Hence the 'secret' part of it.
<What now, Ugly-face?> Came the expected question from my zombie friend.
<Daggers, scout,> I said. <Everyone else, let's go hide in that corn field over there.>
It probably wasn't corn, since it was blue instead of green and had round violet fruits near the ground, but it was close enough that they all understood what I meant.
Daggers turned invisible and moved of through an opening on the other side of the room while we all moved to take cover among the vegetation.
<What about the fairies, Ugly-face?>
<They are ignoring us, which is great. Let's hope they keep doing that and we'll do the same to them.> I saw a zombie looking at a fairy with an odd expression and remembered who I was dealing with. <Under no circumstances are the zombies to try to eat them.>
<Killjoy,> Bear said. <What about the fruit?>
<You can eat them, I suppose.>
I wasn't sure the fairies would be cool with it, but if we were going to enter the fields, we would step on a few anyway. If they were going to take offense, they already had a reason, so there was no point in forbidding the zombies to eat them.
Thankfully, the fairies didn't turn into demons and massacre us. Quite surprising, all things considered.
<There is a corridor outside, sir,> Daggers reported. <Small stones attached to the walls provide illumination. Lots of doors throughout the corridor. No enemies, no traps. Moving on.> She reported. <Stairs up and down. Which way, sir?>
Good question. Common game design dictated that the raid boss we were after had to be in the furthest possible room from us. We were already underground, so unless the castle had a lot of underground floors, the right path was probably: <Up,> I replied.
<Roger. Going up. Long corridor with multiple stairs going down. Corridor turns left at the end. Going forward. Turning left. Multiple doors. First enemy sighted. It is a minotaur, sir, wearing what looks like lightsteel armor. It has a crossbow and a sword, both on its waist. It does not seem to have noticed me. Moving on.>
As Daggers described what she saw, I got more and more tense.
<Why are you describing everything now, but you waited until you were back when we were at the storerooms?> I asked.
<Because there we had the possibility to retreat, sir. Here, you are trapped; if I die, you cannot flee. Or rather, might be able to, but by the time you could get the secret door open you would probably already be dead. Therefore, even though it is a little distracting, it is better if I report back everything I see. That way, you know what to expect if something goes south.>
<I hadn't thought of that,> I admitted. <Well done.>
<Thanks, sir. Got to a crossroads, going straight ahead. More minotaurs, all similarly armed as the one before. Another crossroad. Turning right because I see a wide stairway up. Climbing it now. Big room with wide open doorways on one end. It has a big minotaur statue right before the doors. This looks like the ground floor.>
I was paying the utmost attention while watching the farm. One very distant fairy seemed to be coming our way, but every other fairy it passed by stopped the distant fairy to talk about something.
The 'Popular Fairy' always allowed the others to distract her, but as soon as she was done talking, she would return to flying straight at us.
"Bear," I whispered, "Fairy approaching. Be ready."
"Okeydokey," he replied.
<I must note the lack of decoration, sir. Except for the illumination crystals, it is all very barren.>
Bear frowned at me, probably wondering why that was noteworthy, and I whispered to him: "It means the master of the castle is either a miser or a Spartan type boss with military background and a lot of power. Let's hope it's the first."
<The main hall has many doors and one big stairway up,> Daggers kept describing what she saw. <Moving up. Saw first minotaur mage at the top of the stairs. It has morbs floating above its head, wears what looks like silk, and holds a long staff. It did not seem to notice me.>
The fairy was halfway through by now.
<Big mess hall upstairs,> she said. <Lots of mages and armored minotaurs. Five open doors out of it. Observing patterns.>
She was silent for some time and the fairy was almost upon us when she was intercepted by another one. This time, I could hear what they were talking about.
"My Queen," the intercepting fairy said, "I'm very grateful for your guidance last time. Could I bother you for some more? There are these katlos that just refuse to grow no matter how I water them."
"Sure, my child," the Queen said. "Katlos are indeed tricky. Bring me to them and I'll teach you a few secrets."
"Thank you, my Queen!" The other fairy said ecstatic and led the Queen away. I sighed in relief.
<Four of the accesses are well used. The central one is only used by mages, whom the warrior minotaurs seem to defer to. Moving towards it. Very long corridor with some doors and stairs upwards at the end. Going up. Third floor has a huge room full of statues of minotaurs. Big golden doors at the end with one minotaur about five meters tall to each side of the doors. Both wearing full plate armor. The armor of one of them is made of lightsteel and it has light morbs floating above its head. The other is wearing darksteel and has dark morbs. Both also have sheathed swords, huge shields on their left hands, and crossbows on their waists.>
<Jackpot!> I said. <We finally found the asshole! Damn, getting to new raid bosses in unexplored worlds...> I meant 'new MMORPGs.' <...is way too hard and time consuming. It's been what, ten days since we left Manhart?>
<What now, Ugly-face?> Bear asked.
<Daggers, get to the ground floor and try to find a way to close the main doors. Then, check what's->
"And who are all of you?" A voice said behind me.
Startled, I turned quickly.
The Fairy Queen was right there, floating in the middle of the field of stalks we lurked in and looking straight at a zombie.
23. Let's Roll!
The Fairy Queen looked like a miniature eighteen-year-old model. Her miniscule clothes — cloth strips covering only the necessary bits — would make any timid guy blush when looking at her. Her skin was milky white and her eyes were a deep blue. The glitter-like light she released from her wings was silver colored.
"Hello, my Queen!" I said before the zombie could mess things up. She turned to me. "My name is Jack Thorn. It is a pleasure to bathe in your presence."
She put her hand on her chin. "A deathlord, I see. What is your business in my Magic Garden?"
"I beg your pardon, my Queen; it wasn't our intention to trespass upon your domain. We're training to be stealthy when there's vegetation present, and when we saw no guards in here, and such a perfect environment for training, we thought there would be no problem," I tried to bullshit her.. "You have but to say the word and we'll leave immediately."
"Environment for training? My Magic Garden?" She looked displeased.
<Way to go, Ugly-face.>
<What is happening?> Daggers asked.
<Ugly-face is trying to sweet-talk one of the fairies. It's going well.>
"Of course!" I insisted, ignoring their little chat. "Where else could I find such nutritive and impeccably grown aliments for my men? Look at this." I picked one of the violet fruits. "I'm a layman when it comes to the nature, but even I can tell this is flawless."
She crossed her arms. "Humph. Do you think you're the first to try to flatter me?" She didn't sound as annoyed though.
"I- I'm not-" I sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist. I have never seen such a beauty as you, and even if you know I'm trying to flatter you, you also know this has to be the truth."
"Of course," she said matter-of-factly. "But something being true doesn't mean you have to say it. You have no subtlety in you."
I opened my mouth and eyes wide, as if I had just been slapped. "My Queen, I-"
"Enough. Leave this place. I will allow you
to come back when you come up with a proper apology."
I sighed again, this time more deeply, then bowed. "As my Queen commands."
She looked at me as if I were vermin, and flew away.
<Ha! Ugly-face just got dumped!>
<I was trying to distract her,> I defended myself. <If she had become suspicious of us, she could have alerted the minotaurs.>
<Of course you were, dude,> Bear said sarcastically. <Of course you were.>
I sighed yet again, this time for real. "Let's go, people. The sooner we're out of here, the less we'll offend the Queen with our presence." I told the zombies.
In the mind chat, I said something else. <Daggers, get back here ASAP and find us a safe room in the corridor outside. Bear, tell the zombies to walk as slowly as possible while speaking about the beauty of the place.>
A few moments later, one of the zombies spoke. "Look at that tree! It's so perfect! I don't want to go!"
"I know," I replied. "But we need to. I did something unforgivable by speaking too bluntly to the Queen."
"But look at that flower! I want to sniff it until I die!" Another zombie said.
"I'm sorry!" I insisted. "We really need to leave!"
"No! I can't bear it!" Said a third one. "Look at those wings! How can I bear to stop admiring them?"
"Stop describing the transcendent splendor of this place to me! It makes it harder to go, but we must!" I said as if it pained me.
That wasn't what I had intended; my plan was to act like tourists, stopping everywhere to sightsee, not to play the part of a babysitter escorting a heard of whiny children. However, this also stalled our progress as I'd wanted, and the harm was already done.
We kept moving slowly as I watched Daggers on my minimap. The map wasn't automatically updated with what she saw, so I didn't know exactly where she was, but I could still see her icon coming closer within the black unexplored area.
"I feel inspired just by being here! Please, let us stay!" One of the zombies said.
"Yes, please! Just a little bit more!" Another helped.
I had to suppress a sigh.
As obnoxious as it was, this nonsense bought us enough time that Daggers reached one of the doors in the corridor. <Checking for traps. None found. Opening the door... Locked. I will try to pick the lock.>
I wasn't surprised that she could do that. She was our rogue, after all, even if she wasn't a thief. At least not as far as I knew. I suppose I'd never know it if she'd taken first pick of the armory we'd looted earlier, or pilfered something good for herself during her scouting of the castle.
It's not that I had any reason to distrust her, I just knew too much about human nature. I didn't expect her to cheat me, but I didn't have absolute faith that she wouldn't either.
<Success,> she reported a few seconds later. <Checking for traps.>
<Again?> Bear asked.
<Some traps can be activated after the lock is picked,> she explained. <No traps found. Opening the door. Small bedroom with a minotaur. Looks like a pregnant female. She is looking my way because the door just opened but cannot pierce my stealth. Securing the area.>
Bear and I knew what 'securing the area' meant. But, man, the minotaur was pregnant! Yes, it was a game, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth.
<Thank goodness Ted is offline,> Bear said again.
"Hello, boys." Ted's voice suddenly said.
We both turned and she was standing there with her arms crossed.
<Wrong,> I said. <Thank goodness the party disbanded when I logged out before and she's can't hear us! Daggers, make sure to hide the body. Ted is back.>
<Roger,> she replied. <This room is not large enough for the entire Battalion. Proceeding to next one.>
"Boys?" Ted asked.
When she looked at me, I remembered the people dying in V-Soft Headquarters; I could almost see it all happen again in front of me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then smiled and looked at her. "Hello, Ted. Have you looked around?"
She hadn't before, but she was now. Her mouth hung open so wide I wondered if ghosts could suffer a dislocated jaw.
"Forget about it," Bear said before she could even say how much she wanted to explore the place. "Ugly-face here failed to sweet-talk the Queen and she expelled us."
"What?!" Ted's head snapped my direction and she spoke very loudly. "You hit on a little fairy?! That's disgusting!"
I suddenly felt very weird about my previous actions. "It's nothing like that," I said quickly. "Anyway, we were expelled and you can't stay."
"Jack Thorn, I never took you to be this kind of pervert!" She insisted.
The zombies were staring with wide eyes, some of them with smiles in their faces. The fairies within hearing range, which was most of them, had stopped working and were looking at us strangely.
Bear's smile made me want to punch him.
You have invited Ted to join your party.
I sent her the invite, hoping to at least make her tirade silent. She squinted her eyes and began to speak even louder.
"You want me to join your party?! Why? Are you ashamed? You should be! Look at them! They are like little babies! How would you even- Disgusting!"
"Ted, we're in an enemy castle!" I whispered. "Stop making a scene!"
That, of course, only made her even more upset. "Making a scene? Making a scene?! I'll show you what a scene looks like!"
That's when I drew my sword from its sheath and slashed her neck with it.
Translucent white ectoplasm began to leave the huge wound. She screamed in pain and put her hand over the opening. Shock filled the faces of everyone around us.
It was an attack to a critical spot and it dealt almost two hundred and fifty damage to her. That was almost her entire HP pool.
Bear moved to her side, supporting her. "Dude, you almost killed her!" There was a lingering threatening tone to his voice, but most of it was surprise.
"Then her and I are even!" I said low but forcefully. "Like I said, this is an enemy castle! I will not allow her to kill all of us because she can't shut up!" I send a single deathball at her to guarantee she wouldn't die and turned back. "Let's go before something happens."
Without waiting to see who would follow, I started jogging. The sooner we were out of the garden, the better.
Of course, things couldn't be so simple. A distant fairy turned into a blur as it quickly flew my direction and stopped right in front of me. "What did you say?" She asked.
"Huh?" I asked.
Other fairies did the same and soon I was surrounded by seven of them. "Are you enemies of the castle?" The first one to come asked.
I sighed, preparing my shield and my sword. <Daggers, get ready to stop any fairies fleeing through the corridor. Bear, tell the zombies to prepare for a fight.>
"Well, are you?" Another fairy asked.
"What if I am?" I replied.
They looked at each other.
Then they started to cry.
It was the most incredible thing I'd seen in my life. One second they were perfectly fine, even a little menacing. The next, they were crying with abandon, hugging each other or getting curling a fetal position.
"What the..." I murmured.
"Thank you, young hero! Please, you must succeed! Please!" Another fairy appeared, also with tears in her eyes but not crying as uncontrollably as the others.
"Huh?" I was dumbfounded.
"We are slaves," she explained. "The Master of the Castle summoned all of us from our homes and when we said we refused his Contract, instead of sending us back, he enslaved us."
And then, just like that, I was pissed.
Very, very pissed.
The minotaurs were slavers, that put them on the other side of a line which I'd already murdered people in the real world for crossing.
<Change of plans, Daggers,> I said. <Go check if you can close the doors of the castle and jam them. We are going to kill every minotaur in this place.>
<Affirmative,
> she replied.
I turned back. About half the zombies had come with me and the others were looking confused. Ted was still shocked with her hand to her already healed neck, sitting on the floor, while Bear supported her.
In a few steps, I was in front of her. She looked at me with fear and Bear put his hand on his greatsword hilt.
I took a knee in front of her.
"Ted," I said softly. "You are being a pain in my ass. I like you, but you're always getting in my way. You seem to be intent on destroying my plans. So, I'll tell you this now: you either join me, or leave me." Her eyes widened. "You don't have to decide now; you can wait until we have conquered this castle. But if you can't deal with the things I do, you should leave." I got up. "Just so you know, I didn't hit on the fairy, I was distracting it. I don't mind jokes, but if you call me 'disgusting' seriously one more time, I will kill you, even if Bear kills me right after."
I felt bad about how I had blackmailed David by threatening Ted's life, I really did. But it didn't mean I had to take this kind of shit from her. We'd been lucky this time that the fairies were slaves, or we could have lost a few lives in here, maybe even been completely wiped out.
My guilty feelings about her were there, but I also had clear objectives that were much more important than how Ted felt about me flirting with some damn computer code.
I liked Ted. When she wasn't freaking out about stupid little things, she was good company. But her freaking out over every little thing just had to end, or she had to go.
Still, I wouldn't push her out. She could stay, she only needed to grow up and understand this was a game, and we were in the Underworld. She was in the Underworld because she wanted to stay close to Bear, but it was obvious that she would be much more comfortable playing an elf or something.
Bear didn't look happy about my threat and I could almost see his mind working as he decided whether he should attack me or not.
"You might be pissed," I told him, speaking loudly enough for the zombies to hear. "But you know I'm right. She put all of us in danger because of something as meaningless as me flirting with a Valian." I meant 'NPC' but I emphasized it enough to make myself understood.