Don’t say that.
Pause.
It all …
JERRY
Seems such a long time ago.
EMMA
Does it?
JERRY
Same again?
He takes the glasses, goes to the bar. She sits still. He returns, with the drinks, sits.
EMMA
I thought of you the other day.
Pause.
I was driving through Kilburn. Suddenly I saw where I was. I just stopped, and then I turned down Kinsale Drive and drove into Wessex Grove. I drove past the house and then stopped about fifty yards further on, like we used to do, do you remember?
JERRY
Yes.
EMMA
People were coming out of the house. They walked up the road.
JERRY
What sort of people?
EMMA
Oh … young people. Then I got out of the car and went up the steps. I looked at the bells, you know, the names on the bells. I looked for our name.
Pause.
JERRY
Green.
Pause.
Couldn’t see it, eh?
EMMA
No.
JERRY
That’s because we’re not there any more. We haven’t been there for years.
EMMA
No we haven’t.
Pause.
JERRY
I hear you’re seeing a bit of Casey.
EMMA
What?
JERRY
Casey. I just heard you were … seeing a bit of him.
EMMA
Where did you hear that?
JERRY
Oh … people … talking.
EMMA
Christ.
JERRY
The funny thing was that the only thing I really felt was irritation, I mean irritation that nobody gossiped about us like that, in the old days. I nearly said, now look, she may be having the occasional drink with Casey, who cares, but she and I had an affair for seven years and none of you bastards had the faintest idea it was happening.
Pause.
EMMA
I wonder. I wonder if everyone knew, all the time.
JERRY
Don’t be silly. We were brilliant. Nobody knew. Who ever went to Kilburn in those days? Just you and me.
Pause.
Anyway, what’s all this about you and Casey?
EMMA
What do you mean?
JERRY
What’s going on?
EMMA
We have the occasional drink.
JERRY
I thought you didn’t admire his work.
EMMA
I’ve changed. Or his work has changed. Are you jealous?
JERRY
Of what?
Pause.
I couldn’t be jealous of Casey. I’m his agent. I advised him about his divorce. I read all his first drafts. I persuaded your husband to publish his first novel. I escort him to Oxford to speak at the Union. He’s my … he’s my boy. I discovered him when he was a poet, and that’s a bloody long time ago now.
Pause.
He’s even taken me down to Southampton to meet his Mum and Dad. I couldn’t be jealous of Casey. Anyway it’s not as if we’re having an affair now, is it? We haven’t seen each other for years. Really, I’m very happy if you’re happy.
Pause.
What about Robert?
Pause.
EMMA
Well … I think we’re going to separate.
JERRY
Oh?
EMMA
We had a long talk … last night.
JERRY
Last night?
EMMA
You know what I found out … last night? He’s betrayed me for years. He’s had … other women for years.
JERRY
No? Good Lord.
Pause.
But we betrayed him for years.
EMMA
And he betrayed me for years.
JERRY
Well I never knew that.
EMMA
Nor did I.
Pause.
JERRY
Does Casey know about this?
EMMA
I wish you wouldn’t keep calling him Casey. His name is Roger.
JERRY
Yes. Roger.
EMMA
I phoned you. I don’t know why.
JERRY
What a funny thing. We were such close friends, weren’t we? Robert and me, even though I haven’t seem him for a few months, but through all those years, all the drinks, all the lunches … we had together, I never even gleaned … I never suspected … that there was anyone else … in his life but you. Never. For example, when you’re with a fellow in a pub, or a restaurant, for example, from time to time he pops out for a piss, you see, who doesn’t, but what I mean is, if he’s making a crafty telephone call, you can sort of sense it. Well, I never did that with Robert. He never made any crafty telephone calls in any pub I was ever with him in. The funny thing is that it was me who made the calls – to you, when I left him boozing at the bar. That’s the funny thing.
Pause.
When did he tell you all this?
EMMA
Last night. I think we were up all night.
Pause.
JERRY
You talked all night?
EMMA
Yes. Oh yes.
Pause.
JERRY
I didn’t come into it, did I?
What?
JERRY
I just –
EMMA
I just phoned you this morning, you know, that’s all, because I … because we’re old friends … I’ve been up all night … the whole thing’s finished … I suddenly felt I wanted to see you.
JERRY
Well, look, I’m happy to see you. I am. I’m sorry … about …
EMMA
Do you remember? I mean, you do remember?
JERRY
I remember.
Pause.
EMMA
You couldn’t really afford Wessex Grove when we took it, could you?
JERRY
Oh, love finds a way.
EMMA
I bought the curtains.
JERRY
You found a way.
EMMA
Listen, I didn’t want to see you for nostalgia, I mean what’s the point? I just wanted to see how you were. Truly. How are you?
JERRY
Oh what does it matter?
Pause.
You didn’t tell Robert about me last night, did you?
EMMA
I had to.
Pause.
He told me everything. I told him everything. We were up … all night. At one point Ned came down. I had to take him up to bed, had to put him back to bed. Then I went down again. I think it was the voices woke him up. You know …
JERRY
You told him everything?
EMMA
I had to.
JERRY
You told him everything … about us?
EMMA
I had to.
Pause.
JERRY
But he’s my oldest friend. I mean, I picked his own daughter up in my own arms and threw her up and caught her, in my kitchen. He watched me do it.
EMMA
It doesn’t matter. It’s all gone.
JERRY
Is it? What has?
EMMA
It’s all all over.
She drinks.
1977 Later
SCENE TWO
Jerry’s House. Study. 1977. Spring.
JERRY sitting. ROBERT standing, with glass.
JERRY
It’s good of you to come.
ROBERT
Not at all.
JERRY
Yes, yes, I know it was difficult … I know … the kids …
&nbs
p; ROBERT
It’s all right. It sounded urgent.
JERRY
Well … You found someone, did you?
ROBERT
What?
JERRY
For the kids.
ROBERT
Yes, yes. Honestly. Everything’s in order. Anyway, Charlotte’s not a baby.
JERRY
No.
Pause.
Are you going to sit down?
ROBERT
Well, I might, yes, in a minute.
Pause.
JERRY
Judith’s at the hospital … on night duty. The kids are … here … upstairs.
ROBERT
Uh – huh.
JERRY
I must speak to you. It’s important.
ROBERT
Speak.
JERRY
Yes.
Pause.
ROBERT
You look quite rough.
Pause.
What’s the trouble?
Pause.
It’s not about you and Emma, is it?
Pause.
I know all about that.
JERRY
Yes. So I’ve … been told.
ROBERT
Ah.
Pause.
Well, it’s not very important, is it? Been over for years, hasn’t it?
JERRY
It is important.
ROBERT
Really? Why?
JERRY stands, walks about.
JERRY
I thought I was going to go mad.
ROBERT
When?
JERRY
This evening. Just now. Wondering whether to phone you. I had to phone you. It took me … two hours to phone you. And then you were with the kids … I thought I wasn’t going to be able to see you … I thought I’d go mad. I’m very grateful to you … for coming.
ROBERT
Oh for God’s sake! Look, what exactly do you want to say?
Pause.
JERRY sits.
JERRY
I don’t know why she told you. I don’t know how she could tell you. I just don’t understand. Listen, I know you’ve got … look, I saw her today … we had a drink … I haven’t seen her for … she told me, you know, that you’re in trouble, both of you … and so on. I know that. I mean I’m sorry.
ROBERT
Don’t be sorry.
JERRY
Why not?
Pause.
The fact is I can’t understand … why she thought it necessary … after all these years … to tell you … so suddenly … last night …
ROBERT
Last night?
JERRY
Without consulting me. Without even warning me. After all, you and me …
ROBERT
She didn’t tell me last night.
JERRY
What do you mean?
Pause.
I know about last night. She told me about it. You were up all night, weren’t you?
ROBERT
That’s correct.
JERRY
And she told you … last night … about her and me. Did she not?
ROBERT
No, she didn’t. She didn’t tell me about you and her last night. She told me about you and her four years ago.
Pause.
So she didn’t have to tell me again last night. Because I knew. And she knew I knew because she told me herself four years ago.
Silence.
JERRY
What?
ROBERT
I think I will sit down.
He sits.
I thought you knew.
JERRY
Knew what?
ROBERT
That I knew. That I’ve known for years. I thought you knew that.
JERRY
You thought I knew?
ROBERT
She said you didn’t. But I didn’t believe that.
Pause.
Anyway I think I thought you knew. But you say you didn’t?
JERRY
She told you … when?
ROBERT
Well, I found out. That’s what happened. I told her I’d found out and then she … confirmed … the facts.
JERRY
When?
ROBERT
Oh, a long time ago, Jerry.
Pause.
JERRY
But we’ve seen each other … a great deal … over the last four years. We’ve had lunch.
ROBERT
Never played squash though.
JERRY
I was your best friend.
ROBERT
Well, yes, sure.
JERRY stares at him and then holds his head in his hands.
Oh, don’t get upset. There’s no point.
Silence.
JERRY sits up.
JERRY
Why didn’t she tell me?
ROBERT
Well, I’m not her, old boy.
JERRY
Why didn’t you tell me?
Pause.
ROBERT
I thought you might know.
JERRY
But you didn’t know for certain, did you? You didn’t know!
ROBERT
No.
JERRY
Then why didn’t you tell me?
Pause.
ROBERT
Tell you what?
JERRY
That you knew. You bastard.
ROBERT
Oh, don’t call me a bastard, Jerry.
Pause.
JERRY
What are we going to do?
ROBERT
You and I are not going to do anything. My marriage is finished. I’ve just got to make proper arrangements, that’s all. About the children.
Pause.
JERRY
You hadn’t thought of telling Judith?
ROBERT
Telling Judith what? Oh, about you and Emma. You mean she never knew? Are you quite sure?
Pause.
No, I hadn’t thought of telling Judith, actually. You don’t seem to understand. You don’t seem to understand that I don’t give a shit about any of this. It’s true I’ve hit Emma once or twice. But that wasn’t to defend a principle. I wasn’t inspired to do it from any kind of moral standpoint. I just felt like giving her a good bashing. The old itch … you understand.
Pause.
JERRY
But you betrayed her for years, didn’t you?
ROBERT
Oh yes.
JERRY
And she never knew about it. Did she?
ROBERT
Didn’t she?
Pause.
JERRY
I didn’t.
ROBERT
No, you didn’t know very much about anything, really, did you?
Pause.
JERRY
No.
ROBERT
Yes you did.
JERRY
Yes I did. I lived with her.
ROBERT
Yes. In the afternoons.
JERRY
Sometimes very long ones. For seven years.
ROBERT
Yes, you certainly knew all there was to know about that. About the seven years of afternoons. I don’t know anything about that.
Pause.
I hope she looked after you all right.
Silence.
JERRY
We used to like each other.
ROBERT
We still do.
Pause.
I bumped into old Casey the other day. I believe he’s having an affair with my wife. We haven’t played squash for years, Casey and me. We used to have a damn good game.
JERRY
He’s put on weight.
ROBERT
Yes, I thought that.
JERRY
He’s over the hill.
ROBERT
Is he?
JERRY
Don’t you think so?
ROBERT
In what respect?
JERRY
His work. His books.
ROBERT
Oh his books. His art. Yes his art does seem to be falling away, doesn’t it?
JERRY
Still sells.
ROBERT
Oh, sells very well. Sells very well indeed. Very good for us. For you and me.
JERRY
Yes.
ROBERT
Someone was telling me – who was it – must have been someone in the publicity department – the other day – that when Casey went up to York to sign his latest book, in a bookshop, you know, with Barbara Spring, you know, the populace queued for hours to get his signature on his book, while one old lady and a dog queued to get Barbara Spring’s signature, on her book. I happen to think that Barbara Spring … is good, don’t you?
JERRY
Yes.
Pause.
ROBERT
Still, we both do very well out of Casey, don’t we?
JERRY
Very well.
Pause.
ROBERT
Have you read any good books lately?
JERRY
I’ve been reading Yeats.
ROBERT
Ah. Yeats. Yes.
Pause.
JERRY
You read Yeats on Torcello once.
ROBERT
On Torcello?
JERRY
Don’t you remember? Years ago. You went over to Torcello in the dawn, alone. And read Yeats.
ROBERT
So I did. I told you that, yes.
Pause.
Yes.
Pause.
Where are you going this summer, you and the family?
JERRY
The Lake District.
1975
SCENE THREE
Flat. 1975. Winter.
JERRY and EMMA. They are sitting.
Silence.
JERRY
What do you want to do then?
Pause.
EMMA
I don’t quite know what we’re doing, any more, that’s all.
JERRY
Mmnn.
Pause.
EMMA
I mean, this flat …
JERRY
Yes.
EMMA
Can you actually remember when we were last here?
JERRY
In the summer, was it?
EMMA
Well, was it?
JERRY
I know it seems –
EMMA
It was the beginning of September.
JERRY
Well, that’s summer, isn’t it?
EMMA
It was actually extremely cold. It was early autumn.
JERRY
It’s pretty cold now.
EMMA
We were going to get another electric fire.
JERRY
Yes, I never got that.
EMMA
Not much point in getting it if we’re never here.
JERRY
We’re here now.
EMMA
Not really.
Silence.
JERRY
Well, things have changed. You’ve been so busy, your job, and everything.