With pell-mell,
Dustbins full.
How many, people even eat
all the same hungry soul.
First, had l where from begun to travel?
How many days, how many months
Maybe year..
Any more l can't know
I can't know any more
Where is paradise
Where is hell...
15
HiDiNGS
Ah, l love these hidings,
that mystery curtain
that calm window..
Under the car
that, hiding
miserable cat.
Like me
It has nobody
What I'm doing here, l don't know.
Dreaming;
one woman takes out
From window
Calls me inside
For to drink, one cup of tea.
Without talking, In a silence
friendly,
never knows me and
Without trying to know me
Just for one cup of tea
friendly,
If she says
come sometimes
ever, here waiting somebody
even if she looks
Doesn't see me her eyes.
Here around, main street,
from far,
the weak motor voices of a few car.
Ah these damn streets...
How must leave these trips?
If not is it trap, these calm streets
these mystery windows
for not to leave, this city?
Who knows...
16
HESITATIONS
(Just ten minutes before)
" Are you? Are you, that somebody
who makes this to me?
Melting slowly my identity.
I'm trying but, l can't turning to my
Old identity.
It has been
running off my all force
like a running mad horse...
These dilemmas
My God, alas! "
One woman that
Cruel as fate".
But woman was obstinate.
He was feeling
It was coming close
An ominous in air.
He was spelled from
from long and scarlet hair.
It had wrapped his all spirit
Mixed with passion,
a sweet hate.
Can it change the fate
delay or hesitate?
These were his last words before
murder...
He was a devout, young man.
17
After...
" My God! This is, how nightmare?
Foggy everywhere.
Should l doubt from my eye?
But these eyes
many years had serviced to me.
Now, why?
Why this treachery?
And my mind...
Is it in my head still?
What l did?
But she was following me
how long,
Yes, l wasn't wrong
She was a devil...
That woman on floor who lyes
Where is now?"
" Now she had turned to a little boy.
I wish, she comes to life again.
Moreover how much this face now
looking innocent."
Charming, red haired woman
had followed him for a while.
When he sensed hopeless
He had decided to kill.
He had hesitated before...
So, with a weak shoot
Dagger had accident
To the side of the heart a bit
He looked to that different shape now
Shocked and timid.
18
She had turned a little boy
When she fall in floor.
He was regret but,
It was late any more.
He was thinking that
she was dead.
After when he tried to go
When he turned his hind
This time little boy made the same thing.
In a jiffy, it happened everything.
Standing little boy,
for a while watched him
With sarcastic eyes.
An expression on his face
Like apologise.
murmured, with getting thin voice
more an more:
"Before wishing something, about it good think
You should go away when l fall in floor.
But, your weakness makes me so,
there is in my instincts to try the power;
Until where, can l go more...
You tried to keep away from me
but with killing, you have a sin.
But if you could with me make love
You wouldn't be murder now.
Anyway,
Two both ways goes to same door.
19
If you are decided, Instantly you should go...
Again, you fall in my hand."
Then, a tender wave passed from her face
Her red hairs got longer,
Hey sarcastic voice got thinner.
Finally, turned a woman again.
Her half open eyes
Onto of victim, murmured:
"Sometimes have many deaths
Sometimes death is not true
life too,
Perceive, mostly deceptive.
If you wait much
Reality can decay ...
And it can show you
different shapes
like kidding you,
this much time for you
your loyal eye.
And while she was going away
a song
In her tongue...
" He was an alive guy,
Who lyes on floor.
Just ten minutes before,
Just ten minutes before."
20
O D D N E S S
How long he was following me
I
don't know clearly.
In his hand a mobile phone
In his other hand
One white pocket.
Look like he was turning from market.
His one leg like lame
Despite of this , strangely
he had arrived
To my fast steps,
That
middle aged, white hated someone.
The strange point
he was walking leisurely,
Spreading around his black glassed face
An ominousness.
When l look back
Ever there
Near a building
In bus station
Like bus waiting
Or in a corner
Such standing.
Look like inoffensive.
For a moment l thought to touch him
So that was he alive?
I couldn't see in his face
Any perspective.
As if, just, he should be there.
21
I was forwarding slowly
In other hand my eyes onto him
A few street l had passed
Look like back side nobody.
But inside a bit boredom
I said,
Just a people
Who was shopping
and turned his home already.
I thought, l was mistake.
For to look, to my notebook
I breaking to my walking
In a sunny day
a shadowed corner,
yes, l can stay for a minutes here,
for short break.
I looked to my notes
Like a few minutes
When l lift my head
What's that?
There, same guy.
If not is it the game
Of the hot sun?
Standing in the next corner
Still talking with mobile phone.
Quite mysteriously, disturbing someone.
Now l was more sure
He was following me.
But why?
22
Secretly,
Behind of black glass
Onto me his dark eyes.
But, l can't proof it.
I forwarded more a bit.
I should go away
from this Street, any where.
I tried not to care.
But it was like a nightmare.
Where l go,
this same guy
Behind of black glasses
Onto me his eye.
Just l aware
Noone knows, what can l do?
There was no
any proof of the probation.
Maybe if l take out
from this street
I can get easy breath a bit.
One woman appeared in bus station
In her hand some pocket's;
She asked, does it go bus,
to G. zone destination?
I said, l don't know
Instantly in my mind to go there
far, anywhere...
As if air changed in a jiffy
That all ominousness
lost suddenly.
Why hadn't l thought this?
23
Thankfully l looked to woman
She like understood, smiled too.
One bus came five minutes later
but,
Quickly it gone, l miss.
I looked to back
he was not around.
I forwarded again slowly
However, bus doesn't come, quickly.
I looked around again
There was no people.
The sweet voice of the woman
That innocent question
had broken the circle.
24
INSTINCT
In the darkness of the night.
The reflection of the dusk light, of the
Street lamps, on the empty
Streets,
around home, when l close to door
While l was turning the corner
from a dark point it jumped
an adult tabby cat
"Miaov, miaov...
What it's trouble l do know.
Maybe it's hungry.
As if bagging.
It tripped between of my legs
I was walking hardly:
Miaov, miaov.
It wanna something, but what?
Almost, something it let me know.
Until to door, it came.
Miaow!
With its, pawl forcing the door
I took out.
I didn't go into.
Something
like it says, don't go home.
First time l was seeing
Such a cat.
I thought that it's hungry.
Quickly, l go back
To market
For to get it some salami.
Hardly l walked
Still, it was yowling.
25
It jumped on to wall
then, landed to floor again.
Then, between of my steps.
Cross side an odd looked,
light Hancock guy getting close.
Little l am afraid.
While l was looking him.
Stroke it, my left foot
With a light pain
a bit accusing again:
Miaov!
Then, it hide under the car.
I got some salami
From market
A few something more, for home
But inside a strange boredom..
It's trouble like
not fo
I thought that,
when l go home
I will see, whatever finally.
The warning of the cat,
Was meaningless in the long run.
Finally maybe
It was just hungry.
It is...
Cats were so.
No cat around.
Almost l looked under of all cars
But, no.
l heard as if that same weak sound...
That night, l never seen it one more.
26
Salami in my hand
I came back to home.
My mother mostly would sleep.
But this time strange silence
Welcomed me, on the door.
When l entered inside,
Before l saw her foots
Side to side.
She was looking to up
Mostly doesn't talk.
For this, this silence
It was
Something that l used...
How long she was schizophrenic.
I was used to this silence
but it was a fatal silence this time
cat in my mind
I screamed silently.
Her existing in home, was enough to me.
Even if she doesn't speak.
Sometimes when l give her food
any thing,
She would glad , a proud smile would
appear in her face.
Sometimes too, she would decline,
makes moodiness.
She never laughs, generally sulky.
Such in bed silently she would lye.
a bit pesky, but
I was no alone, in home, somebody.
After l throwed myself to way.
Thanks God, streets were empty.
They won't see my tears,
no body...
27