for the sanctuary to not-quite-fill.
Hoping the industrial strength
maxi pad will be enough to get
me through the ceremony. My period
has been ridiculous this time. Don’t
know what that could have to do
with that night with Lucas, but it
must. Punishment, maybe? Whatever.
All I know is, I feel like a fake.
When I first tried on this dress,
I loved how it looked on me,
all mid-thigh short and scooped
to reveal my pushed-up boobage.
I wanted to look grown up, and I do.
But I’m not. And now I don’t want to be.
Too Late, Harley
Some things you can’t take back.
Some things you can’t talk about.
I only used a little makeup today—
a soft brush of blush, a little mascara.
Cassie looked at me as if she expected
more. She didn’t say anything. But I kind
of wish she would have. How is it possible
that the people who really know me don’t
seem to suspect a thing? If they looked
deep enough into my eyes, how could
they not see a certain knowledge there?
That, and shame. Not so much because
I lost my virginity, but because I lost it
to someone so unimportant. Someone
who enjoyed hurting me, the whole
time saying he was proud of me.
Maybe it’s good I’m bleeding like this.
Bleeding every trace of him out of me.
Except the memory. I’ll never lose that.
So I’ll work on losing the bitterness.
The Door Opens
It’s Mom. She hasn’t seen me
in the dress and she takes a good
long look at me in it now. Sighs.
Wow. When did you grow into
such a beautiful young woman?
Corny, but whatever, and it makes
me smile. I make my voice all
stuck-up. “I prefer ‘goddess.’”
More like “temptress” in that dress.
But beautiful, either way. Listen. . .
Uh-oh. She’s getting serious. Brianna
is out there and before the two of you
talk, I wanted you to know that Missy
has decided against the adoption.
“What? Why?” It was the perfect
solution. How could Aunt Marissa
change her mind? “Does Mikayla know?”
Calm down, Harley. Yes, Mikayla
knows, and she understands. Missy
thought long and hard about it.
In the end, she decided she needs to
concentrate on her marriage and
on her relationship with Shane.
Okay, I guess I understand, and
I’m glad she told me now. But,
“What’s Mikayla going to do?”
I really don’t know, honey. She
still has some time to decide.
The door opens again. Cassie, back
from a very long bathroom trip and still
dress. Phew! Must have been nerves.
Ready? Your dad’s starting to pace.
Mom winks. Break a leg. Just not
while you’re walking down the aisle.
All Decked Out
In charcoal tuxes, Dad and his best
man, Chad, stand at the altar, waiting.
Cassie gives a little nod and Queen
begins to play an electric-guitar-heavy
“Wedding March.” Fifty or so people
stand to watch me precede Cassie
down the aisle. When we reach
the front, Dad and Cassie join
hands and the minister launches
a prayer, asking God to gather
the hearts and minds of this pool
of witnesses. For some reason,
that reminds me of this author
who came to our school. He talked
about how every word an author writes
causes ripples, like tossing a stone
into a pond. And you don’t know where
they’ll go, or who they’ll touch, or when
they might come back to you. I think
everything you do is kind of like that, too.
Author’s Note
This book is a companion to my novel Triangles. It explores the same family situations from the points-of-view of three of the Triangles teens. Though they view these issues—teen pregnancy, adoption, HIV, chronic illness—through different lenses, their hearts are inextricably linked to the other characters in Triangles.
It is my hope that Alex’s story will serve as a reminder that HIV and AIDS have not gone away. Some estimated statistics, according to the U.S. government:
• More than one million people in the U.S. are living with HIV.
• One in five living with HIV is unaware of his/her infection.
• Every 9.5 minutes someone in the U.S. is infected with HIV—an estimated 56,300 people every year.
• More than 17,000 people in the U.S. die from AIDS every year.
Mikayla’s story is not unique, either. According to a study by the Guttmacher Institute:
• The teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. is the highest of any industrialized nation.
• More than 725,000 teen pregnancies occur every year.
• 82% of these pregnancies are unplanned.
• Although the teen pregnancy rate dropped in the 1990s, in 2006 it actually increased 3%.
• In 2006, 58% of teen pregnancies ended in birth; 27% resulted in abortions.
• Only 66% of teen mothers get their high school diploma or GED by age 22. Only 2% attain a college degree by age 30.
Sex is an important part of life, but please consider delaying it until you are in a committed relationship. And please remember that an unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease will change your life forever. Be smart.
Acknowledgments
Special thanks to my friend, Juan Guerrero, whose personal story inspired the character of Alex. And also to amazing author Bruce Coville, whose talk about words causing unexpected ripples inspired the last poem in this book. Finally, a huge nod to my friend Tracy Clark, an up-and-coming author to watch out for. Sometimes it takes neutral eyes to see the way to end a book. Thanks for being my eyes, Tra.
Ellen Hopkins is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Crank, Burned, Impulse, Glass, Identical, Tricks, Fallout, and Perfect, as well as the adult novel Triangles. Her work is lauded by teens and adults alike, and she has been called the “bestselling living poet in the country” by mediabistro.com. She lives with her family in Carson City, Nevada. Be sure to visit Ellen Hopkins online at ellenhopkins.com; facebook.com/ellenhopkinsYA; and twitter.com/ellenhopkinsYA.
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Also by Ellen Hopkins
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MARGARET K. McELDERRY BOOKS • An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division • 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020 • This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to
actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. • Copyright © 2012 by Ellen Hopkins • All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. • MARGARET K. MCELDERRY BOOKS is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. • For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or business@simonandschuster.com. • The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. • Book design by Mike Rosamilia • Book edited by Emma D. Dryden • The text for this book is set in Trade Gothic Condensed No. 18. • Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data • Hopkins, Ellen. • Tilt / Ellen Hopkins.—1st ed. • p. cm. • Summary: Three teens, connected by their parents’ bad choices, tell in their own voices of their lives and loves as Shane finds his first boyfriend, Mikayla discovers that love can be pushed too far, and Harley loses herself in her quest for new experiences. • ISBN 978-1-4169-8330-9 (hardcover) • ISBN 978-1-4424-2359-6 (eBook) • [1. Novels in verse. 2. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction. 3. Love—Fiction. 4. Family problems—Fiction. 5. Family life—Nevada—Fiction. 6. Nevada—Fiction.] I. Title. • PZ7.5.H67Til 2012 • [Fic]—dc23 • 2011040867