As we ran through Carl Russo’s back gate to my Toyota, I could hear the clapping give way to laughter. And then I heard the clatter of high heels on the sidewalk.
“Hitch a ride?” my aunt asked flirtatiously.
Wayne and I looked at each other. He lifted his eyebrows mischievously and nodded toward the back seat. Whatever he wanted to do, it was fine with me. I winked my consent and opened the back door of the car for my aunt.
Wayne grabbed Aunt Dorothy’s hand and kissed it long and passionately, then swept her up into his arms, lifting her into the air. Then he folded her into the back seat and finished up with a deep bow.
“Oh, my,” my aunt breathed, goggle-eyed. My unflappable aunt was finally flapped.
Wayne and I climbed into the front seats, giggling, and I drove us all home.
For Whom the Bell Pepper Tolls
(With Ernest apologies to Mr. Hemingway)
Yield: Massacre for 4…and final triumph.
INGREDIENTS:
1 tablespoon innocent sesame oil
2 teaspoons crushed garlic
¼ teaspoon chopped ginger
1 handful sundered fresh basil
1 bunch amputated green onions
½ cup broken red bell pepper bits
2 tablespoons suspiciously sweet maple syrup
1 tablespoon silent soy sauce
½ cup hewed eggplant
1 cup flayed and slashed mushrooms
½ cup hacked zucchini
1 pound dismembered, marinated tofu
1 tablespoon hot and sweet mustard
DIRECTIONS:
1. Stalk your ingredients in local markets. Carry a stun gun. You never know when veggies will get wise to you.
2. Use revolver to blow away the ends of the zucchini and eggplant, then hack them into desired state of submission.
3. Drown the mushrooms and scrub them till they hurt before slashing them to bits.
4. Place tofu in your favorite marinade. Then dismember the soy body.
5. Place unsuspecting sesame oil in frying pan, then scald. Add garlic, ginger, basil, green onions, bell pepper, maple syrup, soy sauce, and sherry. Keep the heat on until they squeak for mercy.
6. Add eggplant, mushrooms, zucchini, and tofu. They deserve it!
7. Continue cooking until the vegetables become limp.
8. Stir in the mustard, hot and sweet—the ultimate irony.
9. Serve over seething soba noodles or rice. It won’t do them any good. You may now eat and celebrate your single-minded mastery.
10. Hide the remains.
*The preceding recipe has been added to increase the violence quotient of this book in order to meet community standards.
Kate Jasper Mysteries
Dedication
Chapter
Cast of Characters
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
For Whom the Bell Pepper Tolls