depend upon it that I shall do so. I hate you because I have
allowed you to go to such lengths, and I also hate you and still
more--because you are so necessary to me. For the time being I
want you, so I must keep you."
Then she made a movement to rise. Her tone had sounded very
angry. Indeed, of late her talks with me had invariably ended on
a note of temper and irritation--yes, of real temper.
"May I ask you who is this Mlle. Blanche?" I inquired (since I
did not wish Polina to depart without an explanation).
"You KNOW who she is--just Mlle. Blanche. Nothing further has
transpired. Probably she will soon be Madame General--that is to
say, if the rumours that Grandmamma is nearing her end should
prove true. Mlle. Blanche, with her mother and her cousin, the
Marquis, know very well that, as things now stand, we are
ruined."
"And is the General at last in love?"
"That has nothing to do with it. Listen to me. Take these 700
florins, and go and play roulette with them. Win as much for me
as you can, for I am badly in need of money.
So saying, she called Nadia back to her side, and entered the
Casino, where she joined the rest of our party. For myself, I
took, in musing astonishment, the first path to the left.
Something had seemed to strike my brain when she told me to go
and play roulette. Strangely enough, that something had also
seemed to make me hesitate, and to set me analysing my feelings
with regard to her. In fact, during the two weeks of my absence
I had felt far more at my ease than I did now, on the day of my
return; although, while travelling, I had moped like an
imbecile, rushed about like a man in a fever, and actually
beheld her in my dreams. Indeed, on one occasion (this happened
in Switzerland, when I was asleep in the train) I had spoken
aloud to her, and set all my fellow-travellers laughing. Again,
therefore, I put to myself the question: "Do I, or do I not
love her?" and again I could return myself no answer or,
rather, for the hundredth time I told myself that I detested
her. Yes, I detested her; there were moments (more especially at
the close of our talks together) when I would gladly have given
half my life to have strangled her! I swear that, had there, at
such moments, been a sharp knife ready to my hand, I would have
seized that knife with pleasure, and plunged it into her breast.
Yet I also swear that if, on the Shlangenberg, she had REALLY
said to me, "Leap into that abyss," I should have leapt into
it, and with equal pleasure. Yes, this I knew well. One way or
the other, the thing must soon be ended. She, too, knew it in
some curious way; the thought that I was fully conscious of her
inaccessibility, and of the impossibility of my ever realising
my dreams, afforded her, I am certain, the keenest possible
pleasure. Otherwise, is it likely that she, the cautious and
clever woman that she was, would have indulged in this
familiarity and openness with me? Hitherto (I concluded) she had
looked upon me in the same light that the old Empress did upon
her servant--the Empress who hesitated not to unrobe herself
before her slave, since she did not account a slave a man. Yes,
often Polina must have taken me for something less than a man!"
Still, she had charged me with a commission--to win what I could
at roulette. Yet all the time I could not help wondering WHY it
was so necessary for her to win something, and what new schemes
could have sprung to birth in her ever-fertile brain. A host of
new and unknown factors seemed to have arisen during the last
two weeks. Well, it behoved me to divine them, and to probe
them, and that as soon as possible. Yet not now: at the present
moment I must repair to the roulette-table.
II
I confess I did not like it. Although I had made up my mind to
play, I felt averse to doing so on behalf of some one else. In
fact, it almost upset my balance, and I entered the gaming rooms
with an angry feeling at my heart. At first glance the scene
irritated me. Never at any time have I been able to bear the
flunkeyishness which one meets in the Press of the world at
large, but more especially in that of Russia, where, almost
every evening, journalists write on two subjects in particular
namely, on the splendour and luxury of the casinos to be found
in the Rhenish towns, and on the heaps of gold which are daily
to be seen lying on their tables. Those journalists are not
paid for doing so: they write thus merely out of a spirit of
the establishments in question; and, not only are there no heaps
of gold to be seen lying on their tables, but also there is very
little money to be seen at all. Of course, during the season,
some madman or another may make his appearance--generally an
Englishman, or an Asiatic, or a Turk--and (as had happened during
the summer of which I write) win or lose a great deal; but, as
regards the rest of the crowd, it plays only for petty gulden,
and seldom does much wealth figure on the board.
When, on the present occasion, I entered the gaming-rooms
(for the first time in my life), it was several moments
before I could even make up my mind to play. For one thing, the
crowd oppressed me. Had I been playing for myself, I think I
should have left at once, and never have embarked upon gambling at
all, for I could feel my heart beginning to beat, and my heart was
anything but cold-blooded. Also, I knew, I had long ago made up my
mind, that never should I depart from Roulettenberg until some radical,
some final, change had taken place in my fortunes. Thus, it must
and would be. However ridiculous it may seem to you that I was
expecting to win at roulette, I look upon the generally accepted
opinion concerning the folly and the grossness of hoping to win
at gambling as a thing even more absurd. For why is gambling a
whit worse than any other method of acquiring money? How, for
instance, is it worse than trade? True, out of a hundred
persons, only one can win; yet what business is that of yours or
of mine?
At all events, I confined myself at first simply to looking on,
and decided to attempt nothing serious. Indeed, I felt that, if
I began to do anything at all, I should do it in an
absent-minded, haphazard sort of way--of that I felt certain.
Also. it behoved me to learn the game itself; since, despite a
thousand descriptions of roulette which I had read with
ceaseless avidity, I knew nothing of its rules, and had never
even seen it played.
In the first place, everything about it seemed to me so foul--so
morally mean and foul. Yet I am not speaking of the hungry,
restless folk who, by scores nay, even by hundreds--could be seen
crowded around the gaming-tables. For in a desire to win quickly
and to win much I can see nothing sordid; I have always
applauded the opinion of a certain dead an
d gone, but cocksure,
moralist who replied to the excuse that " one may always gamble
moderately ", by saying that to do so makes things worse, since,
in that case, the profits too will always be moderate.
Insignificant profits and sumptuous profits do not stand on the
same footing. No, it is all a matter of proportion. What may
seem a small sum to a Rothschild may seem a large sum to me, and
it is not the fault of stakes or of winnings that everywhere men
can be found winning, can be found depriving their fellows of
something, just as they do at roulette. As to the question
whether stakes and winnings are, in themselves, immoral is
another question altogether, and I wish to express no opinion
upon it. Yet the very fact that I was full of a strong desire to
win caused this gambling for gain, in spite of its attendant
squalor, to contain, if you will, something intimate, something
sympathetic, to my eyes: for it is always pleasant to see men
dispensing with ceremony, and acting naturally, and in an
unbuttoned mood. . . .
Yet, why should I so deceive myself? I
could see that the whole thing was a vain and unreasoning
pursuit; and what, at the first glance, seemed to me the ugliest
feature in this mob of roulette players was their respect for
their occupation--the seriousness, and even the humility, with
which they stood around the gaming tables. Moreover, I had
always drawn sharp distinctions between a game which is de
mauvais genre and a game which is permissible to a decent man.
In fact, there are two sorts of gaming--namely, the game of the
gentleman and the game of the plebs--the game for gain, and the
game of the herd. Herein, as said, I draw sharp distinctions.
Yet how essentially base are the distinctions! For instance, a
gentleman may stake, say, five or ten louis d'or--seldom more,
unless he is a very rich man, when he may stake, say, a thousand
francs; but, he must do this simply for the love of the game
itself--simply for sport, simply in order to observe the process
of winning or of losing, and, above all things, as a man who
winner. If he wins, he will be at liberty, perhaps, to give vent
to a laugh, or to pass a remark on the circumstance to a
bystander, or to stake again, or to double his stake; but, even
this he must do solely out of curiosity, and for the pleasure of
watching the play of chances and of calculations, and not
because of any vulgar desire to win. In a word, he must look
upon the gaming-table, upon roulette, and upon trente et
quarante, as mere relaxations which have been arranged solely
for his amusement. Of the existence of the lures and gains upon
which the bank is founded and maintained he must profess to have
not an inkling. Best of all, he ought to imagine his
fellow-gamblers and the rest of the mob which stands trembling
over a coin to be equally rich and gentlemanly with himself, and
playing solely for recreation and pleasure. This complete
ignorance of the realities, this innocent view of mankind, is
what, in my opinion, constitutes the truly aristocratic. For
instance, I have seen even fond mothers so far indulge their
guileless, elegant daughters--misses of fifteen or sixteen--as to
give them a few gold coins and teach them how to play; and
though the young ladies may have won or have lost, they have
invariably laughed, and departed as though they were well
pleased. In the same way, I saw our General once approach the
table in a stolid, important manner. A lacquey darted to offer
him a chair, but the General did not even notice him. Slowly he
took out his money bags, and slowly extracted 300 francs in
gold, which he staked on the black, and won. Yet he did not take
up his winnings--he left them there on the table. Again the
black turned up, and again he did not gather in what he had won;
and when, in the third round, the RED turned up he lost, at a
stroke, 1200 francs. Yet even then he rose with a smile, and
thus preserved his reputation; yet I knew that his money bags
must be chafing his heart, as well as that, had the stake been
twice or thrice as much again, he would still have restrained
himself from venting his disappointment.
On the other hand, I saw a Frenchman first win, and then lose,
30,000 francs cheerfully, and without a murmur. Yes; even if a gentleman
should lose his whole substance, he must never give way to
annoyance. Money must be so subservient to gentility as never to
be worth a thought. Of course, the SUPREMELY aristocratic thing
is to be entirely oblivious of the mire of rabble, with its
setting; but sometimes a reverse course may be aristocratic to
remark, to scan, and even to gape at, the mob (for preference,
through a lorgnette), even as though one were taking the crowd
and its squalor for a sort of raree show which had been
organised specially for a gentleman's diversion. Though one may
be squeezed by the crowd, one must look as though one were fully
assured of being the observer--of having neither part nor lot
with the observed. At the same time, to stare fixedly about one
is unbecoming; for that, again, is ungentlemanly, seeing that no
spectacle is worth an open stare--are no spectacles in the world
which merit from a gentleman too pronounced an inspection.
However, to me personally the scene DID seem to be worth
undisguised contemplation--more especially in view of the fact
that I had come there not only to look at, but also to number
myself sincerely and wholeheartedly with, the mob. As for my
secret moral views,. I had no room for them amongst my actual,
practical opinions. Let that stand as written: I am writing only
to relieve my conscience. Yet let me say also this: that from
the first I have been consistent in having an intense aversion
to any trial of my acts and thoughts by a moral standard.
Another standard altogether has directed my life. . . .
As a matter of fact, the mob was playing in exceedingly foul
fashion. Indeed, I have an idea that sheer robbery was going on
around that gaming-table. The croupiers who sat at the two ends
of it had not only to watch the stakes, but also to calculate
the game--an immense amount of work for two men! As for the crowd
itself--well, it consisted mostly of Frenchmen. Yet I was not
then taking notes merely in order to be able to give you a
description of roulette, but in order to get my bearings as to
my behaviour when I myself should begin to play. For example, I
noticed that nothing was more common than for another's hand to
stretch out and grab one's winnings whenever one had won. Then
there would arise a dispute, and frequently an uproar; and it
would be a case of "I beg of you to prove, and to produce
witnesses to the fact, that the stake is yours."
At first the proceedings were pure Greek to me. I could only
divine and distinguish that stakes were hazarded on
numbers, on
"odd" or "even," and on colours. Polina's money I decided to
risk, that evening, only to the amount of 100 gulden. The
thought that I was not going to play for myself quite unnerved
me. It was an unpleasant sensation, and I tried hard to banish
it. I had a feeling that, once I had begun to play for Polina, I
should wreck my own fortunes. Also, I wonder if any one has EVER
approached a gaming-table without falling an immediate prey to
superstition? I began by pulling out fifty gulden, and staking
them on "even." The wheel spun and stopped at 13. I had lost!
With a feeling like a sick qualm, as though I would like to make
my way out of the crowd and go home, I staked another fifty
gulden--this time on the red. The red turned up. Next time I
staked the 100 gulden just where they lay--and again the red
turned up. Again I staked the whole sum, and again the red
turned up. Clutching my 400 gulden, I placed 200 of them on
twelve figures, to see what would come of it. The result was
that the croupier paid me out three times my total stake! Thus
from 100 gulden my store had grown to 800! Upon that such a
curious, such an inexplicable, unwonted feeling overcame me that
I decided to depart. Always the thought kept recurring to me
that if I had been playing for myself alone I should never have
had such luck. Once more I staked the whole 800 gulden on the
"even." The wheel stopped at 4. I was paid out another 800
gulden, and, snatching up my pile of 1600, departed in search of
Polina Alexandrovna.
I found the whole party walking in the park, and was able to get
an interview with her only after supper. This time the Frenchman
was absent from the meal, and the General seemed to be in a more
expansive vein. Among other things, he thought it necessary to
remind me that he would be sorry to see me playing at the
gaming-tables. In his opinion, such conduct would greatly
compromise him--especially if I were to lose much. " And even if
you were to WIN much I should be compromised," he added in a
meaning sort of way. "Of course I have no RIGHT to order your
actions, but you yourself will agree that..." As usual, he did not
finish his sentence. I answered drily that I had very little
money in my possession, and that, consequently, I was hardly in
a position to indulge in any conspicuous play, even if I did
gamble. At last, when ascending to my own room, I succeeded in
handing Polina her winnings, and told her that, next time, I
should not play for her.
"Why not?" she asked excitedly.
"Because I wish to play FOR MYSELF," I replied with a feigned
glance of astonishment. "That is my sole reason."
"Then are you so certain that your roulette-playing will get us
out of our difficulties?" she inquired with a quizzical smile.
I said very seriously, "Yes," and then added: "Possibly my
certainty about winning may seem to you ridiculous;
yet, pray leave me in peace."
Nonetheless she insisted that I ought to go halves with her in
the day's winnings, and offered me 800 gulden on condition that
henceforth, I gambled only on those terms; but I refused to do
so, once and for all--stating, as my reason, that I found myself
unable to play on behalf of any one else, "I am not unwilling
so to do," I added, "but in all probability I should lose."
"Well, absurd though it be, I place great hopes on your playing
of roulette," she remarked musingly; "wherefore, you ought to
play as my partner and on equal shares; wherefore, of course,
you will do as I wish."
Then she left me without listening to any further protests on my
part.
III
On the morrow she said not a word to me about gambling. In fact,
she purposely avoided me, although her old manner to me had not
changed: the same serene coolness was hers on meeting me -- a
coolness that was mingled even with a spice of contempt and
dislike. In short, she was at no pains to conceal her aversion
to me. That I could see plainly. Also, she did not trouble to
conceal from me the fact that I was necessary to her, and that