100
Not
Out
Gordon Lawrie
Comely Bank Publishing
©Gordon Lawrie rights reserved
This edition published 2016
by Comely Bank Publishing on the
ISBN: 9781310273711
Contents
Foreword
Introduction
How To Use This eBook
Crime And Justice
BOLOGNA TO RAVENNA, OCTOBER 2013
ALL IN THE NAME OF
THE HANGING JUDGE
THE BODY IN THE LIBRARY
SUMMARY JUSTICE
ABRAHAM ZAPRUDER
THE CUT THROAT GANG
THE HACKER
DISSIDENT
ON THE NAUGHTY STEP
THE SUPREME COURT RULES
MORNING BREAK WITH THE BOYS
BREAK-IN AT THE DEAD OF NIGHT
WHITE LILIES
GUYS AND DOLLS
History
4th AUGUST, 1914
VECTORS
CHEZ CAESAR
TRAITORS
A.D. 1582
BURMA, 1944
ORVILLE AND WILBUR FLIGHT
Art And Literature
DEL’S INSPIRED MOMENT
IN AN OFFICE SOMEWHERE
HARD TIMES
AN IMAGINARY AUDITION
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, FINGER-LICKIN' STYLE
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE N' A SINGLE DEEP-FRIED MARS BAR
THE VISITING SPEAKER
A QUOTE FROM THE PAINTER
THE CRITIC
OZ REVISITED
METAMORPHOSIS
THE WILLIAMS FAMILY AND THE TWIN-NECKED FOURTEEN-STRING BANJO
INSIDE THE LOUVRE
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE ON THE No36 BUS
Love And Romance
LOVE STORY No. 1
LOVE, SCOTTISH-STYLE
LOVE STORY No. 3
A FINE ROMANCE
ROMANTIC FIREWORKS
LOVE IN THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY
TENDER IS THE NIGHT
DINNER ON ST VALENTINE’S DAY
THE PRICE OF LOVE
AN AGE-OLD STORY
HER FINAL MEAL
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DARLING
DAVID AND MARCIA, A LOVE STORY
BREAKFAST ON ST VALENTINE’S DAY
LOVE DOWN THE DRAIN
ILL-STARRED BY MOONLIGHT
Science, Technology & Sc-Fi
IN THE NEAR FUTURE
PERSONAL SERVICES
IN-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT
UNECLIPSE
WRONG TURNING TO THE MOON
DOES FLASH GORDON LIVE HERE?
DOES EVERYONE GET THESE?
IT’S WRITTEN IN THE STARS
Horror
SWEET DREAMS
FORTHCOMING ATTRACTION
THE UNRINGING
THE DOOR
TRICK OF THE LIGHT
THE DOOR IN THE BASEMENT
FOREST HALT
LUNCH AT THE VAMPIRES' GUILD
SNAKE
Sport And Leisure
EMILY'S DRIVING TEST
WINTER OLYMPICS, 2022
THE KILLING FIELDS
DEMI ON THE CATWALK
THE BEGINNINGS OF GOLF
THE OPEN GOLF CHAMPIONSHIP
PUTTING FOR FOUR
ADDICTION
EXTRA-HOT MINCED BEEF CURRY
Christmas
READY FOR SANTA CLAUS
CHRISTMAS MARK II
BREAKDOWN
A POSSIBLE EXPLANATION FOR ONE OF THE BIBLE’S GREAT LATE ARRIVALS
INTERNET DATING AT CHRISTMAS
NATIVITY SCENE No.1
APPLICATION FOR POST WITH AMZON*
THE HOUR OF THE ANGELS
Miscellaneous
BAD NEWS AT THE DOCTOR’S
BUTTERFLY
SHARED EMBARRASSMENT
FAILED DELIVERY
SERVING HER EVERY NEED
THE REAL REASON WHY KINDLES WERE INVENTED
THE GREATEST STORY EVER
THE OLD CRONE
A STUDY IN YELLOW
GUESS WHAT HAPPENED AT WORK TODAY
THE PLUTONIAN GENERAL ELECTION
“WASTE OF TIME FRIDAY”
Acknowledgements
About The Author
Also By The Author
Other Titles From Comely Bank Publishing
WHAT’S THE POINT?
FOREWORD
Some years ago, I started up a discussion thread in a writers’ group, asking people to contribute flash fiction.
As it was a Friday (and I love alliteration), I called the thread Friday Flash Fiction – and lo, a movement was born. The thread became a website, a blog and eventually a group of its own.
Gordon Lawrie has always been a champion and a stalwart of the Friday Flash Fiction movement. He set up the website and he contributes a short story every week, without fail. This book is a collection of some of his finest flash fiction and I’m sure everyone will find a story that chimes with their own experiences.
There are stories that will make you shake your head in recognition, satire that will make you wince and some odd flights of fancy involving dragons, cats, life on Pluto and of course golf. Most of all, though, you will probably laugh. Gordon has a keen sense of humour and that definitely shows in his writing. I defy you to read the whole book and not to laugh out loud at least once.
Once you’ve read the book, I’d urge you to try out Gordon’s sense of humour in longer form – Four Geezers and a Valkyrie is a cracking good read.
Finally, do you have some flash fiction in you? If so, Gordon and I entreat you become part of the Friday Flash Fiction movement. You’ll find the website at www.fridayflashfiction.com if you’d like to join in.
Emma Baird, May 2016
INTRODUCTION
Followers of social media will be aware of LinkedIn, best described as Facebook for business folk. There they parade their wares, their skills, generally show off and fall out with each other in just the same way as people do on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or whatever the latest hip medium is. Occasionally you might be offered a job totally unsuited to your CV, but it’s not a place you expect to make good friends.
As a struggling (for which read “failed”) author and would-be publisher back in August 2013, I was trawling through LinkedIn trying to pick up some tips in this bear pit when I stumbled across a “Discussion” started by Emma Baird, who it later transpired lived only 40 miles or so away. She'd thrown out a challenge to anyone and everyone to write a story of no more than 100 words, not including the title, and post it the following Friday.
Someone did. Then another, then another, then another until eventually thousands upon thousands of stories had been submitted. One of those who submitted was me, and because Emma makes a point of welcoming all newcomers individually I was encouraged to write more, not only every Friday but on other days, too. I discovered that people liked to listen to these super-short stories, and whenever I did an author event to promote my book and other writing I found my own personal 100-word stories kept the audience entertained, or at least from falling asleep.
By now, I’d formed a self-publishing cooperative which published not only my own first novel but several other books besides, including Emma Baird’s own first novel, and along the way I found that I’d not only acquired a very good friend, she’d become my closest literary confidante and adviser. The only problem turned out to be that writing flash fiction was in itself a real distraction from serious writing, and I’ve ended up with six or seven half-written “difficult second novels” as Emma likes to refer to them.
Meanwhile, the “us
ed” 100-word yarns disappeared into an archive where they remained forgotten, and it was only when I recently opened up a folder on my laptop that I discovered that I myself had written hundreds of these things without being aware of it.
So here’s a small selection, exactly 100, for your amusement. I’ve divided them into categories although quite a few could pop up in more than one, so it’s a bit arbitrary. Each story is 100 words long on Word’s wordcount, which counts hyphenated words as one. You might occasionally feel that’s cheating. For me, that’s a frankly-my-dear-I-don’t-give-damn situation. (That last sentence therefore has six words.) Either way, they’re for reading on your ereader on the bus or last thing before you go to bed at night, and you can safely read something like War And Peace simultaneously as your light relief. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.
Gordon Lawrie, May 2016
A REMINDER ABOUT USING EBOOKS
It would be nice if all the stories in this short collection filled just one page exactly, but despite being all the same number of words it doesn’t seem to work that way. I suppose that some of the words are longer, and spacing and carriage returns seem to have led to considerable variations, too.
However, as usual with all ebooks, it’s possible to alter the font size to suit your own personal preference, and the reader is recommended to read this in whatever way seems most comfortable to them. Then just sit back and relax.
THE
STORIES