“There are a lot of frogs here,” I say. “We could get a frog.”
She laughs in this way that says she doesn’t know if I’m kidding.
“I only go for the fuzzy ones,” I tell her.
“All right.”
I take my comment out of context in my head and giggle a little. I only go for the fuzzy ones. Heh. This is a gross thing to be laughing about in front of your mom.
She’s wearing the brown patchwork jacket I got her a million Christmases ago. She blows on her hands and runs them through her hair. “I hope we find Casablanca,” she says. “She’s my favorite.” Casablanca is a Labrador retriever. She’s old and missing a leg.
“We’ll find her,” I say. “She’s easy. Easy to describe in posters and stuff. Easy to hear coming.”
But the cold is making my nose run and making it a little hard to breathe, and right now nothing sounds very easy.
I wipe my nose.
Mom flicks her flashlight beam to me, and I look away quickly. “It’s cold,” I say stupidly, and crunch some of the leaves on the ground. It’s not like she’d get upset if I were crying. I cry like three times a day, so it’s the opposite of a big deal. It’d be like getting concerned every time I eat a meal.
Mom says, “I called the shelter this morning. They have all their descriptions, and they’re all looking out, just waiting for someone to bring them in.”
“Okay.”
She says, “I’m so sorry this happened, sweetheart.”
“We’re going to find them. We’re going to find all of them. That’s right, yeah?”
“Yes.” Mom cups her hand around the back of my head. “That’s right.”
I felt better when Lio comforted me, but it’s still nice to be here for a minute, with Mom, searching for animals that she never even wanted.
We find Jupiter, who’s this amazing Chihuahua-pug mix, trying to pick a fight with some bigger dogs a few blocks away. We start to head home with him, and my heart is pounding against his little body, and then we find Caramel, and just when everything feels so, so amazing, we find my parakeet, Fernando, except he’s dead.
It’s like a punch in the chest.
But Caramel and Jupiter scurry out of my arms as soon as we’re home and go rub up against the couch and chew on the rug, and everything feels a little more possible again.
I leave them for a minute to go outside. I make a cross out of sticks and scratch Fernando’s name in the dirt, then I cross it out and write Flamingo instead. He would have liked that.
We’re still missing:
Three dogs.
Three cats.
Three rabbits.
A guinea pig.
I close my eyes and listen to the animals inside my head and the memory of his chirping and the silence all the way around me.
HANNAH MOSKOWITZ is the author of Break; Invincible Summer; Gone, Gone, Gone; and the middle-grade novel Zombie Tag. She lives in Maryland and pretends it’s the part on the ocean. Visit her at hannahmoskowitz.com.
SIMON PULSE
Simon & Schuster, New York
Watch videos, get extras, and read exclusives at
TEEN.SimonandSchuster.com
authors.simonandschuster.com/Hannah-Moskowitz
Also by Hannah Moskowitz
Break
Invincible Summer
Gone, Gone, Gone
Teeth
* * *
Thank you for reading this eBook.
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE
or visit us online to sign up at
eBookNews.SimonandSchuster.com/teen
* * *
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
SIMON PULSE
An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division
1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com
This Simon Pulse edition March 2015
Text copyright © 2015 by Hannah Moskowitz
Cover photograph of girl copyright © 2015 by Jill Wachter
Cover photograph of pool table copyright © 2015 by Jasper James/Millennium Images
Cover photo-illustration copyright © 2015 by David Field
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
SIMON PULSE and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.
Cover designed by Karina Granda
Interior designed by Hilary Zarycky
Jacket designed by Karina Granda
Jacket photograph of girl copyright © 2015 by Jill Wachter
Jscket photograph of pool table copyright © 2015 by Jasper James/Millennium Images
Jacket photo-illustration copyright © 2015 by David Field
The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Moskowitz, Hannah.
Not otherwise specified / Hannah Moskowitz. — First Simon Pulse hardcover edition.
p. cm.
Summary: Auditioning for a New York City performing arts high school could help Etta escape from her Nebraska all-girls school, where she is not gay enough for her former friends, not sick enough for her eating disorders group, and not thin enough for ballet, but it may also mean real friendships.
[1. Interpersonal relations—Fiction. 2. Bisexuality—Fiction. 3. Performing arts—Fiction. 4. Bullying—Fiction. 5. Eating disorders—Fiction. 6. African Americans—Fiction. 7. Nebraska—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.M84947Not 2015 [Fic]--dc23 2014011032
ISBN 978-1-4814-0596-6 (hc)
ISBN 978-1-4814-0595-9 (pbk)
ISBN 978-1-4814-0598-0 (eBook)