She picked up Jason’s hand and told him to wave at me. He did, and he seemed very excited to see me. I had to fight back tears at the thought that I might not be able to see him or the girls grow up.
The jury marched in and took their seats. I smiled at my mom, and then my eyes wandered over to the prosecution’s side of the courtroom. I looked over at Ashlee. She winked at me, but I imagined if anyone saw her, it wouldn’t have made a difference at that point. For five days, Ashlee came into the courtroom wearing an innocent schoolgirl look. She wore long skirts and blouses that buttoned at the neck. She wore very little makeup, and she kept her hair pulled back with the exception of some Chinese-cut bangs across her forehead. She even wore a pair of black-rimmed glasses to each hearing. I doubt if they were prescription glasses, but if they were, she picked a fine time not to wear her contacts. I couldn’t stand that bitch, and I wanted to jump across the railing and strangle the shit out of her.
As the jurors walked in, I tried to read their faces, but none of them would even look at me. I turned to my lawyer for some reassurance. “What do you think? Do they look like they voted me innocent?”
“We’ll know in a minute,” he replied. I couldn’t read anything in his tone.
I glanced at Ashlee, and every muscle in my body tightened. “I hope they don’t believe that bitch, ’cause she’s a fucking liar.”
“Jay, you need to settle down. You’ve already been removed from the courtroom once for being out of control.”
“This is my life on the line,” I said angrily. “When this is all over, you get to go home regardless. Maybe if you had caught her up in some of those lies she was telling when she was on the stand, I’d be able to calm down.”
The door opened from the judge’s chamber. Then the bailiff spoke. “All rise,” he said. “Court is about to begin. Please remain standing until the Honorable Judge Henry Mitchell takes his seat.” The judge came into the room and took his seat. “You may all be seated,” the bailiff stated.
The judge asked the jury if they’d reached a verdict. The foreman stood and answered, “Yes, we have, Your Honor.”
A folder was taken to the judge. He opened it and looked at a piece of paper inside. I waited for his eyes to meet mine, but they never did. He spoke to the jury spokesperson. “Are you satisfied with your verdict?”
“Yes, Your Honor,” the man said.
The judge turned to me. “Mr. Crawford, will you please stand?”
My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. We stood, then waited as the bailiff took the paper back over to the spokesperson. He began reading from the paper, and his words echoed in my ear.
“We, the people of the District of Columbia, in the case of Jay Richard Crawford, find the defendant…” I felt my knees turn to jelly as he paused. “Guilty of first degree sexual assault.”
He continued with the other two charges, but I didn’t hear another word. I just kept mumbling, “But I’m innocent, I’m innocent…I didn’t do this.”
The courtroom was in an uproar. I couldn’t believe it, and neither could my family and friends. I heard Tracy screaming like she’d just been shot. I turned to look at her, and to my surprise, Kenya was holding her. Kyle, Wil, and Allen were crying like babies, and my poor mom looked like she’d fainted. The judge pounded his gavel, trying to regain order.
“Order…order in the courtroom!” he yelled. “I need order or I’ll clear this courtroom” The room quieted, but I could still hear Tracy’s cries muffled by Kenya’s shoulder. The judge continued. “Here is my ruling: Jay Crawford, you have been found guilty of first degree sexual assault. Before I pass judgment on you, would you like to say anything in your behalf?”
Do I wanna say anything on my behalf? Of course I wanna say something in my behalf, I thought. This bitch is the biggest liar in the world and she set me up. And I’m about to tell everyone I can.
Just as I was about to speak, my lawyer tapped me on the shoulder and whispered,
“Don’t, Jay. You’re just going to make it worse. Let me talk to him. You have to trust me.”
I did what he said, but I didn’t trust him.
“Your Honor, due to the fact that Mr. Crawford is a first time offender, I respectfully ask that he be given the minimum sentence of three years.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Brown, but this is a horrible crime that your client has committed against Ms. Anderson. He was offered a five-year plea agreement before trial, which he turned down. And I’m still concerned that he has no remorse.” The judge turned to me directly. “Jay Crawford, you have been found guilty of first degree sexual assault I’m sentencing you to serve ten years in a maximum-security prison. Bailiff, take him into custody.”
Again, the entire courtroom was in an uproar. When the bailiff came to handcuff me, Tracy screamed even louder. “No! No, please, no!” she cried, pushing people out of her way as she ran toward me.
I shook the bailiff off me, then grabbed Tracy. I held her so tightly, I could’ve broken her into pieces. “I love you, Tracy.”
“I love you too. It’s not fair, Jay.”
“Life’s not fair, sweetheart. Life’s not fair.”
Tears formed in my eyes as I held Tracy and rocked her. She never answered. She just pressed herself against me and cried. The bailiff forced our moment to end. Tracy and I exchanged repeated I-love-you’s as I was handcuffed. As the bailiff led me out, Ashlee slithered up behind the prosecutor’s table to watch me go through the door.
I looked at her and she smiled.
“Hey, Jay,” she hissed. “Don’t drop the soap.”
EPILOGUE
One year later
I was excited as I walked the long, cold corridors of the prison to the visiting area. It was Thursday, the first of this week’s visiting days, and I couldn’t wait to see Tracy and Jason. Even though we could only speak through a phone and see each other through the thick glass, just having them around gave me comfort and the will to survive. Doing time had been hard at first. Not because I was weak, but because I knew I shouldn’t be there. I honestly felt like someone was going to realize they’d made a mistake and let me go at any minute. It took six months before reality finally settled in that innocent or not, I needed to make some friends because I wasn’t getting out anytime soon.
Despite it all, I never gave up. I still had a couple of appeals left, and my boys Kyle, Wil, and Allen had promised they’d find a way to get my sentence overturned. I probably should’ve just given up hope, but my boys had never let me down. In the meantime, I still had Tracy. During the year I’d been locked up, she hadn’t missed one visiting day. She’d sworn to me that she would do my time with me, and in many ways, I think me being locked up was harder on her than it was on me. For the first time in my life, I truly understood the meaning of unconditional love.
I signed the visiting log and anxiously awaited my turn, until one of the corrections officers called out my name. “Crawford, booth number six.”
Right before I walked into the visiting area, I wrapped my light blue jail-issued shirt around my waist. Like most of my fellow inmates, I’d been working out, and I liked to impress Tracy by wearing a wife beater.
I was surprised when I didn’t see Tracy at cubicle number six. Thirty seconds later, my surprise became horror when Ashlee sat down in the cubicle. I could feel my temples start to throb as I balled my hand into a fist.
What the fuck is she doing here? I wondered. She smiled at me then reached for the phone on her side. I hesitated before picking up my receiver.
“Hi, Jay,” she whispered. I guess she was trying to sound sexy, but the only emotion she brought out of me was anger, and I wanted to jump through the glass to choke her.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Now, Jay, you should calm down. You wouldn’t want them to put you in solitary or anything, would you?” She smirked. “By the way, is it true? Do they rape rapists here? You must be scared to death.”
She was so fucking smug. I was having a very hard time containing my anger. “I asked you a question. What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Oh, I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by since Tracy wasn’t going make it over here.”
I thought my heart was going to stop. “What have you done to Tracy? If you’ve hurt her, I swear I’ll—” She raised her hand to cut me off.
“You’ll what? What the fuck are you going to do behind these bars?” She angrily ridiculed me. “Besides, I don’t know why you’re getting all upset. You know I like Tracy. It’s you I can’t fucking stand.”
“Well, bitch, believe me, the feeling is mutual. Now, what the hell did you do to Tracy, and why isn’t she here?”
Ashlee scratched her head as if she was thinking. “You know, I think she has four flat tires. Matter of fact, I’m sure of it. It’s amazing how that keeps happening to her.”
The scowl on my face told my emotions. “You’re not going to get away with this shit, bitch. You’re not going to get away with none of it.”
She laughed into the phone. “Guess what, Jay? I already have.”
I glared at her as I slammed the phone down. Before I could stand up, she was knocking on the glass. I couldn’t hear her clearly, but I could make out some of what she was saying when I read her lips.
“Don’t you wanna know why I’m here?”
I took a deep breath then picked up the phone again. “Yeah, I wanna know why you’re here.”
“Sit down and let me tell you.”
I reluctantly did what she asked. The woman looked so elated, I thought she might have come on herself. “Gosh, I don’t even know where to start…it’s all so exciting. Well, first of all, I just wanna let you know that I’m completely over you.”
I sat back in my chair. “Well, thank God for small favors. Now if you could just drop dead, all my prayers would be answered.”
“You know what, Jay? I am not going to let you block my blessings. Especially since I’ve finally found the perfect man.”
I laughed. “So what, is he blind, deaf, and dumb?”
“Cute, Jay. But you and Darius are the only dumb men I’ve dated.”
“Will you just get to the point? I know you didn’t come down here just to tell me you’re dating some stupid ass nigga.”
“No, Jay. I came down here to let you know that while you’re rotting in this jail, I’m going to get married.” She stuck out her right hand and flashed a rock the size of a jelly bean.
“Oh my God. Who was stupid enough to give you a ring?”
“His name is Trent Duncan, and he’s the man of my dreams.”
“Well, next time you see Trent, you give him a message for me.”
“And what’s that, Jay?”
“Tell him I said he’s marrying one crazy-ass bitch.” I started to laugh.
“I am not crazy,” she said angrily. I could see the fire in her eyes.
“Sure you are,” I told her as I continued to laugh.
A string of curses came out of her mouth, and I laughed even harder, hanging up the phone. I sat back in my chair with folded arms, laughing.
She began to pound on the glass. “I am not crazy…I am not crazy…”
It didn’t take long for the corrections officers to remove her from in front of me. I’d been in jail for 368 days, and for the first time, I truly felt like Ashlee was finally gonna get hers. What she didn’t know was that I knew exactly who this guy Trent Duncan was. He was Wil’s brother, and probably the biggest con man I’d ever met. And believe me, if Wil and Kyle got him involved Ashlee had no idea what she’d gotten herself involved with, because believe me, He Ain’t The One!
She Ain’t the One
Insecurity was the key
That opened my third eye
I wish I would’ve overlooked
The good pussy between her thighs
The squeeze of her vaginal muscles
The taste of her chocolate truffle
I wish I would’ve overlooked
The curve of her lips when she smiled
The sweet scent lingering on her neck
The booty wiggling in her jeans
With her hard nipples pointing at me
But the way her hips slung the letter X
Translated in my heads
…sex…sex…sex
I regret I didn’t overlook
All of those superficial things
Bypassed her ass in them jeans
Listened to her heart
And heeded the warnings
When shit fell apart
But I didn’t
Guess it’s true
Men really aren’t that smart
I kept fooling myself
Nobody else
Can hit her pussy like me
Make her come and scream
Scream and come
The ass was so good
I really couldn’t see
She truly was not
The one for me
Instantly
She became my girl
I became her world
She wanted to be my wife
I didn’t realize she didn’t have a life
Outside of me
I’d become her everything
So I kept on fooling myself
Why is it that everyone else
Knew her ass was crazy
Demanding
Insecure
Trying to have my baby
Deep down inside
I was crazy too
Gave up the best woman I had
To try something new
In exchange for someone blue
I couldn’t save this miserable woman
She couldn’t save herself
The one thing we shared in common
We could write a book
The sex was truly off
The mothafuckin’ hook!
I’d crisscross that ass
Like a pair of scissors
Slinging my dick side to side
I’d spread her sweet cheeks
Nice and wide
Hittin’ it from behind
I’d lick her pussy
Oh so good
Until I made her cry
So I kept on patting
Myself on the back
No other man
Could hit it like that
I kept on believing
I was the man
And my dick was golden
Until all of a sudden
My freedom was stolen
She started planning my days
Imposing upon my nights
Questioning my whereabouts
Starting fights
I promised my mother
I’d never hit a woman
But I’m telling you, man
This woman was so evil
I could have easily laid hands
But I didn’t
She scratched me
And kicked me
And hid my car keys
Threw herself to the floor
Grabbed me round my knees
And pleaded for me not to leave
All so she wouldn’t be alone
All so her dick wouldn’t leave home
You ain’t goin’ nowhere tonight
So to avoid a fight
I’d say aw’ight
But I was mad as hell
And one step away from going to jail
Now that I look back
That shit was hella funny
I had to give myself props
For making that girl lose her mind
Sure wish I could hit that pussy
Just one more time
I remember when
We used to laugh
Hold hands
Just chill
Kickin’ it in the park
till way after dark
I remember when
We used to wrestle
Make love
Stay on the phone all night
Take walks
Go on trips
Now we don’t even talk
I had one mother
Didn’t want two
I’m a grown-ass man
I’ll be damned
If any woman
Can
Or will
Tell me what to do
If I have to prove
I love her
And she doesn’t believe
I’m telling her the truth
I’m done
She Ain’t the One
If I had paid attention
To the signs
Not answered so many questions
At a time
If had listened to my boys
To my inner voice
I would’ve made the right choice
Insecurity was the key
That opened my third eye
I wish I would’ve overlooked
The good pussy between her thighs
The squeeze of her vaginal muscles
The taste of her chocolate truffle
I wish I would’ve overlooked
The curve of her lips when she smiled
The sweet scent lingering on her neck
The booty wiggling in her jeans
With her hard nipples pointing at me
But the way her hips slung the letter X
Translated in my heads
…sex…sex…sex
I regret I didn’t overlook
All of those superficial things
Bypassed her ass in them jeans
Listened to her heart
And heeded the warnings
When shit fell apart
But I didn’t