The day I got married to the incredible and gorgeous Valerie Vasquez. © Steven Shofner
My boys, Dillon on guitar and Max on drums, in their band, L.A. Rocks, rehearsing at home. © Joefer Bautista
My amazing family: Max, Eleanor Kerrigan, me, Val, and Dillon. © Joefer Bautista
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
SPECIAL THANKS TO my sister, Natalie Michael, who kept me grounded through the brutal process of writing this book; and, more importantly, for her support, love, and encouragement that was there all the way back to our Brooklyn apartment, where the Originals would be up until all hours of the night—the only apartment in a six-story building with the lights on until after midnight, with us eating, laughing, and loving our little family.
Thank you to my gorgeous wife, Valerie Silverstein, aka Mrs. Dice Clay (@mrsdiceclay), who met me and believed in me at a time in my life when I wasn’t so sure I myself believed that I could do it again—a young girl who stood by me and hasn’t left my side, pushing me, like Adrian did for Rocky, to reach my potential. Once again, I truly love you.
Thank you to Eleanor Kerrigan (@ejkerrigan), one of the world’s greatest people. The woman, girlfriend, fiancée, and friend who always encouraged me, who raised my sons with me, and who is now one of the strongest, funniest, most fearless stand-up comedians I have ever worked with. Thank you for always being there.
To the loves of my life, Max and Dillon, whose young faces were all I had to look at during my lowest times. I knew then, without any ifs, ands, or buts, that I would have to prevail and teach them by example to never back down and to believe in their God-given talent. They made me challenge myself again. Now, they challenge themselves. Max and Dillon, you are the two best guys I ever hung with. www.soundcloud.com/larockstheband
Thank you to Michael “Wheels” Parise (@wheelslive) for your friendship, guidance, counseling, and talent. Twenty-five years of laughs. Your comedic timing and delivery is a force to be reckoned with.
An Un-Be-Liev-Able thank you to Bruce “Ruby Tattoos” Rubenstein (@rubytattoos) for believing when nobody in Hollywood did anymore. Not since my father, thirty-five years ago, have I met a man who not only believed in my talent but understood it, way deeper than my comedic persona, as where I could go as an actor. Hands down the greatest manager (other than my dad) that I ever worked with.
Thank you to Uncle Lee Lawrence for thirty-eight years of encouraging, loving, and being there to pick me up when I was down for the count. You just wouldn’t have it.
To Michael “Happy Face” Malandra, thank you for twenty-three years of friendship, loyalty, and protection. Let’s do another twenty-three.
To Jeffery Abraham, aka Jeffery A, my publicity monster, thank you for knowing when and how to make me move, and for your friendship and dedication.
Thank you to David Ritz for dealing with my craziness. You are a true master and have captured the essence of who I am.
Special thanks to my agent, Pete Pappalardo, for your friendship and dedication, and for the rebuilding of the Diceman.
Special thanks to Dennis Arfa, the agent who had the vision twenty-six years ago. What a vibe, my friend.
I also want to thank Simon & Schuster, Matthew Benjamin, Rick Rubin, Daniel Hayes, Arsenio Hall, Whoopi, Eminem, Nikki Sixx, Alec Baldwin, Roseanne, Ice-T, and Doug Ellin for your friendship, the beautiful foreword, and for igniting the fuse that catapulted me once again.
Thank you to all my boys back home: Neil “Hot Tub Johnny West” Lustig, Kenny “Club Soda” Feder, Jim Norton, Jim Florentine, Don Jameson, Eddie Trunk, Howard Stern, Opie & Anthony, Mancow, John Mulrooney, Robert and Richie Santa, Frankie and Carmine Diorio, Sal Iuvare, Tommy Scrow, Larry Winocor, Tony the Brush, Manuel and Lori Vasquez, Uncle Ronnie and Grandma Charlene—now your name is in a book, James Messinian, Steve Arnold, Mike Tricharichi, Joel Goldstein, Todd Rosken, Tom Green, Mike Morano, Laurie Brockway, and Hank Gallo.
Special, special thanks to the millions of fans who have always backed me up.
ANDREW DICE CLAY is a stand-up icon, actor, and the most controversial and outrageous comedian of all time. He even holds the distinction of being the only performer to have been banned for life from MTV. Dice is also the only comedian to perform in front of 100,000 people, opening up for Guns N’ Roses at the Rose Bowl. He starred in the cult classic films Casual Sex?, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, and the concert movie Dice Rules; headlined several HBO specials; released bestselling DVDs and multi-gold-and-platinum CDs; and was nominated for a Grammy Award. In 2012, his first stand-up special in seventeen years, Indestructible, was Showtime’s highest-rated comedy special to date. Once again and forever, Dice Rules.
Visit him at andrewdiceclayofficial.com or on Twitter: @therealdiceclay
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INDEX
Abdul, Paula, 217
Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The (film), 203, 243, 250–51
Clay’s first starring role, 203
anti-Dice forces and, 250
box office take, 251
costars, 203, 215
Diller kills promotion, 250–51
director, 215
filming, 215–16
Joel Silver as producer, 203, 211–13
premiere planned for, 247
SNL controversy and premiere cancelled, 247–50
song for, 215
Aerosmith, 194, 236, 320
Airport (film), 124
Albrecht, Chris, 182
Allen, Tim, 172
Allen, Woody, 98, 321
Allman Brothers, 190
Ambassador East Hotel, Chicago, 161, 165, 167, 169
American Bandstand (TV show), 218
Arfa, Dennis, 181, 197, 269
Clay’s shrink and, 291–92
Clay’s vision of bigger venues and, 194–95
as agent for Dangerfield, 180, 221
booking at Madison Square Garden (2000), 311
booking at Nassau Coliseum, 222–23
booking at the Roxy, 185
booking at Town Hall, 187
Dicemania and, 185
signing of Clay, 180
Arsenio Hall Show, The (TV show), 248
Avalon, Frankie, 106
Back to School (film), 267
“Bad Girls” (song), 112
Baker, Ginger, 38–39
Baldwin, Alec, 321
Bally’s, Atlantic City, 257–58
Bally’s, Las Vegas, 222, 229, 233, 259–60
Barney’s Beanery, Los Angeles, 140
Barr, Roseanne, 172
Basinger, Kim, 158
Beacon Theater, New York, 192, 193, 311
Beastie Boys, 149
Beatles, 12
Bellson, Louie, 42
Ben Frank’s coffee shop, Hollywood, 115
Clay’s “Kamikaze Comic” performance at, 144
Bennett, Tony, 42
Bevacqua, Tony “Babe,” 172, 173
Beverly Hilton, Los Angeles, 185, 186
Big Brothers banquet, Clay and, 185–88
Blair, Linda, 145
Blanchett, Cate, 321
Blau, Artie, 39–40
Bless This House (TV show), 300, 305
Blind Date (film), 157–58
Blind Faith (band), 38–39
Blue Jasmine (film), 321–22
“Blue Suede Shoes” (Presley), 15
Body Heat (film), 168
“Boogie Oogie Oogie” (song), 112
Brain Smasher . . . A Love Story (film), 279–87, 300
Brando, Marlon, 108, 114, 168
Breakfast at Tiffany’s (film), 158
Brenner, David, 67
Brookdale Hospital, Brooklyn, 26
Brooklyn, New York, 87
Clay booked into discos, 76
Clay born in, xii
Clay leaves for L.A., 91–92
Clay’s apartment on Nostrand Avenue, 197, 237
Clay’s friends from, 22, 35–36, 37–38, 41–43, 46, 52, 95, 139, 147, 187, 198, 226, 239, 243, 258, 265 (see also Downtown Ronny; Feder, Kenny “Club Soda Kenny”; Lustig, Neil “Hot Tub Johnny West”)
Clay’s grandmother’s home in, 18
Clay’s home in Bergen Beach, 269
Clay’s love for, xii, 1, 4, 18
Clay’s wedding ceremony in, 133
Coney Island, 31–32
culture of, xii
gambling and mobsters in, 127–28, 301–4 (see also Downtown Ronny)
Georgetown neighborhood, 50
Irish gang in, 25–29
“Nostrand Avenue Schmucks,” 52, 95, 139
Pips comedy club, 31
Royal Process Agency, 18, 21, 71–73, 78, 197–98
Sea Gate neighborhood, 31
Sheepshead Bay, 31, 69–70, 139
Silverstein home on Burnett Street, 3
Silverstein home on Nostrand Avenue, 18, 19–20, 50, 60, 127, 197, 237
stairwells of, Clay and sexual encounters, 23
statue of Fred Silverstein in, 4
talent from, 33, 39
Brown’s Hotel, Catskills, New York, 43–44
Bruce, Lenny, 150
Bullet (film), 320
Buttons, Red, 187
Caesars, Las Vegas, 258
Caffé Roma, Beverly Hills, 253
Cancer on $5 a Day (Schimmel), 151
Captain Walter’s (bar), Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, 139
Carducci, Mark, 149
Carlin, George, 108
Caroline’s comedy club, New York, 265
Carrey, Jim, 172
Carson, Johnny, 89, 100
Clay not booked by, 104
as drummer, 39
Caruso, David, 159
Casino (film), 159
Casual Sex? (film), 179
Catch a Rising Star, New York, 66
Celebrity Arena, Phoenix, 194–95
Charles, Ray, 320
Cher, 174, 217, 218, 219, 222
Chicago, 161–64
Clay meets second wife in, 165–70
Crime Story location, 159, 164
Chicago (band), 31
Ciro’s, 102
Clark, Dick, 218, 219
Clarke, Lenny, 223
Clay, Andrew Dice
beliefs and personal ethics, xi–xii, 3, 14, 27–28, 36, 44, 131, 133, 158, 159, 320, 321
birth, xii
boxing and physical training, 3–4, 189, 208–9, 213, 243–45, 297, 311–12
love of music, 11–12, 320
name “Dice,” origins, 22, 107
self-confidence/self-image, xi–xii, 88–89, 105, 106, 108, 123, 141, 177, 192, 323
smoking and, 54, 168, 179, 285, 319
temper, rage, and/or fighting, 9, 28–29, 72–73, 106, 206, 213, 218, 293, 294–97
CAREER:
act, Clay’s opening routine, 129–30, 186, 218
acting lessons, 105–6
Clay seen as star material, 97, 98
air travel, 269
air travel, near-fatal crash, 281–83
ambition and, 33, 66, 70, 87, 104, 105, 107, 140, 141, 180, 181, 188
Arfa as agent, 180, 181, 194–95, 221, 222–23, 311
band for, 198
big break (1987), 172, 175–78
Big Brothers banquet, 185–88
burnout (1995), 305
celebrity status and, 217
challenge by Joe Franklin for first TV appearance, 87–89
cigarette lighting, signature move, 156
comedians opening for, 187, 223, 243, 282, 317 (see also Parise, Michael “Wheels”)
Comedy Stores, California, 93, 96–97, 98, 108, 111, 113, 129, 140–41, 168, 175, 306
comics’ attacks on, 203–6
controversial material, 148, 150, 174, 248
critics’ attacks on, 225, 248–49, 251
cult following, 145, 156
Dangerfield and, 31, 171–78, 189, 221–22, 315
Diceman character, 108–9, 113, 115, 145, 148, 173, 176–77, 203, 222–23, 249, 251, 322–23
Dice Rules multicity tour, 197, 198–200
as drummer, 21, 37–39, 40, 41–43, 51, 53–54, 82, 111, 145, 215, 222, 319
early gigs, New York, 134
Elvis influence/character, 16, 47, 173, 177, 187, 188, 198, 258, 300, 320
entourage of, 128, 187, 189, 198–200, 202, 230, 243–44, 258, 269, 275, 281–82
Fagotron and queer jokes, 148, 150
fans and Dicemania, 128, 185, 191, 207, 222–23, 225, 233, 235, 244, 257, 305
father as manager, 76–79, 87, 91, 123, 173–74, 180, 190, 197, 249, 271, 283
film and TV roles, 123–24, 143, 145, 156, 157, 159, 164, 179, 190, 203, 211–13, 215–16, 243, 279, 283, 287, 300, 305, 320–22 (see also television and films [below])
first paid comedy booking, 69
first Vegas appearance, 92
FM radio with Opie and Anthony, 309, 312
Funhouse and other disco bookings (1978–79), 75–79
Gallin and, 174–75, 180–82, 190, 217, 219, 243, 249, 250
groupies, first encounter with, 69
income, xi, 76, 192, 269, 283, 319
jokes and routines, xi–xii, 63–66, 109, 130, 147–48, 173, 177–78, 186–87, 191, 241–42, 322–23
“Kamikaze Comic” performances, 143–45
Kinison and, 129–31, 134, 193–94, 204–6, 267–68
in Las Vegas, xi–xii, 92 (see also Las Vegas)
limericks and nursery rhymes (blue humor), 147–48, 173, 177, 191
Madison Square Garden (1990), 197, 236–37
Madison Square Garden (2000), 309–13
mantra, 108
mobsters and, 76–77, 127–28, 265–66, 270–71, 299–304
move to Los Angeles, 1979, 91–94
nadir, xi–xii
name change to Andrew Clay, 65
name change to Andrew Dice Clay, 107–8
name change to Clay Silvers, 41–42
Nutty Professor/Grease act, 63–66, 68–70, 79, 88, 89, 92, 105, 172
onstage persona, 98, 108–9, 111, 115, 135, 177–78 (see also Diceman character [above])
onstage persona, costumes, 64, 108, 176–77, 185, 189–90, 222, 233–34
Pacino character, 89
performance ethos, xi–xii, 38–39, 102, 123, 129
Pips debut (September 13, 1978), 67–70
as Pips regular, 81, 84, 91
practice and perfection of material, 63–64, 67, 130, 175, 189, 198, 311–12
preshow ritual, 190, 312
press attacks on, 193, 203, 233
pushing the boundaries and, 148
reality show on VH1, 316
recordings, 194, 235, 310
CAREER:
relationship with Mitzi Shore, 97–98, 140–41, 235
Rubenstein as manager, 321
stalling of career, 320
Stallone’s Rocky and, 49, 89
studying other comics, 71
Tahoe appearance, 1979, 91–92
television debut, 89
touring, big arenas and bigger venues, 194–95, 221–23, 225, 243, 257
at Town Hall, New York, 187–88
Travolta character, 49, 59–61, 64, 65, 69, 187 (see also Nutty Professor/Grease act [above])
William Morris Agency represents, 145, 157–59
zenith of, 236–37
CHILDHOOD AND EARLY YEARS:
academics and, 2, 6, 12, 40, 76
advice about girls from Marcel at Seidman’s, 51–52
appearance, as teenager, 37
bar mitzvah, 21–22
Brooklyn and, xii, 1, 4, 18
bullying by Irish gang, 25–28
Catskills comics, influence of, 46–47
college, briefly, 49
Dangerfield at Pips and, 31
dating, 22–23, 31
dirty words and, 13–14
drum set given to, 21
early jobs, 35, 49, 50–52, 55, 71–73, 78
elementary school, 1–3, 6–7
fighting and, 9–10
first girlfriend, 31–33, 41
first real kiss, 32
first sexual intercourse, 45–46
girlfriend Delores, relationship, pregnancy and abortion, 49–51, 53–57
girlfriend Laurie, 45–46
girlfriend Sylvia Cohen, 81–85
girl picked up in pizza joint, 60–61
Golden Gate Motor Inn, Shore Parkway, Brooklyn and, 77, 82–83
high school, 37–40, 41
home life, 4
hooker and, 35–36
influence of Sinatra and Elvis, 16, 33
influences on, 11–12, 15–16
junior high, 22
living in Parkview Point, Miami Beach, 17–18
living in Silvertown Estates, Staten Island, 5–8
living on Burnett Street, Brooklyn, 3
living on Nostrand Avenue, Brooklyn, 18, 19–20, 50, 60
love of performing, 2, 4
masturbation and, 19–20
name “Dice,” origins of, 22, 107
near-mugging in Coney Island, 32
the Originals, 1, 3, 5, 18, 107, 192, 241, 299
sex and girls, 17, 22–23
show business and, 4
summer job, Delmar Hotel, Catskills, 41–43, 45–47, 53–54
superman costume and, 1–3
television viewing, 11–12, 15–16
warned about drugs, 11
FAMILY AND MARRIAGES:
desire for a family, 179, 221, 257
divorces, xi, 156, 253, 315
Dollface (Kathleen), first wife, xi, 124–26, 127, 129, 133–41, 153–56, 253–55
father, relationship with, 3, 17, 18, 28, 43, 69–70, 71–73, 76–79, 87, 172, 190, 197–98, 249–50, 291, 312, 318–19
Grandma Shirley and extended family, 4, 10, 11, 13, 18, 21, 26, 69, 221, 257–58