Online Read Free Novel
  • Home
  • Romance & Love
  • Fantasy
  • Science Fiction
  • Mystery & Detective
  • Thrillers & Crime
  • Actions & Adventure
  • History & Fiction
  • Horror
  • Western
  • Humor

    Make 'Em Laugh

    Prev Next


      10

      Happy Mother’s Day 2015

      In April of this year, I called a friend.

      “Guess what!” I said cheerfully. “I’ve got great news.”

      “What is it?” she asked.

      “I’ve got irritable bowel syndrome.”

      After what seems like an eternity, my condition was finally diagnosed. My friend and assistant Donald looked up my symptoms on the computer. We asked the doctor to order the test, which finally led them to this conclusion. After all the doctor visits and the stay at the Mayo Clinic, Donald was able to help them find out what was making me sick.

      I was euphoric. God willing, I can get out from under this and feel better.

      At this time in my life I’m working to figure out my future. I like the idea of being retired, but I also like to be onstage entertaining my wonderful audiences. My heart wants to sing and dance but my health sometimes knocks me down.

      You may wonder how movie stars spend their holidays. Don’t believe the Hollywood version of Mother’s Day where Joan Crawford is sitting in her beautiful yard in a chiffon dress and a broad-brimmed hat surrounded by her adoring children calling her “Mommie dearest.”

      My version of Mother’s Day this year would never make it to a greeting card. My son, Todd, and his wife, Catherine, planned to come down from his ranch for the weekend. Todd arrived around 3:00 P.M. on Friday with his fourteen-year-old Australian shepherd, Yippee. Catherine arrived around 5:00 P.M. with her pet rooster, Nugget, age unknown.

      Friday evening was uneventful. Carrie was next door with her daughter, Billie, who was home from being on location for her new show, Scream Queens. On Saturday afternoon, Todd went somewhere to look at a camera he wanted to buy. Carrie came over to visit with me, while Catherine was out in the backyard with Nugget. My dog, Dwight, was sound asleep.

      This calm scene was interrupted by a loud splash and strange spitting sounds coming from my bathroom. When I built my little house, I put in a spa bathtub that is actually a small indoor swimming pool. It’s very therapeutic when I have back trouble. It measures about eight by ten feet across and is about four feet deep—more than enough depth to drown my son’s loyal companion, who is blind, deaf, and has trouble with his legs.

      Frightened by the noises coming from the room, I rushed in to find Yippee yelping and terrified in the water, helpless. He must have gone over the side while trying to drink from it. Why couldn’t he drink out of the toilet like a normal dog?

      Yelling for Carrie, I went down the four steps into the warm water, picked up Yippee under his front paws, and put him over my right shoulder. I was tits-high in the spa water holding poor Yippee, who seemed to be in shock. Carrie came in waving her phone and yelling. All I could hear was Yippee’s spluttering, which let me know he was still alive. Carrie got behind my left shoulder to hold me while I was holding the dog. Her phone went in the drink. We were both soaking wet in our clothes, trying to get this poor critter out of the water and onto the bathroom floor.

      Catherine appeared in the doorway and stood there, frozen in her tracks, just saying “Oh” as she watched Carrie and me haul Yippee out of the pool.

      Carrie yelled for my housekeeper, Rena, to bring her a bowl of uncooked rice so she could save her phone as we dragged Yippee up over the edge of the tub and laid him on my bathroom floor—eighty pounds of wet Australian shepherd on my tiles. We got some towels to wrap him up. Yippee was still spitting out water, but at least he was breathing. My daughter-in-law continued to just say “Oh” and look like a deer in the headlights.

      Meanwhile in the backyard, Billie’s dog, Tina, was scheming to get Nugget out of his cage. Nugget is a well-cared-for rooster whose only problem is being near the bottom of the food chain. Tina is cute but I’m sure she’s on a terrorist watch list somewhere. Todd came home just as Tina was about break through Nugget’s wire cage.

      In my bathroom, Catherine had finally come out of her trance enough to help us get Yippee dry. We put towels down on my bedroom floor, right on top of the beautiful carpet the shah of Iran gave me. When the dog was out of danger, Carrie turned her full attention to her phone, which had all her notes for her new book in it.

      Just then Todd walked in and saw us huddled over his best friend.

      “Anything happening?” he asked.

      Once we’d told him, Todd took Yippee outside to recover and decompress.

      Donald came home from getting his car inspected to find Rena grabbing at my wet clothes, trying to clean up the soaking towels in the bathroom, and helping Carrie. I slipped into a dry outfit and got into my bed to catch my breath.

      After all the commotion died down, Billie and her boyfriend stopped by. She needed clothes for a press event for her new role as a Scream Queen. She found four outfits in my closet and was thrilled to go off to New York in my vintage clothes.

      Everyone returned to their respective rooms. Nugget and Yippee were out of harm’s way. I smiled to myself as I savored the rare quiet moment.

      “Shtick,” I thought, “always shtick.”

      I’ve spent my whole life being a vaudevillian, a baggy-pants comedian.

      Thank goodness.

      But as Mae West said, “Goodness had nothing to do with it.”

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      My memories are full of the wonderful times I’ve shared with my children, Carrie and Todd. In bad times, they make me laugh through the tears. In good times, we are thankful for all our blessings. Maybe someday my extraordinary granddaughter, Billie Catherine, will share these stories with her children. They should know just how much fun we had in our day.

      When I decided to write this book, I knew I could never do it alone. My dear friend Dori Hannaway is one of the funniest people I know. She helped me pull this book out of thin air by listening to my stories, asking lots of questions, and writing so well. Thank you, dear, for making all this work fun.

      Donald Light and Margie Duncan continue to be devoted friends. We’ve all been through so much together. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.

      Thanks a million, Dan Strone, my fantastic literary agent at Trident Media. I never would have done this book without your persistence in believing that there were more stories to be told after my memoir Unsinkable.

      Jennifer Brehl, my editor at William Morrow. Thank you for your attention and support. It was a pleasure to work with you again.

      Debbie and Dorian thank:

      Rick Hersh of Celebrity Consultants.

      Jackie Triggs of Trident Media.

      Kelly O’Connor at William Morrow.

      Thanks to the team at Morrow: Elissa Cohen, Michele Corallo, Lynn Grady, Brian Grogan, Doug Jones, Tavia Kowalchuk, Emin Mancheril, Shelby Meizlik, Michael Morrison, Joseph Papa, Mary Ann Petyak, Jeanne Reina, Beth Silfin, Liate Stehlik, Mary Beth Thomas, and Nyamekye Waliyaya.

      Thanks to Renato Stanisic for his beautiful book design.

      Special thanks to everyone who helped us by sharing their recollections: Margie Duncan; Donald Light; Pinky Bajian, Gary Simmons, Sandy Avchen; Phyllis Berkett; Jeanette Johnson, Jean Powers, Keith Alavolasiti, Don Rickles, George Schlatter, Ben Mankiewicz. And Carrie and Todd Fisher.

      At the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, thanks to Randy Habercamp, May Haduong, and Claire Lockhart.

      And thanks to the Academy’s staff at the Margaret Herrick Library, especially Faye Thompson and Libby Wertin.

      For their help with reading the manuscript and giving us their most welcome corrections and changes, thanks to Michael Miller, John Kalish, Dori Stegman, Donald Light, Cary Fetman, Nikki Smith, Tom Wilson, Carol Hannaway, Ken Sweigart, Dr. Joanne Steuer, and John Hazelton.

      Thank you to everyone who helped with the many questions we had as well as with the many details. Abe Gurko, Mike Hannigan, Karla Thomas, Kathy Connell at the SAG-AFTRA Awards, Kenny DiCamillo, John Sala, and James Moore.

      Many people helped with the wonderful photographs: Ron Mandelbaum and Howard Mandelbaum at Photofest; Manoah Bowman, Bil
    l DiCicco, Lee Hale, Phyllis Marcotte, Jim Pierson, Matt Tunia, Greg Vines, Frank Vlastnik, Dan Wingate, and Stan Taffell.

      And very special thanks to:

      Tom Wilson. For a know-it-all, you’re still a nice guy. We appreciate your expertise as an entertainment historian and archivist. Thanks for sharing your amazing photo collection.

      Carol Hannaway for her expert digital imaging and photo restoration on Debbie’s photographs.

      And our wonder worker behind the scenes, our editor, Patrick Merla, for making everything sing.

      INDEX

      The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific entry, please use your e-book reader’s search tools.

      Note: Page numbers in italics refer to illustrations.

      “Aba Daba Honeymoon” (song), 40, 238

      Academy Awards, 77–82

      Adams, Casey (stage name), 179

      Adams, Cindy, 145

      Aghayan, Ray, 78

      Ahmanson, Bill, 209

      Ahmanson, Robert, 209, 210

      Alavolasiti, Jen, 121, 122–23, 172–78

      Alemán Valdés, Miguel Jr., 29, 30–32

      Alive and Fabulous (one-woman show), 121

      Allen, Gracie, 33, 88, 91–92, 94

      Allen, Steve, 42, 200

      Allen, Woody, 237

      All Star Charity Show, 42–45

      Allyson, June, 38, 40, 110

      Aloha Paradise (TV), 75–76, 76, 215

      Angeli, Pier, 26, 33, 34

      Animal Crackers (movie), 101

      Arnaz, Desi, 35, 85, 86, 87

      Asmus, Grover, 129–31

      Astaire, Fred, 33, 37, 40, 79, 89

      Athena (movie), 34, 147

      “At Last” (song), 242

      Avchen, Sandy, 50–54

      Azmil, Prince (Saudi Arabia), 121–23

      Baby Doll (movie), 203

      Bacall, Lauren “Betty,” 38, 39, 40

      Baiano, Solly, 17

      Baird, Bil, 156

      Baker, Blanche, 204

      Baker, Carroll, 203–4

      Ball, Lucille, 35, 52–53, 83–87, 84, 88, 179

      Barker, Lex, 28

      Barr, Roseanne, 62, 73–75

      Barth, Belle, 83

      Baudouin, king of Belgium, 109–12, 112, 113

      Baxter, Anne, 80

      Beatty, Warren, 125, 225–27

      Beckham, David, 122

      Behind the Candelabra (movie), 144

      Belem, Ray, 42

      Belge, Burhan, 142

      Benigni, Roberto, 122

      Bennett, Tony, 57, 119

      Benny, Jack, 33, 35, 38, 52, 53, 96–99

      advice from, 98, 99

      and Friars Club, 84, 84

      and television, 88, 92, 96, 107

      Bergen, Edgar, 38

      Berkett, Lloyd, 215

      Berle, Milton, 84, 88–91, 92, 151

      Bernstein, Elmer, 16, 18

      Bertha the Elephant, 57–59, 58, 59

      Big Brothers of Greater LA, 42

      Birch, Pat, 78

      Bishop, Joey, 65–68

      Blackstone, Milton, 33

      Blackwell, Carlyle Jr., 24

      Blowing Wild (movie), 29

      Blyth, Ann, 33

      Bogart, Humphrey, 38–39, 40

      Bono, Sonny and Cher, 35

      Booth, John Wilkes, 165

      Borgnine, Ernest, 80, 183

      Borscht Belt, Catskills, NY, 32

      Bowers, Scotty, 89

      Bradley, Omar, 129

      Brice, Fanny, 83

      Bridges, Beau, 237

      Bridges, Jeff, 237

      Bridges, Lloyd, 200, 237

      Broidy, Steve, 15, 18

      Brolin, James, 81

      Brynner, Yul, 237

      Buckner, Teddy, 42

      Bull, Clarence, 182–83

      Bundle of Joy (movie), 240, 241, 242

      Burns, George, 33, 84, 88, 91–96, 108

      Burton, Maria, 197

      Burton, Richard, 126, 198

      Buttons, Red, 200

      Buydens, Anne, 110

      Buzzi, Ruth, 157

      Cadwallader, Stan, 133

      Caesar, Sid, 51

      Cahn, Sammy, 106, 234

      Caine, Sir Michael, 113

      Caine Mutiny, The (movie), 39

      Campbell, Glen, 128–29

      Cantor, Eddie, 32–33, 35, 52, 96

      Cantor, Hal, 82

      Carell, Steve, 152

      Carlin, George, 133

      Carmen (maid), 192

      Caron, Leslie, 225

      Carpenter, Carleton, 40

      Carpenters, The 118

      Carrey, Jim, 152

      Carson, Johnny, 69–72, 98, 152, 164

      Carter, Jack, 91

      Catered Affair, The (movie), 183, 184, 219

      Cavett, Dick, 101–2, 104

      Champion, Gower, 230

      Champion, Marge, 206

      Channing, Carol, 179

      Chaplin, Charlie, 79

      Chase, Chevy, 113

      Cher, 35

      Christmas Wish, A (TV), 77

      Chuckles the Clown, xvi

      Church, George III, 42

      Citizen Kane (movie), 207

      Clooney, Rosemary, 42, 52

      Coke Time (TV), 34

      Colbert, Stephen, 62

      Cole, Nat “King,” 234

      Collier’s, 23

      Collins, Joan, 7–8, 122, 197, 225

      Come Back, Little Sheba (movie), 135

      Cooper, Gary, 29, 35, 38

      Cooper, Jackie, 200

      Country Girl, The (movie), 36

      Courtney, John, 224

      Cowan, Ralph Wolfe, 213

      Crane, Cheryl, 200, 202

      Crawford, Joan, 33, 46, 232, 246

      Crosby, Bing, 107

      Cukor, George, 36, 80

      Culp, Robert, 200

      Damone, Vic, 34

      Danza, Tony, 200

      Davis, Altovise, 207

      Davis, Bette, 80, 140, 143, 158, 182–87

      Davis, Sammy Jr., 38, 40, 65, 207

      Day at the Races, A (movie), 100

      Day, Doris, 179

      Debbie: My Life (Reynolds), 191

      Debbie (album), 43

      Debbie (Broadway show), 115, 148

      Debbie Reynolds and the Sound of Children (TV), 73, 237

      Debbie Reynolds Hotel and Casino, Las Vegas, 171, 207

      Desilu Studios, 85

      Dietrich, Marlene, 182–83

      Diller, Phyllis, 83, 108, 113, 157, 158, 163–65

      DiMaggio, Joe, 25–26, 25

      Doda, Carol, 102

      Donald’s Shepherd’s Pie (recipe), 165–66

      Douglas, Kirk, 110, 237

      Douglas, Michael, 237

      DR Studios, 220

      Dunaway, Faye, 122

      Duncan, Margie, 6, 38, 176, 191–92, 215–20

      Durante, Jimmy, 42

      Dwight (dog), 175, 246

      Dynasty (TV), 75

      Easter Parade (movie), 37, 40

      Eber, José, 195

      Eden, Barbara, 200

      Edens, Roger, 37

      Edmond (freedom fighter/ violinist), 140

      Edwards, Ralph, 15–19, 19

      Eiferman, George, 146, 147–49, 149

      Eisenhower, Dwight D., 229

      Elizabeth II, queen of England, 113

      Estevez, Emilio, 237

      Evans, Harvey, 3, 4, 6

      Evans, Linda, 197

      Exceptional Children’s Foundation, 38

      Fairbanks, Douglas, 45

      Fallon, Bob, 214–15

      Fallon, Jimmy, 62, 232

      Farr, Felicia, 128

      Faye, Frances, 172

      Ferguson, Craig, 62

      Ferrell, Will, 63

      Fields, W. C., 155

      Field, Sally, 99

      Film Society of Lincoln Center, 98

      Fisher, Carrie, 74, 85, 104, 115, 168, 169, 195, 196, 200

      and Academy Awards, 80, 82

      acting roles of, 225–26, 236, 238


      birth of, 216

      and daughter (Billie Lourd), 2, 238–39

      and Debbie’s SAG award, 3–12, 12, 13

      and Girl Scouts, 49, 51, 54

      growing up, 221, 235–37, 238

      and Mother’s Day, 246–48

      and parties, 231, 232

      singing voice of, 236, 241, 243

      in Star Wars films, 2, 10, 238, 239

      and swearing, 224–25, 226–27

      in Vegas, 239–43

      and Warren Beatty, 225–27

      White House visit of, 227–31, 230

      Fisher, Catherine Hickland, 221, 243, 246, 247, 248

      Fisher, Eddie, 31, 40, 87

      and Bundle of Joy, 240, 241

      divorce from, 63, 64, 110, 213, 217, 236

      and Elizabeth Taylor, 161, 213, 236

      engagement to Debbie, 21–22, 32–35, 35, 38

      and friendships, 215–16

      at Grossinger’s, 32

      honeymoon with, 210–11

      marriage to, 126, 184

      and “Oh! My Papa,” 242

      on the road, 189, 213

      TV series of, 34, 61

      Fisher, Todd, 115, 168, 175, 203

      accident with prop gun, 169

      and Bette Davis, 185–86

      birth of, 216

      and Debbie’s SAG award, 4–6, 8–9, 11, 12

      and Mother’s Day, 246, 248

      pet alligator of, 222–23

      and show business, 237, 239

      and swearing, 224

      in Vegas, 239

      wedding of, 18

      Fitzgerald, Ella, 119

      Fleming, Erin, 101

      Fleming, Rhonda, 27, 200

      Flowers, Wayland, 83, 151, 153–61

      Follies (musical), 4, 158

      Fonda, Jane, 98

      Fonda, Peter, 98

      Fontaine, Frankie, 40

      Ford, Glenn, 55, 110, 112, 112

      Foxx, Redd, 83

      Friars Club, 83–84, 84, 88, 91

      From Here to Eternity (movie), 129

      Gabor, Eva, 107, 139–41, 144, 145–46, 145

      Gabor, Jolie, 139–40, 141, 144, 145

      Gabor, Magda, 139, 141, 143

      Gabor, Zsa Zsa, 42, 139–44, 200

     


    Prev Next
Online Read Free Novel Copyright 2016 - 2026