“Excuse me. Can you tell me where the bus station is?” I asked Leslie. She was filling the salt shakers from a giant box of salt.
“Sure,” she said. “Go left when you go out the door and then left again at the corner. You can’t miss it.” She paused. “And the clinic is just up to the right across the street. Like I said, you can see the lights from here.”
“Thank you,” I said. I gave her a twenty and waited for my change. Then I put on my jacket, gathered all my stuff and tucked the blanket around Brianna.
“Bye,” Leslie said. “Take good care of that little one.”
“I will,” I said. “Bye.” By the time the police showed up to ask questions, if they even did, Brianna and I would be long gone.
Chapter Fifteen
Brianna started coughing again as soon as we were outside in the cold air. I set the car seat down and lifted her out. For once she didn’t kick or squirm. She just settled in close to me with her head on my shoulder. “Just a couple more hours and we’ll be safe,” I whispered. “I promise as soon as we get to Halifax we’ll find a doctor.”
I could hear Brianna’s wheezy breathing and it made me think about my mother. I don’t know how old I was, six maybe, and I was sick. It was more than just a cold. I remember she rubbed some kind of awful-smelling stuff on my chest, and she sat by my bed all night. Every time I woke up she was there with a glass of water and a cool cloth for my head.
I felt a sharp pain stab my chest. Missing my mother hurt the same as thinking about giving up Brianna. Tears filled my eyes and I had to blink hard to make them go away. I didn’t have any time to cry. I hooked the handle of the baby seat over my arm. Left, she’d said, and then left around the corner. I walked down the street with the car seat bumping against my hip.
I turned the corner. There were two big buses pulled up in front of the bus station.
And two big police officers at the door.
I backed up, turned around and started walking fast up the street. Goddamn Justin. I had to stop for a second so I could catch my breath. I pressed my cheek against Brianna’s. “It’s okay,” I said. “It’s okay.” I didn’t need Justin. I could do this without him.
There was an alley next to the diner, narrow and dark, with a big Dumpster against the wall about halfway down. The Dumpster stank, but not that much, and I’d smelled worse. There were a couple of wooden things stacked against the wall by the Dumpster. They looked like low wooden platforms. I give them a push with my foot, but they didn’t even wobble and they were better than sitting on the ground. I set the car seat down and shifted Brianna from one shoulder to the other. I didn’t have anything to wipe her nose with, so I used the edge of my sleeve.
I couldn’t believe Justin had ratted me out, but he had, and if I thought about it I was going to be so mad or even cry, and I didn’t have time for that. A couple of tears came from somewhere and slipped down my cheek. I rubbed them away with the back of my hand and swallowed the fear creeping up from my stomach.
Okay, so we couldn’t take a bus. We could hitch. I’d walk back up to the highway and we’d find a ride—anywhere, just away from here. Off in the distance I heard a police siren. Were they looking for me? I listened. No, it was going away from here.
Brianna couldn’t seem to stop coughing. “It’ll be okay,” I told her, tucking the blanket closer around her. “Don’t be scared. They’re not going to take you away from me.” I was shaking. Not because I was scared. It was just cold in between the Dumpster and the building.
I stood up and the baby puked. All over my sweater, down my back, even in my hair there was baby puke. My stomach flip-flopped, and for a second I was afraid I was going to heave too. I closed my eyes for a moment and started breathing through my mouth. Brianna was crying and, I couldn’t help it, so was I.
I cleaned her up with the blanket and a handful of baby wipes. Then I put her in the car seat.
There was barf all over my jacket. And there were only a couple of wipes left in the package. I got the puke out of my hair, but I couldn’t clean it off my jacket. I was just going to have to go without it. We’d just walk fast, out to the highway. I could do this.
I bent down and picked up Brianna again. I stood there, rocking back and forth, and she stopped crying. She smelled like barf, and I could hear every breath she took. And with our faces together I could feel how warm she was.
My tears fell on her cheek. I wiped them away but they kept on coming. I could hear the sirens again. I wanted my own mother. She would know what to do. But the only mother was me.
I rocked Brianna, back and forth, until she fell asleep in my arms. The only sound was her breathing. I kissed her, her forehead, her cheek, the top of her head. She was my baby. “Nobody loves you like I do,” I whispered. My hands were shaking. Every part of me was shaking. “I’m your real mother,” I told her.
I hooked the back pack over one shoulder and walked down the alley. There were no people around, but I could hear the traffic in the distance out on the highway.
I didn’t even stop walking. I was the only mother there was. I crossed the street and turned right. Down toward the lights of the clinic.
Darlene Ryan is the author of Rules for Life, an ALA Best Book nominee. Darlene lives in Fredericton, New Brunswick.
Visit her website at www.darleneryan.com
Other titles in the Orca Soundings series
Battle of the Bands
K.L. Denman
Blue Moon
Marilyn Halvorson
Breathless
Pam Withers
Bull Rider
Marilyn Halvorson
Charmed
Carrie Mac
Chill
Colin Frizzell
Crush
Carrie Mac
Dead-End Job
Vicki Grant
Death Wind
William Bell
Exit Point
Laura Langston
Exposure
Patricia Murdoch
Fastback Beach
Shirlee Smith Matheson
Grind
Eric Walters
The Hemingway Tradition
Kristin Butcher
Hit Squad
James Heneghan
Home Invasion
Monique Polak
Juice
Eric Walters
Kicked Out
Beth Goobie
My Time as Caz Hazard
Tanya Lloyd Kyi
Monique Polak
No Problem
Dayle Campbell Gaetz
One More Step
Sheree Fitch
Overdrive
Eric Walters
Refuge Cove
Lesley Choyce
Snitch
Norah McClintock
Something Girl
Beth Goobie
Sticks and Stones
Beth Goobie
Stuffed
Eric Walters
Tell
Norah McClintock
Thunderbowl
Lesley Choyce
Tough Trails
Irene Morck
The Trouble with Liberty
Kristin Butcher
Truth
Tanya Lloyd Kyi
Who Owns Kelly Paddik?
Beth Goobie
Yellow Line
Sylvia Olsen
Zee’s Way
Kristin Butcher
Visit www.orcabook.com for all Orca titles.
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