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    Mom's Perfect Boyfriend

    Page 5
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      Gratitudes:

      I am grateful for Crystal, for sharing with me.

      I am grateful for Lisa, for inviting me to Christmas at the Fontanas’.

      I am grateful for my panoramic x-ray instructor, for reminding me to slow down and be patient with others.

      Boople Chat, Weds Sept 6, 11:34 AM

      Lisa

      omg those sand cat kittens

      Crystal

      right????

      Lisa

      those eyes!!!

      Crystal

      yeah and those markings

      Lisa

      cutest thing EVER

      Crystal

      so what’s new at boople

      Lisa

      not much

      Lisa

      still trying to figure out what i’m doing here

      Lisa

      sounds like there’s some flexibility in the role

      Lisa

      which is a nice way of saying they don’t know what the hell to do with me

      Crystal

      oh dear

      Lisa

      nah it’s cool

      Lisa

      i’ve got some ideas on how to fast track my way to a promotion

      Crystal

      nice

      Crystal

      btw i ended up telling mom about the layoff thing

      Crystal

      i wasn’t going to but then she saw an article about princesses inc outsourcing and stuff

      Lisa

      oh man

      Crystal

      yeah

      Crystal

      i ended up crying too

      Lisa

      aw :(

      Crystal

      i was going to try to stay strong

      Crystal

      but then i had to pay the full rent again

      Lisa

      still no word from david?

      Crystal

      no

      Lisa

      aw

      Lisa

      you didn’t tell mom about you and david yet, right?

      Crystal

      no managed to keep that one in, at least

      Lisa

      ah ok

      Crystal

      so this morning, when i saw the article about outsourcing, i clicked on a link to the princesses inc website

      Crystal

      just for fun, i went to “new arrivals” and clicked on the desert palace play set, which was one of my tasks before i got laid off

      Crystal

      and i look at the description, since i submitted it right before the layoff meeting

      Crystal

      but it’s not my description

      Crystal

      instead, it says this:

      Crystal

      “WHITE PLASTIC TOY”

      Lisa

      you’re kidding

      Crystal

      i wish i was

      Lisa

      god that’s terrible

      Lisa

      it’s like describing a granola bar as “FOIL WRAPPED OATS”

      Crystal

      pretty much

      Lisa

      or a book as “paper wrapped in cardboard”

      Crystal

      thanks i got it the first time

      Lisa

      heh sorry

      Crystal

      anyway i was feeling a little sensitive

      Crystal

      and then when mom asked me about my job it didn’t take much for it to all come tumbling out

      Lisa

      aw

      Crystal

      she did that thing where she sounds all sympathetic

      Crystal

      but you feel like she’s secretly delighting in it

      Lisa

      yeah like she’s thrilled that she gets to be the shoulder you cry on

      Crystal

      exactly

      Crystal

      makes me feel manipulated

      Lisa

      yeah

      Crystal

      i know she’s trying to be supportive, but still

      Crystal

      she’s been calling me every day since, and texting me all these cheerful messages

      Crystal

      she even sent me a card with an otter on it saying, “You are otterly amazing!”

      Lisa

      oh dear

      Crystal

      i don’t know why, but it makes me feel even more like a loser

      Lisa

      yeah

      Lisa

      like it rubs in how un-amazing your life situation is at the moment

      Crystal

      yeah

      Lisa

      and you know she wants you to say the same kind of thing when she’s feeling down

      Crystal

      exactly

      Crystal

      but i can’t because that’s not who i am

      Lisa

      sure

      Crystal

      i know she means well, and it’s sweet of her to think of me

      Crystal

      but i guess i just wish david was here

      Crystal

      because his hugs are the best

      Lisa

      yeah, that sucks

      Crystal

      although he probably wouldn’t be proud of me right now

      Crystal

      i was actually doing pretty well limiting my interactions with mom before this week

      Crystal

      but now it’s even worse than before

      Lisa

      well don’t be too hard on yourself

      Lisa

      if he were here instead of finding himself in the mountains or wherever, you wouldn’t be talking to mom so much

      Crystal

      TRUE

      Lisa

      how’s the writing?

      Crystal

      slow this week

      Crystal

      it’s hard to focus when i keep getting texts and stuff

      Lisa

      yeah i bet

      Crystal

      sorry i'm so cranky

      Crystal

      i’ve only got two months of rent left, so if i don’t hear from david soon, i’m pretty much homeless

      Crystal

      i’ve even started looking for some legit jobs, but there’s not much out there

      Crystal

      at first i thought i could be a barista or something on the side but there’s no way i could afford this place on that kind of money

      Lisa

      yeah :(

      Lisa

      my offer still stands though

      Lisa

      if you see anything that interests you at boople, just say the word

      Lisa

      you could even crash with bryan and me until you found a good housing situation

      Crystal

      aw thanks, but i think your studio apartment is crowded enough without a third wheel

      Lisa

      i’m sure we could manage for a couple of weeks :)

      Crystal

      thanks, i’ll keep you posted

      California Tech Article, September 13

      Boople’s Smart Companion Program Incites Ethics Debate

      SAN FRANCISCO – Boople’s new Smart Companion Program is still in the research phase, but it’s already drawing scrutiny from ethics experts. Boople has released little information about the program, but they have claimed that its goal is to produce robots “designed for domestic use.” Dr. Adrienne Fisher, professor of AI Ethics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, recently stated that Boople’s language is “deliberately vague,” and “conveniently avoids the ethical implications.”

      “In his book,” Fisher explains, “[Dr. Paul Devereux] claims that the next generation of robots will be androids with the capacity to think, feel, and love.” She believes the Smart Companions will meet these criteria, and that “it opens a whole host of ethical consequences.” Questions of sovereignty, emancipation, payment for services rendered are “only the tip of the iceberg.”

      “What happens when a robot is faced with the ve
    ry prospect of his own humanity, or lack thereof?” she asks. “I hope Dr. Devereux has weighed the potential consequences.”

      Dr. Devereux and the Boople Smart Companion Team were unavailable for comment. However, the program appears to be proceeding, as a recent Boople inventors’ meeting suggests that field tests will begin in the next quarter.

      Boople Chat, Tues Sept 19, 10:12 AM

      Lisa

      i have a title now :)

      Crystal

      ooooh tell me tell me

      Crystal

      or is it top secret?

      Lisa

      no i can tell you

      Lisa

      i’m Community Relations Manager

      Crystal

      nice

      Crystal

      i especially like the “manager” part

      Lisa

      LOL right?

      Lisa

      sounds important

      Crystal

      so just what does a Community Relations Manager do?

      Lisa

      that’s top secret ;)

      Crystal

      fine don’t tell me

      Lisa

      aw

      Lisa

      it’s good though

      Crystal

      well it’d better be ;)

      Lisa

      so how are things in LA?

      Crystal

      i’ve discovered an upside to unemployment

      Crystal

      i can stay in my pjs until the middle of the afternoon, and i don’t have to worry about blow drying my hair anymore

      Lisa

      nice

      Crystal

      but seriously this city is stupid expensive

      Crystal

      october rent is coming up and it’s going to wipe out half my bank account

      Lisa

      have you gotten any money from unemployment yet?

      Crystal

      yeah, but it’s not much

      Crystal

      i’m not going to starve, but it definitely won’t cover david’s rent

      Lisa

      :(

      Crystal

      i have a little in savings but that’s for emergencies

      Crystal

      and for the record we aren’t there yet

      Lisa

      you want to crash at our place for a bit?

      Lisa

      the couch is far more comfortable than it looks

      Crystal

      aw thanks

      Crystal

      i’ve been running through options

      Crystal

      i thought about selling the prada shoes but it’d probably be too little, too late

      Crystal

      and i could dig into my emergency fund but that wouldn’t last long either

      Crystal

      maybe i shouldn’t have blown off that nanny interview

      Lisa

      you would’ve been miserable

      Crystal

      being broke is probably worse

      Crystal

      i really wish david’s money would show up

      Crystal

      but it’s been weeks, and i don’t think i can wait anymore

      Lisa

      i can’t believe he just left you with the rent

      Crystal

      yeah he’s usually a lot more responsible

      Crystal

      he’s never had a late payment on his credit cards or anything

      Lisa

      yeah bryan is like that too

      Crystal

      but still i’m running out of options

      Crystal

      i’m starting to seriously consider staying with mom

      Lisa

      really?

      Crystal

      yeah

      Crystal

      she said i could stay with her until i finished the novel

      Crystal

      i’d have the place to myself most of the day, since she’d be at work

      Crystal

      it’d relieve some of the financial pressure at least and i wouldn’t have to spend my time working some menial job

      Lisa

      makes sense

      Lisa

      but are you sure it’s a good idea? i mean this is mom we’re talking about here

      Crystal

      yeah i’m not fond of the idea of walking on eggshells all the time

      Crystal

      because there’s no way i can meet all her expectations

      Lisa

      sooner or later you’ll be labeled a Bad Daughter no matter what

      Crystal

      probably

      Crystal

      but maybe this time will be different, if i’m there to support her

      Crystal

      she hasn’t had a meltdown in awhile

      Lisa

      not that we know of

      Crystal

      hmm true

      Crystal

      I’m not thrilled about moving back in with mom

      Crystal

      but at least i know how to deal with her

      Crystal

      if i take a minimum wage job, i could easily end up with the The Manager From Hell

      Lisa

      so “the devil you know…”

      Crystal

      exactly

      Lisa

      have you talked to mom about it?

      Crystal

      only in hypotheticals

      Crystal

      i wanted to wait until i’d decided for sure

      Crystal

      didn’t want to get her all excited and then back out

      Lisa

      sure

      Crystal

      it’d only be for a month or two hopefully, until i can reach david

      Crystal

      ideally i’d be back in my own place before he comes home and he wouldn’t even have to know about me crashing with mom

      Crystal

      but that might just be wishful thinking

      Lisa

      you can’t worry about what he thinks

      Lisa

      it’s mostly his fault you’re in this mess

      Crystal

      i guess

      Lisa

      what would you do with all your stuff?

      Crystal

      get a storage unit, probably

      Crystal

      most of the furniture is his, and mom has a tv and everything so i wouldn’t have to bring much with me

      Lisa

      might be hard to keep the david situation secret if you’re living with her

      Crystal

      yeah i have some ideas for that

      Crystal

      it’s not ideal but if it’s only temporary i should be able to swing it

      Crystal

      i don’t like lying to her but this whole break/breakup thing is really complicated

      Crystal

      and she’s already super excited about planning the wedding

      Lisa

      yeah :(

      Lisa

      oh hey i meant to tell you

      Lisa

      i found a writing contest online that you might be interested in…i’ll forward the link

      Crystal

      cool thanks

      Crystal

      hey lisa

      Crystal

      this isn’t romance, it’s erotic fiction

      Lisa

      yeah i know

      Lisa

      i thought you could submit that short story you gave me at my bridal shower

      Crystal

      velocirapture??? that was a joke

      Lisa

      c’mon IT WAS GOOD

      Crystal

      it had a couple of moments but i’d be embarrassed to submit it to something like this

      Lisa

      they want creativity

      Lisa

      it says right there in the rules

      Crystal

      yeah they’re probably talking about creative sex positions not horny dinosaurs

      Lisa

      you could start the next big trend in er
    o romance

      Crystal

      i doubt it

      Lisa

      they only want the first ten pages

      Lisa

      and you could win $10,000

      Lisa

      that’s like $1,000 a page

      Lisa

      what do you have to lose?

      Crystal

      my dignity

      Lisa

      use a penname

      Lisa

      pleeeeeease?

      Crystal

      no

      Crystal

      what’s it to you, anyway?

      Lisa

      i want to live in a world where there are books called “velocirapture” in the romance section!!!

      Crystal

      urgggggggggggh

      Crystal

      if i say no are you going to enter this behind my back?

      Lisa

      that’s a great idea

      Lisa

      i mean

      Lisa

      of course not

      Crystal

      alright fine

      Crystal

      but only because there’s no entry fee

      Lisa

      YESSSSSSSSS

      Lisa

      i can see the headlines now: “Velocirapture: How Dinosaurs Captured the Hearts and Loins of America”

      Crystal

      don’t make me regret this

      Lisa

      never

      Email, September 20

      From: Frank and Debbie Richards <fdrichards_57@booplemail.com>

      To: Crystal Hemmingway <crystalkitty_01@booplemail.com>

      Subject: Re: David

      Dear Crystal,

      Sorry we missed your messages. We took the RV to Yellowstone and decided to go “off the grid” for a few weeks.

      We were sorry to hear that David’s rent got lost in the mail. We just had a postcard from him. He passed Mt. Hood and is now in the more rural areas of Oregon. His internet access is very limited, but we will pass along your message as soon as we hear from him.

      Is there anything we can do to help? How much is his rent payment?

      Regards,

      Debbie and Frank

      Email, September 20

     


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