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    The Best American Poetry 2019

    Page 4
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      they sing as they lope over bridges,

      bums to the wind, ripping out throats

      on footpaths, pissing off brokers.

      Tomorrow they’ll be back

      in their middle-management black

      and Jimmy Choos

      with hours they can’t account for

      and first dates’ blood on the stairs.

      They’ll make some calls: Good-bye.

      It isn’t you, it’s me. I can’t say why.

      They’ll dream of sprouting tails

      at sales meetings,

      right in the audiovisuals.

      They’ll have addictive hangovers

      and ruined nails.

      from Freeman’s

      CATHERINE BARNETT

      * * *

      Central Park

      I’d like to buy one when I die,

      one of the benches not yet spoken for,

      not yet tagged with a small stainless plaque

      and someone else’s name.

      If they’re all gone, please

      help me carry a replica

      to the boat pond so I can sit

      and watch the model boats get nowhere

      beautifully, rented by the fixed hours

      I’m grateful not to be out of yet.

      Another flicker of love,

      an updated Triple-A membership,

      and a handful of Pilot G-Tec-C4 blue-black pens,

      what else do I need?

      Universe,

      watch over us.

      Boat, my poor faraway father says,

      as if my mother has never seen one.

      Boat, he says, and we say, Yes,

      aren’t they beautiful.

      Come winter,

      the boathouse here is locked up,

      the pond drained,

      except one year it wasn’t

      and my son and I convinced ourselves

      his new Golden Bright

      could sail across.

      Merry Christmas, no one said

      as I pulled the black plastic liner bags

      from the empty trash cans

      and stepped into them,

      one for each leg,

      and waded into the addled water

      to salvage the present.

      I think that moment is something to remember,

      or something to remember me by,

      brief, vivid, foolhardy—

      even the revenants watching from the line of benches

      said so:

      thus have been our travels.

      Oblivion, they said,

      there’s no unenduring it.

      from The American Poetry Review

      JOSHUA BENNETT

      * * *

      America Will Be

      after Langston Hughes

      I am now at the age where my father calls me brother

      when we say goodbye. Take care of yourself, brother,

      he whispers a half beat before we hang up the phone,

      and it is as if some great bridge has unfolded over the air

      between us. He is 68 years old. He was born in the throat

      of Jim Crow Alabama, one of ten children, their bodies side

      by side in the kitchen each morning like a pair of hands

      exalting. Over breakfast, I ask him to tell me the hardest thing

      about going to school back then, expecting some history

      I have already memorized. Boycotts & attack dogs, fire

      hoses, Bull Connor in his personal tank, candy paint

      shining white as a slaver’s ghost. He says: Having to read

      The Canterbury Tales. He says: eating lunch alone. Now, I hear

      the word America & think first of my father’s loneliness,

      the hands holding the pens that stabbed him as he walked

      through the hallway, unclenched palms settling

      onto a wooden desk, taking notes, trying to pretend

      the shame didn’t feel like an inheritance. You say democracy

      & I see the men holding documents that sent him off

      to war a year later, Motown blaring from a country

      boy’s bunker as napalm scarred the sky into jigsaw

      patterns, his eyes open wide as the blooming blue

      heart of the lightbulb in a Crown Heights basement where he

      & my mother will dance for the first time, their bodies

      swaying like rockets in the impossible dark & yes I know

      that this is more than likely not what you mean

      when you sing liberty but it is the only kind

      I know or can readily claim, the times where those hunted

      by history are underground & somehow daring to love

      what they cannot hold or fully fathom when the stranger

      is not a threat but the promise of a different ending

      I woke up this morning and there were men on television

      lauding a wall big enough to box out an entire world,

      families torn with the stroke of a pen, citizenship

      little more than some garment that can be stolen or reduced

      to cinder at a tyrant’s whim my father knows this grew up

      knowing this witnessed firsthand the firebombs

      the Klan multiple messiahs love soaked & shot through

      somehow still believes in this grand bloodstained

      experiment still votes still prays that his children might

      make a life unlike any he has ever seen. He looks

      at me like the promise of another cosmos and I never

      know what to tell him. All of the books in my head

      have made me cynical and distant, but there’s a choir

      in him that calls me forward my disbelief built as it is

      from the bricks of his belief not in any America

      you might see on network news or hear heralded

      before a football game but in the quiet

      power of Sam Cooke singing that he was born

      by a river that remains unnamed that he runs

      alongside to this day, some vast and future country

      some nation within a nation, black as candor,

      loud as the sound of my father’s

      unfettered laughter over cheese eggs & coffee

      his eyes shut tight as armories his fists

      unclenched as if he were invincible

      from The Nation

      FLEDA BROWN

      * * *

      Afternoons at the Lake

      I would rather be trapped in an attic with rats than play Monopoly

      all the afternoons it takes to lose the last of my money to the already

      super-rich one-percent grandchild, to line up cheap green houses

      on my low-rent Baltic and Mediterranean Avenues in a futile attempt

      to collect enough to survive the next round of rent on Boardwalk

      or Park Place, to feel pitiful gratitude when I Receive for Services

      twenty-five dollars. Everything will be gone, save the smallest

      denominations, the Asian crayfish will overrun the native,

      the Autumn Olive will proliferate, the tallest thing will grow taller,

      will be layered with gold, will turn to gold, will harden its gold heart.

      It will squander, jet, pocket, dole, win past wanting to win, dig

      the mineshaft, the ore, eat up the hillside the birds the whales,

      crack the foundations of houses, force the defaulters into the street.

      Dice will land as they will, will cause the tiny car to bounce

      happily from St. James Place to Indiana Avenue, a galaxy of gobble,

      will enable the placement of flamboyant hotels on the coast

      where waters wash with exquisite music shoreward, all of it owned

      by the God who dwells inside the winning, who has not said

      otherwise yet, who owns Free Parking and Jail, who owns the treeless

      board the classy neighborhoods as well as the ones with the rats

      and smas
    hed-out windows, the murderous scrawl of languages

      on walls, the smiling God holding the center with top hat and cane,

      as I at last step out on the dock with my coffee and say to myself

      the lines where Keats rhymes “think” with “nothingness do sink.”

      from The Southern Review

      SUMITA CHAKRABORTY

      * * *

      Essay on Joy

      When as a child my father deemed my weight excessive, the measure of which shifted according to whim, he would take his underwear off of his body and place it on top of my head. I was to run in circles around the house, wearing it, for a prescribed number of times. This was called “exercise.”

      I am undertaking a new labor: I will imagine myself into deep, focused, and strange hatreds. Spinoza writes, He who imagines that what he hates is destroyed will rejoice. Some years ago, dozens of grackles fell dead from the sky in Boston, the cause unknown. And so I think: I detest grackles. I rejoice.

      If asked, I would have explained the cause: somewhere in a level of atmosphere for which humans hold no keys lived a green-shining carrion crow. As her name indicates, she ate dead bodies. But nothing had died there, ever; and so, she was hungry. She was kept company by this lack.

      Sometimes, I tell myself that I cannot think of a lover with terribly much feeling at all. But this is a lie. The absence of feeling is an assertion of a feeling, and it is a memory, or an exercise, of a kind of a joy I sometimes fear I have forgotten, because, as a lover, I have been slighted, and, as a child, often betrayed.

      For some length of time that a crow considers painful and I cannot measure, she caressed her lack like a lover. But then she came to fear her lover, for it caused her pain, and she could not convince herself that she had no feeling for her lover. So she undertook an exercise of destruction and began to kill.

      When as a child I turned to violence, my mother, who also feared my father and even more feared the thought that I might become him, tried to warn, A fist is always made with four fingers that point back toward you. This is the kind of thing a grackle would say, because on their feet is one toe that always points backward.

      Then the crow’s fallow field of carrion was her new creation, and she had grown accustomed to hating the products of her own making. She ate some, and so she finally grew in size, and hated that, too. She who imagines what she hates is destroyed will rejoice. She opened a hole in the bottom of the atmosphere. Her kills fell.

      from The Rumpus

      VICTORIA CHANG

      * * *

      Six Obits

      Friendships—died June 24,

      2009, once beloved but not

      consistently beloved. The mirror

      won the battle. I am now

      imprisoned in the mirror. All my

      selves spread out like a deck of

      cards. It’s true, the grieving

      speak a different language. I am

      separated from my friends by

      gauze. I will drive myself to my

      own house for the party. I will

      make small talk with myself,

      spill a drink on myself. When

      it’s over, I will drive myself back

      to my own house. My

      conversations with other parents

      about children pass me on the

      staircase on the way up and

      repeat on the way down. Before

      my mother’s death, I sat

      anywhere. Now I look for the

      image of the empty chair near the

      image of the empty table. An

      image is a kind of distance. An

      image of me sits down.

      Depression is a glove over the

      heart. Depression is an image of

      a glove over the image of a heart.

      Optimism—died on August 3,

      2015, a slow death into a

      pavement. At what point does a

      raindrop accept its falling? The

      moment the cloud begins to

      buckle under it or the moment the

      ground pierces it and breaks its

      shape? In December, my mother

      had her helper prepare a Chinese

      hot pot feast. My mother said it

      would probably be her last

      Christmas. I laughed at her. She

      yelled at my father all night. I put

      a fish ball in my mouth. My

      optimism covered the whole ball

      as if the fish had never died, had

      never been gutted and rolled into

      a humiliating shape. To

      acknowledge death is to

      acknowledge that we must take

      another shape.

      Affection—died on November

      12, 1978, the last picture I see of

      my mother’s arms around me. At

      the funeral, I never touched my

      sister. When the room was

      finally empty, she sat in the front

      row with her spouse. I watched

      his arm lift and fall onto her

      shoulder. When my spouse’s

      parents died, both times, he burst

      into tears, inextinguishable tears

      that quickly extinguished. The

      first time, he hugged me and not

      his family. The second time, he

      hugged no one. When the nurse

      called, she said, I’m sorry, but

      your mother passed away this

      morning. When I told my

      children, the three of us hugged

      in a circle, burst into tears. As if

      the tears were already there

      crying on their own and we, the

      newly bereaved, exploded into

      them. In the returning out of the

      tears, the first person I dissolves

      a little more each time.

      Clothes—died on August 10,

      2015. We stuffed them into lawn

      bags to donate. Shirt after shirt,

      button-down after button-down,

      dress after dress, limb after limb.

      A few leapt out to me like the

      flame from a nightmare, the kind

      of flame that almost seems

      human in its gestures. I kept

      those. I kept the hundreds of

      pencils. I am writing with a

      pencil from my mother’s drawer.

      It says Detroit Public Schools,

      where she taught. Each sentence

      fights me. Once we rolled her

      downstairs, played croquet and

      putt putt golf. She sat and

      watched, her vacant eyes not

      seeing anything we saw. As if

      she were looking beyond us,

      beyond the sun. The days of

      August already made a certain

      way that she could see and we

      couldn’t. I left her in the sun too

      long. One child doing cartwheels

      on the grass as my mother looked

      on, wearing the white blouse

      with the small pink flowers

      swirling in a pattern. I kept the

      stare. I kept the flowers. And I

      donated the vacant shirt.

      The Ocean—died on August 21,

      2017, when I didn’t jump from

      the ship. Instead, I dragged the

      door shut and pulled up the safety

      latch. The water in my body

      wanted to pour into the ocean and

      I imagined myself being washed

      by the water, my body separating

      into the droplets it always was. I

      could feel the salt on my neck for

      days. A woman I once knew

      leapt out of a window to her

      death. The difference was she

      was being chased. Some

      scientists say the ocean is

      warming. Some say the ocean

      has hypoxic areas with
    no

      oxygen. Even water has

      hierarchy. A child’s death is

      worse than a woman’s death

      unless the woman who died was

      the mother of the child and the

      only parent. If the woman who

      died was the mother of an adult,

      it is merely a part of life. If both

      mother and daughter die

      together, it is a shame. If a whole

      family dies, it is a catastrophe.

      What will we call a whole

      ocean’s death? Peace.

      The Clock—died on June 24,

      2009, and it was untimely. How

      many times my father has failed

      the clock test. Once I heard a

      scientist with Alzheimer’s on the

      radio, trying to figure out why he

      could no longer draw a clock. It

      had to do with the superposition

      of three types. The hours

      represented by 1–12, the minutes

      where a 1 no longer represents 1

      but a 5, and a 2 now represents

      10, then the second hand that

      measures 1 to 60. I sat at the

      stoplight and thought of the

      clock, its perfect circle and its

      superpositions, all the layers of

      complication on a plane of

      thought, yet the healthy read the

      clock in one single instant

      without a second thought. I think

      about my father and his lack of

      first thoughts, how every thought

      is a second or third or fourth

      thought, unable to locate the first

      most important thought. I

      wonder about the man on the

      radio and how far his brain has

      degenerated since. Marvel at

      how far our brains allow

      language to wander without

      looking back but knowing where

      the pier is. If you unfold an

      origami swan, and flatten the

      paper, is the paper sad because it

      has seen the shape of the swan or

      does it aspire towards flatness, a

      life without creases? My father is

      the paper. He remembers the

      swan but can’t name it. He no

      longer knows the paper swan

     


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