5. WHAT TO SAY Real Self-Confidence
OFFICE: Frank and Dick at desk.
FRANK
Yes. I do like working here as employment
counselor, Dick.
DICK
You were looking for a different job, Frank.
FRANK
I was until the manager here thought that since
I’ve had lots of experience getting jobs, I could
help other people do the same.
DICK
Well, pundit, tell me the secrets?
FRANK
Don’t call me a pundit and I’ll give you some tips.
DICK
Okay, tipper.
FRANK
The secrets are not really secret. Mainly it takes
selecting and tailoring them to fit.
DICK
What’s the top tip?
FRANK
Using my super powers, I’ll say “Your Own
Advertisement”.
DICK
My own ad?
FRANK
Yes. Get together a smooth two minute summary of
your relevant qualities and strengths.
DICK
What would I say for my field?
FRANK
Tell the interviewer that you’re a creative, analytical,
and honest person -- along with where you’ve
shown those qualities in school and work.
DICK
Are you saying that because you’re being nice? Have
you’ve seen those qualities in me?
FRANK
Sure I have. Make a list of your strengths and successes
of any kind -- even if you’re unsure about their value.
DICK
Right now help me with what to say about myself when
I meet somebody interesting.
FRANK
Talk about what you’ve done, or are doing, or want to do
that might relate to the other person.
DICK
I don’t like bragging about myself.
FRANK
It’s not bragging, it’s being confident about telling who
you are. So when are you most confident?
DICK
Mostly when I’ve had a few beers.
FRANK
Confident -- without alcohol or other drugs.
DICK
When people want to hear what I’m saying.
FRANK
People want to hear what you have to say when
you tell a lively, quick personal story that connects
at the time.
DICK (nodding)
Well. I can say that …
Frank listening.
6. HOLDING BACK Fear vs. Self-Esteem
GYM: Dick and Frank at entrance
DICK
Hey Frank man, how’s it going?
FRANK
Good enough, Dick. How’s your new course?
DICK
I might fail.
FRANK
Is it too hard?
DICK
It’s too hard for me to get up in front of the class.
FRANK
What for? To give a presentation?
DICK
Yeah, I don’t want the class looking at me and talking
trash about me.
FRANK
This college class isn’t going to be trashing you.
DICK
No, but they may be thinking it.
FRANK
What’s it?
DICK
That I’m dumb, funny-looking or boring.
FRANK
Dick, do you really believe all that?
DICK
No, but they might.
FRANK
They might be thinking all kinds of stuff – mostly about
themselves like you are – maybe good, bad, and far out.
DICK
I’ve had this fear since I was a kid.
FRANK
Then let’s be kids about it. Let’s pretend kids are saying
those words to you.
DICK
Then what?
FRANK
We’ll answer the kids better this time.
DICK
I’ll play your silly game. Go ahead.
FRANK
You look dumb, and ugly too.
DICK
You must have dumb eyes. I’m pretty smart.
FRANK (Talking alongside Dick)
And I’m prepared to talk about what I know.
DICK
I know a lot.
FRANK
But you’re funny-looking and boring.
DICK
It takes one to know one.
FRANK (steps alongside again)
I’m rubber, you’re glue
DICK
So your crap bounces off me and sticks to you.
FRANK (laughs)
You’re getting into it. Go with who you are now,
and have fun with your talk. People will like you.
DICK
I can do it if I have a helmet.
Frank gives Dick hat.
7. REALLY WANT Life and Other Games
HOME OFFICE: Lori and Dick standing at work area
LORI
Dick, thanks for setting up my new router system.
DICK
Zall right Lori. Now you can play games faster.
LORI
I’ve actually been cutting down on game time.
DICK
What! Not a player like you! We’re both addicts.
LORI
I wanted to have more time for other things: priorities.
DICK
I can’t believe it -- bet you’re still playing a lot.
LORI
No, I usually play a half hour a day unless I have
more important things on my list.
DICK
Be honest: Don’t you want to play more?
LORI
If I really have a strong desire, I’ll let myself go for an
hour and once in awhile, I’ll go for two hours.
DICK
But don’t you really want to play more?
LORI
I want to play more when I’m stressed, insecure,
tired, hungry, bored, mostly when I’m off center.
DICK
Really.
LORI
Now I play a game with myself about games. If I go
over my limit, then don’t play for a day or two. And I got
rid of a game that was out-of-control.
DICK
That’s tough. You punish yourself.
LORI
A little. More like I show myself I can do without silly
games -- that makes me feel freer.
DICK
But you’re restricting your own freedom.
LORI
Sure I want to be free to continue like a kid.
But actually I’m freer avoiding timewasters
that imprison me from what really matters.
DICK
Dang. How do you do it?
LORI
Well, there is the time structure – with rewards
including praises and sometimes penalties.
DICK
And?
LORI
And, I lined up more interesting things to do.
DICK
What was the hardest part for you? I know what it
is for me.
LORI
Believing I would do it, since I knew I could cheat.
I practiced seeing myself actually turning off the
games and enjoying myself, my success!
DICK
For me, the hardest part is stopping once I start.
LORI
And looking into the future … how do you succeed?
DICK
By not starting with it;
by not having the game
around to tempt me.
LORI
It gets easier once we find a better replacement,
like any relationships!
Dick nods.
8. LOVE LUCK? Dating vs. Relating Part 1
SCENIC PLACE: Lori and Frank
LORI
I love this place, Frank. We both like the view,
and it’s private enough here to talk.
FRANK
Well Lori now I can to tell you that Dick
thinks we’re lucky to have such a good
relationship.
LOR I(laughs)
It took a lot more than luck.
FRANK
In a way we made our own luck, since we met
in a group with similar interests and values.
LORI
Yeah, that gave us more to relate to than just,
ha ha ha, basic chemistry! (they laugh)
FRANK
A big benefit was being able to get to know
each other gradually.
LORI
Knowing who the other person really is can be a
life saver! It gave me more real confidence.
FRANK
That gave us a good foundation for building our
friendship, and then our special partnership.
LORI
Yeah. We’ve had to learn to appreciate and
understand each other.
FRANK
For our communication, we've used a whole
variety of skills.
LORI
Yeah, like listening and clarifying -- especially since
misunderstandings were often the cause of problems.
FRANK
It helps when we lighten up with fun and humor.
LORI
You bet. Another luck-maker, in our success, has
been the consideration of each other needs.
FRANK
And that's meant awareness of feelings -- which is
not always easy.
LORI
Even less easy is awareness of our old habits
that get in the way of our relationship.
FRANK
That leads to great cooperation -- like mutual
support on valued goals-- and taking turns.
LORI
best self.
FRANK
I love it too.
LORI
That makes two of us, loving who we are together.
FRANK
We mentioned three good relationship words that
start with a C.
LORI
Let me see.... Communication, consideration, and
cooperation.
FRANK
Mmm, I can think of one more ...
They look at each other. CUT | END
9. LOVE LUCK? Dating vs. Relating Part 2
SCENIC PLACE: Lori and Frank.
LORI
Ah, I remember several good relationship "C"
words that many people agreed on in that
dating seminar we attended.
FRANK
How about the fancy word: conciliation. With our
disagreements, we compromise to reconcile our
differences.
LORI
Yes, we trust each other and we let go of trivia so
we can negotiate jointly valued solution.
FRANK
We avoid generalizations such as “You always …”,
or “You never …”.
LORI
And minimize criticism -- compliments work better.
FRANK
It isn’t always smooth. But we get there.
LORI
Our art of relating has grown better with effort, and
experience.
FRANK
Now, there’s the maintenance of our partnership --
after all the building!
LORI
We’ve been talking about these facts of life from
when we first decided to have a solid relationship.
FRANK
Amazingly from the seminar there are more C words
that go together in maintaining good relationships.
LORI
That repeating C sound is a great memory aid
FRANK
Another is commitment based on agreements
about goals, roles, and rules.
LORI
In other words, we have a clear, honest contract.
FRANK
Yeah, it helps prevent conflicts and problems.
LORI
Then there’s control.
FRANK
Having enough control of decisions for fulfilling
the commitments
LORI
Right -- enough personal power for self control.
Also there's the motivation to make things work well
FRANK.
That could be called caring.
LORI
I think that’s an attitude: seeing problems as
possibilities for positive change.
FRANK
So taking the problems constructively as
stimulating challenges, maybe with a bit of
compassion, and even humor.
LORI
Uh huh. Accepting reality and making the best of
life that we can.
FRANK
Well, that makes four more relationship "C"s:
conciliation, commitment, control and caring – based
on lots of relationship research studies.
LORI
Ah, the wisdom of love, for making better luck! .
They kiss each other. CUT | END