"It's the end of the day," he said, only out of pity.
And that was what it was.
It was almost night, and the beauty of it weighed upon his
chest. Martim disguised it as best he could, he whistled something vague and tuneless, looking at the ceiling.
From where, slowly and cautiously, he lowered his eyes to
the others-and he looked at his fellows, one by one. Who are
you? They were faces with noses. Should he invest all of his
small fortune in a gesture of confidence? And yet it was a life
that could not be repeated, his, the one they would give him.
Who are you? It was difficult giving to them. Loving was a
sacrifice. And yet-and yet there was a discontinuity. He had
barely begun and there was already a discontinuity. Would he
have to accept that too, the discontinuity with which he looked
at them and-who were those men? Who are you? What
doubtful thing are you? As if in some absurd way I had already
seen better times and knew a different race of people I can not
accept you, but only love you? Really, who are you? And up to
what point? And-and will I be able to love that thing you
are?
He looked at them, tired, incredulous. He did not know
them. A person was sporadic; he no longer knew them. Humble,
he still tried to force himself to accept that too: not knowing
them.
on lying? I don't believe! I don't believe!" And looking at the
four men and the woman, he wanted only plants, the plants, the
silence of plants. But with his attention slightly roused, he
repeated slowly : "I don't believe." Slowly dazed, "I don't believe . . .
" Dazed, yes. Because, "Halleluia, Halleluia, I'm hungry again. So hungry that I need to be more than one. I need to ( 3 6 0 )
The Apple in the Dark
be two-two? No! Three, five, thirty, millions. One is hard to
bear. I need millions of men and women, and the tragedy of
Halleluia." "I don't believe!" and the great lack had been born
again. His extreme penury had brought him to a vertigo of
ecstasy. "I don't believe," he said hungrily, looking at the faces
of the men for the thing a man looks for. "I'm hungry," he
repeated, abandoned. Should he thank God for his hunger?
Because need was sustaining him.
Stupefied, without knowing whom to speak to, he examined
them one by one. And he-he simply did not believe. Eppur, si
muove, he said with the obstinacy of a jackass.
"Let's go," he said then, going uncertainly over to the four
small and confused men. "Let's go," he said. Because they must
have known what they were doing. They certainly knew what
they were doing. In the name of God, I command you to be
sure. Because a whole precious and putrescent weight was being
very heavy one too. And it was not a simple thing-because
there had to be mercy when that burden of guilt was thrown
overboard too. Because we are not so guilty after all; we are more
stupid than guilty. So with mercy too, then. "In the name of
Cod, I'm only waiting for you to know what you're doing.
Because I, my son, I am only hungry. And I have that clumsy
way of reaching for an apple in the dark-and trying not to drop
•t ,,
1 •
A NOTE ON THE TYPE
The text of this book is set in ELECTRA, a typeface designed
by W( illiam ) A ( ddison ) Dwiggins for the Mergenthaler
Linotype Company and first made available in 1 9 3 5. Electra
cannot be classified as either "modern" or "old style." It is
not based on any historical model, and hence does not echo
any particular period or style of type design . It avoids the
extreme contrast between "thick" and "thin" elements that
marks most modern faces, and is without eccentricities which
catch the eye and interfere with reading. In general, Electra
is a simple, readable typeface which attempts to give a feeling
of fluidity, power, and speed.
W. A. Dwiggins ( 1 880-1 9 56) was born in Martinsville,
association with the Mergenthaler Linotype Company in 1 929,
and over the next twenty-seven years designed a number of
book types, of which Metro, Electra, and Caledonia have been
used very widely. In 1 9 30 Dwiggins became interested in
marionettes, and through the years made many important
contributions to the art of puppetry and the design of
marionettes.
Document Outline
Cover
Half-Title
Title Page
Copyright
Epigraph
Contents
Introduction
I • How a Man Is Made
II • The Birth of the Hero
III • The Apple in the Dark