"See you later." A flashing grin, and he was gone.
11. Connected
January 3, 1982
Old Jowson lost three sheep last night. This is after all the
ward-evil spells we've been doing for the past month. Now
most of his flock if gone, and he's not the only one. He said
today in the Eagle and Hare that he's wiped out—doesn't have
enough ewes left to start over. There's nothing for him to do
except sell out.
I feel like all I do is go around doing warding spells. We're
all paranoid and living under a dark shadow. For the past week
I've been spelling Ma's leg after she broke it, bicycling to the
village. But even with my spells she says it's hurting and not
healing properly.
I want to get out of here. Being a witch is doing no one
good nowadays and is doing a bushel of harm. It's like a film is
over us, lessening our powers. I don't know what to do. Angus
doesn't, either. He's worried, too, but he tries not to show it.
Damnation! I thought the evil was behind us! Now it looks
like it was only sleeping amond us, in our beds. Winter has
awoken it. --Bradhadair
On Wednesday morning, when I was toasting two Pop
Tarts for breakfast, I heard footsteps overhead.
"Mary K.!" I said. "Who's upstairs?"
Mary K. blinked. "Mom," she said, turning back to the
comics. "She's staying home sick today."
I looked at the top of my sister's head. Mom never stayed
home from work. She had been known to show houses in a
snowstorm when she had the flu.
"What's wrong with her?" I asked. "She was fine last
night, wasn't she?" She and my dad had had dinner out alone,
something they almost never did. I had figured they were
avoiding me, and I had waited up for them, but at eleven-thirty
I had given up and gone to bed.
"I don't know. Maybe she just wanted a day off."
"Huh." Maybe this was my chance: I could go upstairs
right now and get her to answer all my questions.
On the other hand, I would be late for school. And Cal was
at school. Besides, if she wanted to tell me anything, she'd
have told me by now. Right?
I sighed. Or maybe the truth was, now that the chance
was staring me in the face, as it were, I was afraid to seize it
Scared of what I might learn.
My Pop-Tarts leaped energetically out of the toaster and
broke on the kitchen counter. I gathered up the pieces in a
paper towel and gave my sister a gentle kick.
"Let's go," I said. "Education awaits us." Mom would be
home when I got out of school. I could talk to her then.
Mary K. nodded and got into her coat
As it turned out, my big confrontation didn't work out the
way I'd planned. When I got home from school, I'd worked
myself up for a real scene. I went up to Mom's room, threw
open the door... and found her sound asleep. Her red hair lay
across her pillow, and once again I noticed the silver strands in
it Was it my imagination, or were there more of them than even
a couple of days before?
She looked so tired. I didn't have the heart to wake her.
I crept out like a mouse. Then Tamara called and asked if
I could come over and study with her for a calc test. So I went.
Anything to get out of the house.
I had dinner at Tamara's, and when I got home, Mom and
Dad had both gone to bed.
I went into the study and switched on the computer. I I
wanted to go to one of the on-line Wicca sites and see if I I
could find out the meaning of the runes on Selene I Belltower's
door frame. I could still picture at least five of I them in my
mind. I also wanted to look up Maeve Riordan's family tree
again. Maybe there was some link I hadn't noticed or some
other information I'd missed.
While the computer booted up, I sat there, biting my
thumbnail and thinking. Part of me was getting more and more
wound up, the longer my parents avoided answering my
questions. But I also had to admit that part of me was almost
happy about these delays. I was honestly afraid of how painful
and ugly the whole scene might be.
I logged on and entered in the html address that I
remembered from before. But instead of Maeve's family tree a
message popped onto the screen:
for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be
experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust
your browser settings.
I frowned. Had I entered the address wrong? I typed in
Maeve Riordan and ran a search. Twenty-six matches popped
up.
Last time there had been twenty-seven.
I scrolled rapidly down the list. No html. Was the
genealogy site gone?
I tried running a search for Ballynigel. That took me to a
map site and opened a window with a map of Ireland.
Ballynigel was a dot on the west coast. I couldn't zoom in on it.
I typed in Belwicket and clicked the search button. I got
no hits.
I slapped the keyboard in frustration. The site was gone.
Just gone. As if it had never been there.
I told myself not to get too worked up. Maybe it was being
upgraded or updated or something. If I just tried it again in a
couple of days, it might well be back.
Closing my eyes for a moment I tipped back my head and
breathed deeply. Then, feeling calmer, I entered a Web address
I'd gotten from Ethan—an address for a site about rune magick.
In a moment the home page opened, and mysterious
symbols glowed before my eyes. I leaned closer, my worries
fading to the back of my mind as I began to read.
It was nearly an hour later when I finally logged off and
shut down the computer. When I closed my eyes, runes still
danced across the insides of my lids. I'd learned a lot tonight.
I picked up a pen and traced my new favorite rune on a
scrap of paper that sat by the keyboard. Ken: It looked like a V
turned on its side. It stood for fire, including inspiration and
passion of spirit It was so simple, yet so strong.
Underneath it I traced my other new favorite rune, Ur,
strength.
I sighed. I needed a lot of that right now.
On Thursday afternoon I was startled when Mom came
into the family room. I was watching Oprah and doing my
American history homework.
"Hi, Morgan," she said, sounding tentative. Her hair was
brushed and held back from her face by two combs. She wore
no makeup, but she had on a sweat suit embroidered with
leaves. "Where's Mary K.?"
"I dropped her at Jaycee's," I said.
"Oh, all right" Mom wandered over to the far wall and
picked up a clay pot that I'd made in third grade, then set it
back down on its shelf. "Hey, how come I haven't seen Bree
round this week?"
I swallowed hard, replaying the scene yesterday in die
cafeteria, when Bree and Raven had announced they were
starting their own coven. I didn't think Bree would be s
pending
a whole lot of time with me anymore.
But I didn't have the strength to get into it with Mom right
now. So I just said,"I guess she's been pretty busy."
"Mmmm." To my surprise, Mom let it go at that. She
prowled around the room some more, picking things up and
putting them down. Then she said abruptly, "Mary K. says you
have a boyfriend."
"Huh? Oh, yeah," I said in surprise, realizing she wasn't
up on the whole Cal thing. Of course. How could she have
been? Cal and my discovery about my birth happened at almost
the same time.
"His name is Cal Blaire," I explained, feeling awkward.
First of all, we'd never talked about boys before. There had
never been anything to discuss. Second, why was I obligated to
tell her anything? She obviously had no problem keeping
secrets from me.
But still, I'd had sixteen years of thinking of her as my
mom. That habit was hard to break. "He and his mom moved
here in September," I added.
Mom leaned against the doorjamb. "What does he think of
witchcraft?"
I blinked and flicked off the TV. "Um, he likes it," I said
stiffly.
Mom nodded.
"Why didn't you ever tell me that I was adopted?" I said,
the words rushing out now that I had my chance.
I saw her swallow as she searched for an answer. "There
were some very good reasons at the time," she said finally. The
silence of the house seemed to underscore her words.
"Everyone says you're supposed to be open about it," I
said. Already I could feel my throat getting tight, and suddenly
my nerves felt like thorns.
"I know," Mom said quietly. "I know you want—need—
some answers."
“I deserve some answers!” I said, raising my voice. "You
and Dad lied to me for sixteen years! You lied to Mary KJ And
everyone else knew the truth!”
She shook her head, an odd look on her face. "No one
knows the whole truth,” she said. "Not even your father and
me.” "What does that mean?” I crossed my arms over my chest
I tried to hold on to my anger so I wouldn't cry.
"Your dad and I have been talking" she said. "We know
you want to know. And we're going to tell you. Soon."
"When?" I snapped
Mom gave an odd smile, as if at a private joke. She was
being so calm and yet looked so fragile that it was hard for me
to stay angry. There was nothing here to fight against, and that
pissed me off even more.
"It's been sixteen years," she said gently. "Give us a few
more days. I need time to think.”
I stared at her in disbelief, but with that same odd smile
she brushed her hand lightly against my cheek, then left the
room.
For some reason, the memory of my sneaking into my
parents' bed at night, when I was little, came into my mind I
used to worm my way in between them and go right to sleep.
Nothing had ever felt so secure or so safe. Now it seemed
strange. My childhood memories were being revised every day.
The phone rang, and I seized it like a lifeline. I knew it
was Cal.
"Hi," said Cal, before I could speak, and a warm sense of
comfort passed over me. "I miss you. Can I come over?"
I went from utter despair to pure joy in one second.
"Actually, could I come over there?" I asked.
"You don't
mind?"
"Oh, God, no. I'll be right there, okay?"
"Great," he said.
I flew from the house, rushing toward happiness.
Cal met me at the front door of his house. It was already
almost dark, and the air felt heavy and damp, as if it might
snow early this year.
"I can only stay a little while," I said, my breath puffing
slightly.
"Thanks for coming," he said, leading me inside. “I could
have come to your house."
I shook my head, taking off my coat. "You have more
privacy here," I said. "Is your mom home?"
"No," said Cal as we started up the stairs to his room
"She's at the hospital with someone from her coven. I have to
go over later and help her." It occurred to me that the two of
us were alone in his house. A little shiver of anticipation went
through me.
"I forgot to ask Robbie today," Cal said, opening the attic
door to his room. "Is he getting new glasses?"
"I don't know. They're going to do more tests." I rubbed
my arms as we walked into Cal's room, even though it was
toasty warm. I felt comfortable here, with Cal. The rest of my
life might be in turmoil, but here I knew I had power. And I
knew Cal understood. It gave me a wonderful feeling of relief.
Looking around Cal's room, I remembered the night we
had done a circle here and I had seen everyone's auras. It had
been so seductive, being touched by magick. How could anyone
not want to pursue it?
Behind me Cal touched my arm, and I turned to him. He
smiled at me. "I like having you here," he said. "And I'm glad
you came. I wanted to give you something."
I looked up at him questioningly.
"Here." Reaching up, he untied the knot in the leather
string around his neck. Its silver pentacle dangled, catching the
lamplight and shining. This necklace had been one of the first
things I'd noticed about him, and I remembered thinking how
much I'd liked it I stepped closer, and Cal fastened it around
my neck. It fell to a point above my breastbone, and he traced
around it on my shirt.
Thank you," I whispered. "It's beautiful." Reaching up my
land, I curled it around his neck and pulled him to me. He met
my kiss halfway.
"How are things at home?" Cal asked a moment later, still
holding me.
I felt like I could tell him anything. "Strange," I said. I
pulled myself out of his arms and walked around his room.
"I've hardly seen my parents. Today Mom was home, and I
asked her about being adopted, and she said she needed more
time." I shook my head, looking at Cal's tall bookcase, its rows
of books on witchcraft, spell making, herbs, runes.... I wanted
to sit down and start reading and not get up for a long time.
"Every time I think about how they lied to me, feel
furious," I told Cal, my hands clenching into fists. I let out a
breath. "But today my mom looked—I don't know. Older.
Fragile, somehow."
I stopped next to Cal's bed. He walked over to me and
rubbed my back. I took his hand and brought it to my cheek.
"Part of me feels like they're not my real family," I said,
"And another part of me thinks, of course they're my real
ramify. They feel like my real family.”
He nodded, his hand stroking up and down my arm. "It's
strange when people you think you know really well feel
suddenly different somehow."
He sounded like he was speaking from experience, and I
looked up at him.
"Like my father," he said. "He was the high priest of my
mom's coven when they were married. A
nd he met another
woman, another witch, in the coven. Mom and I used to make
mean jokes about how she had put a love spell on him, but
really, in the end, I think maybe he just... loved her more.”
I heard the hurt in his voice and rested my head against
his chest, my arms going around his waist.
"They live in northern England now," Cal went on. His
chest vibrated against my ear as he spoke. "She had a son, my
age, from her first marriage, and they've had, I think, two more
kids together."
"That's awful," I said.
He breathed in and out slowly. "I don't know. Maybe I'm
just used to it now. But I just think that's how it goes. Nothing
is static; things always change. The best you can do is change
along with them and work with what you have."
I was silent, thinking about my own situation.
"I think the important thing is to get through the anger
and negative feelings because they get in the way of magick,"
Cal said. "It's hard, but sometimes you just have to decide to
let those feelings go."
His voice trailed off, and we stood there comfortably for a
while. Finally, reluctantly, I glanced at my watch.
"Speaking of going, I have to go," I said. "
“Already?” Cal said, leaning down to kiss me. He
murmured something against my lips.
Smiling, I wriggled out of his grasp. "What did you say?"
"Nothing." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have said
anything."
"What?" I asked again, concerned now. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," he said. "It's just . . . suddenly I
thought of muirn beatha dan. You know."
I looked at him. "What? What are you talking about?"
"You know," he said again, sounding almost shy. "Muirn
beatha dan. You've read about it, right?"
I shook my head. "What is it?"
"Um, soul mate," said Cal. "Life partner. Predestined
mate." My heart almost stopped beating, and my breath froze
in my throat. I couldn't speak.
"In the form of Wicca that I practice," Cal explained, “we
believe that for every witch, there's one true soul mate who's
also a full-blooded witch; male or female, it doesn't matter.
They're connected to that person, and belong together, and
basically will only be truly happy with that person." He
shrugged. "It sort of... came into my head just now, when we
were kissing."
"I never heard of it,' I whispered. "How do you know If it
happens?"
Cal laughed wryly. "That's the tricky part. Sometimes it