I drove around in circles for the next hour. I literally pulled in front of both guys’ houses. I chickened out and got out of there. The men didn’t live close to each other.
Currently, I was on the 91 Freeway just passing a casino in Compton.
I thought it was time to turn around. I had gone too far. I turned off the casino off-ramp and spent the next twenty minutes trying to find the on-ramp to come back in the other direction.
I thought of these two men. We were talking about three weeks. Half that time, I didn’t even see either one of them. Was I making too much of this? Maybe neither guy wanted a serious relationship? The second I would think I was ready to pick one of them, I would miss the other as if I had already said goodbye. This is so emotionally draining. I want to listen to my heart, but I can’t quite hear what it’s saying.
Both men had shared a lot of themselves. But no matter how I played each scenario in my head, there was one man who I knew deep, deep, down in my heart was the one I most wanted to be with.
Once I had made my decision, I began to cry. I already missed the other guy so badly. I pulled off the freeway because I was crying so much. I took Beach Boulevard and decided to just take the surface streets.
I decided I wanted to rip off the Band-Aid first. I knew I had to go to the house of the man who I was no longer going to date. I wasn’t sure if it would get weird. I was so nervous.
I drove down his street and parked my car on his driveway. I didn’t want to feel so familiar, but I didn’t trust the street.
Dammit! Was I making the right decision?
I had to stick to one and that was it and the decision I made was the one that made the most sense to me at the present time. Should I be thinking of the present time or should I be thinking of my future? That remains to be seen. I took a deep breath, slowly got out of my car and knocked on his door...
Chapter Thirty-eight