Shehadgottenolder,probablytoherlatethirtiesifnotforty.“Ohno,”she mumbled,hervoicedeeper.Itwouldbeevenmoredifficultforhertogo unnoticedasamiddle-agedwoman.Onelookatthewrinklesonherfaceand someonewouldcalltheBeautificationSociety.
Shehadtohidethewrinkles.Theproblemwasshedidn’thaveany cosmeticsormoneytobuyanything.Therehadtobesomewaytoacquireone ortheother.Maybeshecouldshopliftsomething.
Assheponderedthis,sheleftthebathroom.Sheploddedaroundthepark, huggingherselftostaywarmasshethought.Thenthesolutionappearedrightin frontofher.Awoman’spursesatontheedgeofabenchwhilethewoman lookedtheotherwaytowatchhertwosmallchildrenplay.
Jeritookacoupleofdeepbreathsandthenwalkedbythebenchascasually aspossible.Withoutlooking,sheslippedthebagoffthebench,ontoher shoulder.Shequickenedherpacebutdidn’tstarttorun;thatwouldgiveher awayforsure.
Shegotallthewaybacktothebathroom.Thereshewentthroughthebag.
Thewoman’swalletidentifiedherasaJeniNomur;herhairwaslighterandabit
longer,butotherwiseshecouldpassasayoungerversionofJeriwithoutthe glasses.Jeni’swalletheldenoughmoneytolastJeriafewdaysifshespentit carefully.
Atthebottomshefoundthewoman’scosmetics.Jeriemptiedtheseout intothesinkandthensettowork.Shefuriouslyappliedfoundationandrougeto hideherwrinklesandfreckles.Theeffectwasabitclownishupclose,butfrom adistanceshewouldseemlikeafairlyprettyyoungwoman,solongasshetook offtheglasses.ItwastoobadJenididn’thaveanycontactlensesinthebag.
Jeritookthecosmeticsandmoneybutlefttherestinthebathroom.Then shehurriedoutofthebathroomandoutofthepark.Itwasdifficulttosee withoutherglasses;shewouldhavetohopeforthebest.Asshewalked,Jeri thoughtofhermother.Shetriedtosummonthesameauthorityanddignityas Mother,keepingherbackramrodstraightandheadup.Shequickenedherpace slightlytomakeitseemasifshewereintoomuchofahurrytotalktoanyone.
Thisledhertobumpintoanumberofpeople,butsherefusedtoapologizeto anyone;shewasfartooimportanttoworryaboutthem.
Hernosedetectedthescentofpastries.Jeriputonherglassesfora momenttomakesureshewasinfrontofacafé.Sheslippedtheglassesback intoherpocketandthenwentinside.Shesatatacornertable,whereitwouldbe darkenoughfortheshadowstomaskherheavymakeupjob.
Awaitressbroughtamenuby;Jeripretendedtoscanitbeforesheordereda cupofteaandahalf-dozenpastries.Herstomachrumbledasmuchaswhen she’dbeenMolegirl2atthethoughtoffoodthatdidn’tcomefromagarbage can.Shehadtoforceherselfnottogulpdownthepastries,toeatinadignified fashionthatbefittedawomanherageandpresumedsocialstatus.
Asshenibbledthepastriesandsippedhertea,thecafébegantofill.Apair ofwomensatatthetablenexttoher.“Ihearshe’shideous,”onewomansaid.
“Theysayshe’sgottheseterribleredspotsalloverherfaceandeyebrowsthat havegrowntogether.”
“I’veheardshewalksonallfourslikeananimal—andsmellslikeonetoo.”
ThewomenlaughedwhileJerididherbestnottoshowanyreaction.She knewtheymustbediscussingher,theuglyfugitive.Shewantedtocryatthis, butshecouldn’t.
Thisbecamemuchmoredifficultwhensheheardonewomansay,“It’sno wonderhermotherkilledherself.”
“Idon’tknowhowshestoodraisingsuchabeastalltheseyears.”
Jerileftsomemoneyonthetableandthenrushedoutoftheroom.Mother wasdead?No,thatcouldn’tbe.Motherhadalwaysbeensostrong,sotough; shewouldn’tkillherselfoversomethinglikethis,wouldshe?Jerithoughtofher
lastconversationwithhermother.Sherememberedhowhumiliatedhermother hadfeltafterthecotillionandJeri’ssubsequentdisappearancefromthehospital.
ItmadeperfectsenseforMothertokillherselfaftersuchascandal.
Withthelastofhermoney,JeritookataxitoMother’shouse.Shepunched inthecodeatthefrontgatetoopenit.Thepolicehadapparentlyfinishedtheir investigationalreadyastherewasnoonearound.
Jerisearchedtheentirehousebutfoundnoone.Mother’sbedwasneatly made,themattresscold.Jerirestedherheadagainstthemattressandfinallylet thetearsflow.“Oh,Mama.Howcouldyou?”
Nowshedidn’thaveanyone.Shewascompletelyaloneandbeinghunted bytheentireplanet.Whatcouldshedo?Wherecouldshego?Shecouldn’t stayinthishouseanymore—orcouldshe?WithMotherdead,thepolice probablywouldn’texpecthertodoublebackhere.SolongasJeristayedaway fromthewindowsandkeptthelightsoff,sheoughttobesafehere.
ShethoughtaboutcurlingupinMother’sbed,butthendecidedtoslipback toherownroom.Itlookedunchangedfrombeforethecotillion.Jerisawthe clothesMotherhadboughtforherstillhanginginthecloset.Shetriedona dress,butitwastoosmallonher.Shesighedandthencurleduponherbedto getsomerest.
***
JeriassumedshewasdreamingwhensheheardMothersay,“Whatareyou doinginmydaughter’sbed?”Shegruntedsomethinginreplybutdidn’twake.
Thisfeelingwasfamiliartoher;sherememberedwhenValhadmadeher intoachubbyensign,theeffortithadtakenjusttositup.Jeriputahandtoher stomachandagainfeltasagginggut.Herotherhandmanagedtofindthe glasses,whichseemedthickerthansheremembered.
Oncehervisioncameintofocus,shegasped.Motherstoodbesidethebed, armsfoldedoverherchestandhermouthsetinastraightlinetoindicateshe wasfurious.“Whywereyoupassedoutinmydaughter’sbed?”
“Mama,it’sme.It’sJeri.”
“Nonsense.Mydaughterwasneverpretty,butshecertainlywasn’ta middle-agedwhale.”
Middle-aged?Jeriforcedherselftoslidethecoversback.Shesawshewas dressedinashapelessburntorangedresswitharattydarkbrownsweater.She slidherselfoffthebedandgottoherfeet.Motherstoodasidetoletherstagger
tothemirror.
Thefaceshesawwasverydifferentfromtheonesherememberedfromthe lastweek.Hercheeksbulgedandherjowlssaggedwithfat.Herhairhadturned darkbrown,butwasstreakedwithgrayandcutinatomboyishbob.Thelinesat theedgesofhereyesandmouthandcrinklingherforeheadhadalldeepened.
Herflabbybreastssaggedwithinthedress.Shehadtobeinherlateforties,if notfiftynow.ThatwaspracticallyacroneforShada.
“Ifyoudon’tleavemyhouseimmediately,ma’am,Iwillhavetocallthe policetoremoveyou.”
“Mama,please,thisisallaterriblemistake.I’mnotreallyanoldlady.
Youhavetobelieveme.”
“WhyshouldIbelievesuchalunatic’stale?Tellmewhatyou’vedoneto mydaughterandI’llallowyoutoleaveherewithoutincident.”
“Ididn’tdoanythingtoher!I amher.”
“Look—”
Jeriseizedhermotherbytheshoulders.“I’mstillyourdaughter.Lookinto myeyes.Youhavetoseeitthere.You’remymother.”
“Iseenothingbutasleazymadwomanillegallyoccupyingmyhouse.”
“I’mnotamadwoman!”Shepushedhermotherdownontothebed;it wasn’thardwithherconsiderableweightadvantageoverMotheratthemoment.
“Youneverbelieveme!Youdon’tcareaboutmeatall!Itdoesn’tmatterif we’reonPheraoronShada;youneverreallyloveme.Allyoueverdoismake mefeelworthless.”
Motherbackedaway,untilsh
ewaspressedintoacorner.Sheputherhands updefensively.“Whatareyougoingtodotome?”
“I’mnotgoingtodoanythingtoyou.Ijustwanttostayhere,withyou.
Please?”
“Verywell—”Motherstoppedassomeoneknockedonthefrontdoor.
FasterthanJerithoughtpossible,Motherjumpedtoherfeetandspedtowards thebedroomdoorway.“Helpme!I’mbeingmurdered!”
JerifollowedafterMother,butnowtheweightdifferencewasa disadvantage.Motherwasalreadyonthestaircasedowntothefronthall.Jeri couldseeawoman’ssilhouettetoonesideofthedoor.Sherecognizedthevoice oftheBeautificationSocietyofficersaying,“Mrs.Poldar?Areyouinthere?”
“I’mhere!There’samadwomaninthehouse!”Mothershrieked.
“Mother,no!”Jerishouted.Shelumbereddownthestairs.Motherlooked back,herfaceamaskofterror.
Thenshestumbled.Herfeetgaveoutbeneathher,tosendhertumbling downthestonestepsJerihadfallendownatthecotillion.ExceptwhenMother
reachedthebottom,herbodywascompletelystill.
JerireachedthebottomofthestairsthesametimetheSocietykickedopen thefrontdoor.ShehuggedMother’slimpformtoherchestandsobbed.As muchasshe’doftenhatedhermother,she’dneverwantedtoseeherdead.In somenaïvewayshe’dalwayshopedintimetheycouldrepairtheirdifferences, thatshecouldfindawaytomakeMotherproudofher.
SherefusedtoletgoofMotherastheSocietyofficerstriedtogethertoher feet.“No,I’mnotleavingher!”sheroared.Sheflungherselfattheblond officer,butherflabbybodywastooslow.Theofficersteppedasideandthen pulledoutherstunbaton.Jerifeltthefamiliartingleinherchestfromtheshock beforeshepassedout.
***
ThistimesheheardnotMother’svoicebutherown.“Youcertainlygave usamerrychase,MissPoldar.Butuglinesscanneverescapeournotice.”
Jeriopenedhereyestoseeherselfinfrontofher,oratleasthowshehad beenwhenshewasthequeenofShadainherprettypinkdressandthegolden crownonherhead.Thisyounger,beautifulJerigrinnedatherwithperfectwhite teeth.“Itwascleverofyoutodouble-backtoyourhome,butultimatelyitwas foolish.”
“Mama,whatabouther?Isshe—?”
“Dead?Yes,verymuchso.”Thequeenmotionedtotheblondofficer who’dshockedJeritwicenow.TheSocietyofficerrattledoffthecharges againstJeri,theforemostbeingmatricide.Thequeenshookherheadasthelist wasread.“Uglinessontheoutsidealwaysbringsouttheuglinessinside.”
“I’mnotsupposedtobeugly.Thisisallabigmistake.I’myou.I’mthe queen—”
TheSocietyofficerpunchedJeriinherbulgingstomach.“Saythatagain andI’llcutyourthroat,”theofficergrowled.
Jeriheldouthermanacledhandstothequeenplaintively.“Please,change meback.Makemeprettyagain.BringMamabacktolife.Please!”
“I’mafraidIcan’tdothat.”
“Thenjustkillme.Idon’twanttogoonthisway.”
“Killingyouwouldbefartoomerciful.Someonelikeyouisbetter punishedhavingtolivewithhercrimesforalong,longtime.”
“No—”
Therewasaflashoflightfromthestonearoundthequeen’sneck.Jeri watchedherbodygetevenlargerthanitwasbefore,untilsheweighedmorethan shehadasMolegirl2.Theburntorangedressturnedblackwithawhitecollar whiletherattysweatershiftedpositionandlightenedtobecomeawhiteapron.
Amaid’soutfit.Jerirecognizeditfromwhenshehadbeenthequeenof Shadawithanarmyofservantstolookafterher.Themanaclesdisappearedto allowhertostandup.Itoccurredtohershecouldrushatthequeennowor perhapstheSocietyofficer.Thentheymightkillhertoputheroutofher misery.
No,theywouldn’t.Theywoulddisableherandthenthequeenwould probablymakeherevenfatter.Evenifshetriedlateronherown,thestone couldkeepheralive.Itcouldkeepheralivelikethisforeverifitwantedto.
AfatoldwomandressedinanoutfitlikeJeri’sappearedbesidethequeen.
TheoldwomanseizedJeriroughlybythearm.“Comealong,girl,wehave worktodo.”
“Don’tleavemelikethis!”Jerishoutedatthequeenasshewasledaway.
“Please,don’tleavemethisway!”
TheoldwomanshovedJerithroughadoorway.Theoldwomanpushedher alonguntiltheyreachedahallcloset.Whiletheoldwomanunlockedthecloset, Jeristaredatherselfinamirror.
Shewasyoungernow,probablyseventeenoreighteen,herchubbyfacefree ofwrinkles.Herhairwasstillshortanddarkbrown,onlynowitwastousled andgreasy.Whenshetriedtosmile,shesawteeththatwerecrookedand yellow.Thiswashowshewouldbefortherestofherlife,adisgustinggirlno manorwomanwouldwanttobewith.
Shedidn’thavemuchmoretimetoconsiderherfateastheoldwoman shovedafeatherdusterintoherhands.“Youmakesuretodustallthisbottom levelgoodandproper.Thenwe’llgetstartedonthelinen.Ihopeyougota goodstrongbackbeneathallthatflab.”
Jeritooktheduster.Shebegantowaveitagainstthewallgently.It occurredtoherthatoncetheoldwomanturnedherback,Jericouldmakearun forit.Towhere?Evenifshemanagedsomehowtogetoutside,wherewould shego?MotherwasdeadandtheSocietywouldkeepacloseeyeonthehouse now.AndJeriwassofatanduglynowshecouldn’thopetodisguiseherself.
Withsilenttearsinhereyes,shecontinuedtodustwhathadbeenher beautifulqueendom.
Chapter19
Valcursedherstupidityforthehundredthtime.Shehadmadeatactical blunderbyrunningawayfromKariandtheothers.Atthetimeithadseemed likeagoodideatoseizetheinitiativeandtakebacktheStoneofChange.Now sherealizeditwasfoolish.
Shedidn’thaveanyideawhereshewasgoing.ShehadhopedtheStoneof Changemightshowherwhereitsotherhalfwas,butitremainedsilent.Andtry asshemight,sheremainedstuckasapunygeekwhotiredclimbingoneflightof stairs.
Shehatedthisbody.Taihadmadeherlooklikethisshortlyaftersheand KarihadreturnedtoPhera.Hermindstillburnedwiththememoryofwhen she’dtriedtotakethestonefromhimonlyforherwell-aimedkicktohithim likeapillow.
Thesecondtimeshehadbeenthiswayhadbeenbetter.ThensheandJeri hadbeenhotandheavy.Theyhadneveractuallymadelove,buttheneckingand heavypettingwasmorethanadequateforher.She’dalwaysbeenpatientandin timeshe’dknownTaiwouldgiveherachancetotaketheStoneofChange.
Thenshe’dgottencarelessandletJeristealitfromherwhentheycame throughthegateway.Shewascompoundingthatnowbycarelesslyrunning awaywhensheshouldhavestayed.Sheshouldhaveremainedpatientandlet KariorSanaleadhertothestone.Valkneweverythingtherewastoknowabout planningamilitaryengagement,butsearchingforancientartifactswasbeyond herknowledgebase.
ShesighedandthenclutchedtheStoneofChangetighterinherhand.She willedittochangeherbacktothewomanshehadbeen:strongandcapable.
Stillnothinghappened.Shewipedsweatfromherbrowandthencontinuedher search.
Toherleftshesawabuildingwithastatueoutfrontofamancladinarmor withaswordpointedtowardstheroofofthecavern.Amilitaryheadquarters?
Anarmory?Perhapsthat’swherethey’dkeptthestone.Thatseemedasgoodof placeasany.
Sheranupthestairs,stoppinghalfwaytocatchherbreath.Thesoonershe foundtheotherhalfofthestone,thesoonershecouldmakeherselfintoa womanagain.Withthisinmind,sheforcedherselftorunuptherestofthe stairs.
Shedartedthroughthedoorway—
Shetumbledforwardintoapuddleofmud.Shelaythereforamoment,not
understanding.Av
oicebarkedinherear,“Getup,Kree!Thisisnotimefora facial!”
SherecognizedthevoiceofSergeantTanorfrombasictraining.When she’dfirststarted,ValhadhatedTanorwithapassion.Itwasonlybytheend, whenshesawthekindofsoldiershe’dbecome,thatsherealizedwhatthe sergeanthaddoneforher.Aftergraduation,TanorhadevenshakenVal’shand andsaid,“Ineverthoughtaruntlikeyouwouldmakeit,buthereyouare.You gotmoregutsthananywomanwho’severcomethroughhere.”
“Moveit,Kree!”Tanorshouted.
Valpushedherselfup,herarmstremblingasshedidso.Whenshegotto herfeet,sherealizedsomethingwaswrong—shewasstillageekyteenager!She worecamouflagefatiguesliketheotherrecruits,buthershungoffherbodyasif shewereascarecrow.Shepulledoffwhitecat’seye-shapedglassestowipethe mudoffofthem.
“Comeon,runt,getmoving!”
“Yes,ma’am,”Valstammered.ThesergeantslammedapackintoVal’s midsection,knockingherbacktotheground.Valshruggedintothepackand thengotunsteadilybacktoherfeet.Beforethesergeantcouldyellatheragain, shetookoffrunningtocatchtherestofthetrainees.
Asshehuffedandpuffedalong,shetriedtothinkofwhathadhappened.
Shehadrunintothearmoryorwhateverithadbeenandthenendeduphere.
Shemusthavefallenandknockedherselfout.Thismustbeanightmare.
Theothertraineesstartedtofadefromview.Valpumpedherlegsfaster, butshecouldn’tcatchuptothem.Shecollapsedintothemudagain,herbreath comingoutinwheezes.Asshesquattedinthemud,Tanorshouted,“You’rethe sorriestexcuseforasoldierI’veeverseen.”
Valcouldn’tdisagreewithheratthispoint.Asshegottoherfeet,hair droopedintohereyes.Shebrusheditback,butitsoondroopedintohereyes again.Sheranahandthroughitandfoundithadgrownoutofitsneathelmet intoashaggiercut.Shefoundhercaponthegroundandtuckedthelongerhair underneathit.Withasighsheploddedalongafterwheretheothershadgone.