it did to me?”
Braxton let him go and Fabian was able to turn around and
see Braxton’s watery eyes, his expression of turmoil. Trying to
lighten the mood, Fabian cupped his cheek and said, “How about
we dry off before we become prunes?”
In reply, Braxton nodded and lowered his gaze.
Fabian tugged off Braxton’s used condom for him and waited
as Braxton rinsed under the shower head, then took his turn.
After shutting the water, Fabian tossed out the condom. Both
men stood in the small space, drying off and perhaps thinking
similar thoughts.
“Can you stay?” Fabian touched the wet locks of Braxton’s
shaggy mane.
Braxton met his eyes. “I can.”
At Braxton’s blank expression, Fabian smiled nervously and
added, “But will you?”
Seeing Braxton laugh made Fabian’s heart warm in spite of
the odd tension.
“Yes.” Braxton grabbed Fabian’s head and shook it playfully.
Fabian kissed him, falling so hard for this man, he was giddy.
“Let me get you a pair of sweats and a T-shirt.”
“Thanks.” Braxton gave him a sweet smile and folded the
towels, draping them over the shower door.
Fabian picked up all their clothing and brought it with him to
the bedroom, grinning wickedly at what he had, and what he
would not lose. Braxton Todd, PR man extraordinaire, was no
longer a one-date-wonder.
He’s mine.
Chapter 14
Braxton straightened up the bathroom, tossing out the condom
wrapper, hanging the towels, and then ran a brush through his
wet hair. He looked at himself in the mirror. A smile? When was
the last time he felt like smiling at his reflection?
It’s been a long time.
He shut off the light, grabbed the bottle of lube and looked
for Fabian. Fabian was in the process of hanging up Braxton’s
business suit. “You can put those on.” Fabian gestured to the
bed.
Braxton spotted clothing and set the lubrication on the
nightstand. He slipped the clean briefs, sweatpants and T-shirt
on, liking being in Fabian’s clothing. Fabian was similarly
outfitted for comfort now that the evening was growing late.
“Can I get you a nightcap?”
Braxton hooked his arm around Fabian’s low back and drew
him close, nuzzling him, kissing his neck and ear. “Yes.”
Fabian held him tight and whispered, “That was the best sex I
have ever had.”
Flattered beyond words, Braxton ran his hands down Fabian’s
body to his bottom and held it tight. “Ditto.”
Fabian immediately leaned back, appearing surprised.
“Really?”
“Hell yeah.”
The expression of surprise didn’t leave Fabian.
“What?” Braxton asked curiously. “I’m telling the truth.”
“Even better than Keith O’Leary?”
“I never had sex with Keith O’Leary.”
“Just teasing.” Fabian kissed him and laughed. He released
Braxton and swatted his butt, then left the room, chuckling.
Shaking his head at the comment, since Keith O’Leary was a
big star on a cable show called Forever Young, Braxton enjoyed Fabian’s humor. When he met him in the living room, Fabian
had two glasses in his hand and gestured to the couch. Braxton
relaxed on it, taking the glass from Fabian. He sniffed the liquid.
“Cognac?”
“Yes. Occasionally I treat myself.” Fabian joined him. “I feel
as if I should have my laptop out and be catching up on emails.”
“Fuck it for one night. You’re with the boss.” Braxton sipped
the alcohol and then placed it on the coffee table.
Fabian did the same, then reached to massage Braxton’s
thighs, which were still sore from the crazy workout that
morning. He caressed Fabian’s cheek lovingly. “I wish those
coasters we signed were about us, not work.”
“Do you?” Fabian appeared very amused and scooted closer,
overlapping their knees.
Braxton shrugged, unused to verbalizing his feelings, and
usually not feeling anything but apathy or anger.
“We can make it about anything you want, Mr Todd.”
Braxton met his blue eyes and melted at the affection he felt
coming from them.
“I want you.”
Like lightning, Fabian went for Braxton’s mouth and rested
on top of him, pressing Braxton back on the arm of the sofa.
Spreading out his legs, Braxton allowed Fabian to shift his
position so they were both lying across the cushions, Fabian on
top of Braxton.
The kiss was so soft and tender, the taste of the fine cognac
on their lips, Braxton wondered if maybe he didn’t have a heart
of stone after all. And if he did, whether this man was breaking
down the walls he’d built around it.
Parting lips gently, Braxton again stared into Fabian’s gaze,
reading the loyalty. A sense he had never felt from anyone
before.
Foolish thoughts began to form in Braxton’s mind.
Marry me.
But he’d known this guy a week. Come on. No one believes
in love at first sight…or love at second date.
Fabian snuggled on Braxton’s chest, a long, low sigh of
contentment coming from him. Braxton caressed his back, loving
the size and strength of Fabian, his body and his character.
He was handed the remote control for the TV.
Braxton blinked and laughed. “Yeah? Giving up the ultimate
power?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“Huh. Maybe you are the perfect guy.” Braxton pointed it at
the television set and muted the sound until he searched through
channels. “Taking about Mr O’Leary.” He left the channel on
one of the cable networks and Forever Young was showing.
“Never miss an episode.” Fabian cuddled warmly on
Braxton’s lap.
Braxton put the remote down and picked up his drink, sipping
it, loving the closeness of Fabian against him while watching one
of his favorite television shows. Life could be good, couldn’t it?
Braxton’s eyes kept feeling heavy. He peeked down at his
lap. Fabian was sound asleep on it as the late night pundits on the comedy network were sounding off about politics and religion.
Who is this man? Braxton lightly ran his fingers over
Fabian’s brown hair. How did he come into my life now? Now,
when I am ready to jump off a cliff I am so frustrated?
I don’t know why or how. But here he is. What are you going
to do about it? Fuck it up? Get scared and walk out the door?
Fabian’s hair was soft, like animal fur. And stroking him was
delightful. Slowly Fabian stirred and it made Braxton smile.
Those bright blue eyes peered up at him. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. Love it.” Braxton felt the coarseness of Fabian’s
new beard growth when he traced his fingertips down his jaw.
Fabian sat and rubbed his face, looking at the TV. “I’m beat.”
“We should go…to bed.” Braxton thought about what he had
just said. Quite literally he had never slept overnight with
anyone. Always making some excuse to leave, and certainly
never accidentally falling asleep and getting caught with the
same person in the morning. Never!
Fabian’s radiant smile appeared. “Yes. We should.” He stood
and reached out his hand.
Braxton shut off the TV and walked with Fabian to the
bedroom.
“You go wash up first.” Fabian turned down the bed, stacking
the throw pillows onto the floor.
Braxton paused a moment to watch him, seeing Fabian doing
what he probably did nightly, alone. With the smile still on his
lips, Braxton turned on his heels to wash up to get ready to sleep.
~
Fabian stripped off his clothing and scratched his balls,
yawning. He wondered if Braxton had to wake up early for
anything and walked closer to the closed bathroom door. “You
need a new toothbrush?” he asked through it.
“I found one in your cabinet.”
Fabian nodded to himself. “Should I set the alarm?”
“I don’t have my workout until late afternoon.”
Good. Fabian made sure the apartment door was locked and
the lights were out. He put the two empty glasses in the
dishwasher and started it.
When he returned he met Braxton in the hallway. Braxton
stopped short at seeing him nude.
Fabian chuckled. “Not used to a man around the house?”
“No.” Braxton ran his index finger down Fabian’s sternum.
“Come to bed.”
Bringing Braxton’s finger to his mouth to suck, Fabian drew
on it a few times and then headed to the bathroom to get ready
for bed…or…whatever.
~
After the tease, Braxton was hard again. He stepped out of the
sweatpants and briefs, tugging the shirt over his head and leapt
onto the bed, facing the doorway. Toying with himself to stay
erect, Braxton wondered why he was so hesitant to try and for a
decent relationship. If it stayed like this? It wasn’t all bad.
But that was the problem, it never stayed like this.
He released his cock and it softened with his thoughts.
Fabian returned and shut off the overhead light, turning on a
dim lamp on the nightstand. He crawled in beside Braxton and as
if he sensed a mood change his smile faded. “Tired?”
“Yes.”
“Come here, gorgeous.” Fabian snaked his arm behind
Braxton and drew him to his chest, caressing him and kissing his
hair.
At the comfort and security, Braxton was torn between
pushing away in fear and crying in relief. He could hear Fabian’s
heart beating and his soothing touch was foreign to him.
Fabian held him tight, hugged him so close, Braxton’s eyes
burned with tears. He bit his lip and touched the corners to stop
the drops from falling and hitting Fabian.
“Sleep. I got ya.” Fabian kissed his hair.
Braxton battled his welling emotions with everything he had.
Where he had thought he was unlovable, he had found love.
When he had given up hope, hope found him.
The child who had been abandoned, unloved, had somehow
been given a chance.
The bitterness and spite tried so hard to come through, to ruin
the moment, to force him to get up, get dressed and walk out that
door, like he always did when he lay with someone.
He closed his eyes and hid in Fabian’s chest, ashamed, hating
himself for showing weakness.
“Baby?” Fabian sounded concerned.
Braxton jerked away and tried to roll over to give Fabian his
back.
“No way!” Fabian gripped him like a vise.
Braxton gave up and lay on his back, limp, tears running
down the sides of his face.
“I hope to fuck those are tears of joy.” Fabian touched one of
the drops.
“I’m sorry.”
“You are not leaving. No way.”
“No. No. I’m not. I’m just…” Braxton wiped at his eyes
roughly. “I’m in such a bad place in my head.”
“You have to let someone in, let someone love you.”
The fact that Fabian nailed him so accurately, Braxton met
his eyes. “Yes. I know.”
“Do you think you don’t deserve it?”
Biting his lip, Braxton couldn’t even admit it.
“Are your parents divorced, Braxton?” Fabian rolled to his
side and propped his head up on a pillow.
He never revealed the ugly truth to anyone. Lowering his
eyes, Braxton rubbed his face and felt truly ill inside.
“Talk to me. I can’t understand you or what you’re thinking if
you don’t.” Fabian ran his hand back through Braxton’s hair,
getting it out of his eyes. “You’ll feel better for it.”
“I doubt it.” After considering the request, Braxton said,
“You share something painful first.”
Fabian didn’t react badly, but looked thoughtful. “Okay.”
Braxton mirrored his posture on the bed, the pillow propping
up his head.
“When I was fifteen I was on the high-school football team.”
Fabian looked down at his own hand for a moment in thought,
then back at Braxton. “I was teased for being gay because one of
the boys caught me with a hard-on after practice in the locker
room. It was pretty merciless abuse after that from everyone, so I
came out. I felt I had no choice. It was the hardest thing I had to do.”
Braxton felt sorry for him, but it had happened to so many
boys before. It wasn’t a new story.
“I…” Fabian looked away again shyly. “I almost quit the
team. I wasn’t sure I could take the bullying. My coach called
me into his office to talk about it.” Fabian’s mouth formed a
grim line. “He…he sucked my cock.”
“What?” Braxton felt a jab of ice in his gut.
“He…he said it was okay I was gay. Not to be intimidated by
came on strong and backed me into a corner, physically and
mentally pressuring me. He said if I let him, he’d make sure the
guys laid off.”
“You have to be fucking kidding me!” Braxton hated bullies
and pedophiles, hated them!
Fabian fell to his back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
“Never told that to a fucking soul. Not even my mother.”
“Did it happen once? Or did he keep messing with you?”
“Once.”
Braxton growled in rage and thought about Fabian exposing
the guy, even now, twenty years later.
Covering his face with both hands, Fabian let out a soft moan
and the dropped his arms heavily at his sides. “I did well to
forget that.”
“Didn’t tell anyone? Ever?”
“No. How could I?”
Braxton shifted closer and held Fabian’s arm in comfort.
“How about you? What are you hiding?” Fabian looked at
him.
Braxton wished he hadn’t made the deal. Closing his eyes
trying to overcome that dreaded pride he had, he struggled to say
it.
“Worse than that?” Fabian rolled over and caressed Braxton.
Without looking at him, his eyes
unfocused, Braxton said, “I
was abandoned.”
“By whom?”
With spite and hatred, Braxton spat out angrily, “My
mother.”
Fabian responded by touch, not voice, holding Braxton.
“I was five.” Braxton shook his head in fury and after battling
the urge to stop talking about it, he said, “She was a single
mother and left me with my grandmother.” He balled his fists,
his knuckles still raw and scabbing from when he punched the
wall. “She couldn’t handle me either. Didn’t want me. So I was
passed to aunts, cousins…”
“Shit.”
“Fuck everyone. I don’t care.”
Fabian went for him to embrace him. Braxton’s first impulse
was to push him away, but he didn’t. He let go, limp in Fabian’s
arms.
~
No wonder!
Fabian felt like an idiot for judging Braxton so harshly. But
when a child is abandoned like that? Unloved? It’s amazing this man has made something of himself and not become a serial
killer!
“I gotcha.” Fabian hauled Braxton on top of him, spreading
his legs so Braxton fell between them. Hugging him, kissing his
cheek and neck, Fabian couldn’t imagine that kind of childhood.
His had been the opposite.
“I’m not using that as an excuse to be an ass.” Braxton
seemed to settle down, as if feeling stronger as the weight was
lifted.
“No, but it’s a good one. And to me? You’ve never been an
ass. Never.”
Braxton leaned up on his elbows so they could see each other.
“I don’t know why. I treat everyone the same. Like shit.”
“Brianna loves you.”
That made Braxton smile. “I love her. I’d be lost without her
loyalty.”
“Loyalty.” Fabian loved his smile. “Yeah. Hard to find.
Means a lot.”
“She’s never quit me. She’s seen me in the dregs, believe
me.”
“I believe you.”
“But I pay her. That’s why she stays. And in this economy?”
Braxton leaned to one side, taking his long hair out of his eyes.
“That’s not the only reason she’s loyal or stays. If she hated
you, she’d leave.”
Braxton appeared to reflect on the comment. “Yeah. She
would. But she gets me.”
“Would you date her if she were single?”
“No. I wouldn’t. She doesn’t get me hot.” Braxton ground his
hips on Fabian. “Like you do.”
I love you, was so close to slipping out of Fabian’s mouth he felt as if he had to swallow it down. He did love Braxton, but one