Where?
RUMSEY
In the window.
ELLEN
It’s very dark outside.
RUMSEY
It’s high up.
ELLEN
Does it get darker the higher you get?
RUMSEY
No.
Silence
ELLEN
Around me sits the night. Such a silence. I can hear myself. Cup my ear. My heart beats in my ear. Such a silence. Is it me? Am I silent or speaking? How can I know? Can I know such things? No-one has ever told me. I need to be told things. I seem to be old. Am I old now? No-one will tell me. I must find a person to tell me these things.
BATES
My landlady asks me in for a drink. Stupid conversation. What are you doing here? Why do you live alone? Where do you come from? What do you do with yourself? What kind of life have you had? You seem fit. A bit grumpy. You can smile, surely, at something? Surely you have smiled, at a thing in your life? At something? Has there been no pleasantness in your life? No kind of loveliness in your life? Are you nothing but a childish old man, suffocating himself?
I’ve had all that. I’ve got all that. I said.
ELLEN
He sat me on his knee, by the window, and asked if he could kiss my right cheek. I nodded he could. He did. Then he asked, if, having kissed my right, he could do the same with my left I said yes. He did.
Silence
RUMSEY
She was looking down. I couldn’t hear what she said.
BATES
I can’t hear you. Yes you can, I said.
RUMSEY
What are you saying? Look at me, she said.
BATES
I didn’t. I didn’t hear you, she said. I didn’t hear what you
RUMSEY
But I am looking at you. It’s your head that’s bent.
Silence
BATES
The little girl looked up at me. I said: at night horses are quite happy. They stand about, then after a bit of a time they go to sleep. In the morning they wake up, snort a bit, canter, sometimes, and eat. You’ve no cause to worry about them.
ELLEN moves to RUMSEY
RUMSEY
Find a young man.
ELLEN
There aren’t any.
RUMSEY
Don’t be stupid.
ELLEN
I don’t like them.
RUMSEY
You’re stupid.
ELLEN
I hate them.
Pause
RUMSEY
Find one.
Silence
BATES
For instance, I said, those shapes in the trees, you’ll find they’re just birds, resting after a long journey.
ELLEN
I go up with the milk. The sky hits me. I walk in this wind to collide with them waiting.
There are two. They halt to laugh and bellow in the yard. They dig and punch and cackle where they stand. They turn to move, look round at me to grin. I turn my eyes from one, and from the other to him.
Silence
BATES
From the young people’s room – silence. Sleep? Tender love?
It’s of no importance.
Silence
RUMSEY
I walk with my girl who wears—
BATES
Caught a bus to the town. Crowds. Lights round—
Silence
BLLEN
After my work each day I walk back through people but I don’t notice them. I’m not in a dream or anything of that sort. On the contrary. I’m quite wide awake to the world around me. But not to the people. There must be something in them to notice, to pay attention to, something of interest in them. In fact I know there is. I’m certain of it. But I pass through them noticing nothing. It is only later, in my room, that I remember. Yes, I remember. But I’m never sure that what I remember is of to-day or of yesterday or of a long time ago.
And then often it is only half things I remember, half things, beginnings of things.
My drinking companion for the hundredth time asked me if I’d ever been married. This time I told her I had. Yes, I told her I had. Certainly. I can remember the wedding.
Silence
RUMSEY
On good evenings we walk through the hills to the top of the hill past the dogs the clouds racing
ELLEN
Sometimes the wind is so high he does not hear me.
BATES
Brought her into this place, my cousin runs it.
ELLEN
all the blue changes, I’m dizzy sometimes
Silence
RUMSEY
that the path and the bushes are the same, that the gate is the same
BATES
You cross the field out of darkness.
You arrive.
ELLEN
I turn to them and speak.
Silence
RUMSEY
and watch the folding light.
BATES
and their tittering bitches, and their music, and their love.
ELLEN
They ask me where I come from. I say of course from the country.
Silence
Come with me tonight.
ELLEN
Where?
BATES
Anywhere. For a walk.
Silence
RUMSEY
My visit, my care, will be like any other visit, any other care.
BATES
I see something in a tree, a shape, a shadow.
Silence
ELLEN
When I run …
RUMSEY
Floating … under me.
ELLEN
The horizon moves from the sun.
Silence
RUMSEY
They are sharp at first sight … then smudged … then lost … then glimpsed again … then gone.
BATES
feel all the dust drain out, let it go, feel the grit slip away.
ELLEN
I look them in their eyes.
Silence
RUMSEY
It’s high up.
ELLEN
Does it get darker the higher you get?
RUMSEY
No.
Silence
ELLEN
Around me sits the night. Such a silence.
BATES
I’ve had all that. I’ve got all that. I said.
ELLEN
I nodded he could.
Silence
RUMSEY
She was looking down.
BATES
Yes you can, I said.
RUMSEY
What are you saying?
BATES
I didn’t hear you, she said.
RUMSEY
But I am looking at you. It’s your head that’s bent.
Silence
BATES
In the morning they wake up, snort a bit, canter, sometimes, and eat.
Silence
ELLEN
There aren’t any.
RUMSEY
Don’t be stupid.
ELLEN
I don’t like them.
RUMSEY
You’re stupid.
Silence
BATES
For instance, I said, those shapes in the trees.
ELLEN
I walk in this wind to collide with them waiting.
Silence
BATES
Sleep? Tender love? It’s of no importance.
ELLEN
I kiss them there and say
Silence
RUMSEY
I walk
Silence
BATES
Caught a bus
Silence
ELLEN
Certainly. I can remember the wedding.
Silence
RUMSEY
I walk with my girl who wears a grey blouse
BATES
Caught a bus to the town. Crowds. Lights round the market
Long silence
Fade lights
REVUE SKETCHES
Night
That’s Your Trouble
That’s All
Applicant
Interview
Dialogue for Three
Night was first presented by Alexander H. Cohen Ltd. in an entertainment entitled Mixed Doubles at the Comedy Theatre on 9th April, 1969, with the following cast:
MAN Nigel Stock
WOMAN Vivien Merchant
Directed by Alexander Doré
That’s Your Trouble, That’s All, Applicant, Interview and Dialogue for Three were first presented on BBC Radio on the Third Programme between February and March 1964.
NIGHT
A woman and a man in their forties.
They sit with coffee.
MAN
I’m talking about that time by the river.
WOMAN
What time?
MAN
The first time. On the bridge. Starting on the bridge.
Pause
WOMAN
I can’t remember.
MAN
On the bridge. We stopped and looked down at the river. It was night. There were lamps lit on the towpath. We were alone. We looked up the river. I put my hand on the small of your waist. Don’t you remember? I put my hand under your coat.
Pause
WOMAN
Was it winter?
MAN
Of course it was winter. It was when we met. It was our first walk. You must remember that.
WOMAN
I remember walking. I remember walking with you.
MAN
The first time? Our first walk?
WOMAN
Yes, of course I remember that.
Pause
We walked down a road into a field, through some railings. We walked to a corner of the field and then we stood by the railings.
MAN
No. It was on the bridge that we stopped.
Pause
WOMAN
That was someone else.
MAN
Rubbish.
WOMAN
That was another girl.
MAN
It was years ago. You’ve forgotten.
Pause
I remember the light on the water.
WOMAN
You took my face in your hands, standing by the railings. You were very gentle, you were very caring. You cared. Your eyes searched my face. I wondered who you were. I wondered what you thought. I wondered what you would do.
MAN
You agree we met at a party. You agree with that?
WOMAN
What was that?
MAN
What?
WOMAN
I thought I heard a child crying.
MAN
There was no sound.
WOMAN
I thought it was a child, crying, waking up.
MAN
The house is silent.
Pause
It’s very late. We’re sitting here. We should be in bed. I have to be up early. I have things to do. Why do you argue?
WOMAN
I don’t. I’m not. I’m willing to go to bed. I have things to do. I have to be up in the morning.
Pause
MAN
A man called Doughty gave the party. You knew him. I had met him. I knew his wife. I met you there. You were standing by the window. I smiled at you, and to my surprise you smiled back. You liked me. I was amazed. You found me attractive. Later you told me. You liked my eyes.
WOMAN
You liked mine.
Pause
WOMAN
You touched my hand. You asked me who I was, and what I was, and whether I was aware that you were touching my hand, that your fingers were touching mine, that your fingers were moving up and down between mine.
MAN
No. We stopped on a bridge. I stood behind you. I put my hand under your coat, onto your waist. You felt my hand on you.
Pause
WOMAN
We had been to a party. Given by the Doughtys. You had known his wife. She looked at you dearly, as if to say you were her dear. She seemed to love you. I didn’t. I didn’t know you. They had a lovely house. By a river. I went to collect my coat, leaving you waiting for me. You had offered to escort me. I thought you were quite courtly, quite courteous, pleasantly mannered, quite caring. I slipped my coat on and looked out of the window, knowing you were waiting. I looked down over the garden to the river, and saw the lamplight on the water. Then I joined you and we walked down the road through railings into a field, must have been some kind of park. Later we found your car. You drove me.
Pause
MAN
I touched your breasts.
WOMAN
Where?
MAN
On the bridge. I felt your breasts.
WOMAN
Really?
MAN
Standing behind you.
WOMAN
I wondered whether you would, whether you wanted to, whether you would.
MAN
Yes.
WOMAN
I wondered how you would go about it, whether you wanted to, sufficiently.
MAN
I put my hands under your sweater, I undid your brassière, I felt your breasts.
WOMAN
Another night perhaps. Another girl.
MAN
You don’t remember my fingers on your skin?
WOMAN
Were they in your hands? My breasts? Fully in your hands?
MAN
You don’t remember my hands on your skin?
Pause
WOMAN
Standing behind me?
MAN
Yes.
WOMAN
But my back was against railings. I felt the railings . . behind me. You were facing me. I was looking into your eyes. My coat was closed. It was cold.
MAN
I undid your coat.
WOMAN
It was very late. Chilly.
MAN
And then we left the bridge and we walked down the towpath and we came to a rubbish dump.
WOMAN
And you had me and you told me you had fallen in love with me, and you said you would take care of me always, and you told me my voice and my eyes, my thighs, my breasts, were incomparable, and that you would adore me always.
MAN
Yes I did.
WOMAN
And you do adore me always.
MAN
Yes I do.
WOMAN
And then we had children and we sat and talked and you remembered women on bridges and towpaths and rubbish dumps.
MAN
And you remembered your bottom against railings and men holding your hands and men looking into your eyes.
WOMAN
And talking to me softly.
MAN
And your soft voice. Talking to them softly at night.
WOMAN
And they said I will adore you always.
MAN
Saying I will adore you always.
THAT’S YOUR TROUBLE
Two men in a park. One on the grass, reading. The other making cricket strokes with umbrella.
1 A. (stopping in mid-stroke): Eh, look at that bloke, what’s he got on his back, he’s got a sandwich board on his back.
2 B.: What about it?
3 A.: He wants to take it off, he’ll get a headache.
4 B.: Rubbish.
5 A.: What do you mean?
6 B.: He won’t get a headache.
7 A.: I bet he will.
8 B.: The neck! It affects his neck! He’ll get a neckache.
9 A.: The strain goes up.
10 B.: Have you ever carried a sandwich board?
11 A.: Never.
12 B.: Then how do you know which way the strain goes
? (Pause.) It goes down! The strain goes down, it starts with the neck and it goes down. He’ll get a neckache and a backache.
13 A.: He’ll get a headache in the end.
14 B.: There’s no end.
15 A.: That’s where the brain is.
16 B.: That’s where the what is?
17 A.: The brain.
18 B.: It’s nothing to do with the brain.
19 A.: Oh, isn’t it?
20 B.: It won’t go anywhere near his brain.
21 A.: That’s where you’re wrong.
22 B.: I’m not wrong. I’m right. (Pause.) You happen to be talking to a man who knows what he’s talking about. (Pause.) His brain doesn’t come into it. If you’ve got a strain, it goes down. It’s not like heat.
23 A.: What do you mean?
24 B. (ferociously): If you’ve got a strain it goes down! Heat goes up! (Pause.)
25 A.: You mean sound.
26 B.: I what?
27 A.: Sound goes up.
28 B.: Sound goes anywhere it likes! It all depends where you happen to be standing, it’s a matter of physics, that’s something you’re just completely ignorant of, but you just try carrying a sandwich board and you’ll find out soon enough. First the neck, then the shoulders, then the back, then it worms into the buttocks, that’s where it worms. The buttocks. Either the right or the left, it depends how you carry your weight. Then right down the thighs – a straight drop to his feet and he’ll collapse.
29 A.: He hasn’t collapsed yet.
30 B.: He will. Give him a chance. A headache! How can he get a headache? He hasn’t got anything on his head! I’m the one who’s got the headache. (Pause.) You just don’t know how to listen to what other people tell you, that’s your trouble.
31 A.: I know what my trouble is.
32 B.: You don’t know what your trouble is, my friend. That’s your trouble.
THAT’S ALL
MRS A.: I always put the kettle on about that time.
MRS B.: Yes. (Pause.)
MRS A.: Then she comes round.
MRS B.: Yes. (Pause.)
MRS A.: Only on Thursdays.
MRS B.: Yes. (Pause.)
MRS A.: On Wednesdays I used to put it on. When she used to come round. Then she changed it to Thursdays.
MRS B.: Oh yes.
MRS A.: After she moved. When she used to live round the corner, then she always came in on Wednesdays, but then when she moved she used to come down to the butcher’s on Thursdays. She couldn’t find a butcher up there.
MRS B.: No.
MRS A.: Anyway, she decided she’d stick to her own butcher. Well, I thought, if she can’t find a butcher, that’s the best thing.