In the garden of their last home at Boxford, Berkshire
Left alone, physically frail, in constant pain, and humiliated by her dependence on others, but mentally as sharp as ever, Win had a miserable two years before she followed Bernard. And John, felled by two strokes, was first reduced to a shadow of his former self, wheeled around the cacti in his garden at Palm Springs, California, giving directions as though on a ghostly movie set, and then lost the capacity to communicate anything at all.
I walked from Willesden tube station to the cemetery on a windy late-summer day. Greasy paper bags and plastic containers were blowing across the streets. Willesden is not the most attractive part of London. Largely rural until the nineteenth century, it was once a place of pilgrimage: a sacred well with healing properties was located there, as was a statue of the Black Madonna, which was burnt along with other popish images when the Catholic Church came under attack in the sixteenth century. From the late 1930s, many Jewish refugees from Germany and Eastern Europe moved to Willesden, by then a largely working-class area.
Much has changed in London since then. Willesden has now become one of the most mixed immigrant districts in London, with Iranian supermarkets, Polish groceries, Iraqi bakeries, Hindu temples, Islamic colleges, Chinese hairdressers, halal butchers, Turkish kebab joints, and Pakistani cab companies. It is no longer the England that Bernard and Win knew. Their rural idyll of Berkshire seems very far from there. Even the genteel streets of Hampstead, where they grew up, feel distant, even though Fitzjohn’s Avenue and Parsifal Road are only a few miles away.
Thinking about my grandparents, and my uncle John, as I stand over the wilting roses that cover their names, I feel the strong sense of regret that I always have when I think of people I loved who are no longer alive, regret that they don’t know me now, instead of my younger self, with all the clumsiness that goes with youth. I think of all the silly things I have uttered, every awkward move to impress, all the preening and posing, and wince. But this has less to do with my grandparents or my uncle than with the passing of time. One’s younger self always looks embarrassing in hindsight. I wonder if they would have thought so, if they had reread the letters they wrote in their teens, twenties, or even later. If so, I hope they would have forgiven me for making them public.
Epitaphs are chosen either by people before they die or by others who loved them. There are no epitaphs on the plaque that marks the graves of Bernard and Win. At her funeral in Oxford, in 1986, Rabbi Rayner of the Liberal Jewish Synagogue in St. John’s Wood called Win a Tzaddeket, the Hebrew word for a righteous woman. I doubt whether she would have recognized the word, but it seems apt.
At Bernard’s memorial in London, in 1984, John read a poem by e. e. cummings, titled “My Father”:
his flesh was flesh his blood was blood:
no hungry man but wished him food;
no cripple wouldn’t creep one mile
uphill to only see him smile.
This seems apt as well. But one of Bernard’s letters to Win might be his most fitting epitaph. It was written on December 2, 1941, five days before the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. The letter was sent from Bangor, Northern Ireland. Bernard expresses the hope that one day soon they will be reunited and “this time for good in a better world.” Then he goes on to say, “Recently I have come to disbelieve in any Heaven or Hell. My idea is that our hereafter, good or bad, is the memory of ourselves we leave behind.”
By memory I don’t think he meant norms of behavior or morality, or worldly success, that following generations should emulate. If that is what he meant, he might have been disappointed. As in most families, the lives of his children and grandchildren are riddled with common human failures. Bernard and Win’s marriage set an almost impossible standard.
But Bernard was anything but an arrogant man. What he meant, I think, is that he made the best he could out of his life, and hoped that the best would live on in the memories of his offspring. The desire to live up to this memory, to seek the approval of the dead, much as one did when they were still living, is both a curse and a blessing. It is a curse because it is an unattainable goal, and a blessing because it inspires us to do better.
The choices made by Bernard and Win, the stories they told themselves, are not mine, but they have affected my choices, for good and for ill. It is in the nature of eulogies and memorials that the dead are idealized. The book about their correspondence is not a eulogy. That Bernard and Win had their flaws might have been apparent. I loved them not despite their flaws, but also because of them; they too live on in my own.
I do not expect the reader of their letters to love them as I did. But I hope to have honored their memories. This is my way of placing a stone on their graves, sprinkling the English roses that mark their ashes, and tending to their afterlife. It would be good to end this book in the way of a film, with a dolly shot moving away from the tablet that bears their names, the scene fading to the rolling credits of all the people touched by their lives.
But for me, I know that the movie will never quite end. And as long as there are readers, the hereafter of Bernard and Win is assured by the written testimony they left behind.
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank my sister, Ann Buruma, for her enormous help in tracking down letters, photographs, and other bits of information. Writing about intimate family relations is always a tricky business. I am deeply grateful for the generous spirit in which Richard Levy and Hilary Schlesinger read the manuscript, which not only saved me from errors—they were there, after all, I was not—but improved the book. Michael Raeburn kindly allowed me to read some of his father’s letters. Lilli Zimet shared her memories with me. And without the loyal readership and encouragement of Eri Hotta, my wife, and Isabel Buruma, my daughter, I would have found it much harder to soldier on.
I owe a debt to Jin Auh and Jacqueline Ko of the Wylie Agency for their unstinting support. And to Scott Moyers and Mally Anderson, my fine editors at Penguin Press, whose skill and dedication to the written word are all too rare, even among professionals.
Index
The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of this book. The link provided will take you to the beginning of that print page. You may need to scroll forward from that location to find the corresponding reference on your e-reader.
Africa, 193, 210, 240, 272
Allenby, Edmund, 65, 69–70
Alsberg, Adele (Tante Dele), 78, 79, 94, 132
Alsberg, Adolf, 94–95, 131, 134
Alsberg, Anna, 100
Alsberg, Lise (Aunt Liz), 180
Alsberg, Reinhard, see Raeburn, Ashley
Amritsar, 237–38
Amulree, Basil William Sholto Mackenzie, Baron, 125, 164–67, 169, 170, 191, 212
atomic bombs, 270, 279
Auschwitz, 140, 144, 227–28, 267, 281–82
Austria, 137
Baden-Powell, Robert, 73
Badminton School, 183–86, 192–93, 253, 270, 284
Baer, Vera, 140, 231, 282
Baker, Beatrice May (BMB), 183–86, 192–93, 270–71
Bangor, 196–98, 291
Barrie, James, 44, 46, 73, 85, 202n
Battle of Britain, 188–89
Bayreuth Festival, 229
Beech House Military Hospital, 37–38, 67–69, 68, 72–73, 162
Beersheba, 65–66
Beethoven, Ludwig van, 7, 26, 29, 34, 110
Benenden, 187–89, 195
Bengal, 239–40
Benjamin, Walter, 144
Bergen-Belsen, 267
Berkshire, 200, 206, 227, 232–33, 248, 285
see also Kintbury; St. Mary Woodlands House
Berlin, Isaiah, 221
Birley, Oswald, 220
Birnbaum, Irene, 140
Birnbaum, Steffi, 140
Blac
k, Joy, 200
Bloch brothers, 128–29
Bloomsbury House, 145, 148, 283
Bluh, Walter, 140, 144, 147–48
Boekdrukker, Wim, 128
Bolshevism, 159, 223n
Brahms, Johannes, 7, 26, 29, 34, 85–86, 110
Bristol, 183, 184, 186
Britain:
American troops in, 260–62
Germany’s war with, 150, 153–57, 159–63, 166–69, 179–81, 183, 186–90, 192–94, 201–2, 249, 252
refugees and Kindertransport in, 138, 141, 143, 145–46, 283
British Empire Exhibition, 219n
Buchenwald, 267, 268
Buruma, Ian:
childhood friendship of, 215–16
and Christmas at St. Mary Woodlands House, 1–12, 3, 5
father of, 7, 221
mother of, see Schlesinger, Wendy
sisters of, 3, 6, 10, 11
Cambridge University, 83–84, 106
Bernard at, 30, 74, 77, 83, 87, 107, 109, 113
Canada, 168, 178
Cantlie, Dr., 36, 37
Catholicism, 17, 170–71, 198, 284, 289
Cecil, Robert, 131
Chamberlain (Catholic padre), 197–98
Chamberlain, Neville, 145
Chauvel, Harry, 66
Christians, Christianity, 14, 69–70, 97, 98, 100, 102, 134, 146, 199, 201, 257, 273, 283
Catholicism, 17, 170–71, 198, 284, 289
Hilary and, 16–17, 283–84
Churchill, Winston, 239, 240, 263–65, 270, 272, 276–77, 280
City of Benares, 169
Clark, Gordon, 55
Cole, Nat King, 8
Communism, 270, 271–72
concentration camps, 138, 140, 142, 229
Auschwitz, 140, 144, 227–28, 267, 281–82
liberation of, 267, 268
Connaught, Prince Arthur, Duke of, 70
Cooper, Douglas, 165, 166–67, 197
Country Life, 247, 285
Coward, Noël, 7
Creak, Mildred, 213
Cripps, Richard Stafford, 185
cummings, e. e., 290
Darby and Joan, 119–21
Dardanelles, 40, 62
D-Day, 252–54, 261, 263
De Gaulle, Charles, 193
Dickens, Charles, 228
Dies Natalis (Finzi), 199
Doiran, 61–63, 72
Dunkirk, 166, 167
Dyer, Major, 237–38
Dyer, Reginald, 237–38
Egypt, 63, 64, 110, 193
Eisenhower, Dwight D., 268
Elgar, Edward, 219n
Ellinger, Alexander, 13
Ellinger, Estella, 12–13
English Journey, An (Priestley), 136, 159
ENSA, 250
Face of Battle, The (Keegan), 55–56
Far from the Madding Crowd, 259
Feig, Lore, 140, 147, 221
Fernberg, Leo, 25
Feuermann, Emanuel, 149
Finch, Peter, 259
Finzi, Gerald, 199–201, 207, 228, 261
Firbank, Ronald, 27–28
Fitzjohn’s Avenue, 24–25, 33, 40, 179
flu epidemic, 73, 80
Flying Dutchman, The (Wagner), 197
Forster, E. M., 200, 244
France, 71–72, 156, 162, 193, 256, 263
Normandy landings in, 252–54
Win and Bernard’s honeymoon in, 117, 118
French Riviera, 111
Freud, Sigmund, 97, 143
Gallipoli, 40, 62
Galsworthy, John, 93
Gandhi, Indira, 185–86
Gandhi, Mahatma, 185
Gaudier-Brzeska, Henri, 55
German Jews, 13–14, 98, 134, 136, 140–41, 161
Wagner and, 199
see also Nazi Germany
Germany, 25, 26, 38, 72, 91–93, 94, 95, 130, 131, 133, 134
Hitler’s rise in, 129, 131, 132, 133, 136
hostility toward, 29, 30, 93, 161
Kassel, 78, 79, 93–95, 97, 98, 101, 131, 132, 201
see also Nazi Germany
Gielgud, John, 83, 248
Gifford (friend of Bernard’s), 169–70, 171, 213, 225, 228
Gilbert and Sullivan, 85, 285–86
Glorious, HMS, 156
Gloucester, Duke of, 226
Glucksmann, Frieda, 143, 148
Graham (chauffeur), 61
Grand Hotel Bellevue, 111–12
Greece, 263–65
Green, Jonathan, 190
Halbertal, Moshe, 14
Hall, Betty, 251
Hall (gardener), 222–23
Hampstead, 25
Templewood Avenue, 122–23, 125, 132, 146, 148, 160, 225, 271
Win in, 24, 105
Hecht, Peter, 140, 244
Heine, Heinrich, 91
Heymans, Estella, 42
Hindenburg, Paul von, 95n, 131, 132
Hinsley, Cardinal, 193
Hitler, Adolf, 95, 129, 131, 132, 133, 136, 143, 159, 189, 193, 196, 229, 277
plot against, 255
H.M.S. Pinafore (Gilbert and Sullivan), 285–86
Hoare, Samuel, 143
Hohfluh, 149, 149, 171, 227
Holman, Dr., 231
Holmes, Wulston, 39–40
Hotel Alpenruhe, 149–50, 149
Hotel Wagram, 116–17, 118, 227
Howards End (Forster), 200
India, 185, 272–74
Bernard in, 52, 57, 115, 121, 142, 168–70, 213–14, 217–22, 218, 226–28, 231–41, 244–48, 264, 273–74, 278–79
famine in, 239–40
influenza, 73, 80
Inkpen, 205, 206, 265
Inkpen Beacon, 7, 276
International League Against Anti-Semitism, 133
Ireland, 196–98, 207, 230, 291
Isaacs, Rufus, 220
Isaacs, Simon, 220
Israel, 121
Italy, 272
Jacobsohn, Ilse, 140, 183
James, Colonel, 15, 126–27
James, Mrs., 126–27
Japan, 130–31, 133, 241, 249, 252, 268, 279, 280, 291
Jerome, Jerome K., 73
Jerusalem, 69–70
Jewish Chronicle, 147
Jews, Judaism, 38, 39, 97–98, 102, 221, 228, 246, 281–82
assimilation of, 13, 14, 99, 211
Bernard and, 14–15, 16, 101–3, 107–9, 195–96, 198, 229–32, 284–85
concentration camps and, see concentration camps
German, see German Jews
Hilary and, 283–84
hospitals and, 107, 108
Israel and, 121
John and, 257–60
Kristallnacht and, 137–38, 140, 144, 177
Polish, 98
Rosenzweig and, 79, 97–99, 102, 103
in Soviet Union, 262–63
Walter’s essay on, 98–99, 100
Wendy and, 283–84
Win and, 14–15, 16, 100–103, 105–7, 127, 128, 191–92, 193–95, 229–32, 284–85
Juliana, Queen, 11–12
Karloff, Boris, 27–28
Kashmir, 236, 237, 267
Kassel, 78, 79, 93–95, 97, 98, 101, 131, 132, 201
Kästner, Fräulein von, 132
Kaufmann, Edith, 144
Kee, Robert, 55
Keegan, John, 55–56
Kindertransport, 138, 145–46, 283
King-Hall, Stephen, 271
Kintbury, 167,
190, 203, 270
see also Mount Pleasant, Kintbury
Kintbury Follies, 174–75, 175, 204–5
Kipling, Rudyard, 74, 235
Kitchener, Lord, 26
Kohorn, Wolfgang, 140
Kristallnacht, 137–38, 140, 144, 177
Laski, Harold, 270n
László, Philip de, 220
Laura (cook), 3–4, 8, 167–68, 175, 193, 205, 222–24, 223, 233
League of Nations, 75, 131, 184
Levi, Hermann, 199
Levy, Lotte, 177, 212, 228–29
Levy, Richard “Dick” (Hans), 146, 157, 177–79, 193, 212–16, 214, 218, 276, 282
Liberal Jewish Synagogue, 165, 194–96, 284, 290
Linlithgow, Victor Hope, Lord, 219, 239, 240
Lippmann, Walter, 270
Little Man, The (Galsworthy), 93
Lloyd, Constance, 117
Lloyd George, David, 69
London, 8, 38, 79–80, 107, 116, 124, 126, 129, 142, 145, 165–66, 179–80, 254, 269
Blitz in, 183, 186, 187, 201–2, 254
end of war celebration in, 276
Willesden, 287, 289
London School of Economics, 270
Lord, Thomas, 194
MacArthur, Douglas, 263
Macedonia, 60–63, 78
Mackenzie, Basil William Sholto (Baron Amulree), 125, 164–67, 169, 170, 191, 212
Mamlok, Marianne, 140, 142, 147, 283, 284
Many Inventions (Kipling), 74
Marx Brothers, 208n
Mattuck, Rabbi, 165
May, Bill, 224
Maybaum, Ignaz, 144–45
Maybaum, Michael, 140, 141, 144–45
Mendelssohn, Felix, 199
Moberly, Winifred, 105, 109
Montgomery, Bernard, 240–41, 256
Moore, Roger, 4
Mount Pleasant, Kintbury, 19, 122–23, 146, 153–54, 157, 165, 171, 174–75, 175, 177–78, 180, 193, 222–29, 232, 241, 276
Bernard at, 154
garden at, 225, 255
Laura at, 223
Win at, 154, 233
Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, 7
Murdoch, Iris, 185–86
Murray, Archibald, 65
music, 7–8, 25, 34, 64–65, 85, 158, 198, 201, 229
“My Father” (cummings), 290
My Lady Nicotine (Barrie), 73
Namier, Lewis, 221