Surprise Golem and her beloved husband, Umlaut, were more than delighted when, after a most delicious and delightful honeymoon, the stork arrived with their long-awaited baby boy. But their delight turned to consternation when the stork, a rookie named Stymie, refused to deliver him! He disqualified Surprise on a technicality, claiming she was too young, just because she had been five years old when she herself had been delivered. Before Surprise could protest, Stymie absconded with her little one, setting off in search of a more suitable set of parents. But when Surprise attempted to track them down, she found they had vanished without a trace! Anxious and outraged, she took her problem to the Good Magician Humfrey. To her utter astonishment, he refused her request, choosing instead to pair her up with Che Centaur, who was also looking for a lost one—the all-wise bird called the Simurgh, who watched over the universe. And to make matters worse, Surprise was required to take an odd group of companions along on her quest, including the two half-demon children of the Demoness Metria—Demon Ted and DeMonica—a foul-mouthed fowl known as the Pet Peeve, and an ageless infant known as Woe Betide. After much investigation, Surprise and Che discovered the terrible truth. Their misplaced charges had each fallen through a freakish fissure into an alternate universe, a parallel Xanth where everything was just slightly different. And the only means to locate them was the fabled Reality Mask, which could sift and sort through the infinity of all possible worlds. But the Mask was in the custody of Pyra, a fiery nymph on Lion Mountain, protected by marauding monsters. To reach their goal, they were forced to traverse a treacherous Love Spring that caused anyone who waded in it to have amorous thoughts. Torn between their desperate longing for one another and their solemn vows to those they loved, Surprise and Che continued their quest through a host of alternate Xanths, despite unseen forces that were determined to lead them into temptation.

Now an acclaimed independent film starring Michael C. Hall, Lucy Liu, and Peter Fonda.Morris Bliss is clamped in the jaws of New York City inertia. When he finds himself wrapped up in an awkward relationship with the sexually precocious, 18-year-old daughter of a former classmate, Morris quickly discovers his static life unraveling and opening up in ways that are long overdue.Now an acclaimed independent film starring Michael C. Hall, Lucy Liu, and Peter Fonda.The Trouble with Bliss is about 35-year-old Morris Bliss, who is clamped in the jaws of New York City inertia: he wants to travel but has no money; he needs a job but has no prospects; he still shares an apartment with his widowed father; and perhaps worst of all the premature death of his mother still lingers and has left him emotionally walled up. When he finds himself wrapped up in an awkward relationship with the sexually precocious, 18-year-old daughter of a former classmate, Morris quickly discovers his static life unraveling and opening up in ways that are long overdue.

Ok for kids 15 to 99. I had visitors. They had come all the way from Mars for my fish finger sandwiches.The Spark That Ignites The Flame.Seventeen years ago an entire generation of aliens were sent to Earth in order to save their home planet and integrate into the human population. Now, those aliens are being hunted.Amery Jones is finally allowed to go to camp for the summer. With her best friend Lola by her side, she is expecting awesome times ahead.Unfortunately, Lochie, her charming mortal enemy and the only guy who can get under her skin, seems to have made it his mission to annoy her for the entire summer.When one of the campers goes missing, Amery finds herself teamed up with Lochie in the search mission. Now, more than ever, her alien status has to remain a secret.Also in the Project Integrate Series:Ignite (Short Prequel)UniteDivideConquerSoarRiseBroken

When a chap is short of a crust -- and in love, to boot -- he's usually willing to embark on any money-making venture suggested...even if it means ransacking a lady's bedroom.

Cindy, Belle, and Skylar are three sisters. They have an average life. They go to the park one day and find three Chihuahuas. They name them Bella, Pico, and Brandon. These Chihuahuas might just change these girls' lives! I can't tell you how, but I KNOW you will be laughing, your head will be in knots, and your heart will be warmed by the time you finish reading this hilarious story!Imagine you are a teen, riding in her new car for the first time. You let all of your sisters and brother inside with you, exept your crazy youngest sisters. On the the way down the road, the car flips. Everyone's ok, exept the girl that goes flying and gets amniesia. You think, "How on Earth am I supposed to get my sister back?" Well, these DANG Chihuahuas know how.

Time-travelling ex-postman Harley Byrne's ongoing mission is to capture and make available for download “all the world’s music, ever.” In this stage adaptation of one of his adventures, Byrne takes a holiday from work but crash-lands on a tropical island on Xmas Eve. The natives' carols sound oddly familiar but, when Byrne interferes, the island's corrupt king condemns him to be eaten to death.I meet a dream boy on holiday, accept his invite to his dream mountaintop castle; but when I get here, it’s a nightmare of invisible staff (apart from old, sour-faced Lisa) and gardens of either freezing white snow or sheer darkness. Oh, and magpies who appear out of nowhere.Now I’ve found a book for ‘young wytches’; but will it help me survive the castle, or is it just another trap?

A very funny, light-hearted fictional diary/blog, seen through the eyes of misfit twenty-something Simon Broom. After starting a microbiology course, Simon lands a English teaching job in Shanghai, China, and heads off on a life-changing adventure with quirky girlfriend Julie Bucket. The story covers eight months in the young couple's lives as they struggle to find themselves in an alien culture.A very funny, light-hearted fictional diary/blog, seen through the eyes of misfit twenty-something Simon Broom. After starting a microbiology course, Simon lands a English teaching job in Shanghai, China, and heads off on a life-changing adventure with quirky girlfriend Julie Bucket. The story covers eight months in the young couple's lives, as they interact with other expat teachers and strive to understand each other, and themselves, in an alien culture.READER REVIEWS:This is absolutely and utterly hilarious! I am very picky about my humor; most of what passes for it is witless and dumb. Yours is of the smart observational kind, and wickedly funny. (Andi Brown, ‘Animal Cracker’).What madness! Is getting a job in China really that easy? Wonderfully escapist stuff with a plenty of smile-raising moments. On my watchlist as we speak. (Simon Marks, ‘That English Weirdo’).I like it! An easy read for when you need cheering up or when relaxing by a pool. (Claire Lyman, ‘Inevitable’).A la Adrian Mole - a really humorous foray into teaching. (Sarah Churchill, UK).This is an extremely funny story. I like the diary idea. Each day listed and noted, and yet it’s not so tedious as I began to think it might be. Your voice is good, and its light hearted and humorous. There’s a wonderful friend-like quality to it, and I have to admit I found myself reading more than I first expected to. It is well written and very easy to read, and packed with lots of fun. This is my kind of book. I give it 6 stars (Ruby Middleton, ‘Will Ryan’). I’m a huge travel writing fan so I was excited to read this and you didn’t disappoint. The very first paragraph you had me laughing and knowing I was in for an entertaining read (with the part about Julie holding your head underwater and the cockroaches). Is that for real about being questioned for impersonating William and Kate?? Hilarious! They’re not so good at taking a joke are they, the old royal family. Oh sh*t, don't tell them I called them old ok. Thanks for making me laugh, just the kind of travel writing I like! 6 stars. Tammy.

An alternative cover edition for this ISBN can be found here The title refers to how we spend our retirement years, often called "golden," though in Kingsley Amis' hands anything but. At Tuppenny-Hapenny Cottage a clutch of oldsters, brought together more by ill fortune than blood or love, struggles with problems that range from penury to prostate. That's the good news. The rest is Amis as usual, providing fun for himself and his readers at the expense of his characters.

The widow of the owner of Jameson Mansion lost her mind and committed suicide, vowing to come back in 100 years to deliver good news from the afterlife. On the exact day of her return, a young group of thrill seekers locked themselves down in the mansion to experience her return. But will this tale of paranormal suspense end the way you would expect? Probably not.John Aalborg's distinctive and poignant short story collection illuminates the volatility of the human character in six different shades of good and evil. Literary pulp fiction!"Morton's Fork Crossing" — Bull Schaffner, Aalborg's signature, wannabe private investigator, finds himself in a community of backwater Florida misfits. While working to locate a stolen 18-wheeler he falls in love with the missing driver's girlfriend only to discover that his choices for the future are typically limited."Giorgio Possum" — An old man misses the young wife he treated badly."Passion's Perch" — Young love powered by imagination, a classic American car, and parental guidance fueled by alcohol."Furby Mountain Florida" — On the day after he receives seriously bad news, a truck driver is invited to ride along with a garbage hauler who wants to take the man's mind off his troubles and see life in a different way. A hungry little Furby does his sweet part."Exile" — The quest by a 14-year-old illegal and his sister to solve the mystery surrounding the middle-aged American who is trying to befriend them."Bible School Tattoo" — A seasoned tattoo artist and his beautiful but atheist nurse/wife ink a Christian girl.

When Rod and Marge Applewhite decide to expand their horizons by joining the Mahjong Club at the community centre, nothing can prepare them, or their new acquaintances, for the avalanche of social disgraces which follow!When Rod and Marge Applewhite decide to expand their horizons by joining the Mahjong Club at the community centre, nothing can prepare them, or their new acquaintances, for the avalanche of social disgraces which follow!This fourth short story from Brian Parker looks at what can happen when a young woman with healthy cleavage and a low cut dress sits opposite a man who can't keep his focus on the job at hand!

New York Times bestselling author Christopher Moore channels William Shakespeare and Edgar Allan Poe in this satiric Venetian gothic that brings back the Pocket of Dog Snogging, the eponymous hero of Fool, along with his sidekick, Drool, and pet monkey, Jeff Venice, a long time ago. Three prominent Venetians await their most loathsome and foul dinner guest, the erstwhile envoy of Britain and France, and widower of the murdered Queen Cordelia: the rascal-Fool Pocket. This trio of cunning plotters-the merchant, Antonio; the senator, Montressor Brabantio; and the naval officer, Iago-have lured Pocket to a dark dungeon, promising an evening of sprits and debauchery with a rare Amontillado sherry and Brabantio's beautiful daughter, Portia. But their invitation is, of course, bogus. The wine is drugged. The girl isn't even in the city limits. Desperate to rid themselves once and for all of the man who has consistently foiled their grand quest for power and wealth, they have lured him to his death. (How can such a small man, be such a huge obstacle?). But this Fool is no fool . . . and he's got more than a few tricks (and hand gestures) up his sleeve.

In this #1 New York Times bestseller, Georgia Nicholson and Robbie the Sex God are back together. But when Georgia's ex, Dave the Laugh, breaks up with her friend Ellen, Georgia doesn't know what to do.

The Robertson family hasn’t had a normal wedding since…well… never. So when Jonathan’s sister, Susan, announces her engagement, her family launches an attempt to plan the perfect day. But the wacky wedding gene runs deep, and careful arrangements soon go hopelessly awry. When the bride finally walks down the aisle, it’s love –along with a little confusion – that rules the day.Amelia St. John and Joshua Hawthorne fell in love at first sight. Separated by circumstance rather than ideology, they found themselves on opposite sides during the bitter Civil War. Amelia, persuaded Joshua no longer loved her, married another man.Each struggled with their own private war. Joshua fought with the Union Army, surviving its bloodiest conflicts, while Amelia fought her war deep in the Confederacy. She battled starvation, sickness, and the death of her husband as she struggled to provide for her young son.When the war ended, Joshua found Amelia, but the carefree girl Joshua remembered was now a disillusioned, wounded soul and a fiercely protective mother. The only male in her life she would ever allow herself to love again was her son. Could Joshua earn back Amelia’s trust? Love is always full of possibilities.

Welcome to the world of Sacred Wind, a tale set in an alternative reality, featuring conscious curries, headbanging sheep, telepathic cats, magic cheese, an evil Baron, some very sexy faeries, and a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band….Sacred Wind: Book 1It’s safe to say that the last thing Aiden Peersey expected when he began his trip to Llangollen was to meet a bunch of Welsh Vikings who played in a rock band called Sacred Wind. It’s also safe to say that the technology geek and part-time sound engineer didn’t expect to be catapulted into a quest to win a music tournament, to save the faerie queen, to win freedom for their land, to be able to fart freely, and to win the right to their cheese. Nevertheless, that’s exactly what happened…Transported into an alternative reality by the Navigation App on his quantum computer-powered Smart Phone, Aiden discovers a land ruled by the evil Baron Blacktie, who has banned rock music, outlawed unauthorised flatulence, and made cheese sniffing a crime. He is soon immersed in a world where sheep manage pubs and play in orchestras, cats are telepathic, cheese comes from mines, and curries have consciousness (Wrexham is a ‘Currydom’, ruled by King Beef Vindaloo-Boiled Rice III and his wife, Queen Tikka Masala-Coconut Rice…).When the evil Baron discovers that Sacred Wind’s drummer, Agnar the Hammered, owns a cheese mine that contains a potentially magic cheese, he concocts a hideous plot to make the mine his own. He challenges Sacred Wind to take part in a prestigious music tournament, and he sends his two top spies, Hob and Nob, to capture the Faerie Queen, Ophelia, who is betrothed to Sacred Wind’s singer, Olaf the Berserker! And so, Aiden joins the Sacred Wind and the ‘Companionship of Wind’, as they embark on a perilous journey to reach the city in time for the great tournament…So, if you want to delve into a world where curries will make you laugh, where sheep will make you cry, where no-one sniggers when your first name is 'Oldfart', where you'll cheer quite a lot at the bits that have obviously been written to incite cheering, where you'll think about faeries in ways you really shouldn't, where you'll be even more scared of Traffic Wardens than you ever thought possible, where vacuum cleaners get possessed, where Welsh Vikings can have platonic relationships with English sheep, where you finish reading the story with a smile on your face and warmth in your heart, and where you want to read more as soon as you've finished, then Sacred Wind is the book for you.Sacred Wind: Book 2 – Preview* You’ll gasp as Baron Blacktie’s dastardly scheme starts to fall into place…* You’ll gasp again as a horrible kidnap is perpetrated…* You’ll nod knowingly as the Prophecy is revealed…* You’ll cheer and put out bunting as our heroes set sail for Chester…* You’ll be terrified as we delve into the depths of the mine of Hairy Growler…* You’ll hide behind the sofa as the Battle of the Pig’s Trotters begins…* You’ll do some more gasping as the Baron reveals his secret…* You’ll smile winsomely when an unexpected companion appears…* You’ll have a great desire to learn Ancient Welsh Witchenese…* And you’ll be very concerned about the Tan-Y-Lan Tuffies skill at charades…All this and more awaits you in… Sacred Wind: Book 2.For all things Sacred Wind and more, checkout the website:https://www.sacredwind.co.uk/Sacred Wind – The AlbumSurely the finest debut album by a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band from an alternative reality...Now available at all good download stores! Featuring all the Sacred Wind tracks from the book and more:1. A Time of Magic2. Sacred Wind3. Metal and Curry4. Hurricane Ass5. Warriors of Asgard6. Sail With Me7. Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock Ragnarok8. Frigg9. Fart For Odin10. Dragon Ships and Women’s Hips11. My Sword is my Sword12. The Sheep’s Lament (bonus track)13. The Power of Cheese (bonus track)

Well, these are what we call Quick Flash stories, which means they aren’t very long and so you could probably read one to completion on your way to work, Which is what we had in mind when producing them them. People asked us 'can you write something I could start and finish on my way to work?' ...Ok, the write up. Well, these are what we call Quick Flash stories, which means they aren’t very long and so you could probably read one to completion on your way to work which is what we had in mind when producing them.. People asked us 'can you write something I could start and finish on my way to work?' The two in this little presentation about the arenas are absolutely brilliant, one about ants and the other about a talented ice skater.The introduction is a cool idea about the end of the world and you should maybe read it because it may save your life one day. What is the end of the world anyway? I hear it mentioned here and there and in some other books. Is the 'world' the lump of stone that is our planet? How would we end it? I can’t tell you right now because it is Sunday and I don’t go to the fetish club until Wednesday where I am a mad scientist, so best ask me on a Thursday when I will have the answer (unless I manage to end the world that night). If I do, people who have to go to jobs they hate on Thursday morning will build a statue in my honor ... but how would they do that? The world has ended. If I were you, as a convenience precaution, I'd tie up any loose ends on or by Wednesday night. What if, on Weds night, everybody on earth puts all the plugs in all the sinks and baths and turn both taps on? Within a few hours the world would be flooded and most would drown. If you don't drown, your next water bill will be horrendous especially if you're on a meter. Be warned! The Water Board WILL get you.So, for now ... Is it the end of civilsation soon? I’ve no obvious idea, but it is probably not the end, but ‘change’. In that case if you’re one of the survivors, you will need to adapt ... us humans are pretty resilient. How to adapt? Well, I’ve stuck in my own idea in the QF download, and the great thing is, you can start doing it now.Have a nice day