…
Why do you have a ghost? You’re still alive.
O’BAMA
Because hope never dies.
Enter JOSEPH O’BIDEN.
O’BIDEN
—’Tis certain, Banqy!
O’BAMA
How art thou, Joe?
O’BIDEN
—Well. I receiv’d thy text.
MACTRUMP
O’Biden? Wait—thou art not e’en a ghost.
Who let thee in the White Hold?
O’BIDEN
—I know much
About this castle you could never grasp,
Like how to show respect unto your office
And work constructively with one’s opponents—
The little things that make one great—again.
MACTRUMP
Pray listen, Joe, if thou wouldst harshly speak,
Then challenge me in 2020, rogue.
Thy visage mak’st me not afeard.
O’BIDEN
—Malarkey!
You quake with fear at facing me, MacTrump.
MACTRUMP
All right, I do. I shall confess it, yet
That doth not make clear why the two of you
Have hither come whilst I attempt to sleep.
O’BIDEN
I prithee, Banqy, explicate the matter.
O’BAMA
We’ve come to tell you that today’s eclipse
Foreshadows utter failure for your reign.
You think yourself as mighty as the sun,
Yet forces far beyond your influence
Are coming to reduce your orange glow.
Each one of us believeth we will be
The winner in life’s lottery, that we’re
The one who may yet be the next MacTrump,
Or, at the least, will not become the chump
To whom MacTrump severely shouts, “You’re fired!”
But there’s the rub. It discounts history.
MACTRUMP
You are a loser. Evermore shall be.
O’BAMA
’Twas not the case in both oh-eight and twelve.
I know because I won the both of them
With a majority of pop’lar vote.
Enter GHOST OF BILLIAM O’CLINTON.
O’CLINTON
O, be you not too brutal with him, Banqy.
MACTRUMP
O’Clinton? You have a ghost too?
O’CLINTON
—Relax,
Ex-presidents all have one whilst we live—
It cometh from the Former Presidents
Act pass’d in 1958.
&nb
sp; MACTRUMP
—Indeed?
O’CLINTON
Indeed! It was a rider added by
Ol’ L. B. Jamy. He lik’d working nights.
MACTRUMP
Well, I have no idea who that man is,
But if I hear you right, you do report
That I shall one day have mine own ghost, too?
O’CLINTON
To be plain…
MACTRUMP
—What?
O’CLINTON
—We are not certain yet.
MACTRUMP
But wherefore not?
O’CLINTON
—What you must understand—
Enter GHOST OF RICHARD THE WORST.
RICHARD
The law applieth but to presidents
Who never had themselves remov’d from office—
Which was, I’ll warrant, nearly my fate, too.
O’CLINTON
Believe me, Lord MacTrump—I feel your pain!
MACTRUMP
O, fame come to my room! You, sir, are Richard
The Worst? You look e’en worse than that tattoo
Of you that Blackstone hath upon his back.
RICHARD
Yes. I…shall never understand that man.
Enter GHOSTS OF GEORGE THE GREATER and GEORGE THE LESSER.
GREATER
Alas, I know that fervent type too well.
MacTrump, I know the people you work with,
And they were ever hatchet men of woe.
LESSER
Thou hast it, Dad. ’Tis they who also made
Me president: crooks, scoundrels, and turd blossoms
Each one of them.
GREATER
—They did divide the country
In ways that made your presence possible.
MACTRUMP
What of it? Would you have me give you thanks?
Depart, please, all of you—I fain would sleep.
Enter GHOST OF THEODORE ROSSEVELT.
T. ROSSEVELT
It shall take more than words to stop a bull moose!
Have you no care for our environment?
You wantonly destroy or do permit
Destruction of all that is beautiful.
You turn our streams and rivers into sewers,
Pollute the air, destroy the forests, and
Exterminate our fishes, birds, and mammals—
To utter naught of vulgarizing charming
Terrain with hideous advertisements!
MACTRUMP
If ’tis my great casinos you imply,
They were the only decent thing in Jersey.
FALSTAFT
[offstage:] I disagree! I’ve suffer’d your buffet.
MACTRUMP
Who said that?
Thudding footsteps approach.
Enter GHOST OF WILLIAM FALSTAFT.
FALSTAFT
—I once dedicated time
As both chief justice and, within these halls,
As president protecting citizens
From businessmen-conspirators like you!
Forsooth, I busted twice the trusts as my
Friend Teddy here. Were I chief justice now,
I would, with glee, look forward to presiding
O’er your impeachment.
T. ROSSEVELT
[to Falstaft:] —Bully for you, William!
MACTRUMP
I shall be honest: I am most afraid
Of mine impeachment, yet not half as scar’d
As I am of Putain. The man is tough.
Methinks there’s no one who could best his might.
Enter GHOST OF FRANKLIN ROSSEVELT.
F. ROSSEVELT
The only thing to fear is fear itself!
MACTRUMP
Wait, wait—were you not in a wheelchair bound?
F. ROSSEVELT
I did not need the use of my two legs
To stand against our fascist foes abroad.
I bested them whilst your own father, sir,
Hoped that their master race would rule the world!
MACTRUMP
Pray, watch your mouth, you sniv’ling, whither’d wimp.
My father march’d with Klansmen, not with nuts!
It’s Democrati who are socialists.
Enter GHOSTS OF HARRY S. TRUEMAN, DWIGHT D. EISENPOWER, and RONALD REGAN.
TRUEMAN
The buck stops here!
REGAN
—You call yourself a good
Republicon? I favor’d gun control,
Applauded immigration, and commanded
The Prussians to tear down their wall, MacTrump!
EISENPOWER
You owe each man and woman in our forces
A grand apology for ev’ry insult
You hurl’d toward our prisoners of war.
Apologize to them, and then resign!
MACTRUMP
Ha, ha, you jest! I never shall resign.
If trouble comes, I’ll grant myself a pardon.
RICHARD
I tried to do that once. It workèd not.
MACTRUMP
Fie, out! You wretched souls, give me my rest!
[All exeunt except MacTrump, who awakes from his nightmare.
O, I have had a most rare vision here—
A dream, past wit to say what dream it was.
I’d be an ass, if I’d expound this dream.
Methought I was—there’s none who can tell what.
The eye of man, I’ll warrant, hath not heard,
The ear of man hath never seen, man’s hand
May never taste, his tongue cannot conceive,
Nor his heart to report, what my dream was.
Am I the lowest ’mongst the presidents?
Nay! Never! All these shadows have offended,
For none compare unto the great MacTrump!
I am the greatest president in hist’ry,
E’en blowing Ronnie Regan far away.
[Calling:] McTweet!
Enter MCTWEET.
MCTWEET
—A midnight summons! ’Tis your wont.
MACTRUMP
Write something—anything—about how I
Am far superior to those before.
All those past presidents were hacks and wimps.
[McTweet begins writing quickly.
’Tis only through MacTrump the office shines—
Ne’er did the sun shine brighter than today!
MCTWEET
[aside:] A-ha, then he admits to global warming?
MACTRUMP
No president e’er harder work’d than me,
To clean the mess that I inherited!
Say more besides—make up whate’er thou wilt.
MCTWEET
You’d have me autogenerate your words?
MACTRUMP
Thou hast my trust, I gave thee my covfefe.
MCTWEET
’Twill be done as you say, lord. One thing more…
MACTRUMP
Yea?
MCTWEET
—Have you seen the news that’s trending now?
MACTRUMP
Is’t good or bad? I prithee, make it good.
MCTWEET
The good or bad is what you make of it—
Your enemies, methinks, would call it good.
MACTRUMP
Alas! Pray, tear the bandage off in haste!
MCTWEET
Your former lawyer LaCöhen doth work
With the MacMueller inquisition, giving
His full cooperation to their task.
Your children, too, are under some suspicion
For sharing information sensitive
E’en via mine own self, McTweet.
MACTRUMP
—O, heavens!
Base LaCöhen, the flap-mouth’d fool-born lout!
McTweet, thou art a nuisance, get thee gone—
But do my bidding also, post my missives!
MCTWEET
Sir, there hath also been another shooting—
MACTRUMP
O, who hath time for this? Send forth some words.
MCTWEET
It shall be done.
[Exit McTweet.
MACTRUMP
—Curse this most wretched night,
Wherein I have been so unfairly us’d
By ghosts and nightmares, news and rank reports.
My sleep is troubl’d, as it has been e’er
Since Robert of MacMueller entered on
The scene, with inquisition most unfair.
As I said when I first learn’d of his probe,
The same is true today: ’tis terrible,
Belike the ending of my presidency.
I’m fubb’d off, well and truly, should he find
A trace of all the misdeeds I have done.
The task is mine, to shore up my support,
For public sentiment is ev’rything.
With public sentiment, there’s naught can fail;
Without it, nothing can succeed. I must
Continue to pursue my wall, which sets
My base into a frenzy of delight.
Now, though, I need to rest my eyes awhile,
Or I will crack beneath this pressure harsh.
’Tis pitiful when even history
And all the sordid characters thereof
Pursue me past the warm embrace of sleep.
Alas, I’m still afeard of what I saw.
Perhaps my lady shall some comfort proffer.
[He looks to the other side of the bed.
My lady? Art thou sleeping? Wilt thou wake?
I have had visions most severe this night.
[He realizes Lady MacTrump is not there.
Of course, what was I thinking? She and I
Have not slept in one bed as couples do
For well-nigh seven months. She says I snore.
It also seemeth that our love doth shrink.
How fondly I recall her sweet embrace,
Which, like a mother’s, quickly calms my soul.
How gladly would I welcome her in bed
To talk me through these daunting slings and arrows.
Yet wishing cannot bring the lady here—
And I’ll not stoop to summon her to bed.
’Tis odd—I have not seen her since the morn,