Join Uther Pendragon jerkass; his advisor Merlin, who's even worse; his knights Sir Ulfius and Sir Brastias, the Old Firm; and young Arthur, King of the Britons, and actually a pretty okay guy! This comic retelling of the first two books of Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte D'Arthur also descibes Sir Balin and his weird quest to strike the Dolorous Blow and die tragically. It's a hoot and a half!DID YOU KNOW:Sir Balin, the knight who delivered the dolorous stroke, was so stupid half of Camelot assumed it was an act to cover for his witchcraft? Sir Gawaine was a whiny little brat who demanded unlimited special treatment on account of he was King Arthur’s nephew? Arthur only married Guinevere to get his hands on her dowry, the Round Table? Nobody liked Merlin because he was terrible?If you did know all those things, clearly you’ve read Le Morte d’Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory, and I pity you. No one should have to slog through that pile of continuity errors and insipid descriptions of jousts. I’ve spent years of my life poring over all twenty-one Books of this foundational work of fantasy literature, dreadful as it is. Here, for your amusement and edification, I recount, dissect, and ruthlessly mock each ridiculous plot contrivance, each self-contradictory anecdote, and each unnamed damsel who runs in from offscreen and dies.Arthur Dies at the End volume 1: Something About a Sword and a Stone? covers Books I through III of Le Morte d’Arthur. Here you’ll find King Arthur’s earliest days, from the hilarious and rape-filled account of his conception to the bit with the sword in the stone we all remember to his first war to his loveless wedding to Guinevere and his nephew Gawaine’s very first quest (he screws it up pretty bad)!ARTHUR DIES AT THE END: I read Le Morte d’Arthur so you don’t have to!

Dear Reader, The temperature's on "sizzle" again in Beaumont, South Carolina, where peach trees are in season and ripe for the picking. So is its newest entrepreneur, Annie Fortenberry, who has inherited her grandmother's B&B (and its eccentric handyman Erdle Thorney). According to a local psychic she also inherited a spirit from its glory days as a brothel--not the kind of publicity the Peach Tree Bed & Breakfast needs if it's hosting millionaire Max Holt's upcoming wedding! If rumors of a naughty, prank-playing ghost aren't stressful enough, a mysterious man has arrived with an eye on Annie and her master suite. Wes Bridges is all leather and denim, sporting a two-day beard, straddling a Harley, and sending the B&B's testosterone level through the roof. Annie's cool demeanor may be dropping as fast as Wes's jeans, but leave it to her missing ex-husband to dampen the passion! Turns out someone has done him in, and all evidence points to Annie! Wrapped up in a murder plot, Annie must find the killer, save her own neck, and get back to where she was-wrapped up in Wes's strong loving arms... We guarantee that you're going to have as much fun reading Full Bloom as we had writing it! (Even if we were surprised by the ending!) And you won't want to miss the hair-raising shenanigans when Fleas, the hound dog, meets the most cantankerous, snooty, bad-tempered, twenty-two pound orange cat.... Janet and Charlotte

Donna Colby wakes up with a hangover and finds a man in her bed who is NOT her fiancé. She has no memory of how she got there. In a matter of moments, she finds that she is married. What will she tell her fiancé of several years? Even worse, what will she tell her MOM?She got three steps outside the door and almost ran into HIM.“Good morning, Honey.” The man, her new husband said, “I didn’t think you were coming out today.” He folded her in his arms and kissed her with unbridled passion. He caught her off guard and she was having trouble thinking how to react. In the instant before their lips met, she saw he was very cute. He was tall, having to lean down to kiss her. He was well built, and solid. She closed her eyes and felt herself melting. He was one heck of a kisser!He was a better kisser than Albert was, she thought guiltily. He was even better than Freddie Nolan back in college who had been her gold standard for comparison. Until now.The kiss continued and he pulled her tighter. It was very, very nice. A warmth was developing rapidly inside, spreading fast. She was becoming tingly and achy in all the right places.She became aware of something happening between them. He was rising fast. Her eyes flew wide as realization of some very dangerous facts. He was naked against her. He was erect. He was HUGE!“Back up, dude!” She warned, pushing him away. “And get some clothes on. You could knock a vase off waving yourself around like that!”“Sure, honey.” He said, smiling. “Do you think you should put something on too?”“Oh, God!” She gasped, blushing from head to toe. She had forgotten her state of dress… er… undress. She covered her breasts with one arm and her bottom with her other hand. “Turn around! Don’t look at me!”“What’s wrong, honey?” He asked concerned, reaching toward her. “You’re acting very strange this morning! If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you don’t know me!”“Don’t touch me,” Donna shouted. “I don’t know you!”“This isn’t funny!” He said. “You know we’ve spent every waking moment together since we met.”“Well, As far as I’m concerned, we haven’t met.” Donna replied. “Could you please get some clothes on?”It was very distracting with him waving around like that.“Sure, honey.” He chuckled.

Trevor’s only been on the job three months but he’s already attracted the disapproving attention of Musevary Tower’s grumpy and sardonic caretaker. This introductory short story sets the scene for ‘tall stories’, an up-coming anthology of short stories due out in 2014.‘Trevor’s Odd Assay’ is an introductory short story about a young security guard’s journey up through the floors of Musevary Towers, a mysterious residential tower block where anything can happen. It is a preview for ‘Tall Stories’, an anthology of tales that are set in a shared story environment where a number of writers have written stories that intertwine, allowing them to share and develop each other’s characters and locations every time a story is told.

Ever wondered what it would be like if a group of senior citizens at a care home declared war on each other? Well this is that story...It is the annual Christmas Decorate Your Door competition and the residents of Buttons Court are at war. Having demanded that they go on a shopping trip, James White one of the carer’s at the care home decides to stay an extra couple of days before leaving off on his holidays to help. But what no one realises is, just how far the residents will go to win the competition!

It's a book about show business, where fame is the stock in trade. Each year there are hundreds of stagestruck kids arrive in New York determined to crash the theatre, firmly convinced they're destined to be famous Broadway stars or playwrights.

The circus has come to Dyson Springs. The line is long, but Jason hatches a plan to sneak in. It's a strange night to be playing with clowns.Dyson Springs, a small quaint town, seldom has anything new. But today, the circus has come. Jason wants to go but can't stand the line. He comes up with a plan to avoid the line, but the night turns out nothing like he expected. One thing's for sure... he'll never look at a clown the same way again.

“Stunning” short stories by the National Book Award–winning author of The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven (The Atlanta Journal-Constitution).  In this bestselling volume of stories, National Book Award winner Sherman Alexie challenges readers to see Native American Indians as the complex, modern, real people they are. The tender and tenacious tales of The Toughest Indian in the World introduce us to the one-hundred-eighteen-year-old Etta Joseph, former co-star and lover of John Wayne, and to the unnamed narrator of the title story, a young Indian journalist searching for togetherness one hitchhiker at a time. Countless other brilliant creations leap from Alexie’s mind in these nine stories. Upwardly mobile Indians yearn for a more authentic life, married Indian couples push apart while still cleaving together, and ordinary, everyday Indians hunt for meaning in their lives. The Toughest Indian in the World combines anger, humor, and beauty into radiant fictions, fiercely imagined, from one of America’s greatest writers. This ebook features an illustrated biography including rare photos from the author’s personal collection.

W. W. Jacobs was a very popular English author of short stories at the turn of the 20th-century. Most of his tales had a humorous edge, though he revealed his dark side in one or two works. This particular collection contains 15 largely humorous short stories.

After working in Los Angeles for five years, former reality TV producer Jenna Baker has combined her industry knowledge with her love of creative writing to create the hilarious comedy Reel Sharpe. The novel tells the story of a reality television producer who crosses every line possible to make her story work.After working as a producer in reality television for the past eight years, Victoria Sharpe knows how important it is to get the shot. When she teams up with two unwilling detectives on her latest gig, a real-life detective series called Murder Live!, her unorthodox style and in-your-face approach throws the cops for a loop. She asks a grieving mother to redo a camera take to show stronger emotion and nearly gets kicked off the project when she decides to go undercover to try to solve the case on her own. Things get even more dicey when a romance heats up between Sharpe and one of the detectives under the disapproving eye of Sharpe’s hunky cameraman and former fling. The team must band together to solve what seems like a simple hit and run, but turns into a wicked ring of car racing and human smuggling that brings them all the way down to the Mexican border.

Pirates, a fiery magical bunny, rastafari elves and two princesses in exile, plus a retired thief, an aspiring bard, and an awkward sorcerer alongside flying ships, off-worlders and dimensional portals.How do all these mix together? They usually don't but when they do, they tend to explode."Party of Five" is the first book in a series of fantasy novellas by the same name.This short story addresses the flight and hopes of a family facing great changes. Live safely and die free.

Adrian Mole has at last reached physical maturity, but he can't help roaming the pages of his diary like an untamed adolescent. Finally given the heave-ho by Pandora, he seeks solace in the arms of Bianca, a qualified hydraulic engineer masquerading as a waitress. Between his dishwashing job and completing his epic novel, 'Lo! The Flat Hills of My Homeland', Adrian hopes that fame and fortune will not keep him waiting much longer.

With all the stress, confusion, frustration and bullshit in modern life more and more people are being taken in by Fo-Pu –– the ancient Chinese art of getting your shit together. This book is a comprehensive guide covering all the principle topics. including D’ung, The Yik and The Yuk, The Psychic Third Nostril and psychic sniffing, together with a translation of The Book of Pu.With all the stress, confusion, frustration and bullshit in modern life more and more people are being taken in by Fo-Pu –– the ancient Chinese art of getting your shit together. Fo-Pu has been used by successful Chinese leaders and businessmen for longer than a rat can juggle a litre of coke using chop sticks. For the first time we bring these methods of Chinese thought and practices to the West in the hope that they may benefit others and make us a wad in the process.Fo Pu is nothing other than the complete answer to achieving delirious happiness, world peace, halting climate change, making loads of money and not making a total twat of yourself when talking to the opposite sex. In other words, buy it or remain a sad, sorry loser.This book is a comprehensive guide covering all the principle topics. including D’ung, The Yik and The Yuk, Polarisation, The Psychic Third Nostril and psychic sniffing, together with a translation of The Book of Pu itselfZi Gu is an expert on Fo Pu as she has a Chinese name and once read something about it in a magazine."Fake shit," - The Oriental ObserverShort humour approx 2700 words + illustrations

Another comedy tale of adventure and friendship for the trio of loveable mice and their friend Froggy as Louise goes on a motorcycle road trip.“Mouse on a Motorcycle” is a comedy in a similar vain to Ratatouille - so if you are a PARENT PLEASE READ THROUGH BEFORE GIVING TO A CHILD.If you appreciated this work please, if you are able, make a small donation to a charity of your choice.Another comedy tale of adventure and friendship for the trio of loveable mice and their friend Froggy as Louise goes on a motorcycle road trip.“Mouse on a Motorcycle” is a comedy in a similar vain to Ratatouille - so if you are a PARENT PLEASE READ THROUGH BEFORE GIVING TO A CHILD.For an introduction to the characters in “Mouse on a Motorcycle” it is suggested that you read “Mice Movie”, the first short story in the series. If you appreciated this work please, if you are able, make a small donation to a charity of your choice.The idea for this story came out of a discussion on 30th June 2012 and it was published on the 18th July 2012.