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    Counting Backwards

    Page 3
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    Blooms in its case.

      There are boys slouched against the wall

      Up to no good, there are white-faced girls

      Running to the shop for a paper of chips.

      There’s the long fall of the Mardyke Steps

      Tunneling the bad way to the docks

      And so the lamplighters muster

      To stop the thieves who can knock you down

      Between one lamp and the next,

      Between one step and the drop.

      The Halt

      We stop somewhere on the plain

      While I am sleeping. As my book slips

      The man opposite leans to stop it

      Still chomping that sausage he cut

      With a penknife opened and cleaned

      On his sleeve, long before I slept.

      He pulls down the window-strap and at once

      We hear birds scurry in the scrub

      That bows and knits to the cuff of the wind.

      I turn my face to the glass

      For I speak his language painfully

      Sentence by sentence, and he will talk to me.

      We have halted for no reason

      In the white glare of noon

      At this shack surrounded by sunflowers

      Pothering hens and a plot of maize

      Beyond which the land gallops unbroken.

      There is also a woman

      Who swings a bucket on her arm

      As she clambers the makeshift platform

      Box upon box, skilfully placed.

      She knows all the long curve of the train.

      Now from the engine a stoker swings

      A stream of water that dings on the iron.

      The rails flash so I can barely look at them.

      Our engine shucks steam as it canters

      Panting, pulling against the brake.

      The bucket clangs. The woman steps down.

      From my sticky mouth the words come:

      Hens, maize, sunflowers,

      Her bowed head and the way she waits.

      Bluebell Hollows

      Are they blue or not blue?

      All I know is the smoke

      That moves under the trees,

      In Tremenheere Woods

      Moths clung to the sheet,

      It was the hour of innocence –

      We developed flowers

      On light-sensitive paper:

      They are still here.

      We could never walk fast enough,

      Seven year olds

      Up in the dead of night

      Climbing to the lookout

      Where bonfires blazed

      For reasons long forgotten,

      But perhaps because the Romans

      Once came this far

      To walk the bluebell hollows.

      A Loose Curl

      I have never known you easily

      Hold my hand as you do now.

      We sit here for hours.

      There’s salt all over the glass

      And however I look to the horizon

      Not a sail to be seen.

      I hold your hand and say nothing.

      Once I must have held

      Your finger, a loose curl.

      You remember in snatches.

      You say you’re afraid of a whale

      Snorkelling through the blue Arctic.

      The ice is so fragile.

      You must spread your weight, like this

      And inch out to the abyss.

      This is not a glacier, it’s only

      A world of ice falling apart.

      I think something is moving slowly

      Deep in your fingers.

      The sea stays in its lair

      But wants to be where we are.

      Hornsea, 1952

      …I by the tide

      Of Humber would complain…

      Yes, but were we happy then?

      The wind blew from the east, you were always cold,

      And there was a boating lake –

      Water trapped on your left, below sea level,

      Murkily waiting to be stirred by boys with sticks.

      You and I must have been conspirators

      All those cold days. The two of us.

      No books, no essays, no bike propped up

      In happy rush. No clangour of bells

      Or notes in pigeon-holes:

      I can’t wait for you, my darling.

      Huge planes take off

      Overhead into loneliness,

      You bake sponge cakes at four o’clock

      For belated homecomings –

      Men drink in the Mess.

      The fortune-teller saw you kneel

      Beside your trunk, packing, unpacking.

      The hour for scholarship came round again:

      You won. You win

      And write Oxford on labels

      Flowingly, beneath your name.

      A small child drags at your hand.

      Another pushes out your belly-button.

      You haul at the pram.

      The two of us. How the wind blows.

      You lose one child and you keep one.

      You will change your accent for no one.

      You could write an essay on this:

      A sozzled officer slow to come home,

      Marvell’s vegetable kingdom,

      World enough and time,

      Another baby fattening

      And your thirtieth birthday on the horizon.

      Festival of stone

      (for Jitka Palmer)

      The chink of hammers is a song

      Like blackbirds interrupted, alarming

      One another in the beauty of the morning

      Over the thud of mallets, raspings on stone

      As the sculptors bend and sweat

      And the skirts of the tents blow out.

      The chink of hammers is the wind that plays

      On plane leaves keyed to a ripple

      In the updraught from the water

      And all is flash and shatter

      As the surface breaks open

      To show the face of the stone.

      A Bit of Love

      He must stir himself. No more hiding

      Behind the skill of hands

      That are not his.

      Those nurses are good girls.

      They’ll do anything for you –

      Within reason of course.

      He must fumble his old fingers

      Get himself moving –

      They all say this.

      Ambulance bells carouse

      Until he doesn’t know where he is.

      Drunks in the street

      Swaying about like Holy Moses

      That’s about the size of it:

      No one listens.

      The lamplighter went home years ago

      There’s no night policeman

      Or dawn milk-chink.

      That stout world is a trinket

      In the eyes of his grandchildren.

      His shifts are over.

      Here’s a bit of paper

      And a book to lean on

      What more does he want?

      In his well-taught hand-writing

      He’ll send her a bit of love

      To make her blush.

      Winter Balcony with Dunnocks

      Close to the earth, creeping, lowly

      Mouse-coloured, unglamorous

      Dunnocks, your dusty wings flirt

      In the dry roots of ivy, you are unnoted

      Untweeted creatures, you turn

      Dry leaves and peck for grubs.

      You come to my balcony, a cloud of you

      Eight floors up and slender-dark

      Tilting your wings to skirt the railing

      And flicker among the geraniums

      As the winter cold comes on –

      Quick, quick, against the dusk.

      You don’t care that someone was here

      Before you: those two fat pigeons

      Dumpily purring, the noisy ones

      Who think I can’t see where they slump

      Between flower-pot and pla
    stic bucket

      Breast to breast, at roost –

      No, you are too quick-dark

      On the rim of night, flickering

      Through the chill buds of the camellia,

      Unnoted, untweeted creatures,

      Dunnocks, foraging

      December and the year’s husk.

      Mimosa

      Why is the mimosa here

      Inside its dark frame?

      So down-to-earth, it comes out workmanlike

      Year after year, breaks its own branches

      With plumes that make the sky quiver.

      Let’s sit here, on the bench, under it

      To rest while you get your breath.

      Winter’s over, and look, in this dustbin

      Someone has planted wallflowers.

      There’s pollen all over your arms.

      Nightfall in the IKEA Kitchen

      Nightfall in the IKEA kitchen.

      Even though the lights are left on

      I feel the push of the wind’s deconstruction

      Take the hull of the shed by storm.

      Creak and strain of test and fault-finding

      But here in the glow I am alone

      Expected and consoled. Here is the notice board

      Riddled with reminders and invitations,

      Here are picture ledges and high cabinets

      Kitchen trolley, drying racks

      A sly shoe cabinet, fabric pocket-ties:

      A life so sweetly cupboarded

      I barely believe it is mine. Open

      And another light comes on.

      Here is the place where I begin again

      As a twenty-three year old Finn

      Taking the keys of her first home.

      I use space well here. I waste nothing.

      The floor clock has shelves, the bed lifts up

      And if I yield and sleep

      I will become part of the storage system

      Harbouring dreams and heat.

      Everything is a little below scale

      And therefore ample. Stuva, Dröma

      Expedit, Tromsø, Isfjorden…

      I rock in the peace of their names

      Even as I mispronounce them

      For this is nightfall in the one-bedroom

      Model apartment’s kitchen

      When everyone has gone home

      And there is nothing left

      But the Marketplace itself.

      And say a child is born, no problem.

      With a simple room-divider

      I can create not only child storage

      But also a home office

      From which I will provide for us both.

      Look, here is his football on the floor

      And here a shelf where it may be stored.

      His whole life is in these drawers.

      Call him Billy and see him run.

      When he grows up and moves out

      Just take down the partition

      To have, at last, my own space again.

      Ten thousand times the wind has pushed the doors

      But they have not opened yet.

      Those cupboards. Stockholm. Yes, that green

      Nature can never quite get.

      The Duration

      Here they are on the beach where the boy played

      For fifteen summers, before he grew too old

      For French cricket, shrimping and rock pools.

      Here is the place where he built his dam

      Year after year. See, the stream still comes down

      Just as it did, and spreads itself on the sand

      Into a dozen channels. How he enlisted them:

      Those splendid spades, those sun-bonneted girls

      Furiously shoring up the ramparts.

      Here they are on the beach, just as they were

      Those fifteen summers. She has a rough towel

      Ready for him. The boy was always last out of the water.

      She would rub him down hard, chafe him like a foal

      Up on its legs for an hour and trembling, all angles.

      She would dry carefully between his toes.

      Here they are on the beach, the two of them

      Sitting on the same square of mackintosh,

      The same tartan rug. Quality lasts.

      There are children in the water, and mothers patrolling

      The sea’s edge, calling them back

      From the danger zone beyond the breakers.

      How her heart would stab when he went too far out.

      Once she flustered into the water, shouting

      Until he swam back. He was ashamed of her then.

      Wouldn’t speak, wouldn’t look at her even.

      Her skirt was sopped. She had to wring out the hem.

      She wonders if Father remembers.

      Later, when they’ve had their sandwiches

      She might speak of it. There are hours yet.

      Thousands, by her reckoning.

      At the Spit

      If you lie down at the Spit on this warm

      But sunless afternoon, here on the pebbles,

      Smelling the wrack and sea-blown plastic,

      If you squint at the clouds that sag on the horizon

      Without bringing rain or allowing the sun,

      If you lie down here in the hollow

      And take your backpack for a pillow

      And watch how the pebbles lose colour

      And then, shutting your eyes, listen,

      You’ll hear the tide swell and the wrack dry

      To fool’s balloons, incurably saline

      Crackling under the weight of your backpack

      As you lie down,

      If you lie down and as they say do nothing

      You’ll hear the tongue of the tide licking

      The Spit – O fine appetite! – You’ll hear the click

      And tumble of pebbles, slumbrous

      Geography shifting: this is the land mass

      And this the plastic, the wrack, the mess

      To pick over in search of a home. Go back,

      It’s late and the unseen sun’s dropping

      Hurts the clouds and turns them to rain.

      Drowsy, at home, you lie and dream

      Of longboats and long-shed blood

      Of corner shops and running for sweets –

      O sweet familiarity, geography

      Melting into the known –

      Terra Incognita

      And now we come to the unknown land

      With its blue coves and inlets where sweet water

      Bubbles against the salt. Its sand

      Is ready for footprints. Give me your hand

      Onto the rock where the seaweed clings

      And the red anemone throbs in its crevice

      Through swash and backwash. These things

      Various as the brain’s comb and the tide’s swing

      Or the first touch of untouched terrain

      On our footsoles, as the land explores us,

      Have become our fortune. Let me explain

      Which foods are good to eat, and which poison.

      Four cormorants, one swan

      The swans go up with slow wing-beats

      That strike off from the surface of the water.

      Even the most absorbed games-player

      Deep in his mobile, looks up at the clatter

      Of six swans’ wings.

      After the swans have patrolled their harbour

      They settle singly. One drifts with the current

      To the house-boat window that always opens,

      Another sails towards two cormorants

      Hanging out their wings

      And two coosing, or fishing

      In the shallows beside the jetty.

      Now the whole afternoon hangs

      In the balance between four cormorants

      And a single swan, approaching.

      The first cormorant pratfalls from its perch

      In an ungainly bundle of wings

      Or so it seems. But no, it is flying

      Arrowlike to a fish a hundred
    yards off.

      A lover could not be more direct.

      Girl in the Blue Pool

      Years back and full of echoes.

      Chlorine, urine, raucous

      Cuff of voices on broken surface.

      A boy on the edge rowdily teeters

      And you, knees flexed, arms back

      Are on the pulse of your stroke. Suppose

      It is you, now, in the pink bikini, close

      To making five hundred metres

      As the ceiling splinters with echoes.

      Suppose you touch the tiles on the turn

      And vanish. The churn

      Of bubbles streams at your heels

      While you shake water out of your ears

      To catch the voice of your instructor

      Who paces you, outpaces you

      On the blue-wet tiles. How her voice echoes.

      You should not be wearing a bikini

      And you were slow on the turn.

      I am years back and full of echoes.

      The silver stream where you swim

      Has long ago been swallowed,

      But at your temples the lovely hollows

      Play in June light. Suppose

      There is one length left in you, knees flexed

      Arms back. Chlorine, urine, raucous

      Voices on shattered surface. If that boy topples

     


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